The Day School Got TWISTED!
by THECheeseTurkey
Summary: Woot! And now its is the second half of the year with the lord of the rings charaters as our teachers! Thus starts the all new section! What will happen now? Weird essays, Celeborn the counsler, school clubs, a play, angry dwarves, school news papers and
1. Elrond's Plan

**The Day School Got TWISTED**

By THECheeseTurkey

(With help from her friends Hanna M. And Aragirl)

Chapter 1

Lord Elrond paced back and forth in the out door meeting hall. You know, the one in the movie?

"When are they going to get here?" he asked

Elrond had sent invitations for everyone involved in the war of the ring. He noticed that everyone was getting lazy, bored and bluntly stupid.

But after going on a quest like that, I'm sure you would be quite bored with normal everyday life too.

You see, Elrond had a plan for them, another job to do and believe it or not, it was actually going to be quite challenging.

Elrond paced for a while more and then sat down.

"All of them, 5 months late! I should have taken more notice to how bad things have become."

With that said he got up and went back inside until tomorrow when he would again waste his day waiting for everyone to come.

The Next day was bright and sunny. The birds were singing the flowers were out, the beautiful sun was shining but who care about that, Elrond sure didn't.

He was too mad to care. He had SO many better things to do than fritter away his time waiting.

He could have a party for example, with some nice barbequed chicken and hotdogs.

Slowly and grumbling all the way, he walked back to the meeting place only to see everyone there waiting for him!

"_Holy cheese!"_ Elrond thought

Everyone was there. They all looked the same but after a few minuets of careful inspection Elrond could tell that there was something seriously different.

No one had even noticed that he had walked in. They were to busy talking, looking at the sky, playing with their hair, eating cheese, poking each other or something else random and stupid.

Elrond sighed and made himself known.

"Welcome everyone to my council!" he exclaimed

No one responded and continued with what they were doing.

Elrond tried again, "HELLO? Is anyone listing?!"

Again, no response.

Elrond growled and jumped up on a chair, he clapped his hands and made a radio appear 'Isnta-poof' style.

He took some ear muffs out of his pocket and put them on.

"This will get their attention!" He said and pressed play

The theme song to the teletubbies started to play, LOUDLY.

In a matter of seconds everyone went from talking, looking at the sky, playing with their hair, eating cheese, poking each other and something random and stupid, to screaming and hollering while covering their ears and pleading for the music to stop.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" someone screamed

"Well, that made them listen." Elrond said and turned the music off

Everyone stared at Elrond as he took of the earmuffs and put them back in his pocket.

"Welcome everyone to my council!" he said from his perch on the chair, "I have some very important news to tell you. Before I begin, I would like to update you on the event that happened since we last met before the war of the ring!"

(12 Hours later)

Everyone had fallen asleep except for Elrond who still blabbed on. When he FINALLY came to a conclusion he realized that no one was awake.

So he did what anyone person in there right mind would, he took the earmuffs out of his pocket put them on his head and picked up the radio. Then he lifted the radio over his head and pressed play blasting them with teletubbies music!

Everyone was instantly awake.

"MUWAHAHAH! THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO FALL ASLEEP WHEN I AM TALKING!" Elrond yelled and stated and stopped the music ever 5 seconds before turning it up full blast and letting the whole song play

He finally turned it off and took the headphones off.

"NOW! I will get to my plan. I have noticed that all of you have been getting lazy lately, so I took the liberty of signing us up for a new program these people are trying. You will all go with me to a strange world called Earth and teach human children! Like it or not we are going! I will be easy and something new to challenge you." Elrond explained

Everyone glared at him and all started shouting at the same time.

Elrond shook his head, "The things I put up with."

He took out the earmuffs again and turned on the radio.

"SHUT UP!!!! WE ARE GOING NOW!!!" Elrond exclaimed

Then he clapped his hands and 'Isnta-Poofed' everyone away!

Boo! Guess who?! I'm Back!! Yes I bet all of you missed me sooo much! Heh, well I for one am glad to be back. But I bet you are wondering what happened. Well its simple, admin is mean! When my story was originally posted script/chat format was aloud but then they changed their rules AFTER my story was already up and I got caught up in it.

THEN, right before it got deleted from the Internet my computer crashed deleting EVERYTHING. That means all my backup chapters of TWISTED were destroyed and I was ready to give up. But my Friend Hanna M. (penname) convinced me to type it over (hugs to her) but it was slow going and would have taken a really long time to retype it.

I didn't know what I was going to do but then about a month later Queen of the Gobstoppers (penname) reviewed my other story saying that she has almost ALL the chapters of TWISTED! And the one's she didn't have Chpip (penname) did have! So now its back and I couldn't have done it without my wonderful reviewers!

So now TWISTED and all its randomness as is the great entire random story is dedicated to: Queen of the Gobstoppers, Chpip, Hanna M., and Aragirl!

Thanks so much!


	2. The Count Down to the First Day of Schoo

The Day School got TWISTED

Chapter 2

I kicked a pebble across the street and watched as it hit the tire of some old lady's car.

She got mad and shook her cane at me. It was weird.

It was the last day before I had to go back to school and my friends and I couldn't think of a thing to do.

"Our last day of freedom." I said and sighed

"Wanna go to the beach?" asked Noliee, "I know a good prank we could pull on people there."

Her real name is Nicole Ann Lee but who wants to say all that every time? So we call her Noliee. And that's pronounced Nole-lee by the way. But she should have been named 'Prankster' or 'Evil' because she was indeed both.

"No, I don't want go to the beach, we do that everyday." Jackie replied

Jackie is my best friend; we've known each other since 4th grade.

"I know! Let's rent a movie!" I shrieked

"NO!" exclaimed Casey our other friend and resident spaz who hates Lord of the Rings, "If we rent a movie you always wine until we agree to rent Lord of the Rings."

"So? What's wrong with that?" I replied

"Cheesy, you own it! On VHS, extended version, and DVD and you don't even own a DVD player!" Casey said

I hissed and tossed a piece of paper at her.

"What is so wrong with lotr any way?" I asked

"Its long, boring, and stupid." Casey said and threw the paper back

I sighed, "Fine, I won't rent it. BUT! This means we have to rent the playstation game! And all of you have to play!"

"Alright, I'm in!" Jackie said excitedly

She liked Lord of the Rings as much as I did.

"Ok, I guess." Noliee said

She likes Lotr less than Jackie but more that Casey.

"Fine! FINE!" Casey hissed

Let's face it, Casey doesn't like lotr at all.

On the way to the video store we took a shot cut that led us passed the school. That's when we first noticed something strange.

Our old principle, was coming out of the school carrying a box of his stuff.

"Hi Mr. McCormick! Why are you packing up all your stuff?" asked Jackie

"Haven't you four heard? The school has been overthrown by some freaks with swords." The principle replied

The four of us looked at him with an expression that matched this: o.0?

"Oookaaay…freaks with swords. Nice." Noliee said and crossed her arms, "Any idea as to WHO these 'freaks with swords' are?"

"I'm not entirely sure, but I heard they are weird. _Very _weird, I'm warning you girls look out!" he said and walked away

"Cheesy, I'm scared." Casey said

"Um, I'm sure its nothing to worry about. I mean we can handle a few weird teachers. Remember Mr. Smith? I don't think it would be possible for anyone to be weirder than him."

"I know! That guy was like…Matrix!" Casey exclaimed

Even though the teachers name was Mr. Smith we like to call him Agent Smith 'Cause he was so weird and Matrix like. Half way through the year, the guy quits with out a proper reason and is never heard from again.

"I heard he got a job with the government!" Casey said with a proud nod

Noliee sighed and resisted the urge to slap her, "Casey, if he did get a job with the government, you wouldn't know about it."

When we finally got to the video store Casey ran around looking for a movie while I went straight to the game section and picked up the 'Return of the King' for the eight millionth time since it came out.

"Hey Cheesy, look at this." Jackie said as I walked up to the counter

"What is it?" I replied and came over to her

"Lookie!" She screeched pointing to a dead fish on the floor

"Why is there a dead fish in the video store?" Noliee asked also joining us

"Do you think we should tell someone?" Casey said

"Yeah, I guess." I replied as we walked over to the counter to pay

"Hey dude, did you know that you have a dead fish back there?" Jackie asked

"Oh great." Replied the guy who's name tag said Bill, "Not another one."

"Um…does this happen often?" I asked

"Well, yes. We never see the guy that leaves them but the other day our customers said they saw a strange person, if it was a person, running out of the store cackling about fish." Bill informed

"Ooookay." I said as I grabbed the movies and left the store quickly

On the way back to Casey's house we passed by the school again.

"Hey, lets go look in the windows, maybe we can get a look at the 'Freaks with swords'." Noliee suggested and ran up the stairs

"Okay, sure." I replied and followed

Jackie and Casey did too.

We pressed our faces against the glass and looked in.

"I don't see anything." Casey informed

"Me neither." Noliee said

Suddenly a big red dodge ball hit the window right in front of Casey's face.

"AHHHHH!" She shrieked and backed up rapidly

"Who the cheese threw that!?" Noliee exclaimed as we ran away from the school as fast as we could

"I don't know, but I guess we'll find out tomorrow." I said

Little did we know school was about to get TWISTED!


	3. The Lord of the Rings characters are my

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 3

"Do I _have_ to get up mom?" I sighed from the comfort of my nice warm bed

"GET UP! YOUR BREAKFAST IS GETTING COLD!" my mom shrieked from downstairs

I sighed and got up, I managed to trip over my cat in the process.

"RAAAAAWWWWW!" the cat hissed

I sighed again stumbled downstairs.

I waited for my friends at the street corner like I have always done since 4th grade when we met.

I saw them coming down the street and waited for them to catch up before I started walking.

"Hi." I said in a bored tone

"Hi." They replied in the same way

We walked in silence to the school to angry to be going back.

The first thing we saw when we walked in was a huge table with everyone's schedule on it. Noliee found hers first.

"Well this is weird no teacher names." she said as she looked it over. The rest of us found our and did the same.

"Your right! Only homeroom number, locker combo, and classes!" Jackie said

"Well this is odd... I know! Maybe the teacher doesn't have names! (Gasp) Maybe their Ghosts!" Casey stupidly exclaimed

"Casey, your stupid. Our teachers are not Ghosts." I replied

Noliee thunked her on the head, "They are not ghosts Casey."

"But-

"NO GHOST!"

Jackie rolled her eyes, "I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for the fact that there are no teachers names on the schedules and that there are no teaches walking around in the hallways or anywhere to be seen for that matter."

"Well? We're waiting, what the reasonable explanation for it?" I asked

"I didn't say that I KNEW the reasonable explanation! Just that there IS a reasonable explanation." Jackie said as we walked down the hall to our first class that happened to be History

"No, but what if there isn't a reasonable explanation? I mean there are only so many reasonable explanations in the world and what if that's not one of the reasonable explanations that the world has to offer?" Noliee argued then she gasped, "WHAT IF the world ran out of reasonable explanations and nothing makes sense anymore and the world explodes and-

"Noliee its not that complicated, if you care so much we can ask the teacher WHO IS NOT A GHOST by the way." I said and entered the class room

I sat down next to our friend Hanna from last year. She was wearing her favorite shirt that said, 'I do whatever my rice crisps tell me.'

She waved to me and did this weird little handshake with Casey that involved making a loud screeching noise and hooting.

I drummed my fingers on my desk and stated humming the meow mix song. Where the cheese was the teacher? But who ever it was they had good taste in stuff. The classroom was Medieval Middle Earth themed.

"TEACHER? OOHHHHHH TEACHER!" Casey called and looked under the desks expecting to find the teacher

When she didn't find anyone she sat down and poked Noliee.

"SEE! I told you they are ghosts!" She exclaimed and flipped her frizzy orangey-red hair over her shoulder, "The teacher is probably here right now but they are invisible!"

Noliee thunked her.

"Maybe they have the Ring of power? Huh Rachel?" said Kayla. She is such an evil t... (Ohh calm down... we don't need to start that turkey name calling again.)

"Shut up stupid!" I yelled at her. "Just because I'm not obsessed with lip gloss and make-up and actually like something cool! You have to go and be a Turkey! I bet you don't even know the names of the Fellowship!"

"I bet you I don't care, cause Lord Of The Flies is stupid and b..."

"RINGS its Lord of the RINGS! NOT FLIES! THAT A STUPID BOOK WHERE WEIRD KIDS EAT EACH OTHER!" I defended

"What's the difference?" Kayla asked unfazed by my screaming.

"Its totally different! There are Elves and Dwarfs and Orcs and Nazgul plus I will have you know that..."

"Rachel please! We don't need the whole speech right now!" Noliee said annoyed

"But...but she called it stupid! Lord of the Rings is not stupid and if you feel that way Kayla, keep it to your self and don't hassle me about it!" I hollered and sat down in my seat next to Jackie all angered.

I must have jumped 10 ft. when the loudspeaker came on.

"Hello students and welcome to a new year that we hope will be filled with learning. As you know, the school is under new management and we hope that the adjustment will go over smoothly."

I sat upright when I head the voice of the new principle. They sounded familiar.

"As with new teaches there will be new rules. 1. No running in the hallways. 2. No yelling. 3. No-

"HELLO EVERONE!" shouted another voice, "WE WANT EVEYONE TO HAVE LOTS OF FUN! HERE THIS YEAR! I-

"Give me that! Ahem…Excuse and ignore that interruption! As I was saying, Rule 3. No throwing anything that may harm others. No-

"Rules are so boring! I mean what is so wrong with throwing food even though it should be eaten al-

"STOP THAT! What are you doing here anyway? GET OUT I HAVE THINGS TO TELL THE CHILDREN AND YOU ARE INTERUPTING AND-

"Okay, Mr. Eyebrows!"

"NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN! I HAVE…Ahem sorry about that I have a- I SAID GIVE THAT TO ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

There was a loud crashing noise and lots of scuffing and noises of thing being knocked over and there was a loud scream and then silence…

"AHEM, Well I shall just let your teachers tell you about it, they should be entering the classrooms just about now. Remember if you are bad, doom will befall you…NOW WHERE DID YOU GO!"

With that said the loud speaker shut off.

"DOOM?" I shouted, "I KNOW WHO IT IS! ITS EL-

It was then that the door flew open and…(insert drum roll)…GANDALF!

I gasped and fell out of my chair, "_GANDALF_." I screamed from the floor

He looked at me and shook his head then walked to the front of the class and stared at us. The rest of the class stared back in silence.

"Hello children. I am Gandalf and I am a wizard." He said as if we were two

I was in too much shock of seeing Gandalf to say anything.

"So…are the other people from Middle Earth here too?" Jackie asked her eyes wide

Gandalf nodded, "Yes, they will be your teachers for the next 180 days."

I shrieked loudly, "OH MY GOD! ARE YOU SERIOUS? ALL OF THEM!"

"Yes, yes all of them. Now please refrain from speaking, your principle, Lord Elrond, brought us all here to…Earth as you call it, to teach all of you. He calls it a 'good brain empowering plan' but I call it Madness! MADNESS! Ahem yes. Now, I must tell you what we will be learning this year."

I was hyperventilating, it was just too much. Everyone (gasp) from Lord of the Rings (gasp) at my (gasp) School! (GASP) as my teachers (gasp!)

Gandalf ignored me and started pacing around in the front of the room with his hands behind his back. He seemed to be talking this WAY too seriously.

"You shall learn the history of Middle Earth, on account that I am your history teacher through the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th ages. You shall learn the various types of inhabitants of Middle Earth; you shall learn the ways of Middle Earth…"

"If he says 'you shall learn' one more time I swear…" Noliee hissed and crossed her arms

"You shall learn how the people in Middle Earth lived…"

Noliee growled.

"…You shall learn the cultures and THEN! You shall have tests that are _very_ hard and if you don't study…YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf informed

I blinked and looked out the widow, the sun coming in was bothering me. It just so happened that Aragorn was walking passed the window.

I gasped loudly and got up from my desk so fast that it fell over making a loud clattering noise. I ran over to the window, opened it and shouted to him.

"HI ARAGORN!" I screamed and waved excitedly

He looked at me oddly and waved back.

Gandalf walked over, pulled my head out of the window and shut the curtains. He glared at me and then continued talking. I went back to my seat.

I walked back to my desk, I didn't want to make him mad…Yet.

The key word here is YET!

"HI HALDIR" I shouted.

He was walking passed the open door. He stopped and waved back.

"Eehehe! He waved to me too! WOOT! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Did you see that? I feel special! I GOT BOTH OF THEM TO WAVE AT ME!" I screamed

Gandalf stopped talking once again. I was still screaming and bouncing around. He got up and went over to Haldir.

"Don't encourage her." Gandalf said and shut the door

"All right. Since you feel the need to talk so much maybe you would like to answer a few questions about Middle Earth." Gandalf said getting angry.

"OKAY! I would Love to!" I replied truly happy

"Okay then. How many members of the Fellowship were there and what were their names?" he asked

"Oh that is sooo easy! You would think the 'All-mighty-lore-master' could come up with a harder question...but whatever...There were 9: You, Gandalf. Aragorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, Boromir, who was also from Gondor, Legolas, an Elf prince from _Northern_ Mirkwood, Gimli the dwarf, I don't really know where he came from but his father went with you and Bilbo. Frodo, the ring bearer from the Shire, along with Sam, Merry and Pippin."

"…You are right. I...

"Wait! I'm not done yet! All of you, plus a few others, met at the SECRET council of Lord Elrond in Rivendell.

The Fellowship set off to Mordor on December 25th or as the Hobbits would say Foreyule. They went over Caradhas and the Mountain was evil so..."

"That's enough!"

"... The fellowship was forced to go under the mountain through Moria. Here they lost you fighting the Balrog. Then they went to Lothlorien where they met Haldir and he led them to Galadriel and she had Frodo look in her Special mirror, which was shiny. Later they leave and go over the great River. They stopped and rested. Orcs came and killed poor Boromir and Hobbit-knapped Merry and Pippin. Frodo and Sam set off alone to Mordor."

Gandalf: OO "How do you possess such knowledge?"

"Oh that wasn't that great. I left out a ton of stuff and if I really wanted to impress you I could have told you how old everyone is and stuff like that," I replied "but please, continue with what you were doing..."

Gandalf lit his pipe and nodded sharply.

Hanna raised her hand, " Your not suppose to smoke in school."

"Well, I'm special. Moving on..."

"If you want to be a butt brain and smoke, go ahead then! See if I ever try to help you again..."

"...Yes. Anyway...(sighs) WHAT!"

Hanna raised her hand again, "Do you ride on a broom stick?"

"…No, I ride a horse named Shadowfax. If you don't annoy me, I may let you see him later."

"Why?" Hanna asked

"Why what?"

"Why don't you ride a broom stick?"

"Because that would be very uncomfortable and odd. What gave you that idea?"

"…I don't know."

"I thought you had a pointy hat." Casey said

Gandalf went around to the side of his desk and put it on. "I had to fight the Balrog for a long time to get this back!"

"That so clashes with your white robe." Noliee commented

Gandalf sighed and put the gray robe over top. "Is that better?"

"Yes." she replied

"Okay now...YES WHAT NOW?"

"Do you know Haldir?" Sarah asked

"Yes I do Know Haldir. Why...do...you...want...to...know?" Gandalf replied on the verge of getting angry

"I like Haldir." Sarah said, "Can you get him to go out with me?"

Gandalf: OO "Ummm...no? Why do you want to... never mind I don't want to know." -.-

(wines) "But I ..."

"I like Haldir too." I said, "I think I..."

"NO MORE...ahem, since nobody is paying attention, we can just take notes!"

(45 Minuets later)

"NOW! what I was originally trying to say was...

(bell rings)

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gandalf hollered as we all ran out.

"That was too weird...and boring and scary. Was that really the dude from LOTR? I don't like him." Casey asked as she looked for her next class on the schedule

"YES! How can you not like Gandalf? Gandalf Rocks! Anyway, what do you have next?" I asked my friends

"I have...Elvish?" Casey said confused

"I do too...I wonder who teaches that?" I said

"I dunno know, maybe an elf!" Noliee stated

"Well duh, but which one?" I replied

"Um, who cares?" Noliee said

"ME! I CARE!" I replied

"Ohh you're so lucky! I have Keyboarding with Noliee." Jackie replied

"Gee thanks Jackie." Noliee replied with fake anger

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Jackie defended

"Meet us at lunch. I'm sure we will have a lot to tell." I said and walked off down the hall.

When Elrond comes over the loud speaker and announces that the school has been taken over by the people from Lord of the Rings and Gandalf is your history teacher, you know that school has gotten TWISTED!


	4. When Fan Girls ATTACK

The Day School Got Twisted Chapter 4

I sat at my desk chewing on my pencil. I chewed so hard I thought I was actually eating cheese. (Don't ask.)

The teacher of the 'Elvish, class still had not entered the room.

(5 minuets later)

I had fallen asleep.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz..._yes mommy, I want the cheese and the..._

"Wake up, sleepy one." a voice said

"HUH!...WHO DARES TO DISTURBS THE CHEESE TURKEY FROM HER NAP!?" I shouted waking up.

I then noticed it was Legolas.

"Oh evil cheese." I mumbled

Casey and the other girls in the room were staring at him with expressions of wide-eyed wonder.

"So...your cheese turkey?" Legolas asked me while looking at the other girls

"No! I'm not 'cheese turkey,' I said offended "I'm THE cheese turkey. Just plain old 'cheese turkey' sounds so cheese!"

"I see you have a cheese obsession. Your friend seems to have a staring obsession." Legolas replied

"Hi...Hi" Casey said

"Ignore her. She is strange. I seriously think evil penguins snuck in and raised her during the night." I said and smacked Casey's arm.

No response...

"Oh great! Lost to the forces of rabid fan girls...CASEY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Legolas looked at me like I was the craziest person alive.

"Am I the only one immune to the fan girl thing?" I asked looking around the room.

Only 1 other girl and the boys were looking normal.

This was the Dark Cheese Lordess... Kayla. (See! I didn't capitalize 'the' that means she is not special!)

"Hmm, odd. It seems your friend that hates Lord of the Flies is a fan girl." Kayla said

I slammed my hands down on my desk making Legolas jump.

"Its Lord of the RINGS! NO FLIES!" I shouted very loud, then I got up and pointed my finger in her face.

"IT'S RINGS! GET...IT...RIGHT!" I screamed

Legolas cringed.

"Oh sorry. I forgot that Elves could hear 50 thousand times better than we can. You know Elves would make good C.I.A agents, being all quite ya know." I randomly said

Legolas opened his mouth to say something but I beat him to it.

"I know, you probably think I'm crazy. I'm okay with that because I know I'm crazy. I randomly blurt stuff way too much and I love turkeys. I also eat cheese. Maybe that why I talk about it Soooo much...hummmm...me need lord of the rings!... wait, I've got LOTR here with me, right now."

I was pretty much talking to myself now.

"I'm in the same room as Legolas Greenleaf and yet I sit hear all calm and normal."

(Normal... me... that's funny. I will now laugh... HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAH)

"I ask myself: self, why do you sit here all calm and normal when you're in the same room as Legolas?!"

He backed away from me.

"I can't believe it! Me! This kind of stuff never happens to me. Well! I'm not going to just sit here all normal anymore…

Suddenly the fan girls got up and smiled that fan girl smile. (You know the one that starts small then gets huge!) .

"Oops. That wasn't suppose to happen..."_I really need to master my authoress powers before someone gets hurt."_

"LEGOLAS..." they said all creepy like.

He backed away fearing for his life.

"ELFY!" Casey squealed and jumped at him.

"HE IS SOOOOO HOT!" another said and also jumped at him.

This started the Rabid Fan girl attack, the attack was long.  
Please stand by...

"GET AWAY! HE'S MINE! ROARRRRRRRRR!"

"I SAW THE HOT ELF FIRST! HE'S MINE!"

The fan girls were having a civil war.__

"NOOOOOOOOO! MY _ELFY!_ MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!" Casey screamed and kissed him_  
_  
Isighed then hit Casey on the head.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" I shouted

This did nothing and Casey continued to cling to Legolas.

"_What could I do to make the freakos calm down...oh, I know..._ FREE LEGOLAS STUFF OUTSIDE!"

They stopped and looked at me, then went back to what they were doing.

"Oh yeah they have the real Legolas in their clutches... OKAY! I AM THE QUEEN OF EVIL CHEESE TURKEYS! FEAR ME!"

They just stared at me.

"I said: FEAR ME!"

Again nothing. No sign of fear crossed their faces.

"Muawhahahahahaha! "COME TO ME CHEESE TURKEYS!" I shouted

Suddenly a hoard of evil blue cats came blasting in and attacked the fan girls.

"I said cheese turkeys!... Oh well at east something worked."  
Meanwhile Kayla sat in the back of the room, a look of shock frozen on her face.

The fan girls ran away from the attacking cats. I grabbed Casey by her shirt collar and managed to pry her off of Legolas.

Everyone else in the room except me, Legolas Casey and Kayla also ran away.

"Okay Casey. Stop it, NOW!"

"Thank you, THE cheese Turkey." Legolas said

"You don't have to call me THE cheese turkey when you are talking to me."

"Now you've confused me," he replied, " I thought you said..."

"Yes, I know but, we have already established the fact that I'm THE cheese turkey."

Legolas raised an eyebrow, "What?"

I sighed, "I'll make it easy on you...Hi, my real name is Rachel. I'm also known as Evil Turkey, Nienna Not, Tape Dispenser and Katz Greenleaf. Nice to finally meet you." I said trying not to be the confusing person I am.

It hurt me to make so much sense.

"Greenleaf? That's-"

"Your last name? Yes I know. That's the point." I said

"You're not related to me." Legolas stated the obvious

"Yes I am. You just don't remember me. I'm your cousin."

"No your not."

"Yes I am."

"No"

"Yes."

"No."

"YES!"

"NOOO!"

OKAY! You know, just call me Cheesy, everyone does. Now, if you will excuse me I must save me friend from the forces of fan girls." I said as Casey tried to get to Legolas.

"ELFY!" she screamed

"NO ELFY! That Legolas. Lego-las...get it?" I asked Casey

She stopped and nodded, "ELFY!"

"Anything I can do to help?" Legolas asked and backed away from Casey.

"Yes. Please go over there so she cannot see you. Until she is normal again its the best."

Legolas nodded and walked away.

"CASEY! (Slap) SNAP (slap) OUT (slap) OF (slap) IT!"  
(Slap slap)

" Stop hitting me!" She replied

"Yay! You're normal again! Sorry about the slapping. I had to. You were becoming a fan girl."

"I was? To who?" she asked

"Legolas."

"Who?"

"Legolas. Weren't you paying attention during the movie were you?"

"No. I told you I hate it."

"Well, you obviously like Legolas. You don't remember going all Spazzy?

"No, I don't, who is this Legolas?"

"Legolas come here." I said and sighed

He came over.

"This is Legolas...Casey?"

Casey was once again staring. She even drooled a little.

"Don't start that again!" I shouted and hit her.

Really hard.

"HUH? What?" Casey asked

(Bell rings)

"Come on Casey!" I said and dragged her out of the room.

"Bye Legolas!" I called

He waved, "Bye…Miss THE Cheese Turkey!"

Later when we were walking down the hall Casey decided to bother me.

"Rachel!" Casey said all whiney like, "Why didn't you tell me about HIM!"

"You never asked. Besides, you are a fan girl. That's very DANGERIOUS!" I said

"That doesn't have anything to do with it! I probably would have liked LOTR!"

"Oh well you can start now. I wonder how Noliee and Jackie are..."

"Whatever. Legolas is hot" Casey replied

I rolled my eyes and walked into math class with Casey. "Rabid Fan girl." I whispered

And it was only going to get worse!


	5. Boromir and the Computers OF DOOM!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 5

Jackie and Noliee sat down at their computers. Surprisingly, the teacher was already in the classroom. It was Boromir and he knew nothing about computers.

"What does he know about computers?" Noliee asked

"Absolutely nothing." Jackie replied

"Do they have computers in Middle Earth?" she asked

"NO! DUHNESS TO THE MAX! Have you been hanging around with Casey for more than 5 hours again?!" exclaimed Jackie, "You know very well that if you DO hang out with Casey for more than 5 hours it lower your IQ level."

"Ummm... No, I didn't?"

"…Sure Noliee."

"Welcome class!" Boromir said happily

"Hi." everyone responded flatly

"Wazzzzzzupppppp?!" Hanna hollered loudly

"That nice." Boromir responded

"Didn't you die Boromir?" Hanna asked

Noliee Hi- fived her and cackled evilly, "Good one!"

"Don't do that." Jackie said scared

"Sorry, had too!" Noliee replied

"I TOLD you not to hang with Casey for more than 5 hours but do you listen? No, seriously Noliee, you-

"But we were at the mall and then we went to go see a movie, the more than 5 hour thing couldn't be helped!" Noliee insisted

"I like ham…" Hanna said randomly

Boromir looked at them. "Are you quite finished?"

The three girls nodded.

"Now, if you will please turn on your computers and start the typing...thing." Boromir instructed sounding very much like a teacher. "And DO NOT speak of my death. Elrond was so kind to bring me back. Don't ask how its too complicated for your little, stupid brains to understand."

But Boromir obviously didn't know about computer and he must have forgotten how to turn his on because he must have pressed about five buttons before he got angry.

Boromir could have asked one of the students how to turn it on but he didn't. Seeing how they could get it and he couldn't made him really mad.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" he hollered and threw the computer out the window. The glass shattered making a loud noise.

All the students in the room blinked at him.

"Dude, that was like $ 1,000 of school property." Justin, a boy in the back, informed

Boromir looked at Justin, and started walking over.

"Opps." Justin said and ducked under the computer desk.

Boromir picked up the computer that was in front of Justin and threw it out the window too.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! COMPUTER OF MORDOR!"

Then Boromir went along the desks and threw each computer out the window. Hollering after each one.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MUAWAHAHAHAHHAAH!"  
Boromir yelled

Just then Aragorn came in.

"Ummm...Is everything okay in here?" he asked looking at the shattered glass and holes in the walls from when Boromir missed the window.

Boromir was hollering and jumping up and down on the smashed computer parts.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Why do you ask?" Jackie said calmly as a computer flew over Aragorn's head, just missing him.

"I...I'm going to leave now!" Aragorn replied and ran out just as a keyboard smashed through wall and into the other classroom on the left.

()

Celtic Dawn Star and Galadriel were teaching their English class calmly, when a keyboard came smashing through the wall.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed.

Then they looked at the class invader.

"Ummm...Galadriel? Why did that just happen?" Celtic asked

"I have no idea." she replied and looked though the hole in the wall.

Just then a mouse cane blasting threw the hole and hit Galadriel in the face. This knocked her out cold.

"Ummmm...Galadriel?" Celtic called

())

"MUAWAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHH HHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHA HAHA!" Boromir yelled, "COMPUTERS ARE THINGS OF MORDOR!"

After he threw all computers, Boromir stopped yelling and collapsed in one of the chairs that still remained.

The students blinked.

"Ummm...Boromir?" Noliee said, "All you had to do was press that black button."

"Oh yeah and that was like $10,000 of school property."  
Justin informed

Boromir growled loudly as he was called over the loudspeaker to go to the office via Lord Elrond.

"Well, now isn't that weird?" Jackie said

"Yeah, the TEACHER got called to the office." Noliee said

Boromir would be back…after he paid off all the damages and school ordered new computers. So basically, he wouldn't be back till the second semester.

Yeah, don't ask, its too complicated for your little stupid brains to understand…but then again I don't understand either and I think I just called myself stupid…

()

Well that was chapter 5, heh. I'm a so glad to hear that all of you still like it!

Turk-out homies!


	6. The Apple Pie Lords

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 6

(Math Class)

I took my seat and waited for the teacher to arrive. Who would teach math?

My question was soon answered when Frodo and Sam walked in.

"Hullo!" said Frodo happily as he sat down at the desk.

Sam sat down in a chair next to him and said nothing. However he had a maniacal glint in his eyes.

"We were suppose to learn the circumference of circles but, circles make me...uneasy, I have decided to teach the Pythagorean theorem instead." Frodo informed, "Nice, safe triangles…"

"OH! OH! I KNOW! PICK ME!" Andboriel screamed and waved her hand around.

"Yes?" Frodo replied

"A squared plus B squared equals C squared!" she said with a smile

"Yes. That is correct. I-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Casey screamed loudly.

"What?" I asked

"Don't you here them?"

"Here what?" Alice asked

"The apple pie Lords!" Casey said

I laughed. Casey was going through one of her spaz attacks again. Stand by for falling objects.

"What did they say?" I asked playing along.

"They said for the teacher to pull the little string that will make the map go up. There is a surprise on the chalk board." Casey said like a robot

"Casey, if I had a dollar for every brain you had, I would be in the negative!" Noliee shouted and smacked Casey

"I'm just telling you what the pie lords said to do! If ya don't, they will plague the world with rotten pie!" Casey insisted

"Will you please just see what she's talking about!" Noliee Yelled

Sam smiled evilly and still said nothing.

"Okay...I suppose it won't hurt." Frodo said and pulled the string that would make the map go up and reveal the surprise on the board.

The map snapped up into its case, revealing the picture on the board.

Frodo's eyes went wide and he stared in horror.

It was a poorly drawn picture of an evil looking Santa Clause with big pointy teeth and huge eyes. He was holding The One Ring that had little sparkly things coming off it. The writing under the picture read as follows: "SANTA WANTS YOUR SOUL! MUWAHAHAHHAHA!"

Frodo screamed, the reality setting in. This Santa person was a new rise of evil! He must be defeated!

Frodo hid under his desk and played it all out in his head. Elrond would again call a council and form the fellowship. They would go to the place where this Santa lives and DEFEAT THE EVILNESS!

The class was laughing and Sam looked pleased.

"MUAHAWHAWHAWHAW! I am SAM! Listen to my evil gloating! I-"

"Moo-ha-ha! Moo-ha-ha MooMoo Ha-ha!" Jackie and I screamed before laughing like spazzes

"Yes that is nice...NOW! I would like to say that Santa lives at the north pole and he has possessed me with his evil! Santa also has elves that-"

"WHAT! WHAT IS THIS EVIL? SANTA HAS ELVES AS CAPTIVES! I despise Santa now...He makes elves work...Elves do not live at the north pole either! Elves won't work for you! He destroys the sacred name Elf! Fool! FOOL OF A TOOK! or how about, FOOL OF A SANTA! Yeah! that it! FOOL OF A SANTA!" Ninquie screamed causing her to get odd stares.

"Ninquie, calm down. It's okay." Alessandra said

"NO! ITS NOT OKAY! We must battle! I DECLARE WAR! A last alliance of elves and LOTR freaks will march against the armies of Santa Clause on the slops of… Mt. Candy Cane, there we will fight for the freedom of elves! woohoohoo! If Santa REALLY needs SLAVES, he can have Orcs and Uruk-hai and Nazgul. Serves him right!...NOW WHO IS WITH ME!" Ninquie yelled so loudly that the windows shook.

"I AM WITH YOU!" Casey shouted and stood up on her desk.

Ninquie and Casey babbled something that they called a war cry and jumped out the window search of Santa.

"WOW! Math class has never been like this!" Andboriel exclaimed with a huge smile.

"I DO NOT WORK FOR SANTA!" came a booming voice

Everyone looked around to see where the voice cane from. We soon came to the conclusion that it was the loudspeaker.

"I have been listening to everything!" The voice shouted

"Well, LORD Elrond," I said, remembering what Gandalf had told us about calling him 'Lord' Elrond, "I know you don't work for Santa I-"

"I work for NO ONE! I am MASTER and LORD of all!" LORD Elrond Thundered, "Whoever drew that picture on the board, report to my office immediately!"

"Can I go!" I asked actually happy at getting the chance to face THE Eyebrows of Doom even though I didn't draw that picture

"Yes YES! Go!" Sam hollered and waved his arms around

Frodo passed out.

"I'll _take over_ the class." Sam said with a smile

I figured that the 'Taking over the class' actually ruling the class room.

_"It will start with the class, then the school, then the town, then the city, then the county, then the state, then more states, then the country, then more countries, then the world!" _Ithought as I walked out of the class.

"WILL SAM'S WORLD DOMINATION EVER STOP?" I screamed.

None were around to hear me though. They were all in the classrooms and from what I heard, it did not sound like anyone was learning a thing. If the 'finer points of screaming' counts then I guess they were learning a lot.

From one class room I heard this:

"NOOOO! YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

"MUAWHAWHAHWHAW!" From another

"LLAMA LLAMA! WOOHOOOHOOO! LLAMAPALOZA!"

Suddenly one of the doors flew open and a Nazgul came running out followed by a girl carrying a large roll of toilet paper.

"Okay then." I said and started humming 'were off to see the wizard' form the wizard of oz.

"I'M OF TO SEE THE ELF LORD! THE SCARY ELF LORD OF DOOM!" I shrieked and skipped down the hall.

Yes, I am a spaz. Indeey-do!


	7. To Annoy Elrond

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 7

When I finally got to the office, after being attacked by fish, ducks, toilet paper and a flying llama, the first person I saw was Haldir.

He was talking to Eowyn.

She was obviously the secretary and Haldir wasn't.

"HI!" I shouted loudly

"Hello." They said at the same time

I sat down in one of the chairs and stared at them.

"Can I help you?" Eowyn asked after awhile

"Yeah, I'm here to see Lord Elrond." I said

"Do you have an appointment?" she asked

"Yeppers!...kinda, he called my to the office." I informed with a smile

"Okay, I'll go get him I guess." Eowyn said in a bored tone and got up.

"Soooo, Haldir, what up my homie?"

He looked up.

"The ceiling."

"That's not what I meant!"

He stared at me.

"Yesssss? What do you want?" I asked

"Your not doing that creepy Galadriel mind reading thingy. Are you?" I asked and stared back

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Eeep. Yeah, actually I would. That's like kinda why I asked." I said

"Do you think that's what I'm doing?"

"Ummm...Yeah?"

Haldir smiled evilly and said nothing.

"Creepy," I said and turned away.

Haldir immediately stopped looking at me and walked down the office hall.

I looked over my shoulder, "Weird."

Just them my friend Katie walked in.

"Hey Cheesy. What are you here for?" she asked

"I'm here to see Elrond." I said "What about you?"

"I have to get papers for my teacher. I herd Elrond is evil by the way."

Then Eowyn came back.

" Lord Elrond will see you now," She said and led me through a door and down the hall.

"So Eowyn, what up? And don't say the ceiling."

"I'm extremely board with office work. I'm trying to get Lord Elrond to give me something else to do...Okay His office is the last door on the left," Eowyn informed

"Thanks!" I said and entered.

The room was dark. I guess Elrond had a thing about lights. Or maybe he was a vampire…Yes, that is the only logical conclusion, Elrond _is_ a vampire.

Elrond was sitting in a black leather rolly chair facing the other way.

Instead of clearing my throat to get his attention like a normal person, I shouted 'cheese' at the top of my lungs. Then I sat down and waited.

Elrond spun around and gave me that freaky eyebrow look. His arms were all folded in this _dignified_ manner and that creepy frown was glued to his face.

"Hi dude!" I exclaimed and smiled

Elrond blinked, "Hello...Let's get right to the point."

"Ohh! Like the point on a pencil?"

"No-

"Like the point on a sword?!"

"NO!"

"Like the point-

"NOOO!...I meant the reason why you are here."

"OH! Why am I here? Huh? Huh? Are you going to tell me? 'Cause I wanna know!"

"I am going to tell you if you refrain from speaking!" Elrond said and sighed annoyed

I made shifty eyes at him.

"Did you just tell me to shut up in fancy manner?!" I exclaimed

"No, But I will now!" Elrond yelled his left eyebrow twitching

"Okay Mr. Grumpy."

"Now, do you have any idea why someone drew that picture?"

"Yeah! The apple pie lords were angry."

He looked at me as if I was an eight headed orange with a nose.

"No? But they told me to give you this also…" I said all mysterious like

"Give me what exactly?"

I looked around the room and noticed a green cloak draped over a chair. I got up and ran over to it.

"Awesome! Can I borrow this?" I asked

"Answer my question and I might let you," Elrond replied and sighed.

"Okay! I can do that! I am totally ready to answer the question! Ooh this is sooo exciting! Questions, I love questions, they are sooo fun to like answer when someone asks you one! Ok I am so going to answer it now! Yeah the question that you asked me. Get ready I'm only going to answer it once! It was a good question so I think I will answer it now!"

"So answer it."

"What was the question again?" I asked smiling hugely

"What do the Apple pie lords want to give me?" Elrond asked slowly, twitching every so often

I ignored him for a moment and put the cloak on and spun around a few times. Then I walked over to his desk and gently placed my hand on it.

"They wanted me..." I said slowly, " to give you THIS!" I yelled and grabbed two cans of silly string out of my pockets and spayed Elrond right in the face.

Then I ran out laughing evilly with the cloak flying out behind me.

The bell rang meaning it was time for lunch.

What would lunch bring?


	8. FOOD FIGHT

The Day School Got Twisted Chapter 8

(Lunch)

In the Lunch Line things weren't going to smoothly, but that's to be expected when Merry and Pippin are in charge of serving the food.

"What do you mean you ate all the food!" Andboriel hollered at Pippin

"Is there anything left?" I asked

"Just some Pudding, spaghetti sauce, cake, nacho cheese and other stuff." Pippin said

"Fool of a Took!" I shouted

Gandalf appeared behind me and hit me in the head with his staff.

"That's my line!" he said

"OW! HIT PIPPIN! HE ATE ALL THE FOOD!" I replied

"Nooo problemsss we have fissssssshhhhhes." Gollum said from behind the thing where you get your food.

"Fish?" I asked and raised an eyebrow

"Yes girl! He said fish! Are you dumb?" Gandalf asked, "You must be related to a Took in some way."

"HEY!" Pippin and I said together

"Gandalf, you're an evil turkey!" I exclaimed

"An evil turkey indeed! That is not even a real animal!" Gandalf exclaimed

"Yes it is! You'll see!" I insisted, "YOU'LL ALL SEE! IT IS-

I shut up when everyone stared at me.

"It you were a hobbit, you would certainly be a Took!"

"What's that suppose to mean?" I asked giving Gandalf a death glare.

"It means you and Pippin are stupid!" Gandalf exclaimed

"Oh yeah? Well, if I'm so stupid how come I can do THIS!" I said and snatched his hat.

Then I ran off screaming. He can after me but I ran faster. I hid the hat in the girl's bathroom, one place he could never get it...I hope…

I would probably sell it to Noliee later…

I came back to the cafeteria, Watching for Gandalf of course, I didn't see him so I got back in the lunch line.

"Gandalf thinks I'm stupid." Pippin said sadly

"That's okay. Anyone who's not stuffy and boring like him, he doesn't like." I said

Pippin laughed and I told him to come find my friends and me when he was done serving the fish and random food.

I got my fish and set out to find my friends.

"Cheesy! Over here!" Noliee shouted and waved to me.

I walked over and sat down.

The other people at our table were Hanna, Jackie, Noliee, Casey and Legolas.

Legolas was trying to stay as far away from Casey as possible. It wasn't working because Casey was sitting next to him and staring wide eyed.

I pulled up a chair and sat in between Casey and Legolas.

Casey scowled at me and I stuck my tongue out at her. Apparently I was blocking her view.

"So Casey, how did the north pole trip go?" Jackie asked

"The stupid cops caught me and Ninquie and made us come back to the school." Casey informed

"Why were you going to the north pole anyway?" Legolas asked

" 'Cause Santa is holding elves captive and making them work." Casey said and tried to stare at Legolas but I purposely blocked her view.

"Why are you sitting with us anyway...Not that I mind or anything. Just wondering." I asked Legolas

"I'm sitting with you because you are the only normal ones. Save Casey." Legolas informed

"I'm far from normal." Jackie said. The others nodded.

"When I went to Elrond office, I found this cloak and sprayed Elrond with silly string." I informed with a smile

"MUAWAHAHAHAHHAAH!" Casey exclaimed "Was he mad?"

"I don't know, I ran out before he could say anything...Anyway Pippin is coming over soon."

"Okay." Noliee replied and whacked her fish on the table.

"That's my cloak." Legolas said

I made shifty eyes at him.

"Mine." I said and grabbed it around me

"You can have it, I guess." He said and sighed

"Yay! Thanks!" I said

"Hey! Why don't I get a cloak!" Jackie asked

"Cause you don't." Hanna said

(10 minuets later)

"HE WRECKED THE FISHHHHHHHH!" Gollum screamed as Pippin dove under our table

Gollum stopped right in my face.

"Where is the nasssstyyy Hobbit that cookess the FISHHHHHHHH?" he demanded

"Dude, its called a mint, ever hear of it!" I said as I fanned my face from his horrible breath

"Gollum! Lookie lookie!" said Noliee as she held out her plastic gold ring.

"GIVES IT! GIVES IT TO USS PRECIOUS!" He said leaping around wildly

"You wants it? Go and gets it!" Noliee said and threw the ring.

It landed on the lap of Kayla, you know, the LOTR hater.

Gollum tore wildly over to her and leaped on her back.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed in a high-pitched fake preppy voice

"You can come out now Pippin." I said

"Thanks. I got this for you and your friends." Pippin said and held out a large container of pudding.

"Awww thanks!" Jackie said and took the pudding

"Pippin? Why did you eat all the food?" Katie asked

He shrugged "I was hungry."

"Good enough answer for me." Noliee said and took a giant scoop of pudding.

"Do you know where Gandalf-OH EWWW! I WAS SITTING ON A FRENCH FRY!" I yelled and peeled it off my butt

"FRY BUTT!" Jackie yelled and laughed loudly

"Shut up!" I said and threw a green bean at her.

She ducked and it hit Legolas instead.

"HEY!" he shouted and threw something back

The food hit Casey in the ear.

"STOP IT!" She screamed a little to loudly and launched potatoes back at him.

"FOOD FIGHT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Everyone threw food and I mean everyone. Even the 'teachers'.

"Yes I got him!" I had hit Pippin in the face with a handful of pudding

He hit me back with nacho cheese.

Jackie found Merry and chased him with cake. Casey ran after Legolas with a large pot of spaghetti sauce that she had found.

Noliee had a fish sword fight with Aragorn. When that didn't work they hit each other in the face with it instead. Then, they slung fish around the room.

Frodo, who had just run in, was bombarded with tomatoes and green beans.

I smeared pudding on my face to look like war paint and let out a loud cry and jumped off a table.

Hanna who was carrying a can of soda attacked Galadriel, who was sitting calmly at a table by the soda machine with an ice pack on her nose. Hanna shook it up and sprayed Galadriel in the face. Galadriel got up, dropping the ice pack, and tossed nacho cheese at Hanna.

Katie was chasing Gimli with fish dipped in sloppy Joe sauce and randomly throwing potatoes around the room.

Just then Gandalf came in and saw what was happening.

"Stop this madness! NOW!" he demanded

Everyone froze except for Casey who caught up with Legolas and dumped the entire pot of sauce over his head.

He let out a yelp and everyone looked. Nobody had ever seen a spaghetti sauced elf before. Everyone, including Legolas, excluding Gandalf, laughed.

"SILENCE!" Gandalf commanded

All shut up.

Then I had an idea. I smiled at Jackie, who smiled to the person next to her, that smiled at the person next to them and soon everyone was smiling. Again Excluding Gandalf.

"HEY GANDALF!" all of us said

"What?" He replied

SPLAT!

We threw what food we were holding at him.

Gandalf looked like he was going to explode. He shouted something before storming out.

"WHATEVER! LET THE FOOD FIGHT CONTINUE! " I bellowed

Legolas turned to Casey and dumped pudding all over her. She laughed and threw pudding around the room.

"HEY I HAVE AN IDEA!" shouted Noliee "Everyone move the tables and pore the rest of the sloppy messy stuff all over the floor!"

Everyone did as Noliee instructed

"OOOOOOOHHHHH! FOOD SLIDE!" Jackie shouted and slid across the cafeteria. "WEEEEEEEEEE! FUN!"

All followed.

By the time lunch was over everyone was really messy. My hair was slicked back with stuff I didn't even want to guess at. We all looked like we were playing in the dumpster all day or something.

"That...was...awsome!" Noliee shouted

"I jumped up on a table and shouted: WAS THAT FUN OR WHAT?"

All cheered and Casey threw her last tomato at Legolas.

I jumped off the table and took the last slide down the cafeteria.

I suddenly stopped sliding because I ran into someone.

"Ummmmm...Hehe...Hi Mr. Lord Elrond...sir." I said and backed up

He looked at me and then to the 'teachers' and frowned deeply.

"So, this is what I get."

Thus ended the food fight.


	9. MUD FIGHT

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 9

Elrond shook his head in disgust.

"We would have been better off staying in Middle Earth." He mumbled

All of us stared blankly at him.

"Well, don't just stand there! Go out side and clean up!"

()

We went outside, as instructed, only to find a small water faucet.

I turned the water on full blast (which was only small trickle)

"Okay, this isn't going to work." I stated the obvious

I kicked the stupid thing to see if it would break and release more water.

When people kick something it usually never works and results in the person getting hurt.

Surprisingly, this is not one of those cases.

It broke with a whoosh, and the water came rushing out. Soon we were standing in a large MUD PUDDLE.

For some mysterious reason Jackie had something on her hands. It could not possibly be food because it was hot pink and nothing we threw was pink.

Haldir noticed this and was staring at her.

"What?" Jackie asked

"What's on your hands?" He asked

Jackie smiled, "Would you like to find out?"

"No, That's o-

It was too late. Jackie pulled a small pack of pink hair dye from her pocket and smeared it all over Haldir's hair.

"You dyed my hair pink..." Haldir said slowly, "YOU WILL PAY!"

"OOPS. Hehehe, bye-bye!" Jackie said and tried to run away but Haldir tripped her.

Jackie landed face first in the mud.

Everyone except Haldir gasped. Haldir smiled evilly.

Jackie picked herself up and turned to face Haldir.

"You pushed me in the mud..." she said mimicking him, "YOU WILL PAY!"

Jackie screamed something and slung large amounts of mud at Haldir.

"Mud fight anyone?" Casey asked and threw mud at me

(Inside Elrond's office)

"I ask them to do a simple task and this is what I get!" Elrond yelled to Gandalf who was drying his hair

"WHO ARE THOSE GIRLS!?" Elrond yelled

"The two dying everyone's hair pink are Jackie and Noliee. The one that is screaming is Rachel and the Crazy one is Casey." Kayla said appearing out of nowhere

Reminds me of Wormtoung.

"Who are you?" Gandalf asked

"I'm Kayla and I think I the only sane one here...Besides you two of course." She said sweetly, "I don't why they think throwing icky mud and food is enjoyable."

"Finally one of them who see my point!' Gandalf said

(Back outside)

"I'm going to get you Eowyn!" Hanna shouted after Eowyn had almost made mud go up her nose.

Jackie and Noliee had dyed almost everyone's hair pink.

When they were opening another thing of dye Legolas snuck up behind them, grabbed the dye, and sprayed it at them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Noliee screamed and waved her arms in the air wildly

Jackie slapped mud at him and let out an evil sounding shriek.

()

After a while we Finally calmed down and rinsed off.

That's when I realized I had pink hair!

So did a lot of other people. Casey, Sam, Aragorn, Eowyn, Frodo, Legolas, Gimli OHHH lets just say everyone!

(English/Reading class)

Everyone went back to their class rooms and I scurried down the hall to English class.

I slid into my chair and flung my wet, pink, hair over the back. I think it hit the kid behind me...Oh well.

There was duck tape over a hole in the wall. I snickered to myself. I wondered if Galadriel still had that ice pack from the computer mouse incident.

A few minuets later Galadriel and Ms. Dawn Star entered the classroom.

Sure enough Galadriel still had the ice pack.

She took a paper off her desk, read it, and smiled.

"Hello class. We will be reading about the adventures of a very famous hobbit named Bilbo Baggins. He has written many tales and poems about his life. As I said, we will be reading one of them.

"The Hobbit!" I said "One of my favorite stories."

"So you have read it before?" Galadriel asked

"Yep! 5 times." I informed with a smile

"I hope you don't mind reading it again...

"NO! Of cores not!"

"We will also be studying about elves. I know Gandalf is teaching you that too. But we learn just elves." Ms. Dawn Star said

Alice raised her hand.

"What's with the whole elf thing? I mean elves at the North Pole are short and weird. Then you've got the Middle Earth elves that aren't." She asked

When Santa elves were mentioned Casey and Ninquie got maniacal glints in their eyes. They looked at each other and smiled. Evilly.

"The story is quite long I-

"TELL IT!" everyone shouted cutting Ms. Dawn Star off

She looked at Galadriel who nodded.

"Okay...Why there are Santa Elves."

"Oooh! Oooh! Are you an elf from Middle Earth?" Ancalima asked

"Yes I am." She replied and tuck her hair behind her ear reviling the pointed tips.

"Are you married to Legolas?" Ninquie asked

Ms. Dawn Star blushed "No I'm not." she said

"Good." Casey whispered and made evil eyes at her

"Now, On with the story…

"Shelves were first seen in a happy land called The Shelf. Shelves were tall thin creatures that loved to be happy.

In the land of Turkdor where the shadows lie, were evil creatures. Shelves had dubbed them Evil Turkeys. The Evil Turkeys wanted nothing more than to take over the world, them and every other creature. The Turkeys came up with a plan. It was a good plan. Brilliant even. Take over Shelf. The Shelves were caught unexpected and tried to fight back.

A last alliance of Shelves and. Shelves fought against the armies of Turkdor. But all of them were deceived. The Evil Turkeys had not hatched the plan.

A mean group of creatures called Evil Paperclips had. Turkeys were attacking from the North and Paperclips from the South. They were soon surrounded. The Shelves surrendered. Paperclips have no imagination whatsoever.

The only thing they could think of to do was to make the Shelves sad. So they took away the s and h from their name and called them Elves. They loved it. Shelves had never liked their name and now they were free! They had a beautiful name that just rolled off your tongue.

The Paperclips were astounded. How did this happen they wonder? How did we make them happier? The only thing left to do they reasoned, was separate the elves. They grouped the land of the Elves into 3 sections. One section they took all the elves and shrunk them and sent them up to the North Pole to help Santa.

Another group of elves was left alone and sent to Middle earth. There they acquired super powers.

The last group was shrunk and scattered. Some to Haven, some to Hogwarts, and some are yet to be found. We shall forever mourn the loss of such a great and wonderful land." Ms. Dawn Star

"WOW!" Katie exclaimed, "That was a cool story!'

She spoke for all of us.

"I TOLD YOU THERE ARE EVIL TURKEYS!" I shouted

Suddenly Pippin went running down the hall screaming.

It appeared that a lot of apples were being thrown at him.

Aragorn soon ran past carrying apples and chucking them at Pippin.

"Wha? Waz zat?" Casey slurred and whipped her head up

Apparently she was sleeping in class. Bad Casey!

"Why don't you go ask them? Maybe it will help you stay awake!" Galadriel and started to turn that freaky green color

"EEEEEEPPPPPPP!" Casey exclaimed and dashed out

()

Aragorn was looking around for Pippin, who clearly hiding behind one of the lockers. Even Casey could find him.

"HI!" she screamed loudly and ran over to Pippin

"Shhh!" He said and waved Casey over

"Why are we whispering?!"said Casey in a tone anything other than a whisper.

"Because I'm hiding form Aragorn, he's throwing apples at me!" Pippin replied

"Ooh! Why?" Casey asked

"I don't know. Go ask him." Pippin said

"WHAT AM I?! I MESSENGER?!" Casey screamed

"You wanted to know." Pippin said meekly

"Oh. I guess I did...byers Pippin!" Casey said and skipped over to Aragorn

"HI ARAGORN!" Why are you throwing apples at Pippin?" Casey asked

"Because I can. Besides he was wining how hungry he was. So, I decided to give him food." Aragorn said

"Oh! OKAY! That makes sense! By the way Pippin is over there!" Casey exclaimed and pointed

Aragorn ran off in the direction that Casey pointed.

In the process he managed to drop an apple.

Casey picked it up and tossed it in the air. On the third toss, the apple did not come back down.

Casey, being the dumb little thing she is, got scared and screamed. Then she looked up at the ceiling.

"Give it back evil ceiling! That was _my_ apple!" Casey shouted and pointed to the ceiling

She heard laughing.

"DON'T LAUGH CEILING! GIVE IT BACK!" Casey exclaimed

She almost started crying, when she randomly tripped over the air and landed on her back.

"Ow." She said looked up.

Casey was about to accuse the ceiling of making her fall when she saw the apple floating above her head.

Poor Casey is so dumb that it didn't connect that someone was holding the apple. "APPLE GHOST! " she yelled and closed her eyes.

A wile later she opened them and found that the apple was not there.

Still lying on the floor, she crossed her arms and frowned.

She looked up again, and then continued looking back. Sure enough there was the apple and someone that looked like Legolas, the love of her life, was holding it.

Now we must remember that Casey doesn't know much about LOTR. Only what I told her, which was a lot. However she listened to almost nothing.

Casey stood up and stared at the elf in front of her. He stared back.

She raised an eyebrow, "You look kinda like Legolas. But you're not Legolas. Are you?" she asked truly confused

"No, I am not Legolas." The elf replied

"Are you his brother?" Casey asked blinking

"No."

"hmmmmmm... WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU STEAL MY APPLE!? You're an attacker! You're going to Attack me! EVIL PERSON!"

"Oh yes, I'm going to attack you." the elf said flatly

"I KNEW IT...so, what's your name?"

"Its a good thing I'm not really going to attack you, or you would be dead already...I'm Haldir."

"OHHH! IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER NOW! You're the person that ate the cat!"

"No. I didn't eat a cat. What are you talking about?" Haldir asked

"I'm talking about the lima beans and the car chase!" Casey said and hugged Haldir. Tightly. "You're _really _cute too." ^_^

Poor, poor confused elf.

"Can I have my apple back Haldir?" Casey asked and made her eyes huge

Haldir tossed the apple to her and ran off in opposite direction.

"YAY! You're going to be my pet! I'll call you Legolas!"

()


	10. The Nazgul bus driver

The Day School got TWISTED Chapter 10

(End of the Day)

The bell has just rang, and everyone was stampeding out of the school. It wasn't cool, I almost got run over by a kid with blue hair…

I ride the bus home. So do Casey, Jackie and Noliee.

We walk to school and take the bus home. Go figure.

When we got on the bus, we were greeted by the friendly face of Bilbo.

"Hi Bilbo! We're reading your book in English class." Jackie said

Jackie and I sat down behind Bilbo and Casey and Noliee sat in the seat beside us. More kids piled on the bus as it waited in front of the school.

"The Shire is my favorite place in Middle Earth of course, but adventuring in Mirkwood was enjoyable." Bilbo randomly informed

He seemed ready to talk to whoever would listen. We were willing customers.

"Yeah Casey." I said, "Mirkwood is where Legolas use to live."

(Loud gasp) "REALLY?" she said with huge eyes like Spongebob

"Yes, I believe so." Bilbo replied, "Why do you ask?"

Casey opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off.

"To make an annoying story simple, she loves him." I said

"Oh, does he love her?" Bilbo asked not getting it

The 3 of us cracked up laughing. Casey was staring blankly.

"NOOOO! Of cores not!" Noliee said "Casey is...Casey and crazy. Legolas does _not_ love her. In fact he probably hates her."

"Why does he hate her? She seems like a very nice girl.' Bilbo stated and smiled at Casey

"You don't know Casey and believe me, you don't want to." Noliee informed laughing

Suddenly a Nazgul stepped on the bus and screamed at Bilbo.

"I h..have to go now!" Bilbo exclaimed and dashed off the bus

Apparently Bilbo was not the real bus driver. This Nazgul seemed to be.

0.0 "Hi?" I said

-.- "SCREEEEEEEEECCCCCCHHHHHHHHH!" The Nazgul replied

All the kids silenced.

"Duuuuuude!" Casey said and hugged the Nazgul

-.- "SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCHH!" it replied and threw Casey off

: ( "I just wanted a hug." Casey mumbled

The Nazgul did respond but sat down and started the bus.

"Can it even see?" Jackie asked

"I don't know...I hope so." I replied

The bus tore off, tires screeching.

Everyone but Nazgul : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

When I finally got home my mom was in the kitchen starting work on dinner.

"Hi Rachel, how was school?" She asked

She was expecting the same reaction she got for the past 3 years, which was this: 'Boring as normal'

Instead, she got this...

"AWESOME! THE BEST DAY EVER!"

"Rachel, are you okay?" she said and rushed over to me

"Are you feeling all right?" Mom asked and placed a hand on my forehead.

"Yeah fine!"

'What happened to you?" she asked noticing my pink hair with mud and food caked in it.

My clothes were wet and I still had dried pudding on my face.

"There was a food fight. Oh yeah and the mud fight, then Jackie and Noliee went around dying everyone's hair pink." I informed as if the day's occurrences were normal.

"Your teachers let this happen?" My mom asked horrified

"Let it happen? They helped! By the way the teachers are really cool! they...

"I can't believe this! I'm calling the school!' she announced cutting me off

"No! It's fine!"

"It is not fine. What are they teaching you!"

"The History of Middle Earth, Elvish..."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Mom, the question should be: What on MIDDLE earth am I talking about."

"You and that movie! Is that all you ever think about?"

"Yes. Yes that is all I ever thing about... But that _is _what they are teaching us in school. No lie!"

"So, you're telling me that the school is being run by THEM?" she exclaimed and pointed to a picture of the fellowship that was on the fridge for no reason what so ever.

Most likely because I ran out of wall, ceiling and door space in my room.

I nodded, "Yeppers! You can meet them when the school has open house in a few weeks." I said and walked out of the room

"Oh, honestly Rachel! You get stranger every day!" my mom said and went back to cooking

"AND PROUD OF IT TOO!" I hollered and ran upstairs

On the way up I ran into my mom's boyfriend.

"Hi Steve!" I announced "The Lord of the Ring characters are my teachers!" then I continued to my room.

He said nothing but shook his head and sighed.

Guess what I did when I got to my room?

Duh! Watched Lord of the Rings!

O-O-O

Speaking of open house/meet the parents night, it wasn't in the original but it was suppose to be. Sooo, I have decided to do a bonus chapter that wasn't in the original! WOOO!


	11. Meet The Parents Night

The Day school got TWISTED Chapter 11

(This is the Special Bonus chapter not read in the original!)

o-o-o

Elrond is a spaz I tell ya!

Today, we were getting ready for meet the patents night that was going to take place later around 6:30.

Elrond insisted that everything be perfect for the parents of the _'delightful group of lovely children that he has the pleasure…no, no **HONOR** of instructing during this school year.'_

He said that at the assembly he called during 5th period. I _swear_ I saw him wince and or twitch violently in the middle of the speech when he looked over at the four of us sitting in the second row with our feet up on the back of the chairs, throwing paper at Galadriel who was standing next to the stage.

But hey, it might have just been my imagination…

Then he went on to say something about punishment in this big fancy manor…

'_Students that choose to engage in disorderly conduct here by infringing upon school regulations shall be relentlessly punished in the under quarters of the learning establishment.'_

Casey blinked rapidly and raised her hand.

Elrond sighed, "What Casey?"

"Um, the only thing I got out of that as the word thing of school, by, in, of, the." Casey said

Elrond slapped a hand to his face, "IT MEANS: If you act…bad, bad stuff happens to you!"

"Oooh," Casey said slowly, "I get ya now ugly elf man!"

She grinned stupidly and flashed Elrond a thumbs up.

Elrond just frowned at her and continued speaking in that fancy way that confused and or bored people to tears or put them to sleep like half the auditorium currently was.

Make sense of that sentence, I dare ya!

Even some of the teachers, which were sitting the back of the room, to ensure that no students escaped out the back…like last time, had fallen asleep.

Gimli was snoring soundly and loudly until Legolas, who was sitting next to him, thunked him over the head with a math book. Gimli gasped loudly and sat up just as Legolas was preparing to hit him again.

"I'm awake elf!" he shouted loudly causing people to look at him

Elrond glared and continued speaking. He was talking about toilet paper and how we shouldn't throw it at the parents when a water balloon wrapped in none other than toilet paper hit him in the face and exploded.

"WHO DID THIS!" Elrond yelled his face getting all red and creepy looking

Everyone just stared at him.

"Fine, but if any of you pulls a stunt like that tonight, EVERYONE shall be punished." Elrond said and stalked off the stage

I suppose that meant the assembly was over! I knew Noliee's brilliant water balloon trick would work.

We rushed out of the auditorium as fast as we could in a mad stampede that shook the entire school building.

(Later just before Gandalf's class)

Jackie and I were running down the hall shrieking gibberish. We were going to be late for Gandalf class and everyone knows you are NEVER, under any circumstances, late for Gandalf class.

We got there just as the bell rung.

"We made it!" Jackie exclaimed and reached for the door handle

Just as she touched it the door flew open and hit her in the face.

"AAHHHRGG!" Jackie exclaimed and fell over

"YOU ARE LATE!" Gandalf exclaimed and waved his staff at me, "YOU shall not pass through this doorway of leaning with out a late pass! Now be gone, go back to the abyss of the hallways! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

He slammed his staff on the ground and shrieked something that sounded like a bunch of nonsense.

"Gandalf, stop being dramatic." I said and helped Jackie up

Then we pushed passed him and sat down.

"Now class, please turn in your 2000 word essays that were due today! I shall be expecting that all of you have them." Gandalf said

Half of the class gasped and the other half smiled smugly.

"Noliee, where is _your_ paper?" Gandalf asked stopping at her desk

"I can't give you that because the paper contains top secrete military information that will explode if you read it. But General Coopalala says I should get an A." Noliee said and smiled

"Uh-huh, You have till Wednesday to get that paper to me." Gandalf replied and moved on

"You won't need it were you're going." Noliee hissed and smiled evilly

Then her face brightened, "Sure Gandalf! I'll have that paper to you, first thing Wednesday morning!"

"Whatever…" Gandalf mumbled and moved on to my desk, "All right, were is it? And I don't want that excuse that the stinky cheese man came in and stole your paper in the middle of the night!"

"Oh, my paper? Hey listen, I need an extension on that."

"And why is that?"

"Because my prime source is a very old man that lives in at the top of a mountain in Peru and he refused to see me until the next full moon." I said matter-o-factly

"Well, you can tell this very old man that your need his help by Wednesday or you get…DETENTION!" Gandalf exclaimed next up was Hanna

She grinned and held out her paper. It appeared to be a perfect two-page report on the second age…until further inspection that is.

Gandalf looked at the paper skeptically. He sniffed it and even tore off a corner and tasted it before he briefly skimmed over it. Then he sighed.

"Hanna?"

"Yesss?"

"Why is there a recipe for chocolate cake in the middle of your paper?"

"I thought you might like it. Its my mom's secrete recipe!" Hanna replied grinning

Gandalf just rolled his eyes and added the paper to the stack. He collected some papers from a few other people getting a wide variety of oddities including: a paper written in gibberish, one with holes poked in it, one in an envelope marked with different stamps from all over the world, and Casey's which was written in gibberish as well as with a quill pen.

She said she was trying to get a feel for the time.

Gandalf got so sick of the stupid excuses and stupid papers that he called off the whole assignment and blasted all the papers to the void of Mordor.

I'm just waiting for him to get a call from Sauron or something complaining about all the papers floating around!

"Next time, we ALL do the assignment, CORRECTLY!" Gandalf hollered, "Now, get out some paper and we will take notes that will be graded!"

Jackie grinned and carefully took something out of her backpack and placed it on her desk.

It was a…Cactus!

Gandalf looked at her funny but started speaking anyway. After about five minuets Jackie raised her hand.

"Yes, Jackie?" Gandalf said and stopped speaking

"The cactus has a question." Jackie said and looked at it

"Okay…and what is the question?"

The cactus just sat there…

"It must have forgot." Jackie said and shrugged, "Continue G-man."

"Yes, like I was saying, There are only 9 members of the Fellowship. Contrary to popular belief, from a certain a certain web site that shall remain nameless; there are not 10+ members. I- Yes Jackie?"

"The cactus remembers the question now." Jackie said and pointed to it waiting for the cactus to speak

Cactus: ……

"Come on cactus!" Jackie said and poked the pot that it was in

Cactus: ……

Jackie sighed, "Never mind."

Gandalf rolled his eyes, "I was a member of the fellowship and there were only 9 of us and there were no pretty girls that attacked Legolas! I hope you are all talking notes on this, because like I sa-Yes, Jackie?"

"The cactus has another question. Ask away cactus! You have his attention now."

Cactus: ……

"Come on! Don't be shy!"

Cactus: ……

"Oh whatever! Keep talking Gandalf."

Gandalf glared at her and sighed loudly. He was about to begin speaking again when the Jackie suddenly shouted.

"There! Say it again cactus! It just told me the question!" she exclaimed

Cactus: ……

"Why won't you talk when Gandalf looks at you?" Jackie exclaimed and shook the pot slightly

"THE FELLOWSHIP-

"SPEAK CACTUS! We are all waiting for your brilliant question to shake the ages!" Jackie yelled, "SPEAK! SPEAK TO ME!"

"Jackie! Be quiet this instant!" Gandalf hissed

"BUT IT HASN'T TOLD ME THE QUESTION!" Jackie yelled, "SPEAK! SPEAK!"

She poked it and the cactus poked back. Jackie screamed dramatically and waved her finger around.

"ITS HURT ME! Give the cactus detention Gandalf! It retaliated! HELP! HELP! I'M DYING! AHHHHHH!" Jackie screamed and ran around the room ranting and raving, "NO NO! BAD CACTUS! AHHH! I HAVE A-

Then the bell rang.

Jackie instantly stopped and sat down at her seat as the other kids rushed out of the room. She picked up the cactus and frowned at it.

"Why did you have to embarrass me AGAIN?" She asked and carefully put it back in her backpack

Jackie waved good-bye to Gandalf and ran out of the room.

(On the bus ride home)

I grabbed on to the side of the seat as the Nazgul bus driver whipped around a turn and screeched loudly.

"He seemed to be more angry than normal." Jackie said and sat down next to me

"Maybe it was because Casey called him 'Mr. Smelly.' I seriously don't think he liked that much. I wonder if Elrond knows that a Nazgul drives the bus…"

"Oh well, I think there is a lot that goes on that Elrond doesn't know about." Jackie said

I nodded in agreement.

o-o-o-o

(Later, around 6:00)

I ran around the house like a spaz screaming for my mom to hurry up or we were going to be late for 'meet the parent's night'.

I think she finally got the idea after I stared running into the wall yelling my head off. Yes…yes I am a spaz so don't look at me like that.

My mom looked at me and grabbed the keys from the counter. We went outside and got in the van. The second the key was turned the radio came on blasting 'Baby got Back'. I laughed loudly and started singing along, horribly off key I might add.

By the time we got to the school my mom was ready to throw the radio out the window.

She parked and turned the car off and I jumped out and started running for the school entrance but the STUPID skirt mom made me wear tripped me and I fell face first in to the grass. It wasn't fun.

When we finally got in the first thing we saw was Merry and Pippin. They were supposed to be taking people's coats and hat but for some reason unknown they decided to have a little fun about it.

Merry was dressed like Darth Vader and Pippin was dressed like Luke Skywalker. They had these little plastic lightsabers that looked like they came from Walmart and they were waving them around and making dramatic sound effects.

Then Merry poked Pippin with the lightsaber and said, in a very loud, odd sounding voice: "LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER!"

Then Pippin fell to his knees and screamed, "NOOOOOOO!" as loud as he could.

My mom looked disturbed as she handed her coat to Merry who was also holding a jar for money for their _wonderful _reenactment of cinematic history.

We entered the auditorium and saw all the other parents. I found Jackie just as my mom found Jackie's mom. They greeted each other with: 'OOOOH! SOOOOO good to see you again!" and talked about boring adult things that we didn't care about…like the weather…

Jackie and I simply said hi like normal people…wait, no it wasn't normal because normal greeting don't usually involve various turkey noises and Nazgul-like shrieking.

We looked around and saw Noliee sulking in the corner and she had good reason to sulk too. Her parents had made her wear a…_frilly pink **dress**. _She stalked over to us and scowled.

"If either of you say one word about my outfit I shall put you on my prank list. And that is a fate worse than being spoked by the fan girls of Oz." she hissed

We nodded and Jackie was about to say something when the microphone wined loudly and Elrond shook it and blew into it creating a loud sound that got everyone's attention.

"AHEM! Yes…this is on? Is it Gimli? Gimli, why are you wearing my pink robe, I tho-

Elrond shut up when he saw everyone looking at him. He blinked rapidly and walked off stage. Two seconds later he returned to the stage with a smile on his face.

"Welcome Parents! First of all I would like to say what a joy it is to be instructing your wonderful children. Second, I can tell that you are wondering 'Are you that person from that _mooviee_, The Lord of the Rings?' and in response to that, yes I am! Do not ask why, its complicated and the others from Middle Earth are here too…Now that's cleared up, I can begin my speech of what we have been learning in the past two months. So if you would be so kind as to sit down and listen attentively!" Elrond said and bowed

About an hour later, Elrond had put everyone to sleep with his boring talk. But thank goodness for Aragorn. He ran past wearing an eye patch and yelling: "AAAARRRGH! I'M A PIRATE!" and woke everyone up.

"Um, thank you Aragorn!" Elrond said and clapped but Aragorn was already gone, "Now, if you will calmly exit through the doors on the left and right you can go and meet your children's teachers."

All the parents rushed out of the auditorium as fast as they could also creating a stampede. They even fought to get out the door first and they would have started a war against each other if Haldir hadn't turned on the fire hoses.

But Elrond's speeches tend to do that to people so it's understandable.

The now angry, wet parents slowly and calmly walked down the hallway to their kid's classrooms.

My mom got to Gandalf's class first, lucky me. Sarcasm intended…

Gandalf was in full wizard attire complete with gray robes and _white _pointy hat.

I walked over to him and smiled sweetly.

"Did you dye your hat? Cause if you did, you did a really _really_ bad job." I informed

Gandalf forced a smile and patted me on the head.

"Such a delight she is to have in class Ms. Rachel's Mom." He said cheerfully

I stomped on his foot. _Never _call me Rachel.

My mom looked at me oddly (she does this a lot) and smiled nervously at Gandalf.

"So…you are really the people from that movie she is obsessed with?" she asked

Gandalf nodded, "Yes…"

"…Okay then…so, what have they been learning in this class?"

Gandalf was about to reply when Casey made her grand entrance. She kicked the door open and waved insanely.

"HI!" She screamed and ran in wearing this neon orange dress that matched the color of her wildly frizzy hair

She was also wearing orange high-healed shoes that she could barely walk in. Everyone in the room stopped and stared at her.

Casey gasped loudly and stared back.

"WAIT! THIS ISN'T ELFY'S CLASSROOM! ELFY'S CLASSROOM IS BLUE NOT YELLOW!"

She looked around ands saw me staring blankly at the wall.

"COME ON CHEESY! LETS GO SURPRISE ELFY!"

With that said or screamed at the top of her lungs she ran/fell back out the door. I shrugged and followed.

My mom just slowly shook her head; she had learned long ago not to ask.

I found Casey waiting for me in the hallway.

"YAY! CHEESY! I WANNA SURPRISE ELFY! I EVEN GOT HIM A GIFT! GIFTY GIFTY GITF!" Casey screamed and pulled me across the hall

Again she kicked open the door and shouted: "HI ELFY!"

And again she had the wrong classroom. This time Gimli was staring back at her.

"I am _not_ or have I ever been 'Elfy'. Casey, go to the classroom next to this." Gimli said and rolled his eyes

"Dude the classroom next to this is a bathroom." I stated

Gimli smacked a hand to his face, "Then the one next to that!"

"Okay!" Casey exclaimed and ran away to the classroom

I skipped after her singing some random song.

This time Casey got the right classroom. She kicked the door open and instead of screaming 'Hi Elfy' she saw him, ran over to him and smiled that creepy fan girl smile.

Legolas looked disturbed and excused himself from the parent he was talking to.

"Okay, Casey what do you want?" he asked slowly and clearly cause that's the way you have talk to her

Casey squealed and hugged him, "You are my favorite teacher!"

Legolas sighed, "I know."

"I have something for you!" Casey said and grinned, "Guess what it is!"

"A restraining order!" Legolas replied looking hopeful

"…No…what's that?"

"Never mind." Legolas said and sighed, "What do you have?"

"I wanted to get you something special! Soooo hear ya go!" she screamed and threw pink wrapped box at his head

Legolas sighed and opened it. It was a box of green pencils.

"Casey, why on Middle Earth did you get me green pencils?" Legolas asked

" 'Cause, there were shiny!" Casey said and hugged him again

Suddenly Aragorn ran past, he was still wearing the eye patch, and was being chased by Merry and Pippin with the lightsabers. They were shouting and acting really stupid. It was suppose to be a new movie called 'Star Wars meets Pirates of the Caribbean'.

Just then Casey's parents walked in the classroom. They were good normal people that didn't or act a thing like Casey. Actually they were just the opposite. Quiet, sane, normal as can be. This is why we believe aliens snuck in and raised her in the middle of the night. No, the stinky cheese man! Gandalf doesn't think he exists but Casey is living proof that he does!

"Casey dear, there you are. We were looking all over and beginning to get worried." Her dad said

Casey rolled her eyes, "Elfy, these are my parents. You may call them Orange and Permanent marker! Now I have to go!"

Casey hooted and ran out of the room. A few minutes later there was a loud scream and Frodo ran down the hall followed by Sam who was also screaming for Frodo to calm down.

"ITS THEM! IT'S_ THEM_! I KNEW THEY WOULD COME FOR ME! AHHHHHHHH!" Frodo yelled and sprinted down the hall

"Who is it! The nice people in the white coats with the nets!" I gasped and hid under a desk

Down the hallway came not the nice people in the white coats with the nets but two people. One was Santa and the other was Sauron, they were both laughing evilly and holding replicas of the one ring.

I rolled my eyes. It was so obvious that it was just Merry and Pippin on stilts!

Suddenly Haldir came running down the hall screaming and waving his arms around.

"IT'S LOOSE! IT'S LOOSE! THE RABID FERRET FROM GIMLI'S SCIENCE CLASS IS LOOSE!"

He ran over 'Santa' and 'Sauron' and jumped out the window. Thank goodness this part of the school was on ground level!

Everyone peered out into the hallway and saw a small sweet looking animal sitting in the hallway. It was so cute and totally not evil looking. Then, from a few classrooms down I saw Casey throw something at it.

The ferret spazzed out and its eyes turned red and it started foaming at the mouth. Everyone gasped and started running around. There was a rabid animal in the building and we were trapped with it!

It was total panic and the animal hadn't even done yet except sit there and snarl. Parents went psycho and left with their kids as fast as they could. I suspected that some of the kids wouldn't be coming back. It was rather sad, not really but that's okay.

My mom sprinted out dragging me by the arm. Once we were safely in the car and driving away at lightning speeds my mom finally felt it was safe again.

"What happened to the normal teachers? Those people are mad!" she exclaimed, "Your school has gone crazy! Insane! Loco! Not right!"

"No mom! It's TWISTED!" I replied and stared laughing

I have a feeling Elrond is not going to be to happy tomorrow!

o-o-o-o-

I am SO sorry that this chapter is so late! I had major writer's block on it for some reason, but here it is now! Heh.

Thank you SO much for all the reviews! I am glad that people are still reading it the second time!

(Nods to Kelly) you know why.

Turk-out homies!


	12. The SUB!

OCTOBER (month 2 of complete craziness) yeah all of that was September.

I walked into Elvish class with a smile on my face.

I had to admit, although I'm not a rabid fangirl, I would not mind seeing Legolas...

Casey rushed passed me in a mad rush to get into the classroom.

I calmly walked in and sat down next to Casey. (Yes I still have pink hair. so does everyone else)

She was tapping her hand on the desk impatiently.

As you may have guessed Legolas was not in the room.

The bell rang and Elrond, morning announcer, came on the loud speaker.

"Good morning students. I would like to tell the child who put the explosive in the toilet, you be caught and punished..."

Everyone looked at Andboriel and Noliee.

"What!" they said in unison

"To the person who filled my office with pink napkins, you also be punished..."

Casey laughed evilly.

"I would like to thank Kayla for helping clean up the lunchroom after the _incident. _I believe that is all for now…"

A few minutes later the door opened and someone who was defiantly not Legolas walked in.

The man wore a long leather jacket that swooshed out behind him when he walked. He also wore sunglasses.

All of us tried not to laugh. The guy looked like a Matrix reject!

Casey frowned deeply. "Where is Legolas?" She demanded

The rest of us frowned too.

"Yeah! WE WANT LEGOLAS!" Ninquie announced

"Are you from the Matrix?" Hanna asked

"Now none of that!" the sub said stupidly and removed the coat and set it on a chair.

The chair fell over and everyone laughed. The sub frowned and picked the coat up. He then set it on the desk.

Then the desk fell over…

When trying to remove the sunglasses, they got caught in his hair, so he had to rip them off his face. This made us laugh even more.

"Oh wow, is this guy a fruit cake or what?" I mumbled to Noliee who nodded

"You didn't answer my question!" Casey hissed

"My name is Mr. Schlager." he said and wrote his name on the board ignoring Casey's question

"WHERE IS LEGOLAS?" Casey exclaimed

"I will not tolerate being shouted at!" Mr. Schlager said, "If you would like to know something raise your hand and ask calmly!"

Casey looked like she was going to explode but she shook it off and smiled sweetly.

She calmly raised her hand.

"Yes...? And what would your beautiful name be young lady?"

"My name is Eggplant...Where's Legolas?" -.-

"Now, come on, I know your name isn't Eggplant. Tell me your real name."

"My... name...is...Casey...Where...is...Legolas?"

"Casey, what a nice name, I have a daughter named Casey. She's in the second grade..."

Casey whacked her head on her desk.

I waved my hand in the air.

"Yes? And who are you, young lady?"

I scowled. 'Young lady'? UUUUUGGGHHHH! Make me puke why don't ya? He is so clueless and normal!

"My name is Rachel," I said shuddering at my real name, "but Legolas calls me 'Miss THE Cheese Turkey' and I would like to be called this, if you would be so kind...Hey speaking of Legolas, where is he?"

"You enjoy being called 'cheese turkey'? I-

"It's THE Cheese Turkey!" I said getting annoyed, "And if you don't mind, answer the question!"

"What question?" Mr. Schlager asked

"WHERE IS LEGOLAS!" the whole class shouted

"Oh, he isn't here today...I am subbing for him."

"DUH! WE KNOW THAT MR. BRAIN! WHY ISN'T HE HERE?" Jackie exclaimed

"Do not SHOUT!" Mr. Schlager said, "I bet you don't shout for Mr. Legolas."

"Dude, its just Legolas, we don't use 'Mr. and miss'." Ancalima said

"Yeah, and we don't need to shout when he is here because he answers our questions!" Jackie said

"Where...is...Elfy?" Casey asked on the verge of exploding

Again Mr. Schlager ignored Casey.

"I do not like shouting and will not tolerate it!"

"I tried asking you nicely...you didn't pay attention...NOW FEAR MY WRATH! WHERE IS LEGOLAS!" Casey shouted and stood up

She kicked her desk over and screamed loudly.

"Sit down Casey!" Mr. Schlager commanded

"I WILL SIT DOWN WHEN YOU TELL ME WHERE LEGOLAS IS!" Casey replied

"He didn't show up today! I have no clue where he is." Mr. Schlager said

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND, I _NEED_TO KNOW WHERE LEGOLAS IS! RIGHT NOW!" Casey erupted

Suddenly Haldir burst through the door and saw Casey going psycho.

"Casey stop it!" he yelled

Casey stopped.

"Miss The Cheese Turkey, what's going on!" Haldir asked

"Well, I think I can answer your QUESTION!... Thank you for calling me Miss The Cheese Turkey Haldir...(ahem) Mr. Schlager refused to answer Casey question…"

"So she freaked." Jackie concluded

"Every day something from you four," Haldir said  
and started to leave.

"Aren't you going to do something about it...Mr..?" the sub said

"My name is Haldir. No 'Mr.' and I see no problem here. Casey is simply expressing herself in a creative way." Haldir replied

"But...She is not following proper class room procedures!" Mr. Schlager said

Haldir sighed, "Tell me something I don't know."

"But! She is rebelling against proper rules and regulations. She should be suspended!" The sub insisted

Haldir raised an eyebrow, "Yes? And?"

"She's out of control!" he replied

"Well, tell her to stop."

"But...

"Just do it!"

"Fine. Casey please stop." Mr. Schlager said

Casey scowled ripped a textbook in half.

"Casey please stop." Haldir said and smiled

"Okay Elfy!" Casey said and hugged Haldir

"Thank you Casey." he said and hugged her back

"You're welcome, nice Elfy." Casey replied and stopped the hugging.

She went over to her desk, picked it up, and sat down.

Mr. Schlager stood there amazed, "Wow! How did you do that and why does she call you 'Elfy'?" he asked

"GET A CLUE, STUPID!" Noliee shrieked and threw her orange lip gloss at his head.

"OWWWWW!" Mr. Schlager hollered, "NOW YOU STOP THAT!"

"Oh yeah? Make me ugly!" Noliee replied, "BRING IT ON! BRING. IT. OOOOOONN!"

The rest of the class cheered Noliee on.

"Noliee!" Haldir warned, "I don't want to be forced to get Gandalf to come in here. He will not be happy about being interrupted..."

The class silenced.

"Eeep! Okay, I'll shut up! I'm sorry!" Noliee said

"It's really very simple to get them to listen. They are really not that bad." Haldir informed "And-

"Casey calls him Elfy 'cause he's and elf! DUH!" I said

"Thank you Miss The Cheese Turkey." Haldir replied

"Anytime!" I said smiling

"Elves aren't real." Mr. Schlager stated

"Haldir, can I _please_ tell him?" Hanna asked

"Sure. Whatever!"

"Good! ELVES _ARE_ REAL YOU THICK HEADED BUTT!" Hanna exclaimed

"Do not (laughs) call the teacher (laughing) a butt head." Haldir corrected

Mr. Schlager gasped, "That's all your going to do!"

"Yes. Now, I'm going to leave...Class, be good! If anything else happens, I'm holding Miss The Cheese Turkey responsible!" Haldir said and left

"HEY!" I shouted but he had already left

Mr. Schlager turned to face the class.

We were frowning.

"You heard...the elf. Now, If you'll open the book to page 9 we can get started." he said and sat down at the desk

Casey raised her hand, "That. Is Legolas' chair." she stated with an icy glare

"Yes I know. For today pretend that I'm Legolas." he replied

Wrong thing to say.

"NOOOO!" everyone shouted at once

"You look nothing like Legolas! Legolas is cute and nice and sweet and has long hair and cute and..." Casey went on and on

"Okay! Okay!" he said, "Don't pretend then...Now turn to page 9."

" No habla ingles! No habla ingles!" Katie exclaimed

Then she spazzed out, and repeated the phrase over and over.

"Does she really only speak Spanish?" the sub asked

snaps gum that she's not suppose to have "Yeah, I'm her translator." Hanna replied and snapped the gum that she was not suppose to have

"Well, tell her to turn to page 9."

"Okay,Te gusta el queso pavo?"

"Ooooh! SI!" Jackie exclaimed

"Mellon!" I replied

"Pedich Edhellen Hirnin?" Alice the Mr. Schlager

"Huh?" He replied

"Estupido el profesor!" Alice stated

"Gordo, feo el profesor!" Noliee snickered

"STOP IT NOW!" he exclaimed

"Malo, loco pollo!" I yelled

"STOP IT OR...I'll tell that...elf guy!" Mr. Schlager warned

"Law, lasto al lalaith nin!" Sarah laughed

Haldir slammed open the door.

"NO DINEN!" He hollered

"Oohh did you have to ruin out fun?" I asked annoyed

"Yes, and what did I tell you?"

"To shut up or I'm in trouble." I said quietly

"Off to Elrond's office." Haldir said

"Can we discuss this civilly?" I asked

"NOW!" Haldir said and pointed to the door

"But I-

He death glared me.

"Okay, I'm going." I said and sadly waked past Haldir who was standing by the door

I put on my saddest face that got me almost anything. "Please don't send me to Elrond's."

"Get moving..."

"Pleassssssse?"

"GO! NOW RACHEL!"

"You called me Rachel...WAAAAAHHHHH! YOU HATE ME!" I ran off crying in the direction of Elrond's office

"_That will teach her to goof off." _Haldir though

When I was out of site I stopped the fake crying.

"_That will teach him to call me Rachel." _I thought

I decided I would go to Elrond's office even though I could have gone to Haldir's class and sat in there until he came back. Then I could have made a dramatic, pleading apology in front of his class. (Ya know the whole 'begging on your knees' sappy stuff) He couldn't be soooo mean and still make me go to the office.

Hey, it worked on Aragorn.


	13. The Wedgie

The Day School Got Twisted Chapter 13

(Elrond's office)

"This is the 25th time you have been to my office this month!" Elrond hollered at me as I sat in the chair across from him looking bored

"So?" I replied

"ITS OCTOBER FIRST!" He exclaimed "What did you do this time?"

"Nothing. Haldir made me come 'cause the rest of the class was being stupid." I replied

"I'm sure you had some part in it!"

"Well, duh. I couldn't miss out on that." I said

"You and your little group better start acting proper or else."

"Or else what? Mr. Shiny head band?"

"I'll get angry," Elrond slammed his hands on his desk, "and you don't want me to get angry."

"Oh...okay."

"Good. That's what I thought. I _will_ have order 'Miss THE Cheese Turkey', that's a crazy name! You calls you that anyway?" Elrond asked

"Legolas started it." I replied and got up, "Oh, can I ask one little favor from you?"

"What?"

"Can we have a Halloween party?"

"You actually expect me to let you have a social event after the way you behave?"

"Um...Yeah? Come on Lord Elrond! PLEASE? I'll be good. I promise."

"All right...BUT! I don't want to see you back in this office or the whole thing is off. I'll have someone help you organize it. One of the teachers, not your crazy friends, I will let you know who when I decide." Elrond informed

"YAY! You rock Elrond!" I exclaimed and left

I was heading back to class when I saw six people waiting in the office. New students.

"Hi!" I said and walked over to them. "I see you're new here."

"Yeah, What going on here? Why do the teachers look like people from the Lord of the Rings?" A boy with pale skin and blue eyes asked

"They _are_ the people from Lord of the Rings." I informed

One of the girls squealed, "So you mean Legolas, Aka the hottie of Middle Earth, is here?"

"Um...yeah. I'm Rachel my the way." I said, "I like to be called The Cheese Turkey though."

"Oooookay...I'm Mike." the boy said

"I'm Melanie and this is my friend Sliv." Melanie said

"I'm Dani!" said the girl that squealed

"HI! I'm Karvian!" she said and waved

"My name is Cloe." the other girl said and looked at me oddly

"Thing can get... a little weird around here sometimes, so be on your guard." I informed

"Weird? How so?" Sliv asked

"Well, sometimes the teachers tend to be a little crazy, but nothing to worry about. They go a little spazy once in a wile." I informed

"Thanks for the warning...but when will I get to see Legolas and where do I get one of those cool cloaks?" Dani asked pointing to my cloak

"Legolas teaches Elvish, we already had that today but you might get lucky and see him in the hall. If not, I'm sure my friend Casey can tell you where he is. As for the cloak, it was Legolas who gave it to me." I said

Melanie's eyes got big. "Do you think he will give me one?"

"I wouldn't count on it." I replied and hugged my cloak protectively

"Oh, okay." She said sadly

"I have to go now, but come find me at lunch later, okay?"

"Sure." they replied as I walked off

()()()

(Science class)

I took my seat next to Casey and waited for Gimli, the science teacher, to come in.

"So what happened after I left Elvish?" I asked Casey

She didn't respond.

"Casey? Middle Earth to Casey!" I said

"LOOK! ITS LEGOLAS!" I shouted

"WHERE! WHERE IS ELFY?!" Casey exclaimed

"Well, that made you respond." I said

"No Legolas?"

"NO." I said

"Your evil." she replied

"Yes I know. Now, what happened after I left Elvish?"

"Oh, Haldir yelled at us. A lot. Then (happy sigh) Legolas came back. He claimed he was at the store. (happy sigh) He looked Soooo hot!" Casey informed

"You are such a rabid fan girl."

"And proud of it! I mean how can you not just love him?" she rambled on about Legolas and how hot he was

"Casey! SHUT UP!" I yelled and hit her on the head with my textbook

"Okay fine! I won't tell you about Legolas."

"How will I live!?" I asked sarcastically

Casey continued to ramble to the girl next to her about Legolas.

Gimli came in shortly after that.

"Casey! That's enough talking!" He said

"I was talking about something important!"

"And what was so important?" Gimli asked annoyed

"Legolas." She said with a huge smile

"THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT!"

"Legolas is VERY important!" Casey argued

"That's enough! Why don't girls talk about me?"

" 'Cause they love Legolas." I said over hearing the question

"I didn't need an answer. Now, Open your books to page 17 and start copying the vocab words." Gimli informed

"Legolas is hot." Casey whispered

"I HEARD THAT CASEY!" Gimli hollered

"You were suppose to." Casey replied with a smile

"ENOUGH ABOUT THE ELF!" Gimli thundered loudly

We copied the words in silence for a wile before Andboriel started humming. Ninquie joined in. So did Alice and soon the whole class was humming.

Gimli looked up from his writing but said nothing.

We hummed louder.

"Okay, that's enough." Gimli said and continued writing

We stopped.

"What are you writing?" Casey asked

"None of your business." Gimli replied

Suddenly the door opened and in came…Legolas.

Gimli looked blankly at the smiling elf.

Casey almost passed out but not before yelling: "HI ELFY! I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU!"

"Hi, Casey." He replied and waved to her

"OH MY GOD, HE WAVED TO ME!" Casey screamed

"What do you want…Elf?" Gimli asked

"I was wondering if I could borrow some folders…Dwarf." Legolas said

"I suppose." Gimli replied and hopped down from his desk

He was sitting on phone books. Gimli walked over to the closet.

Legolas looked at the paper Gimli was writing and laughed.

He picked it up and read it. Smiling the whole time.

Gimli growled loudly and turned around. Legolas quickly put the paper down. "I'll have to go check the supply closet. I'm out if folders too. I will be back in a while. Watch my class and make sure they don't order 10,000 pizzas…again." he said and left the classroom.

Legolas picked up the paper again and turned to face the class.

"It appears Gimli was writing a love note." Legolas laughed

"READ IT!" I hollered

"Okay, since you seem so enthusiastic about it...

'Dear Galadriel, My sweet, lovely flower blossom of everlasting light,

I don't know why you are still with that elf instead of me. Don't you see, I love you so much? You are a vision of loveliness and beauty. I wish you would accept my (laughs) marriage proposal. I have asked you many times, but for some reason, you never reply. (Laughing so hard he can barley read it) Don't you see! You turn me on my sweet Galadriel! With out you, I would die! Oh how I need you, sweet Galadriel! Please reconsider,

Love, love, love and more love

Gimli'

Legolas seemed about to explode, he was laughing so hard.

We didn't here Gimli enter.

**WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?**" He shouted so loud that the window shook, one even shattered.

Gimli ran over to Legolas and tried to snatch the letter but he was to short to reach it.

Legolas was still laughing and Gimli jumping around made it worse.

"GIVE IT BACK ELF!" Gimli demanded

Legolas held it just out of his reach and waved it around, just to be annoying.

"GIVE IT TO ME **NOW!**" Gimli yelled and jumped around tying to get it

The class was laughing and pointing.

"STOP LAUGHING! ITS NOT FUNNY!" He yelled

"Yes it is!" Legolas replied

"STUPID ELF! I WANT MY LETTER, NOW!"

"...AHAHHAHAHA..."

"AHHHHHH! GIVE!" Gimli yelled and kicked Legolas

"Ow! Just for that I'm keeping it!" Legolas replied

"NO YOU'RE NOT!"

YES I AM!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"**NO!**"

"**YES!**"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Gimli jumped up on the desk and pulled Legolas' hair

"OWWWWW! LET GO!"

"LET GO OF MY LETTER!"

"NEVER!"

"Is it just me or are they being just stupid now?" I asked Alice

"Yes really. They are acting like four year olds." she replied

The class had stopped laughing and watched Legolas and Gimli attack each other.

"LETTER! OR I'LL RIP ALL YOUR HAIR OUT, ELF!" Gimli screamed and pulled harder

"OWWWWW! STUPID DWARF!"

"STUPID ELF!"

They continued fighting until Gimli got a hold of one side of the letter and pulled on it. Legolas pulled on the other side and guess what? The letter ripped in two and both of them went flying backwards.

Legolas blinked several times before he grinned evilly at Gimli. Then Legolas shredded that half of the letter.

"NOOOO!" Gimli hollered and scrambled after the pieces

He realized the pieces were to small to put back together. Gimli sat in silence for a moment. Then he growled loudly and looked at Legolas who was sitting on the floor grinning.

_"And they were suppose to be the teachers?!" _I thought

Gimli said nothing and backed up slowly to his desk not taking his eyes off Legolas. He grabbed his axe and came back around the desk.

"You will pay elf," he said, "Let's see how you like it when I cut off all your pretty hair!"

"Okay Gimli, I'm sorry." Legolas replied and smiled

"TOO LATE FOR THAT! AHHHHHH!" Gimli hollered

Legolas quickly scrambled out of the classroom with Gimli chasing him.

We ran to the door to see what would happen.

Legolas ran past Elrond. When Gimli ran past, Elrond tripped him.

Gimli fell to the floor with a thud. He was mumbling and growling, something along the lines of 'stupid elves'.

To make Gimli even madder, Legolas gave him a major wedgie. As in underwear over his _eyes_.

Gimli ran around blindly with the two elves screaming with laughter. (Very unlike both of them)

Back in the classroom we just looked at each other. We weren't sure if we should be amused or horrified. We decided on amused.

By the time Gimli got his underwear off his head, the elves were long gone.

Gimli came back to the classroom in a rage. We scrambled back to our seats and pretended to be reading.

He stormed back in the room.

"If anyone says anything about wedgies, Legolas or love notes, they will have me to deal with!" Gimli informed and waved his axe at the class

We nodded.

"GOOD! NOW READ THE NEXT CHAPTER IN THE BOOK!" Gimli screamed and slammed himself down at his desk

Legolas would not get away with that. He may be the prince of Mirkwood, but Gimli didn't care. He was sick of putting up with elves.

There was no question about it. Gimli would get revenge.


	14. The Entrance of the Great Noruas

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 14

()()()()

(History class. We are waiting for Gandalf to enter.)

Casey was blabbing about Legolas as always, and I was pretending to listen. Jackie and Noliee were passing notes about their next annoying scheme.

Gandalf soon entered, he was frowning.

"Welcome class." he said in a bored tone

"HI GANDY!" Casey screamed

"Hello Casey...Today we will be watching a movie to sum up learning about the second age." He said and turned on the TV.

The movie started to the Teletubbies theme song.

Gandalf quickly turned off the TV.

"So, that's how the second age was! Ruled by little red green purple and yellow people!" Ancalima said

"NO! That was not the movie!" Gandalf hollered

"Are you sure?" asked Katie "How do you know?"

"I lived in that time and there were no Teletubbies things!" Gandalf replied

"WOW! you are _REALLY_ old!" Jackie exclaimed

"Did you know the yellow teletubbie?" Andboriel asked

"What? NO! I told you! NO TELETUBBIES IN MIDDLE EARTH AND THERE NEVER WILL BE!" Gandalf yelled

"Well, why not?" I asked

"There are Elves, Wizards, Humans, and...

He named every race in Middle Earth.

…NO TELETUBBIES!"

"Yes, we know, but _why_?" Sarah asked

"I do not know." Gandalf replied

"Legolas is cute." Dani said, totally out if it

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Casey asked loudly causing her to get "the look" from Gandalf

"I said, Legolas is cute." Dani replied

"You...**LEGOLAS IS MINE!**" Casey screamed so loud that the windows shook.

"Oh, no here we go again." Noliee said and shook her head

"No. Legolas is not yours!" Dani replied angered

"YES HE IS! HE LOVES ME!" Casey hollered

"NO! HE DOESN'T!" Dani hissed

Casey narrowed her eyes and said nothing.

"Yeah, that's what I thought!" Dani sneered

Casey hissed viciously, "Do not mess with me and MY elf."

"Come on! I'm sure Legolas...

"**GIRLS!**" Gandalf thundered

They both shut up.

"The correct movie has been found and we will now watch it! There will be no more interruptions!" Gandalf yelled

The two nodded but glared daggers at each other.

The movie was long, stupid, boring and did I mention long?

During this movie of doom, Karvian and Alice hooked pencils over there book covers, and shot them at Gandalf.

Casey was plotting the doom of Dani, I was spaced out, Jackie was too, Cloe was in the back of the classroom scheming, Mike was talking to Melanie and everyone else was bored out of their minds.

Casey poked me.

"If it has to do with Legolas, I don't care." I replied

"It doesn't. Look." she hissed and held up a paper.

There was a picture of poorly drawn stick figures. The one labeled Casey was kissing the one labeled Legolas and the one labeled Dani was exploding.

"For one thing, that _does_ have something to do with Legolas, for another, that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever wasted my vision on." I said annoyed

"That's my plan for getting rid of rivals." Casey said with a smile

"I...I'm not even going to address that!" I said and looked away

The movie droned on.

"Hey Jackie! Are you alive?" Noliee asked and poked Jackie

"Huh? What Noliee?" she replied

"I've got it!"

"What?"

"The next scheme, we can...

She whispered the plan in Jackie's ear.

"EEEHEHEHE! That's good. That was betted than drawling the picture of Santa on the board and letting Sam in on it."

"That was fun. We need to try that again soon." Noliee said

"WHO IS DOING THAT!?" Gandalf and pulled a pencil out of his hat

The movie was finally over! That saved Karvian and Alice from getting in trouble.

"Now, I expect to see the notes that you took on the wonderful movie!" Gandalf said and plucked a pencil from his sleeve.

All of us gasped. No one had taken any notes.

Luckily Noliee found a way to distract him. Leave it to her to have back up pranks up her evil little sleeves!

She got up from her desk and started clapping loudly and shouting 'Hazza!' like 50 times.

She ran up to the front of the classroom and stood next to Gandalf.

"HEY EVERYONE!" She screamed and smiled, "I'm happy! And do you know why I am happy?!"

She put her arm around Gandalf and giggled.

"I'm happy because today iiiissss…GANDALF'S BIRTHDAY! YAY!" Noliee screeched and clapped more

Everyone else cheered too.

"What is this madness!? Today is not my birthday! I don't even remember when my birthday is!" Gandalf exclaimed

"Oh don't be silly Gandy!" Noliee said overly happy, "Don't try to deny it!"

"Its not my birthday! Now sit down!" Gandalf commanded

"Oh come on Gandalf! Stop being such a old fart!" I said laughing

"Yes! Come have some of you cake while Jackie puts the music on!" Hanna said and took a Walmart cake out of her desk that she had put there just for the off occasion that Gandalf would show a boring movie and all of us didn't take notes.

Gandalf was pulled over to Hanna's desk where he was forcefully pushed down into a chair and a fork with cake on it was shoved in his mouth.

Jackie took a remote from her pocket and pressed a button. A disco ball came out of the ceiling and loud 70's music started playing.

Noliee passed out party hats and noisemakers and lit the candles on the cake.

"OOOOH HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ALL OF US TO YOU WE'RE HAPPY IT'S YOUR BITHDAY SO WE CAN PARTY TOO!" Everybody screamed/sang

"What is this new madness!?" Gandalf exclaimed as a red party hat was shoved on his head

"OOOOH HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ALL OF US TO YOU WE'RE HAPPY IT'S YOUR BITHDAY SO WE CAN PARTY TOO! BLOW OUT THE CANDLES! MAKE AAAAA WISH!"

"MADNESS!" Gandalf shrieked and blew out the candles

"Technically, 'MADNESS' is not a wish." Jackie said, "MAKE A REAL WISH, MAKE A REAL WISH, MAKE A REAL WISH!"

"Fine! I wish the madness in this class room would stop!" Gandalf yelled

Everyone cheered and clapped.

"PRESENTS!" Hanna announced and took a shiny blue pencil out of her pocket

Jackie opened her backpack and was about to give him the magical talking cactus, but at the last second she decided against it and put it back in her backpack.

Later she claimed that cactus told her that it didn't want to go with the evil ugly old man that liked the word 'madness' too much.

Suddenly the bell rang. The music stopped, the disco ball went back up into the ceiling Hanna threw the rest of the cake out the window and Noliee stopped smiling. Everyone left the classroom silently and quickly.

Gandalf's left eyebrow twitched and he looked down the hall to see if anyone had noticed. Aragorn was leaning against the doorframe eating a bag of chips.

"So…what was all that?" he asked and motioned to the classroom that was covered with confetti and streamers

"…Apparently, it is my birthday…" Gandalf said

"Madness?" asked Aragorn

"Madness!" Gandalf replied and disappeared back into the classroom

()()()

We were suppose to have poetry reading with Tom Bombadil next, but nothing ever goes right here at school.

I sat down. I didn't really like this class much. Tom Bombadil was weird. More weird than normal, that is. More weird than normal? I amuse myself.

Once the rest of the class had entered, and we had been in the classroom with no teacher for a wile, we began to wonder if something was wrong.

About 15 minuets later, the door opened a crack then shut with a loud slam. No on had entered the room, or so we thought.

Suddenly a large pink cat jumped up on the teacher's desk. The cat was frowning evilly.

"Um, pink?" I asked

"**SILENCE!" **the cat commanded loudly

"I am not a cat!" the cat said

"No offense or anything, but you are a cat." Sliv informed

The cat melted Sliv's chair. With it's eyes!

"I AM NO CAT! " the pink cat repeated

"Riiiiiiigggghhhhhtt. So who are you?" Karvian asked

"I am Mr. Noruas, I will be teaching this class form now on! Your previous teacher can no longer teach you for unknown reasons." Mr. Noruas said an evil glint appearing in his eyes, "You will learn what I have to teach you. If you do not, expect to die."

"Cool! I'm THE Cheese Turkey! Nice to meet ya!" I said

"SHUT UP! Now, I will be teaching you how to be **evil** and overthrow governments and strong holds. Who in here thinks that they are evil?"

Casey was the only one who dared to raise her hand.

"WHY? Is it that you think you are evil?" Mr. Noruas asked, "What have you done?"

"I'm the queen of annoying." Casey said happily

"MUAWAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE NOT EVIL! Have you taken over anything?...no... Do you have a tower?...no...Does evil control your every thought?...no!...Have you burnt down anything!?...NO!...YOU ARE NOT EVIL! You are not even close to being evil! You are not one ounce evil! None of you _**slobs**_are!" Mr. Noruas said

"Well excuse me, 'Mr. I am the face of evil!' " Casey hissed

"DO NOT SASS ME SLOB!"

Silence.

"Does Elrond know you are here?" Alice asked

"I will not answer your question, slob!"

"How do you know what Casey thinks?" I asked

"I choose to answer your question, slob!...I can see it in her eyes! All she thinks about is an elf! Elves are not evil!"

"Okay. So, now what? Are we suppose to fear THE Pink cat of Doom?" Cloe asked flatly from the back of the class room

"You will fear me or you will die!" Mr. Noruas said

"Well I don't, so kill me." she replied

"That was bold, slob. You may have potential!" Mr. Noruas hissed

"Whatever." Cloe said flatly

"Perfect answer! Look at her slobs! That scowl, the black clothes, the black face paint (make up), the black fingernails, the black hair, the black eyes, and the black mini Palantir about her neck! Now, _she_ is an example of evil! What is your name?"

"Cloe." she replied

"Add dark Lordess and you will be the perfect example of evil!"

"Cool…" she said still bored as ever.

"As for the rest of you slobs, you can take lessons from Dark Lordess Cloe!" Mr. Noruas said

"So, why are you here, wasting my time?" Dark Lordess Cloe asked

"I'm here to teach those not evil slobs how to learn our ways!" He replied

"Sure...whatever." she said and shot a spit ball at Mr. Noruas

"NOW! WE WILL BEGIN! I want you (points to Karvian) to shut the curtains and turn off the lights, pathetic slob. You! (points to Alice) Go get candles, slob! You! (points to Hanna) You will get something to light the candles, you slob. You there slob, (points to Dani) Get me that book over there! SLOB 2, get me oranges!"  
(points to Noliee) Mr. Noruas instructed

When he had all the stuff we were instructed to move our desks in a circle. The room was dark and silent. Mr. Noruas scurried to the center of the circle after telling me to bring his book over.

"I will now turn these simple slob oranges onto Nazguls!" he said and chanted in some weird language

"RIIIIIIGGGHHHTT!" All of us said

"Do not interrupt the magic ritual of the great Oohbagoomoota!"

"Uh, can you spell that out for me?" Jackie asked

"SHUT UP!" Noruas hissed

Suddenly; the oranges rose and floated around the room. Then they dive bombed Mr. Noruas. "SLOB ORANGES! DIE! DIE!" he shouted and melted them

When a teacher melts oranges with their eyes, you know that school has gotten TWISTED!

()()()()()

YAY! Don't you all love Noruas? I know I do! (Ahem) sorry, I had soda and a snickers bar…that makes me a little loopy sometimes…


	15. Simply Casey, what more can you say?

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 15

(Lunch period. Friday, October 25th...Yes 15, days went by. Don't ask.)

I was sitting with my friends; you know Noliee, Jackie, Casey, Katie and our new fried Karvian, over by the soda machine. They finally got some normal food back at the school and I was just opening my milk carton when Casey made a discovery.

"Wow! This soup has chicken in it!" she screamed

"Can you get anymore stupid, Casey!" Karvian asked

"Why do you think its called 'chicken soup?' " Jackie asked with a roll of her eyes

"I thought chickens made it." Casey said

Suddenly, Prudence, a fat, stupid, uni-brow kid, obsessed with chocolate waddled over to our table.

"Would you like some chocolate Casey? Maybe you would also like to come with me to the dance?" Prudence asked in an annoying squeaky voice

"Are you asking me out?" Casey asked slightly scared

He nodded.

"Sorry, I'm taken." Casey replied

"BY WHO?" All of us asked loudly

We should have known the stupid answer that we were going to get.

"Legolas." she replied with a smile

The four of us growled and shook out heads. Prudence just looked at her, on the verge of tears.

"I know you are lying!" he exclaimed

"Why do you think that?" Casey asked and started looking around the lunch room for Legolas

"Because-

"OH LEGOLAS! THERE YOU ARE!" Casey exclaimed and pulled him over to our table

Karvian rolled her eyes.

"Um, hello Casey." Legolas said, "Remember that little talk we had about personal space?"

"Hi, Elfy! Please tell this person, that I don't even know, that we are going out." Casey said

"Yes, we are _dying_ to know _all _about it." Karvian said her voice dripping with sarcasm

"I…um... -

"Say it or I'll kiss you." Casey hissed quietly to him

(sigh) "sure." Legolas said so quietly we could barely hear him

"SEE! I TOLD YOU!" Casey said overly happy for her own good

(sad sigh) "Well, what about you Rachel?"

"For one thing I'm The Cheese Turkey and for another sorry no!" I said quickly

"Can I go now?" Legolas asked

"No! You're not going anywhere!" Casey said and hugged him tightly

(annoyed sigh) "Stupid fan girl." Legolas mumbled

"I'll take her. Ya know if she annoys you?" Prudence said

Legolas smiled, "Go right ahead."

"NO! Legolas, please!" Casey pleaded and clung to him

"Okay then Casey, it a date." Prudence said and walked off

"I. can't. Believe. You did that Elfy." Casey said truly afraid

She let go of Legolas and put her head down on the table. Me, Noliee, Jackie, Katie and Karvian were screaming with laughter.

"EEEHEHEHE! Casey has to go out with PRUDENCE!" Jackie teased

"Shut up." Casey mumbled

"I suppose you hate me now." Legolas said hopefully

Casey lifted her head from the table, "I could never hate you, Elfy."

" Even if I fed you to an Orc?" Legolas asked

"Even then, 'cause I know you did it because you love me." Casey replied

"Get a clue, Casey!" Karvian said "He doesn't love you!"

"Well, that proves you know nothing!" Casey said "Do you love me Legolas?"

"NO!"

"See! He does!" Casey yelled

"No comment." Karvian replied

Legolas walked away quickly with Casey starring at him the whole time.

"You scare me." Katie said to Casey

Casey continued eating her chicken soup. Soon Galadriel approached our table.

"Hello." she said

"HI!" was our reply

"I was wondering if it was you who asked about the social event?" Galadriel asked me

"Yeppers! Did you need to know something?" I replied

"Yes, Did Elrond appoint a teacher to help you yet?"

"No, did you have someone in mind?"

"I-

(spits chicken soup all over Galadriel) "I KNOW! I KNOW!" Casey exclaimed

Galadriel started to turn green, "LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" she exclaimed

"SorryIdidn'tmeantoI'mjustexcited!" Casey said quickly

Galadriel looked at her, then quickly looked away and put a hand to her head.

"Um, Galadriel? Are you okay?" Katie asked

"I read her mind. (gasps) She has disturbing thoughts!" Galadriel shuddered

"Tell me about it." Noliee and Karvian sighed

"Oh! Inform!" Jackie said eager to use the info against Casey later

"I can't. Its too...disturbing." she replied

"Oh come on! It can't be that bad! Its Casey!" I said

Galadriel whispered it to me.

"Ah! CASEY!" I exclaimed "Is it true?"

She smiled evilly and nodded, "Yep, why wouldn't it be?"

"WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!" My friends asked

"Sorry, can't tell you. I have to keep things PG. Telling you would certainly put the rating up." I informed

"Whatever. Now I don't want to know." Karvian mumbled

"Likewise." the other replied

"So anyway, what were you saying, Galadriel?"

She was shaking her head and trying to wipe the chicken soup off of her.

"Yes, I...CASEY STOP THINKING THAT! PLEASE!" Galadriel yelled

Casey smiled evilly, "I can think whatever I want! You stay out of my thoughts, evil green lady!"

"I can't! You think so loud!" she replied

(thinks a whole chain of evil thoughts) "Make me!"

"AHHHH!" (Runs off yelling things about Casey, Legolas and cheese)

"CASEY! She had something important to say!" Jackie yelled

(not listing) "I like that thought." she said

"Yeah I bet you do, evil rabid Legolas fan girl." I said and shook my head

"Look! There's Elrond! Let's go annoy him!" Jackie said to Noliee

Jackie and Noliee got up, leaving me, Casey, Katie and Karvian at the table.

Then, Prudence came back.

"Hey Casey!" He said in that annoying squeaky voice

No response.

"Come sit with me." he said

"No. I love Legolas." she said

"Come on my love!" He said

"EEEHEHEHE!" I cackled

Prudence put his arm around Casey and tried to get her to come with him.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." Casey hissed

"Come on Casey! You know you love me!" Prudence said and tried to kiss her

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HATE YOU! LEGOLAS SAVE ME!" She shrieked and ran off quickly

The rest of us starred at Prudence.

"You can leave now." Katie hissed

Prudence sat down, "What does Casey like? I want to get her something special."

"Since you must stay, I suppose I will tell you. If you promise to go away after." I said

He nodded.

"All right. She likes Legolas, Legolas and only Legolas. Did I mention Legolas? 'Cause she likes Legolas. Oh and the other thing she likes: Legolas or a form of Legolas. She will also accept imitation Legolas if the real Legolas cannot be found. " I informed, "Legolas!"

"Who _is_ that anyway?" he asked

(sigh) "Some people are so STUPID!" Karvian yelled and slammed her head on the table and managed to get some of her lunch in her hair.

"That guy who Casey said she was going out with earlier." Katie replied annoyed

"Oh. Him. Why on earth does she like him! I don't. He annoys me and he is stupid and ugly and-

...- " I would shut up if I were you." I warned

My friends nodded.

Karvian poked Prudence with a Spork, "Don't EVER diss Legolas." she hissed, "We may not be rabid fangirl but Never EVER speak badly about him when we are around

"Okay! I'm sorry! Back to Casey!" Prudence said and pit his hands up

"Fine. What about her?" I asked

"Does she like anything else besides him?"

I thought for a moment, "No."

"Well! I can't get him for her, can I?"

"I don't know." I replied, "I suppose."

"Thanks! Have some chocolate!" Prudence said and dropped his moldy chocolate bar on the table, "Do you know how to catch an elf?"

"Do I look like an elf chaser?" I asked annoyed

"Yes you do actually. You have that creepy look in your eyes. That one that means you could snap at any time." he replied

"You mean the rabid fan girl in denial look?" Karvian asked with a snicker

"Yeah! That!" Prudence said

I blinked in anger and narrowed my eyes, "I am not a rabid fan girl." I hissed evilly

"Go away Prudence." I said

"You didn't give me any elf catching tips." he protested

"GET AWAY NOW!" I exploded

"That's what I'm talking about! You snapped!" He said

"I AM NOT AN ELF CHASER! GET AWAY FORM ME YOU ANNOYING FREAK!" I screamed and threw the chocolate at him

Prudence quickly walked away.

"HI LORD ELROND!" Jackie and Noliee shouted

"Hello girls. How are you today?" He asked slowly

"Good and you?" Noliee said politely

"Okay, why did you do?" he asked, "Did you burn part of the school down? Or shave Gimli's beard or clog the toilets? Or order Pizzas? Or-

"We did Nothing. Can't we come see over favorite principle at lunch time?" Jackie asked

"No. You did do something...What?" Elrond asked

'HI!" they replied

Jackie discreetly pulled a tub of vile looking stuff from her back pocket

"So, Lord Elrond, did you decide who would be helping Rachel with the party?" Noliee asked

"Oh yes, Frodo, Aragorn, Legolas and Gandalf." Elrond replied

"Okay, cool." Jackie said and opened the tube

"We have a gift for you." Noliee informed

"YEAH! FOR YOU!" Jackie hollered and smeared the green smelly paste in Elrond's hair, before she and Noliee ran off

"AH! WHAT IS IT?" Elrond hollered and tried to get it out

"PICKLED FISH PASTE!" Jackie screamed back

"The madness I put up with." Elrond mumbled

(flash forward to Saturday)

"MOM! I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL!" I yelled as I went out the door.

"Rachel it's Saturday!" she replied

I stopped and turned around, "I know, but I have to go with my teachers to the party store to get stuff for the Halloween party." I said

"You mean the Lord of the Rings people?" she said sarcastically

"Yep!" I replied

"What do your friends think of this?" she asked

"Oh! They like it too! Casey loves Legolas!" I informed and bounced out the door

My mom shook her head and considered sending me to counseling. When she suggested this before, and I said the only council I needed, was the one hosted by Elrond.

When I got to the school, Jackie, Noliee, Casey, Frodo Legolas, Aragorn and Gandalf were waiting for me.

Casey was wearing a tee shirt that said 'I belong to Legolas'.

I ignored this.

"HI! Ready to go?" I asked

They nodded.

"How are we going to get there?" Jackie asked

"Let's take the bus!" Casey exclaimed

"Oh no! Remember last time?" Noliee asked and shuddered

Casey has a strange obsession with the city buses. Actually, she has a strange obsession with a lot of things.

"It's way faster than walking." Jackie stated

"Okay, but your asking for it." Noliee said

We walked down to the bus stop and waited. Casey swung on the bus stop sign and sang some stupid song.

"What happened last time with Casey and this bus?" Aragorn asked

"She freaked out because she thought the bus driver was mistreating the bus. Casey attacked the bus driver, then she kissed the bus." Noliee informed

"Okay. I'm sorry I asked." Aragorn said

When the bus finally came, Casey stopped swinging and singing and kneeled in front of the bus. "Oh mighty bus god! Please let me enter!" she said

Everyone on the bus stared.

"Get up Casey!" Gandalf said and hit her on the head with his staff

She obeyed and got on the bus. She made the money 'offering' of 75 cents and sat down.

Of course Case wanted Legolas sit beside her. To avoid a scene, he did so.

"ELFY!" she shrieked and hugged him

Legolas was so tired of it, that he let her hug him.

I sat down next to Frodo, who was across for them.

"Casey! You're cheating on Prudence!" I said and laughed

She scowled and hugged Legolas tighter. I swear I head bones crunch.

Noliee was sitting next to Gandalf and Jackie was sitting next to Aragorn.

"I've never ridden on a bus before." Frodo said, "The others have though."

"They have buses in Middle Earth?" I asked

"No, since we came here I mean. They had to decorate their apartments." Frodo informed

"Wha..."

"We are staying in an apartment building across town." Frodo informed

"Oh! Okay, now I get it. I was wondering about that..."

Next to us, Casey was still hugging Legolas and he was turning blue.

"CASEY STOP! You're going to kill him!" Noliee exclaimed

"Oops." she replied and stopped hugging

Legolas gasped for air.

"Stupid Casey!" Jackie hollered and pulled her hair from behind the seat, "You almost killed him!"

"It's dangerous for Legolas to be around her." Aragorn said

"Yes, but it's even more dangerous for him not to be around her." I replied

"Yeah, Casey would probably blow up the earth if anything happened to him." Noliee stated

"Did you know Casey has a shrine for you in her closet?" Jackie asked Legolas

"Why?" he asked and inched away from the smiling Casey

"Simple. She's obsessed with you." Noliee said

"What?"

"Poor you. Casey is pure crazy. You don't even want to know about the stuffed animal sacrifices." I said

Casey snuggled against him.

Suddenly she let go and started laughing like a crazed hyena.

"What?" I asked

"I just pictured Elfy with Hillbilly teeth! Casey exclaimed

"Casey, you have issues." Noliee said

"No I don't. I don't get magazines." Casey said confused

"HAHAHAHAH! THAT IS FUNNY!" I replied

"ALL THE LOTR PEOPLE WITH HILLBILLY TEETH!" Casey exploded

"AND SQUARE DANCING!" I added

Other People on the bus: 0.0! 0.0! 0.0!

"What _are_ you talking about?" Legolas asked

We looked up at him and started laughing again.

"Believe me Leggy, you don't want to know." Jackie said and shook her head

"Is it that stupid and pointless?" Aragorn asked

"Yep." Noliee replied

"DO YOU MIND!" Gandalf thundered

Apparently he was sleeping.

The image of hillbilly Gandy floated into our minds and made us laugh harder.

Casey poke Legolas and screamed/laughed.

"I don't get it." Frodo said

I poked Frodo and laughed.

"Ow!" he replied and rubbed his arm

Casey poked Legolas.

Legolas grabbed Casey's hand, "Stop. Poking. Me."

Casey smiled and poked him with her other hand.

"Stop! Ow! Hey!" Frodo exclaimed as I poked him with both hands

Legolas grabbed Casey's other hand and frowned at her.

Casey attempted to play patty cake with him.

"I liked your hugging better."

"REALLY! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" Casey exclaimed and hugged him tightly.

"That's not what I was talking about." Legolas said annoyed

"Oh, well in that case.."

Casey poked him.

"STOP POKING ME!" Legolas hollered.

"Ooooooo! You made Legolas mad!" I teased and poked Gandalf who was in front of me

"YAY! I actually mad Elfy mad! My life is complete!"

"Your goal in life was to annoy me?" Legolas asked calmly

"Yep, uh-huh, yeah!" Casey replied

"Well guess what Casey?" Legolas said

Casey shrugged and stared at him stupidly.

"**IT WORKED!"** Legolas yelled loudly

"Um, no?" Casey asked and scooted away from him

Legolas narrowed his eyes at her, "Yes."

"No!" Casey replied

"**YES! YOU STUPID ANNOYING FAN GIRL OF DOOM!"**

"eeep...MEAN ELFY!" Casey yelled and cried pathetically.

I stopped poking Frodo and Gandalf.

"Evil. You made Casey cry!" I stated

Jackie and Noliee sighed loudly.

Casey continued to cry.

"I'm sorry Casey." Legolas said and put his arm around her

Casey looked up and blinked.

"Will you forgive me?" Legolas asked

She tilted her head to one side and sniffed loudly.

"What does 'sniff' mean?" Legolas asked

"Casey?"

She sniffed.

"Casey?"

She sniffed so loudly that she inhaled a random bug. She sneezed and the bug flew out of her nose.

"Okay, Legolas. I forgive you."

"OH MY GOD! ITS ARMAGEDDON!" Jackie exclaimed, "Casey actually called him Legolas! THIS IS THE FIRST TIME EVER PEOPLE!"

"Please stop touching me Legolas." Casey said

Everyone gasped extremely loudly.

"THE WORLD HAS ENDED AS WE KNOW IT! WHAT IS THE ALIEN PLANET!" Jackie exclaimed and clawed at the bus window

"CASEY IS SPEAKING IN COMPLETE SENTENCES! THERE IS NO HOPE LEFT!" Noliee shrieked

"Please stop shouting. My head hurts." Casey said

Legolas looked at her amazed, "Casey? Are you okay? I hope I didn't upset you that much!"

"I'm fine. I'm not upset Legolas." she replied

"You're not going to poke or hug me or call me Elfy?" he asked

"Now why would I do that? That's silly!" she replied

"Cause you love me?" Legolas asked

"No I don't." Casey replied

"…Amazing. I wanted her to leave me alone and she did. Now I wish she was annoying me." Legolas said

"YOU BROKE HER! YOU BROKE CASEY!" I wailed

"CASEY STOP IT! YOU ARE SCARING ME!" Noliee exclaimed

Jackie was mumbling stuff about the end of the world and rocking back and forth, Gandalf and Frodo were sleeping, and Aragorn was staring wide eyed.

"What's wrong with everyone?" Casey asked

"NO! SHE'S NORMAL!" I cried "LEGOLAS BROKE HER!"

"I'm not broken!" Casey protested

"Casey?"

"Yes Legolas?"

"Please be your normal annoying self again."

"Are _you_ okay?"

Legolas pulled Casey to him and kissed her.

Everyone gasped.

Casey blinked several times. "Oh. My. God...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME! HE KISSED ME!... EEEEEPPPPP! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME! WOW WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! ELFY LOVES ME!"

"YAY! Casey's not broken anymore!" I said and hugged Gandalf

Casey was seriously drooling, "ehhhheheh... wowness... cheese... cat food... cow... cat... spoon...ELFY!"

"I knew I was going to regret that!" Legolas mumbled

"Well, if Casey ever goes normal in us again we know what to do." Noliee said

"If you think I'm ever doing that again, you really are crazy!" Legolas exclaimed

"Well, that's Casey for ya." Jackie said

It was only then that we realized the bus driver had stopped the bus and ever person was starring.

**"Are you quite finished?"** The driver asked greatly annoyed

Casey and Legolas looked at each other and laughed loudly.

"Yeah. Drive on!" I said and poked Frodo

Casey is the weirdest person I know!

IN celebration of my Spring Break you get this chapter too!

Please be sure to review!

Turk-out Homies!


	16. The Party Store

The Day School got TWISTED Chapter 15

When we finally got the party store the bus driver was more than happy to have the 8 of us off the bus.

Casey was clinging to Legolas more than ever and he looked more annoyed than ever.

"Okay cheese gang! Let's go!" I said and skipped into the store

The sales person looked at us oddly.

"Um, Hi? Can I help you?" she asked

"Yeah, we need stuff for a Halloween party." Jackie informed

"Please follow me." she said and led the way through the store.

"Here ya go. Halloween stuff...OKAY! Are you those people from that movie?" she asked

They nodded.

She screamed shrilly, "OH MY GOD! LEGOLAS! I MUST HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!" she exclaimed going into rabid fan girl mode

Legolas sighed loudly. Casey was bad enough, now there was another one!

Of course this ticked Casey off, "Leave elfy alone." she said and glared evilly

"PLEASE! PLEASE!" The fan girl said and dropped to her knees "You can have all the free stuff you want! Anything for Legolas!"

0.0! "ALL the stuff. FREE!" I exclaimed

She nodded.

Having Legolas around was good.

"Legolas!" I said and poked him, "Give the fan girl the autograph! We are talking about free stuff people!"

-.- "Fine." he said and signed the paper she gave him

"Can I get a picture with you?" she asked hopefully

Legolas was about to say no, but Noliee cut him off, "Sure! Sure! Go get your camera!"

Legolas glared at Noliee, who smiled evilly back.

The fan girl ran to get her camera.

"Here!" she said and threw it at me

She put her arm around Legolas, "OKAY! I'm ready she said and smiled

Just as I was about to take the picture, she kissed Legolas at the last second.

"Hmmh!" Casey exclaimed

The fan girl squealed and happily excepted her camera and bounced away.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever. NOW! Let's go get free stuff!"

(cue the upbeat happy, party, disco music.)

Jackie and Noliee ran for the silly string, Halloween masks, fake blood and dry ice.

I went with Aragorn to pick out our costumes, party decorations, and other stuff

Gandalf and Frodo also went to pick out costumes.

Casey and the unwilling Legolas headed for the same stuff as Noliee and Jackie

"COOL! Look at this Jackie!" Noliee called and held up a kit for a bubbling cauldron

"Oooh! Bring that along! Look at all the flying bats!" she said and selected about 15 of them

"HI!" Casey exclaimed and poked Jackie "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like Casey? I plotting world domination for me and my pet spoon." Jackie replied

(gasp) "My friend is evil! She wants to take over the world!" Casey exclaimed

"She was being sarcastic, Casey." Legolas informed, "But…I'm not so sure about them not being evil."

"Oh, okay then," she said and turned to the wall of Halloween masks "AH! PEOPLES HEADS!"

Casey ran and hid behind Legolas.

"Is it just me or is she getting worse?" Legolas asked

"No, she _is_ getting worse but not in the way you think." Noliee sighed

" You the heads are fake Casey. You've see Halloween masks before." Jackie said and sighed

"Yeah, stop using that stupid excuse just so you can get close to Legolas." Noliee hissed

Casey looked around Legolas and smiled evilly.

"That's what I thought!" Jackie exclaimed and went back to looking through the Halloween stuff

()()()()

"Oooh! Shiny party streamers!" I said and dumped 12 packages of them into the basket Aragorn was holding

"What about this?" Aragorn asked and held up a string of pumpkin lights

"Oooh! Yes add those!" I said

Orange and black silly string was the next thing I saw.

I grabbed mass amounts of that and light up skeleton wands.

"And this?" Aragorn asked and held up a shiny bead thing that goes over the door way

"Cool! Yeah that too."

()()()()

"Gandalf?" Frodo asked

"Yes Frodo?" Gandalf replied

"I still don't understand this 'Halloween'."

"Neither do I. I believe it is a holiday where people dress up like evil things and go to others houses and beg for sweets." Gandalf informed

"Beg for sweets? Why?" Frodo asked

"I have no idea. Its quite silly really." Gandalf said "Everything related to those girls is silly."

They passed by one of those motion-activated skeletons and of course it went off.

It stared dancing and hollering.

Frodo jumped back and Gandalf pointed his staff at it.

"Evil creature! Face my wrath!" Gandalf said and made it explode

0.0! "What was that!" Frodo asked afraid

"Some horrible evil! You have to be careful in this word Frodo, **evil** stalks around every corner!" Gandalf explained

Frodo nodded and looked suspiciously at the charred remains of the motion-activated skeleton. Suddenly it stared singing again and Frodo ran off screaming.

We must have been in that store for at least 3 hours.

I noticed everyone had been especially secretive about their costumes.

When we FINALLY decided we had enough stuff, we passed the rabid fangirl/sales person who insisted on one more picture before we left.

The bus ride back was pretty boring except for when Casey opened a tube of silly string and sprayed it in Legolas' ear. Let's just say Casey ended up with silly string in her nose.

The school was officially decked out in Halloween fashion.

Bats hung from the ceiling, pumpkin lights winded down the stairs, spider webs lined the floor of the cafeteria, skeletons stood in the corners, party streamers and silly string were everywhere and the cheese was nailed to the wall. (Just kidding on the last part)

I collapsed in a chair and sighed, "I think we're ready."

"I should hope so!" Gandalf said

"Let the party begin!" Noliee exclaimed


	17. The Halloween Party

The Day School Day TWISTED Chapter 17

I walked into the fully decorated gym in my evil turkey costume. There was some weird Halloween party music playing and a fog machine and flashing light made it hard to see.

I looked around for my friends but couldn't find them anywhere. I approached a person in a clown costume.

'Hi, have you seen a person in a scarecrow costume?" I asked

The person turned around and I found myself face to face with Gandalf!

"AHAHAHAH! GANDALF!" I yelled

Gandalf scowled, "No, I have not seen your friends. Ask the person in the Santa costume."

"Okay" I said laughing

I walked over to the Santa and tapped them on the shoulder.

"HI! Have...ARAGORN! AHAHAHAHH!"

"Who are you?" he asked

"Duh! I'm THE Cheese Turkey!" I said "So, have you seen my friends?"

"No, sorry. Try asking the alien.' Ara-santa said

I skipped over to the alien, "Hello! Have you seen a Mummy or a...OH NO! ELROND!"

I almost fell over laughing.

He looked at me oddly, "No! I have not seen anyone you know, assuming that you are Rachel."

"Yep IT IS I! The infamous Rachel!" I said from the floor

"I'm not your friend's keeper! Ask him!" Elrond said annoyed and pointed to someone over by the punch bowl

I turkey trotted over to them, "Okay, have you seen a mummy, scarecrow, pumpkin o...Gimli is that you?!" I laughed

Sure enough, Gimli was in a Frankenstein costume.

"Rachel? Your a turkey?" Gimli asked amazed at my costume choice

"No, I'm the Balrog in disguise!" I said sarcastically

Gimli just looked at me, "I haven't seen your friends...HEY DRACULA! HAVE YOU SEEN A MUMMY OR A PUMPKIN OR A SCARECROW?! Gimli hollered

'Dracula' came over, "Gimli! Stop shouting! I can hear you just fine!" they said

"Legolas?" I asked

"What?" he replied

"You sound funny."

"You try wearing fake fangs!" Legolas exclaimed

"Riiiiggghhhhttttttt. Have you seen my friends? I still can't find them."

"I think I saw a Mummy over by the cow." Legolas said and pointed

"Yay! Thanks!" I said and flapped over to the cow

()()()

I found Noliee the Mummy talking to the cow.

"Lemme guess! You're Gimli!" she said

"Nope!" the cow replied

"Elrond?"

"No."

"Sam and Frodo?"

"No."

"Oooh! I know! Merry and Pippin!"

"YEAH!"

It was a two-person costume, Merry was the head and Pippin wasn't. (If ya get what I mean)

"HI! I finally found one of you! Have you seen Jackie?" I asked Noliee

"No. Let's go look for them."

Suddenly someone flew past, "PRECIOUS!" Gollum hollered

He was dressed like a ninja.

"Ninja Gollum?" Noliee asked with a raised eyebrow

"Oooh! Look! Galadriel the ghost!" I said and ran over to her

"Shiny elf lady known as Galadriel?" I asked

"Yes?" she replied

"Have you seen a pumpkin?" I asked

"Yes I have. She is with the Nazgul over there."

"Thanks!"

()()()

We found Casey talking to a Nazgul.

"Okay, who are you, person?" she asked

"Guess." they replied

"Weeeeelllll, you can't be a hobbit 'cause you are taller than me, ummm Elrond?" Casey guessed

"No."

"ERRR! I hate guessing! Gandalf?"

"No."

"Aragorn, Boromir, could you…ELFY?"

"No, no and guess what? No."

"ERRRR! HALDIR?"

"Finally."

"I should have known! The sneaky elf that stole my apple!" Casey exclaimed

"HI CASEY!" I said, "What's up?"

"Guess who this is!" she said and pointed to the Nazgul "Oh I'm also hiding from Prudence. I think he is stalking me."

I had heard the entire conversation, "Um, I don't know. The Meow Mix cat?" I said stupidly

"THE MEOW MIX CAT!?" Casey exclaimed and waved her arms around wildly, "NOOOO! NOT THE MEOW MIX CAT! ANYTHING BUT THE MEOW MIX CAT!"

"Um, is she okay?" Haldir asked

"No, she never was okay and never will be."

"What is the Meow Mix cat?" Haldir asked

"EVIL! You don't know of the Meow Mix cat!?" Casey hollered

"No. If I knew, I wouldn't have asked." Haldir replied

I smiled and started singing : "I want Meow Mix! I want Meow Mix! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! I want turkey, I want liver! I want Meow Mix please deliver! I WANT TURKEY I WANT CHICKEN OCEAN FLAVORS KEEP ME LICK'N! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!" I screamed

"STOP IT!" Haldir yelled and put his hands over his ears "That is the song of evil!"

"No. This is the song of evil," Jackie said appearing suddenly

"OOOOOHHHHH! WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA!? SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS! AND YELLOW AND-

Haldir shoved a cookie in her mouth.

"That was worse than the speech of Mordor!" He exclaimed

"Told you." Jackie said with her mouth full

"Please. Never sing that again!"

"So sorry, can't promise that!" Jackie said and ran off

"HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS!" Karvian the pencil sales person shouted

She was dressed in a giant pencil costume and was carrying a box of green pencils. She was glaring at Casey.

Everyone looked to see what all the commotion was about.

It was Frodo. He was standing on a table in full Elvis costume. Sam, who was dressed as a werewolf, put in a CD.

The Elvis music started playing and Frodo started dancing...like Elvis!

Everyone was laughing except for Andboriel, who was dressed up like a Maiar (complete with pointy hat), she shook her head and said: " Amin n'rangwa edanea"

(Which means ' I don't understand these humans')

Suddenly, there was a loud Nazgul-like shriek!

All looked at Haldir.

He shrugged, "I didn't do it."

We heard hoof beats of the scary black horses and soon enough the Nazgul entered the gym.

"Um, hi!?" Casey said

The Nazgul looked at Casey and screeched.

On the wraith's shoulder I saw a bright orange cat that looked vary familiar.

The Nazgul then lifted the cat off its shoulder and screeched once more.

The cat cringed and put its ears back, "Me-ow m-ix!" the cat hissed

Everyone gasped.

"NO EVIL NAZGUL! Give back the meow mix cat!" I yelled

The cat started screaming the meow mix song.

Everyone fell over and acted like it was the teletubbie song. (except for me of course)

Even the Nazgul shrieked and tried to cover its non existent ears.

The cat stopped singing, "Meow Mix?

Jackie took a can of meow mix out of her pocket and tossed it to me. Why Jackie carries around meow mix, we may never know.

"Hey Kitty!" I said, "I have Meow Mix!"

**"MEOW MIX!"** the cat hollered and bit and clawed at the Nazgul

The Nazgul finally let go after its robe was almost completely tattered.

The meow mix cat ran over to me and sang until I gave him the food.

"You know Mr. Nazgul, you would look cool with an orange robe." Noliee said eager to try out her new dye

"You really need a make over." Jackie said and took a can of silly string out of her pocket

If the Nazgul had a face it probably would have raised an eyebrow and gave them the 'What-on-Middle-Earth-are- you-talking-about' look.

He backed up his horse but it was too late, Jackie and Noliee had already died them.

"It was very rude to interrupt our party with that...thing you did." Jackie said

The Nazgul gave a screech of discuss before it coughed violently.

"Okay! Enough with the screeching! WHY did you do that?!" The Nazgul asked coughing

"You can talk!" Casey exclaimed

"Yes, I can...I-

He pause to cough.

"Aw, poor Nazgul!" I said "Do you have a name?"

"I'm…Bob."

"Well Bob you seem nice enough." I said, "Wanna join our party?"

This caused me to receive glares from all the LotR people, especially Gandalf and Elrond.

"Sure." Bob said

However the second he dismounted the horse, Bob vanished in a puff of green smoke.

"HEY!" I shouted and glared evilly at Gandalf who was pointing his staff at the spot where the Nazgul was.

"That was one of the most evil of Sauron's minions ...I thought they were all dead." Gandalf explained

I rolled my eyes, "Bob was nice!" I insisted

"Nothing of Sauron's is 'nice' " Gandalf said

"Whatever...OH! The Meow Mix cat is gone too!" Jackie wined

Gandalf was mumbling to himself, "The Nazgul are dead!"

"Or are they!?" Karvian exclaimed

Somewhere in the back of the room a bright pink cat saw smiling, "I told those slobs it would work. They laughed and mocked me but no more. I will have rule once again!"

"All the Nazgul (are) dead! It ended when the ring was destroyed!" Gandalf insisted as all of us gathered around him

"Well, Gollum and Boromir died too, but they are here." I stated

"Anyway! How can that be oh Mr. wise old dude with the hat!" Casey said

Gandalf didn't answer.

"YOU DON'T KNOW, DO YOU!?" Casey exclaimed

"WHATEVER!" Alice hissed, "Lets just get on with the party and forget anything happened."

We shrugged, "Okay."

Casey looked around, "Where is Elfy?"

I looked also, "I don't know Casey. Where _is _Legolas?"

As if on cue Prudence waddled over pushing a large gift wrapped box.

"For you Casey." He said

Casey's eyes got big and she tore into the package. She pulled off the big ribbon and the box fell open...

Standing inside was a _very_angry looking Legolas. He had a stupid Santa elf hat with an enormous pink bow stuck to the top.

He sighed loudly, "Can I take this _stupid_...thing...off now?"

Prudence smiled, "Ask Casey. You're hers now."

"WHAT!?" Legolas hollered as Casey ran over and hugged him...tightly

"YAY! My very own ELFY!" Casey exclaimed

"Help!" Legolas said

I laughed loudly at the whole thing, "You can't have Legolas!"

Casey frowned, "Why not? He's mine, my own, my precious!"

"Unless you want angry fan girls carrying pink sporks to attack you...

A pink Spork flew past and slammed into the wall behind Casey's head.

"...You _will_ let Legolas go." I said

"But...I love Elfy." Casey whimpered

"Oh well, you can take it out on Prudence for giving you something you can't have." I said

Casey narrowed her eyes and let go of Legolas.

"Prudence," she hissed viciously, "THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! 5 seconds of owing Elfy has made me the happiest girlie alive!" she said happily and hugged Prudence

Prudence looked like he was going to faint and happily hugged Casey back.

"I just do not understand her." Legolas said and threw the santa hat across the room

The hat hit Melanie in the face and she fell over.

"Neither do I...Elfy." I said and snickered loudly

Legolas just glared at me and wished that he hadn't thrown the hat because it would have been good to beat me over the head with. He liked to beat people over the head with things.

A sudden shout of, 'HELLO EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME!' caught everyone attention once more.

Kayla had arrived. She was dressed like a princess... typical.

"Who are you suppose to be?" Karvian asked

"Queen of the orcs?" Andboriel laughed

"NO! I am the queen of Middle of the Earth!" Kayla said

All the LotR fans at that point wanted to attack her with sporks. The people from LotR laughed like crazy Looney birds.

"There is no queen of 'Middle of the Earth'." Gandalf stated

"Sure there is, ME!" Kayla said, "And I rule. So all of you have to listen to me!"

"Um, no...how about not." I said annoyed

"Yes you do! I say that you do and my word is law!" Kayla exclaimed

Wow. Give her crown and star shaped stick and that nonexistent power will go to Kayla's head.

I laughed loudly, "No, you are a 'slob' compared to them."

This caused me to laugh harder. I used Mr. Noruas' word!

"Well! What makes them so special? They look like normal 'slobs' too!" Kayla said

Karvian and I started hyperventilating, "**THEY ARE NOT SLOBS! THEY ARE PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE YOU WILL EVER MEET IN YOUR STUPID LOTR HATING LIFE! YOU ARE A STUPID SLOB OF BARNEY AND ROTTEN CHEESE!" **I screamed

Karvian readied the sporks and shouted random phrases in elvish saying such things as 'hello, oranges are my friends.'

I shrieked and lunged at Kayla. However, Aragorn grabbed me and wouldn't let me attack her.

"She cannot get away with that." Jackie said to Noliee

"No, no Jackie, she can't. Ready the dye." Noliee instructed

Jackie choose the most vile color of pink imaginable.

Legolas was force to take the sporks from Karvian, while I was shouting stuff at Kayla in a weird mix of Spanish and Elvish.

"HEY!" Noliee exclaimed, "I just noticed something Kayla."

"What?" Kayla replied and took a step away from me

"You, don't have pink hair." Noliee stated as Jackie stalked over to her

Kayla realized what was going on, "NO! YOU LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE! I PAID $50 FOR THIS LOOK!" she screamed and ducked at the last possible moment

The dye flew over Kayla's head and hit Elrond who was standing behind her. It hit Elrond right in the face...

All gasped and the room fell into an eerie unstory-like silence!

Elrond calmly wiped his face in a futile attempt to get the dye off. When this made it worse, Elrond sighed loudly.

"So, _this_ is what I get for letting _them_ have a party. Well Elrond, what have you learned today?" Elrond said to himself

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!" Elrond hollered and stormed off to his office

"Well, that was...odd." Katie stated

"Yes, but then again, what isn't?" I asked

"True." she replied

I shrugged and Gandalf thought if would be wise for everyone to get back to the party.

A good idea, maybe we could this time WITHOUT interruption!

Somewhere in the back of the room, a pink cat smiled evilly. His plan was working. Soon they would feel his wrath and fear the name of Noruas! It was already starting and this was only the beginning...Yes my friend, only the beginning of the annoyance of the infamous Noruas.

Elrond could just go sit on a cow! Noruas would have rule!

His plan of slowly driving everyone insane was well under way. His next minion was due to arrive next week.

He laughed again. Just maybe, he would give everyone a special treat for Thanksgiving!

()

TURK-OUT MY HOMIES!


	18. Eggzilla the Great!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 18

November, The 3rd month of school and complete craziness. Little did we know, school was about to get a lot stranger.

It started out as a normal day, we were sitting in band class waiting for Haldir to stop glaring at Casey.

Casey was day dreaming, as usual, and Haldir was about to throw a music sheet at her.

He had tried everything possible to get her to pay attention.

Merenwen, the half- Dwarf, was trying to contain her laughter. She knew exactly how to get Casey to listen. Haldir, like usual, had refused to listen to her. He thought he could handle Casey easily. Haha.

"For the last time Casey! COME BACK TO THE CLASS ROOM FROM WHEREVER YOU ARE!" Haldir exclaimed

Merenwen laughed.

"DO I NEED TO GET GANDALF IN HERE?" Haldir continued, "ARE YOU ALIVE?"

Casey did not respond.

Haldir picked up a random Tuba and blasted it at Casey until he was red in the face and horribly out of breath.

If Casey even heard the noise she made no sign that she did.

Haldir sighed loudly and picked up a clarinet. He blew into it causing a loud, ear-shattering squeak.

Casey simply sighed happily.

Merenwen was gasping for air she was laughing so hard.

Haldir glared at her and grabbed an air horn off the desk. He pointed it Casey and pressed the button.

At the last second, without even looking up, Casey stuck the finger in the air hole.

This caused the air to back up in the container and eventually blew Haldir backwards into the pile of music sheets.

He landed with a thud as the music sheets flew all over the room.

Merenwen, as well as everyone else, was laughing like sick hyenas.

Haldir growled and got up, "DO YOU HAVE A BETTER WAY MERENWEN!" He yelled

"Yes actually I do...Casey? If you look to your left you will see Legolas." Merenwen said calmly

Haldir was glaring at Merenwen, "If a tuba cannot get her to listen, why do you think that will?"

"Just watch." she said

Casey's glazed over expression was instantly lost at those words, "WHERE! WHERE! WHERE IS MY SWEET ELFY!"

"Sorry Casey, you will have to wait until next class to see him." Merenwen said

"AWWWW!" Casey exclaimed disappointed

Haldir glared at Casey then at Merenwen, "Why didn't you tell me that before?"

She rolled her eyes, "**I tried!"**

"Whatever...Now please turn in your music books to page 38 and...WHAT NOW?" Haldir exclaimed at the knock on the classroom door

Elrond the pink faced entered the room trailed by a small girl with brownish blond hair and blue eyes

"This is the new student, Brittney." Elrond informed and motioned to the girl

She stepped forward and blinked.

Haldir looked at her darkly, "If you are anything like Casey, (points to Casey) be forewarned, I am **not** in a good mood today!"

The girl smiled at him and nodded, "Hi!" she said happily

Elrond sighed and turned to leave. He glared at Noliee and Jackie on the way out. He pointed to them and then to himself and ran his finger across his neck as a warning.

"HI!" the girl said again

Haldir raised an eyebrow, "Hello..."

Brittany smiled and clapped her hands loudly.

The rest of the class was looking at her.

"Who. Are. You. Strange. Person. With. The. Pointy. Ears?" she asked slowly

"My name is Haldir." he said

The girl poked him and tilted her head to one side. Then she made her eyes huge and she grabbed Haldir's arm. She hooted like a monkey and waved his arm around.

Haldir jumped back and pulled away from her like she was a diseased rabid Orc.

"Are you okay?" Merenwen asked her

The girl looked at her and hooted again.

Haldir backed further away from her.

"Um, okay." Merenwen said, "Why don't you tell us some things about yourself."

Brittney walked to the front of the class and stared at us, "**I LIKE EGGS!"** she yelled so loudly that it shook the windows, "EGGS EGGS EGGS!" then she hooted like a monkey

0.0! "O-Oh okay." Merenwen said

Haldir was slamming his head against his desk and mumbling something that sounded like, "Why! Why another Casey?"

"MY NAME IS EGGZILLA THE GREAT!" she yelled and jumped up on a desk

"Cool! I'm THE Cheese Turkey." I said

Eggzilla looked at me and frowned, "Cheese is EVIL! AHHHHHHHHHHH!" she hollered and jumped across the room and landed on Haldir's desk.

Eggzilla smiled and licked his arm, "POINTY EARED PERSON IS AN EGG!"

With that said she ran out of the room screaming and hooting.

Haldir looked at his arm and shrieked. He ran around in a circle yelling "DISINFECTANT!" and holding his arm out like it was now poisoned. Then he fell over.

Somewhere looming in the shadows of the band room, sat a pink cat.

The cat laughed evilly, "That was too easy!"

Merenwen scooted over to Haldir and poked him hard.

"OW!" He yelled and sat up quickly

Then he remembered his arm was infected, "AH! DISINFECTANT!" He yelled as he ran out of the room

"Sorry she's like that sometimes." Said a voice from the back of the room

Merenwen looked over at the voice, "Who are you?"

"Bird Man dude girl." said the voice

The kid was playing a game boy and didn't look up as he spoke.

"Shut up Adrian!" Cloe said and smacked him

"NO! My name is Bird Man, Cloe. I am the skateboarding Eskimo!"

"How do you know Brittney and where did you come from?" Merenwen asked

"I'm her cousin and I came from the Arctic dude." Bird Man said

"Eh...Okay." Merenwen said "Is she okay?"

"No. She spazzes dude...YES! NEXT LEVEL!" Bird man exclaimed

"You are not suppose to have game boy in school." she replied and took the game from him

Bird man shrieked, "NO! I didn't get to save!"

"Well, you should have thought of that before...Now class if...

(bell rings)

"Never mind..."

"Um, Wow?" I said "That was weirder than normal."

"Yes! What was up with that girl?" Jackie asked

"I wonder if she was really infected..." Noliee mumbled

"Notimetotalk. MustfindElfy!" Casey hissed and stalked into the Elvish class room

We were writing in our Elvish work book when it happened.

Casey raised her hand, "Elfy?"

"What Casey?" Legolas asked somewhat afraid of the question

"Can I sit next to you at your desk today?" she asked sweetly

"Will, you be quiet?" Legolas asked

She nodded.

"All right then." Legolas sighed

"YAY!" Casey said and scooted her chair over to him

Dani looked ready to kill Casey and she raised her hand too, "Leggy?"

"What is with the nicknames with the 'y' ?" I asked, "His name if Legolas! Not 'Elfy' or 'Leggy'!"

All ignored me.

"Can I sit next to you too?" Dani asked and smiled evilly at Casey

"Fine." Legolas said getting annoyed

Dani squealed and scooted over to the other side of him.

Casey growled and tried to hit Dani over Legolas' head.

She ducked and Casey ended up hitting Legolas.

"Oops." she whispered, "IT WAS DANI!" she yelled

"IT WAS NOT!" Dani protested

Legolas shook this head and sighed as the fan girls bickered.

"ITS YOUR FAULT CASEY!" Dani screamed

"NO! ITS ALL YOU, YOU EVIL NON SHINY PERSON!" Casey yelled

"Well, I love Legolas more than you!" Dani yelled

(gasp) "You dare to challenge my love for him?" Casey replied and grabbed Legolas' arm

"I DARE!" Dani exclaimed and grabbed his other arm

"MY ELF!" Casey hissed and pulled Legolas towards her

"NO! MY ELF!" Dani replied and pulled Legolas the other way

"MINE!"

" NO! MINE!"

"EGGS! EGGS! EGGS!" Eggzilla hollered and ran in the class room

"Oh no." I whispered

Casey and Dani stopped pulling Legolas and looked at Eggzilla with raised eyebrows.

"EGG!" she hollered and ran over to Legolas

Legolas sighed and let his head fall to the desk, "Not another one!"

"SHINY EGG COLORED HAIR!" Eggzilla shrieked and pulled Legolas' hair

"Ow ow ow ow ow!" Legolas said and tried to pull away from her

Eggzilla hooted like a monkey and pulled on his hair until she had pulled a chunk off. She smiled and threw the hair across the room.

A strand floated down in front of Jackie and she inhaled it. Jackie started coughing and she fell over.

Eggzilla thought Jackie was dead and she ran over to her. Eggzilla started poking Jackie to try to get her to live again.

Jackie got up and swatted Eggzilla away. Jackie ran and hid behind me.

Eggzilla hooted and ran back over to him.

"HI!" she said stupidly "You have egg colored hair!"

Legolas backed away from her, "No. Leave. Me alone.." he said slowly

Eggzilla seemed to think about the words but she didn't give it much thought and moved on to the next thing. She pulled down a piece of her hair and stared at it, "I don't have egg colored hair like you."

"Eh, that's nice." Legolas said

"I WANT THE EGG HAIRED PERSON!" she screamed

Casey and Dani looked at Eggzilla and frowned.

"Are you trying to steal my Elf?" Dani hissed viciously

Eggzilla nodded confused.

Dani growled and pulled a pink Spork out of her pocket and was about to throw it at Eggzilla, but Legolas grabbed her hand.

She instantly dropped the spork, (happy sigh) "He touched me!" she said

Luckily Casey missed that.

Eggzilla again tried to pull Legolas' hair, but he moved away and tripped over Casey. The both of them went crashing to the floor.

Casey took this moment to grab Legolas and sit on him.

The rest of the class just sat there laughing watching the whole stupid mess happen.

Suddenly Aragorn came running in carrying a large net. Haldir followed him cautiously.

"EGGZILLA THE GREAT! COME HERE, **NOW!**" Aragorn hollered

"NO!" Eggzilla replied and hissed at him

Aragorn smiled and took an egg out of his pocket. He waved it at her.

Whatever Eggzilla was going to say she forgot because of the precious treasure Aragorn held.

He carefully put the egg in the net and waited.

Eggzilla quickly ran over to the net and scrambled in.

Aragorn quickly twisted the top of the net and passed it over to Haldir.

Haldir squeaked, jumped away and held the net at arms length. He quickly pulled the net into a closet.

Aragorn walked over to Casey, who was still sitting on Legolas, and laughed.

"Need help?" He asked the angry elf

"Get...IT off of me!" Legolas hissed

Casey shrieked and held on to him.

Dani looked ready to beat Casey over the head with a spork.

Aragorn tried to pick Casey up but she clung to Legolas with her long fingernails.

Then Elrond came in, "WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" He demanded

All looked at Elrond and laughed.

He was wearing one of those weird 70's hats and pink tinted sunglasses. Instead of his robes, he was wearing a tie dyed t-shirt and orange pants.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Casey asked, "You look stupid!"

They she started laughing so hard that she fell off of Legolas.

-.-! "What was all that noise?" Elrond demanded

"Nothing. We were just discussing... how to...not act if... someone throws an egg at you!" I lied horribly

-.? "Uh huh, yeah..._sure,_ you were." Elrond said not the least bit convinced "Now tell me someone, what happened?"

Jackie and Noliee opened their mouths to speak but Elrond cut them off, "NO! Not you two...child in the back, yes you...what happened?" Elrond asked Bird Man

"Dude, that one (points to Casey) was attacked by a fish. My cousin got rid of the fish dude. Then (points to Legolas) he made some weird noise and an elephant appeared. Then that dude (points at Aragorn) ate the elephant." Bird Man informed

0.0? "Um, no?" Elrond replied

"SHUT UP ADRIAN! (slap) I'll tell you what happened." Cloe said

"That stupid little freak called Casey sat on that elf, which I think would look totally hot in black, then that guy came in and captured the annoying freak that said her name was Eggzilla or something. Next you came in looking like even more of a freak and then I told you what happened 'cause you are stupid." Cloe informed

"At least that makes some sense!" Elrond said

"Yeah, whatever." Cloe said

silence.

"HEY! wait a minuet! Only _I_ can say Legolas is hot!" Casey and Dani said at the same time

Suddenly, Haldir ran down the hall shrieking, "ITS LOOSE!"

silence.

Then there was a shout of, "EGGS!"

"OH NO!" Everyone said

"HI!" Eggzilla yelled and entered the classroom "HI person with the egg colored hair!"

Legolas yelled and hid under his desk. Casey followed him. A second later Legolas ran away from the desk after finding Casey. He ran out of the room and down the hall.

Somewhere in the gloom of the Elvish class closet, a pink cat was laughing evilly. "And so another falls to the power of my worst minion yet!" (evil laughter) "I will...

"Hey Noruas." Cloe said 

"HUH? Who dares interrupt my evil gloating?" Noruas asked "Oh, hello Dark Lordess Cloe. What are you doing here?"

"I'm sick of these slobs." Cloe said

"Me too. We won't stand for this any more! That is why I'm forming a plan." Noruas said

"Good. Don't hurt that hobbit though...you know Sam? He's cute." Cloe said flatly

"HOBBIT!" Noruas thundered

Suddenly the closet was door was flung open. Elrond was staring in, with everyone but Eggzilla crowded around him. 

Noruas and Cloe stared back.

Elrond quickly closed the door, "Nothing strange in there." he said and shrugged

When everyone turned around, Eggzilla was sitting on Legolas' desk looking for eggs.

Aragorn took another egg out of his pocket, "Eggzilla?"

He waved the egg around.

Eggzilla approached the egg and at the last second she grabbed the egg and tore off down the hall.

Aragorn growled and ran after her.

Silence...

"That was the weirdest thing that has ever happened." Melanie said

"Yeah, so far that was the weirdest." Dani agreed

"Hey Lord Elrond?" Melanie asked

"What?" he replied

"Why are you dressed like a hippie?" she asked

-.- "I felt like it!" he replied and stormed out of the room leaving us with out a teacher

Oh the possibilities of a bunch of crazy kids and no teacher! We could take over the world!

Our celebrating was cut short when the bell rang.

I sighed and headed off to my next class.

We thought Eggzilla was bad! HA! Just wait till you see what happened next!...or in the next few chapters...

THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEW!

I'm sorry to say that I cant reply this time, I really don't feel that well. I think I have a stomach virus…I should probably go lay down (sigh) I HATE being sick! (hisses, then pouts) and one day before my birthday too! (still pouting) I wish Legolas was here to make me feel better. Heh, turk-out my homies!


	19. An Elf Fight, Evil Noruas, and Spazzing!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 19

(Added Stuff!)

Elrond the pink was sitting in his 60's style office. Complete with disco ball and music. Apparently he had taken an interest in that stuff. Maybe it had to do with his pink face. He still had his pink tinted sunglasses and rainbow dyed robes. Now, he also had a giant Afro puff wig.

Somewhere in the dark of Elrond's desk drawer, a pink cat was laughing evilly.

"I've done it! How the mighty have fallen! MUAWAHAHAHAHA!" Noruas laughed

Elrond pulled open the drawer at the sound, "You again! Who are you and what do you want?"

"Um...Meow. Meow meow meow." Noruas replied

Elrond squeaked, "OH! A KITTY!"

Elrond picked Noruas up and cuddled him, "I LOVE KITTIES!" Elrond smiled and hugged Noruas

Noruas growled and hissed.

Elrond looked at the frowning cat, "Hmm, you are grumpy! Maybe a bath will help!"

Noruas screeched and tried to get away. Before Elrond closed the door to the conveniently place bathroom, Noruas made something else appear. Or someone rather...

()()()

We were in cooking class when Noruas made his next secret weapon known.

"Pippin! Stop eating the food!" Sam hollered

Hobbits doing cooking class, not a good idea...

"I wazn'tf!" he said with his mouth full

"Right..."

"I wasn't Sam!" Pippin declared after he had finished the food

Sam just rolled his eyes, "Now class, add 1/2 cup of flour."

Lucky me. My cooking partner was Eggzilla. Note the sarcasm…

"WHEN DO WE ADD THE EGGS?!" she screamed

"Well," Pippin shoved a cookie in his mouth and Sam glared at him, "this recipe doesn't need eggs so-

Sam was cut off by Eggzilla.

Eggzilla threw the bowl of cookie batter in the air and hissed, "ME WANT EGGS!"

The bowl stuck to the ceiling and we watched as it landed on Hanna's head.

"Calm down! I don't wanna be forced to call Aragorn!"

Eggzilla hooted like a monkey.

Jackie and Noliee shook their heads, "I feel sorry for you Rachel." they said together

Casey was to busy harassing a boy with long blond hair. Apparently she thought he was a relative of Legolas. Dumb Casey!

"NOOOO! Eggzilla stop!" Sam yelled as she ripped up the room "MY KITCHEN!"

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" A new voice commanded

Everyone even Eggzilla stopped.

A girl with shoulder length brown hair entered the classroom.

She was dressed normal, t- shirt and jeans, but on one arm she had mass amounts of rubber bands and on the other she had mass amounts of gelly bracelets.

"HI ALL! I'm AAAclub!" she said

"Um, isn't that car insurance?" Melanie asked

"YES! Does anyone have a problem with that?" she demanded

"No! It's fine." Sam said quickly

"Good!" AAAclub said and sat down next to me

()

"NO! For the last time! I am not related to this 'Elly' person!" the kid that Casey was bothering informed

"Its 'Elfy' and I still think you are! You look just like him!" Casey said and hugged the kid

"WHO ARE YOU!" the kid yelled and pushed Casey away, "I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN RANDOM GIRLS HUG ME!"

"But you look sooo much like 'Elfy!" Casey insisted

"I don't even know who 'Elfy' is!" the kid insisted

"I like you," Casey said, "Will you go out with me?"

"No! Go away!" he replied

"FINE! You are evil! I'm going to take over the world some day and you will be the first person on the list that I will torture with Teletubbie music!" Casey informed

"Yeah, right like _that_ is ever going to happen!" the kid replied

()

(Cut to 30 years later)

Casey is sitting on her desk in a huge tower. She looks slightly older but not that much because she found out that she is secretly an elf. Looks like a 20 year old Casey...odd.

Casey got up and walked over to her window and looked over the edge of a balcony.

There were countless people on the ground below her and when Casey approached they all bowed and shouted praises.

One familiar looking boy with head phones glued to his ears is also there, begging forgiveness and for the music to stop.

Legolas appeared and kissed her.

She was Casey ruler of the world and wife of Legolas.

Lucky Casey.

(Underline 5 million times and then once more just 'cause. )

()

(back to reality)

"Hey Casey! Try this dream, thought, sequence...thingy." I said

()

(30 years later)

Casey is sitting on a couch in an apartment holding a slice of pizza in one hand and a coke in the other.

She burps loudly and thinks about the time that Legolas kissed her.

She was Casey, Fanfic writer and renter of apartment 319.

Lucky Casey?

()

(Once again, back to reality)

"SEE! I WILL RULE THE WORLD! AND MORE!" Casey exclaimed

"And oranges will build advanced civilizations in my nose!" Jackie said and laughed

Everyone including Sam was laughing.

"You laugh now...BUT JUST YOU WAIT! I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Casey said and stormed out of the class room

"Whatever!" AAAclub said, "Wow, that girl was annoying."

"You think that's bad, wait till you meet Eggzilla again." Melanie whispered

Sam and Pippin were just about to start teaching again when the bell rang.

Next we had Gym.

"Hello class!" Aragorn said happily

We were sitting on the bleachers in our ugly maroon and gray gym outfits.

AAAclub shot a rubber band at his nose.

"AHHHH!" Aragorn yelled and waved his arms in the air, "Why! Did you do that?"

"You looked evil. Evil must be gone!" AAAclub screamed

"No, no no! I'm not evil. _That_ (points to Gollum who is randomly walking past) is evil." Aragorn said and rubbed his nose

"Oh, I'm sorry. Here, have 4 bracelets!" AAAclub said and gave Aragorn a red, green, purple and neon blue gelly bracelet

What he didn't know was that the bracelets were magical.

Aragon put them on and smiled, "Now, what I was trying to say was, today we have 2 special guests. I-

Casey squealed, "Really! SPECIAL!?"

"Yes Casey, -

"ARE THEY SHINY?!" Eggzilla asked

"Um, I don't know, I didn't check. Aragorn motioned to the door of the gym.

In walked, (drum roll) Elladan and Elrohir! Woooot!

All the annoying fan girls gasped.

"Cool!" I shouted "Middle Earth's best pranksters as said by Fan Fiction!"

"HEY!" Merry and Pippin yelled from under the bleachers "We are Middle Earth's best pranksters as said by Fanfiction and we don't even know what fanfiction is!"

"Um, yeah, so Elladan and Elrohir will be here and (looks up) so...CATFISH!" Aragorn yelled as a catfish fell from the sky and landed on his head.

He ran off yelling something about the end of the world.

Elladan and Elrohir stared at us...Creepy.

I stared back, crossed my eyes, and made a monkey face.

"Oooh! Shiny elves! Have a bracelet!" AAAclub yelled and gave them each a red one

Then Casey made another discovery, "WOW! You two look alike!"

Everyone in the gym sighed loudly.

"How do you say 'stupid' in Elvish?" Noliee asked

"What is her name?" Elrohir asked

"Casey." Noliee informed

"There's your answer." Elladan said

"…Huh? OH! I get it!" Noliee yelled and laughed loudly, "Good one!"

"Well! Me no get it!" said Eggzilla

"We didn't expect you too." Jackie replied

"BUT! They _do_ look the same!" Casey protested

"DUH! They are twins! Haven't you ever seen elf twins before!?" Karvian asked

"NO!" Casey replied then her realized something else, "YOU TWO ARE ELVES!?"

They nodded.

Casey squealed and hopped around, "EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHH! CUTE ELF TWINS!"

"OH NO! NOT AGAIN!" I screamed

"Yes really! What about 'Elfy'?" Jackie asked

Casey wasn't paying any attention, she was to busy drooling over her new objects of affection.

"LOOK CASEY ITS LEGOLAS!" Alice yelled so loudly that the windows shook loudly

"Huh? Who's that?" Casey asked

All the students that knew Casey screamed: "IT REALLY IS THE END OF THE WORLD!"

"Is she okay?" Elladan asked

Casey looked like a frog. Her eyes were the size of the moon and she was drooling so much that she might have been mistaken for a fountain.

"Did someone call me?" Legolas asked appearing suddenly

"No, but you lost your fan girl." I stated and pointed to Casey

She was still drooling and staring.

"YES!" Shouted Dani, "HE'S ALL MINEEEEE NOW!"

Legolas walked over and sat down next to Casey.

AAAclub gave him a green bracelet and smiled evilly.

"Casey?" He called

No response.

He waved a hand in front of her face, "Are you still alive? What are you staring at?"

"THEM!" Noliee yelled and pointed to the twins

Legolas looked at them and frowned.

"You stole my fan girl." he said angered

The twins frowned back.

"Its not like you won't have any more." Elrohir replied

"So? That one was SPECIAL!" Legolas hollered

"Too bad! Now she is ours!" Elladan hissed

"THIS IS JUST LIKE THE SPATULA THING IN EPISODE 59!AAAclub said, "Right before the mutant crabs eat the fruit!"

All turned to look at her, except for Casey.

"Whatever! YOU STILL STOLE MY FAN GIRL!" Legolas yelled

"WE DID NOT!" the twins replied

The class was watching with interest.

"Oooh! I know! Who ever can make the cap of my soda bottle fly across the room by stomping on it, wins Casey." Melanie suggested

The elves stopped yelling at each other and looked at her.

"That is _really_ stupid." Elrohir commented

"Yes." Agreed Elladan, "Let's try it!"

Melanie smiled evilly, "Okay, its harder than it looks."

"How hard could _that_ be?" Legolas asked

"Care to find out? You can go first." Melanie said

Legolas stepped on the bottle.

Nothing happened...

"Told ya." Melanie said

Legolas rolled his eyes and tried again.

Still nothing.

Legolas growled and jumped on the bottle.

It flew sideways and Legolas fell backwards and landed on the floor with a thud.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Melanie laughed, "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Casey blinked, "What's going on?"

"The elves are fighting over you." I informed

"Fighting? Over...me?" she smiled hugely

"Yes, Casey. That's what I said!"

"HI ELFYS!" Casey screamed and waved, "I FEEL LOVED!"

Elladan and Elrohir jumped on the bottle at the same time.

Again the bottle flew sideways and the elves fell over.

"MY FAN GIRL!" Legolas yelled and ran over to Casey

"Hi Elfy! I- WHAT ARE YOU DOING! PUT ME DOWN!" Casey screamed as Legolas picked her up, "AH! I'M SCARED OF HIGH PLACES! Don't drop me Elfy!"

"I'm not going to drop you." Legolas replied

"OUR FAN GIRL!" Elladan and Elrohir yelled and attacked Legolas

Legolas dropped Casey.

A cartoon-like fighting dust cloud appeared and Casey crawled away, scared for her life.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! ELF FIGHT!" Noliee screamed

This has been the only school that I have ever gone to where the _teachers_ are the ones that start the fights!

()

Under the bleachers, a pink cat, with fuzzy blue bows, was laughing evilly.

"MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA!" Noruas laughed "MUAWAHA! MU-

"NORUAS! SHUT UP!" Cloe yelled

"Hold on, I have 4 more evil laughs and an evil smirk...MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA! MUAWAHA!" he smirked evilly. "My plan for craziness is working. The elf slobs are fighting! 'Cause, THEY ARE SLOBS! My anger bracelets are working perfectly!"

"Whatever. Why are you wearing bows?" Cloe asked

"The Elrond slob committed the evil deed. Take them off!" Noruas commanded, "I have a class next!"

"Really? I thought-

"YES! I have a class! DO NOT QUESTION ME! SO...go get ready for my class."

"Fine." Cloe said and took the bows off of Noruas before she left

"MUAWAHA! I-

"Hey! Who are you?" Pippin asked appearing next to Noruas

"Uhh, Meow! Meow! Meow!"

"Its a cat Pippin!" Merry said

"I know Merry, what should we do with it?" Pippin replied

"Hey cat w- Where did he go?!"

Noruas had disappeared.

()

"This is getting stupid." Jackie mumbled as the elves continued to fight

"Yes really." Noliee replied

"I like fish." AAAclub said

"Is that your real name?" Karvian asked

"No, my name is really Anna. Its my pen name, just like her." she replied

Then the bell rang and the elves stopped fighting.

Somehow, Gimli got caught in the fight.

"EEEWWWWW! WHAT IS IT?" Elladan and Elrohir yelled and scooted as far away from Gimli as possible

Legolas looked at Gimli and laughed loudly, "Its Gimli...remember?"

"NO! ITS UGLY!" they replied

Legolas smiled evilly and tossed Gimli at the twins.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY!" they screamed and pushed Gimli away

Legolas fell over laughing, "You…are…afraid of…THE DWARF!"

"NO! We are not afraid of it! Its just...icky!" Elrohir said

"Gimli is not icky." Legolas stated and sat up

"YES _IT_ IS!"

Gimli smiled at Legolas before he attacked the twins.

"MUAWAHHAHAH! I WIN!" Legolas yelled as they ran around and shrieked like little girls

He looked back at the bleachers, only to find that all the kids were gone, except for Casey.

Legolas sat down next to her and watched as Gimli annoyed the twins by pretending to pick his nose.

"HI ELFY!" Casey shrieked and hugged him

So, are you my fan girl again?" Legolas asked and pushed her away

"I-

"EGGZILLA WANTED ME TO GIVE LEGOLAS, THIS!" Elladan hissed and hit Legolas in the face with an egg

Legolas narrowed his eyes and calmly wiped the egg off his face.

"That. Was. a. Very. Stupid. Thing. To .do...

Elladan smiled evilly, "Should I start running?"

"YESSSSSSSSSS! AHHHHHHH!" (Chases Elladan)

Casey shrugged and walked to her next class.

()

"Okay you slobs. Today I must tell you that you are all getting F's in this class!" Mr. Noruas informed, "Except for Cloe, who is getting an A."

Casey walked in, she was 5 minuets late.

"WHERE WERE YOU!?" Noruas demanded

"I'm sorry, I was talking to Elfy!" she said quickly

Noruas raised an eyebrow, "Who is Elfy? Are they...evil?"

"At times he can be!" I said with a laugh

"Was I talking to you Slob? NO I WAS NOT! SO SHUT UP!"

Casey giggled, "No, Elfy is not evil! He is sweet and nice and cute and special and cuddly-

"ENOUGH! He sounds like the Easter Bunny!" Noruas said

At that moment I pictured Legolas in an Easter Bunny costume and laughed loudly.

"NEVER BE LATE AGAIN IF YOU VALUE YOUR SLOB LIFE! YOU SLOBBITY, SLOB SLOB OF ALL SLOBNESS...**SLOB!**" Noruas informed

"Oooh, you are shiny pink cat!" Eggzilla said

"Yes my stupid slob, I am. FOR NOW ANYWAY! YOU JUST WAIT! I WILL HAVE RULE AGAIN! THIS IS JUST PART OF THE PLAN!"

"Right. And how do you plan to take over the world by teaching a class?" Anna asked

"Do not question me, slob." Noruas said, "NOW! Take out your _'I want to be evil, but I'm to slobbish to be evil, so I need help in learning how to be evil, 'cause I want to be evil and take over the world'_ books out and turn to page 2._.._KNOW THIS SLOBS! Every inch of the book is evil. Even the annoyingly long title is evil."

The class sighed and did as they were told.

"Now before we start, I am going to give all of you detention, just because I can...Moving on, (puts on glasses) "Lesson 1, '_Basic annoyance for the untrained slob' Being_ _annoying is the first step in learning how to be evil. Annoying can be fun, rewarding, and or a positive waste of time..._

Noruas read on for a half an hour before he abruptly stopped in the middle of a sentence and slammed his book shut, "FOR THE REST OF THE TIME, we will watch Lord of the Rings..."

The class cheered.

"...The animated version." Noruas concluded darkly

Everyone screamed in horror and tried to get out but Noruas locked the door and put the movie in.

()

1 hour later.

The movie was over, the class was twitching and the pink cat was laughing.

"That, was, wrong...SO WRONG!" Jackie screamed

"THE HOBBITS WERE SOO UGLY! SO WAS LEGOLAS!...AND I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD SAY _THAT_!" I screamed

"The Nazgul and Elrond and...Boromir!" Anna exclaimed

"WHY NORUAS! WHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY!?" Karvian asked

The cat of doom laughed, "I am evil. Plain and simple evil."

"You _are___evil! I didn't think it was possible to be so terrible!" Katie said

"I. am. Scared. For. Life." Alice said and twitched

The bell rang but no one moved.

"**GET OUT NOW!" **Noruas hissed

We scrambled out quickly and didn't look back.

Legolas ran past. He was throwing sponges, and Noodle salad at Elladan and Elrohir.

()

I walked into English class and took out my daily journal thingy that Galadriel had us do every day.

I looked and the questions and raised an eyebrow.

If you could marry any cartoon character whom would it be and why?

If you could pick your parents, what kind of inanimate objects would they be and why?

If you were a character on star trek, who would you be?

What. The. Cheese?

I shrugged, Galadriel knew best…I think…I only had to pick one so I chose the parent one.

I said that my mom would be a notebook because she is shiny and my dad would be an orange became he is shiny too. I tend to over use the term 'shiny' too much.

When Galadriel walked in the class shut up and smiled at her.

We all remembered last time when we didn't get quiet. She sprayed peanut butter and Jell-O at us, FROM HER EYES!

It was disturbing and I still have nightmares from that.

Today Galadriel was dressed really oddly. She was wearing a hula skirt and a coconut bra. It was highly upsetting, but not as bad as the day Gandalf came in wearing a dress claiming it was the traditional dress in Africa. WHAT Africa had to do with Middle Earth I will never know…personally, I think he just liked the dress.

The class gave Galadriel a really weird look.

"Hello class, today we will be learning about…any guesses?" she asked and motioned to her outfit

"Bad fashion?" Hanna suggested and stated doodling in her notebook

Galadriel frowned, "No. Anyone else?"

"The importance of the dress code!?" Jackie asked shielding her eyes

"No!"

"What teachers should never ever EVER wear, and you are doing a joined unit with Gandalf and the other teachers that dress like freaks?" Noliee asked

"NO! We are learning about island life and how it has influenced literature!" Galadriel yelled

"And this has WHAT to do with middle earth?" someone asked

"People lived on islands on Middle Earth." Galadriel replied

"Ooookay…"

"Yes, yes now be good children and open the _'island life'_ books on your little desks rights there.

Hanna laughed quietly and took out her toot brush and paste.

"Now open the book to page 4, that's four children f-o-u-r." Galadriel said slowly as if we were stupid, "Not 5, t-e-n."

"what? You said 5 and then spelled 10." Jackie announced

Galadriel made shifty eyes at her, "No I did not! Stop accusing me of horrible things!"

"But you-

"Do NOT argue with the teacher, I am right and you are wrong and that is all there is to it!" Galadriel proclaimed loudly

Jackie crossed her arms and frowned then she looked to Noliee and nodded and Galadriel was put on the evil list.

Not a list you want to be on, believe me.

"Now that we are all on the same page 4, that's four children f-o-u-r." she said again, "Remember that now and we can start to read...AHEM…_Island life began in the early days before advanced civilization when monkeys still ruled the earth and marked their territory by wiping mucus from their noses onto trees, rocks and other things. _

_The first Island civilizations were established by these same monkeys that found they could swim, and swim they did! When they finally reached land, the monkeys found the great tropical paradise that is the island. It had everything the monkeys could ever possibly need. Food, clothing, and great restroom spots. _

"Why the cheese would a monkey need clothes?! Or restrooms spots!?" I asked

Galadriel ignored me and kept reading, _"The islands also included warm climates and plenty of fresh water to drink from the streams on the islands. Then the monkeys began to wonder 'but-_

"BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE!?" Jackie screamed as loud as she possibility could

The class exploded into laugher and Galadriel stared to turn that freaky green color.

"STOP RIGHT NOW! I AM TYING TO TEACH YOU ABOUT ISLAND LIFE AND YOU THIS IT IS FUNNY!? LEARING IS NOT FUNNY!" Galadriel screamed going all green and scary

We shut up quickly and Galadriel continued reading.

Awhile later Hanna started brushing her teeth and toothpaste oozed out of her mouth and foamed on the desk. Then she raised her hand and still brushed with the other.

"Hey Galadriel?" she said her mouth full of past, "Can I go spit this out?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? WHY ARE YOU BRUSHING YOU TEETH IN SCHOOL!?" Galadriel yelled

"My mom says I should brush 3, t-h-r-e-e times a day. And I cant cause school gets in the way so I figured why not brush in school?"

Galadriel just gave her the look before she sighed and said that Hanna could go spit the past out.

Hanna smiled and got up. She ran over to Galadriel's desk and spit it all over the desk.

I laughed to myself as Hanna ran out of the classroom screaming with Galadriel chasing her.

Oh yes. School was definitely TWISTED!

()


	20. Night of the living substitute

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 20

We were told that there was going to be a sub in Galadriel's class today.

We weren't very excited. Not at all actually.

The class was waiting for the sub quietly. We would have been loud and done annoying things but the fact that Gandalf was across the hall, with his door open, kept us quiet.

The class was still recovering from the animated Lord of the Rings. Some of us were more affected than others.

We heard footsteps coming down the hall everyone held their breath. Fearing that it was the stupid sub from before.

Gimli appeared in the door way.

"Hello! Has anyone seen Galadriel today?" He asked cheerfully

"No. She is out today. Why? Do you have another love note for her?" I asked

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! But if you must know..."He looked around to see if anyone was in the hall before answering, "…Yes I do."

"Well, you will have to wait till tomorrow to give it to her. Unless you would want to leave it with Legolas." Jackie said snickering

Gimli growled before he slammed the door and stomped away.

We sat in silence for a few more moments until the door opened and in came the sub.

Oh. My. God.

She was the ugliest thing I have ever seen.

She was wearing an old faded sweater and long ugly faded blue pants. It looked like she had worn those clothes every day of her life. But it was her face that scared all of us.

Her eyes were sunken into her head; her hair was matted and tangled. I swear she must have been ten thousand year old and looked it to. Not like elves, that's for sure. She was bony and wrinkled. She could have been the wife of a Nazgul.

In one word she looked like a zombie.

But her looks weren't even the worst part. The second she entered the room; we could smell her vile sent.

UGH! She smelt like mold and mothballs and other un-dead zombie things.

Clayton raised his hand, "Do you eat brains?" He asked

The class laughed loudly. Ms. Zombie frowned.

"No. I do not eat brains. Only nasty little children, like you." she replied and pointed a bony finger at him

We hoped she was joking.

"I, am Ms. Fowler." she walked over to the bored and wrote her name down

I coughed when she walked past. The smell from her was terrible!

"Today we will be discussing...The history of elves?" she said confused as she read the lesson plan, "What is an elves?"

"Where were you? In a hole for the past century?" Karvian asked seriously believing that

I mean really! The woman didn't know what an Elf was!

"Can you please just read the book?" I asked

"Okay, I suppose I will...But will someone tell me what an elf is?" she asked as sweetly as possible

This scared everyone more.

"Um, why don't we just let you meet one?" Noliee said

"What? There is one here? Oh! Oh! bring it in!" she said excitedly

"Okay..." Noliee left the room and came back a wile later pulling Legolas behind her (lucky Casey wasn't in this class)

"Hey! I was teaching a class" Legolas protested

"You can go right back in a minuet! There is someone who wants to meet you." Noliee said

"OH NO! Not again! I remember the last t-

Legolas instantly shut up when he saw Ms. Fowler.

She turned her dead looking face toward him and smiled, exposing her yellow teeth.

O.O! "Hello...Who are you?" Legolas asked slowly

"Is that the elf?" she asked in her creaky dead voice

It is said that elves can sense evil. This time was no exception. To Legolas, it looked like she had a glowing force field of evil around her.

Legolas backed away as she came near to him.

"Yep. That's the elf." Jackie said

Legolas realized that he was trapped when he backed up against the wall and the zombie was coming closer to him.

She stopped walking when she was two inches from his face. Her icky smelling breath almost blinded him.

"It is funny looking and has funny looking ears." she stated "And it is too skinny."

She pinched his cheeks and pulled his hair.

Legolas looked horrified.

"Can it talk?" she asked

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

"Yes. 'It' can talk. 'It' just chooses not to, until now." Legolas said annoyed

Ms. Fowler shrieked, "Wow! It _can _talk!" she poked his nose "Odd creature. You smell so clean."

Legolas: **O.O!**

Ms. Fowler lifted a bony finger and tried to poke Legolas' eye.

He quickly pushed her hand away.

"Hmm," Ms. Fowler said and pulled his ear "You have odd ears elf!"

"Leave me alone... ugly Nazgul-Orc woman." Legolas said and tried to pull away but Ms. Fowler pulled harder

"YEAH! And his ears are not funny!" Noliee informed

"Rude Creature! You should learn respect for your elders!" she hissed

Legolas tried not to laugh, "I'm older than you."

"Don't fool with me, child." she replied

The class was screaming with laughter.

Ms. Fowler dragged Legolas, by the ear, over to the desk and took something out of her bag.

It looked like a bottle of perfume.

She sprayed it in his face and smiled sweetly as Legolas started coughing and fell over.

His eyes closed and he didn't get back up.

"AHHHH! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" Dani screamed

Ms. Fowler didn't answer as she pulled Legolas over to the closet and shoved him in. She locked the door and ate the key.

Class: O.O! SHE _ATE_ THE KEY!

"Now children, remember, what you saw just now, is our little secret and if you are good I will let you join to feast that I will be having later on." she said

0.0! "WHAT _ARE_ YOU TALKING ABOUT!" Hanna screamed

"You were correct child in the back. I do eat brains. I have never had elf brain before and I am eager to try it." Ms. Fowler informed

All of us went green and we tried not to throw up. EWWW!

"You are going to EAT Legolas!" I asked

She smiled, "Yes, would you like to join me?"

O.O! "N-No, that's okay." I replied

Dani screamed in horror, "YOU CAN'T EAT HIM! WHAT ARE YOU? FREAK! YOU EAT ELVES!"

" I'm a zombie." She stated as if it was the most natural thing in the world, "Would anyone like to join me later?"

"NOOOOOOOO!" the class screamed, "THAT'S SICK!"

"Hmmh! Well then, more for me!" Ms. Fowler said

Dani started crying and the rest of us sat there scared for our lives. Even Eggzilla was quiet and that's saying a lot!

Ms. Fowler closed the classroom door and turned off the lights. She lit a candle and sat down at the desk.

"That's better! Now we can read the book that _I _brought."

She took a book out of her bag and opened it.

"The book is called, '_Zombies are your friend._' I will now read it to you."

We were dead silent and couldn't help but stare at the closet.

"Okay, '_Zombies are your friend; we don't want to hurt you. We only want to eat your brain. You don't really need that anyway. Zombies are loving and caring, just like everyone else. We enjoy activity such as eating brains, stalking people, hiking, fishing, cooking, talking with little children, and many other things..._

She continued for a long time. The class time seemed extended and everybody, except for Ms. Fowler, had their eyes fixed on the closet.

Dani couldn't take it anymore. She raised her hand, "Is he dead?" she asked

Ms. Fowler looked up from her reading, "No. We like fresh food."

Dani let out a shriek of horror. It was so loud that the windows, doors, and desks shook.

"THAT IS HORRIBLE, SICK AND WRONG!" She screamed

Someone knocked on the door. Ms Fowler shot us a warning glance before she turned on the lights and opened the door.

"Is everything okay?" Aragorn asked, "I heard someone screaming."

"Oh yes everything is fine." she replied, "It is a very emotional lesson."

Behind her the class all shook their heads no, pointed to the closet, mouthed the word 'Legolas', pointed to Ms. Fowler, and then pointed to their heads.

Aragorn saw this and got the idea, kinda…"Um could I borrow some paper...from the closet?"

Ms. Fowler frowned, "I have some paper right here. You can use that."

"No, I have to have paper from the closet. I'm...doing a project and need paper from a closet." Aragorn lied

"This paper came out of the closet too." Ms. Fowler said

"I...um...need to have fresh closet paper! Because...it...helps the project work better." Aragorn informed

The evil zombie of doom blinked, "What kind of project are you doing?"

Okay, apparently she wasn't as dumb as she looked.

"A project, project! Just let me get paper from the closet!" Aragorn said annoyed

He pushed the evil teacher out of the way and ran over to the closet.

Aragorn tried to open the door, but as we know, it was locked.

Aragorn pulled and pulled until the door came off its hinges.

Evil zombie frowned.

Legolas was sitting there calmly against the back of the closet.

"I knew someone would come to let me out soon enough." He said and carefully got out

"How did you get in the closet in the first place?" Aragorn asked

"That _thing _put me in there," He said and pointed to Ms. Fowler, " after she sprayed something in my face. That's all I remember before I woke up in the closet. I don't remember anything before that either."

The zombie blinked again and smiled. Evilly.

"I don't think it is among the living." Legolas whispered to Aragorn

My desk was near the closet and I overheard the remark. That was enough to set me off laughing again.

"No Legolas, I don't think **it** is either." I said

"SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS A ZOMBIE AND THAT SHE WAS GOING TO EAT HIS BRAIN!" Dani yelled

All looked at Ms. Fowler. She smiled as sweetly as possible.

"Now children. Let's not get carried away. I was never going to eat his brain. That is peculiar, immoral, blasphemous and all the other words that mean bad or wrong." Ms. Fowler said sounding very teacherly

"You are lying! BRAIN EATER!" Hanna yelled

"Yeah, all of us heard it! She even read us a book about it!" Jackie said

Aragorn looked confused, "Okay, but _why_ did you put Legolas in the closet?"

"He was being rude and needed to be taught a lesson, I-

"BY EATING HIS BRAIN?" Noliee exclaimed

Ms. Fowler chose to ignore this and continued talking.

"I wanted to know what an elf was and…he attacked me!" she said

"HE DID NOT!" the class yelled and threw their pencils at Ms. Fowler

"YOU WON'T GET LEGOLAS!" Dani yelled and climbed up on the desk behind Legolas

She wrapped her arms around his head and shrieked random stuff. Dani found joy in petting his hair.

"I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE AND I WANNA KNOW NOW!" Aragorn hollered

"We have been trying to tell you, Zombie lady freaked and put Legolas in the closet! Then she told us she was going to eat his brain!" I said, "Simple as that!"

Ms. Fowler sighed and shook her head, "I did put him in the closet but I was _not_ going to eat his brain! Why in earth would I do that?"

"YOU ARE A ZOMBIE!" I yelled

"Now Rachel, it is not nice to accuse people of being zombies. No donut for you." Aragorn said and made me give him my lunch ticket for a free donut

"SHE IS SHE IS SHE IS!" Karvian insisted

Suddenly Gandalf blasted the classroom door open with the staff of doom and stormed in. The door blew off down the hallway and slammed through the window.

"**ENOUGH SCREAMING!** What is going on here?" He asked

"That is what I would like to know!" Aragorn said

Gandalf looked at Ms. Fowler, "Who are you?"

"I. Am Ms. Fowler." she said

"She tried to eat Legolas!" Dani shrieked and hugged his head tighter "But she won't get him! (hiss) NEVER WILL EVIL COME TO MY ELFY! **N E V E R! AS LONG AS I'M HERE, NOTHING WILL HURT LEGGY! NOTHING! HEAR ME! NOTHING!**"

The she roared loudly.

"Stop yelling!" Legolas said

"Sorry oh cute one." Dani replied

"Now you are changing the story dear, before you only accused me of trying to eat his brain." Ms. Fowler replied as if it made a difference

Gandalf growled, "OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS! Why are you accusing this sweet elderly lady of trying to eat brains? This is madness! **MADNESS!**"

Ms. Fowler smiled, "This is what I was trying to tell them. There is not a problem here. All of you can go back to your classes."

Gandalf mumbled stuff as he stormed back out Aragorn sighed and quickly left. Legolas tried to leave but Dani wouldn't let go of his head.

"NO! I WON'T THE DARK FORCES GET YOU!" She yelled "I LOVE YOU!"

"No dark forces are going to get me." Legolas said and tried to get her off

Ms. Fowler came over, "May I be of some assistance?" She asked

"Only if you can get her off." Legolas said

Dani screamed, "IF YOU'RE NOT AFRAID SHE WILL GET YOU, THEN SAVE ME!"

The zombie pulled her off Legolas and held the screaming Dani until Legolas left the room. The poor elf was confused and for some reason, he had a headache.

Ms. Fowler dropped Dani and hissed.

"I should eat all of your brains for that!"

She made her head spin completely around to express her anger. Then she opened her mouth wider than it should go and hissed loudly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed

"Okay! DIE EVIL ZOMBIE!" Anna yelled and shot one of her rubber bands at Ms. Fowler

It hit her and she spazed out, "THAT IS IT! I WILL HAVE BRAIN!"

She charged at Anna and knocked her over.

Just then the bell rang!

"Wahahahahahahaohohofookja!" Ms. Fowler screamed and jumped backwards

All of us dashed out as fast as we possibly could and didn't look back.

I would have to tell Elrond about this.

Elrond's bright pink 60's office.)

I was waiting for Elrond to call me in when Eggzilla ran past shrieking 'EGGS!'

Odd. I looked at her as she tackled a random student and shoved an egg in their mouth.

Eowyn told me I was aloud to go in.

I looked around the office and laughed. There was an over lode of 60's stuff. So much in fact that I couldn't find Elrond.

"Um, Hello?" I said

"I'm right here!" Elrond replied

The voice came from in front of me, but I still couldn't find him.

"Sorry dude, I can't find you." I replied

(sigh) "Just talk I can hear you." Elrond informed

"Okay. There is a zombie in the school and she tried to eat Legolas' brain!" I said

"A zombie! You actually expect me to believe that! Of all the stupid things! A ZOMBIE!" Elrond hollered

"That's what Gandalf said! B-

"I see why. Don't bother me with nonsense problems! I have important stuff to do!" Elrond said and appeared in the mess of stuff he was holding a box of wheat thins and eating one every 5 seconds

"But its true! I- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!" I screamed

"Its called a 'hippy robe' See the peace signs?" Elrond asked and pointed to one

"How could I miss it...BUT ANYWAY! There really in a zombie! I'm serious!"

"Uh huh, yeah _sure_ you are. Now please go back to class and spot ranting about zombies." Elrond said and gently pushed me away

"FINE! I WILL! BUT WHEN A ZOMBIE COMES FOR YOUR BRAIN, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME, 'CAUSE I WON'T CARE! I WILL BE LOUNGING BY A SWIMMING POOL AND TALKING CHEESE AND RANDOM ELVES WILL BE WAITING ON ME! AND WHEN I HEAR YOU PATHETIC SCREAMING, I'LL JUST TURN UP THE VOLUME ON MY CD PLAYER AND HUG LEGOLAS WHO I SAVED FROM THE ZOMBIE 'CAUSE HE LISTENED TO ME AND WE WENT ON A ZOMBIE HUNT WITH SHINY BLACK CLOAKS AND EVERYTHING! BUT YOU MISSED OUT 'CAUSE YOU WERE TO BUSY NOT LISTING TO ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE ZOMBIE AND EATING FAT FREE CRACKERS AND BEING A HIPPIE! I HOPE YOUR BRAIN DOES GET EATEN! I WILL LAUGH AND THEN HUG A RANDOM FROG! THEN I WILL GO BACK TO LOUNGING BY THE SWIMMING POOL! GOOD BYE _LORD_ ELROND! " I yelled

In case you didn't notice, I was just a little upset.

"Whatever." Elrond mumbled as I stormed out "Now where did that cat go?"

Elrond was stupid! There was a zombie and it would get someone's brain!

I used the other hallway to get to the cafeteria. I did not want to go past the zombie's room.

But hey, zombie hunting with Legolas would be cool...

Hmmm, I would have to make a note of that.

ooooooo

YAY! THE CHAPTER THAT EVERY ONE HAS BEEN WATING FOR…I think…

Thanks SOOOO MUCH for all the reviews! We're up to 160 now! A few more than the last time I had 20 chapters up!


	21. Random, sweet Random!

The Day Got School Got TWISTED chapter 21

(Cafeteria)

I was sitting with Anna, Dani, Hanna, Karvian and Casey.

"What was up with that teacher!" Anna asked

"I tried to tell Elrond about it, but he wouldn't listen?" I informed, "No!"

"NO! SHE WON'T GET LEGGY! I MUST GO PROTECT HIM FROM THE DARK FORCES!" Dani screamed and ran off to find Legolas

Much screaming later, Dani was sitting on the table that Legolas was at, with her arms wrapped around his head.

"She is weird but not as weird as Ms. Fowler." Karvian said

"I wonder what happened to Mr. Fowler." Said Hanna

"I bet she eat his brain!" I replied with a laugh

Then Prudence deiced to make his appearance.

"Hi Casey and Friends." He said and sat down in the vacant chair

We ignored him.

"So what's up _friends_?" He asked

"The ceiling." I hissed

"That is not what I meant, you Elf chaser." He said with an evil grin

I narrowed my eyes, "I am NOT AN ELF CHACER! YOU ARE AN ANNOYING FREAK! GO AWAY! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME AT THIS TABLE!"

Prudence didn't bother responding and put his arm around Casey.

"NO! Non-shiny person! My one and only love is Elfy!" Casey said and swatted his arm away

"Well I can be your Elfy." Prudence said

All of us erupted into laughter.

"I'm not even going to make comment!" I said

We were making so much noise that Elrond came over.

He now had a shirt on that said 'Doom! Doom on you!' It was black with bold yellow writing. He still had his dyed robes on underneath.

"Um, Dude? You are a big fashion no-no." Anna said

"Leave me alone." Elrond hissed and was about to say something else but Anna cut him off

"But you are! That is so stupid looking! I mean you look like a Goth- hippie!" She insisted

"Goth-hippie? Where do you come up with this stuff? Zombies, Goth-hippies!" Elrond exclaimed

"THERE IS A ZOMBIE! THERE IS! I-

"SHUT UP! THERE ARE NO ZOMBIES AND THERE NEVER WILL BE ANY! EVER! GOT THAT!" Elrond yelled

Suddenly someone tapped him on the shoulder.

Elrond turned around slowly and looked at the ugly little woman behind him. He raised an eyebrow, "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Yes, kind sir, I was wondering where t-

"THAT'S THE ZOMBIE! LOOK OUT ELROND!" All of us at the table yelled

Elrond frowned, "Excuse me," He said to Ms. Fowler and turned to us, "If I have to tell you one more time, it will not be pleasant... Now, what can I help you with?"

"I was wondering if you could show me where the teacher's lounge is." Ms. Fowler said

"Sure. I will escort you there." Elrond said

"Thank you." She replied and walked away with Elrond

"Well, we tried." Anna said and sighed

"It's his brain. I warned him." I said annoyed, "You all saw it! I will not be blamed for this!"

"So Casey do you want to go with me to a movie?" Prudence asked

"NO!"

"Okay, I'll come to your house around 7 then." He replied

"HEY I LOVE POTATOES! POTATOES ARE THE BEST! GO POTATOES!" Jackie screamed and ran past our table with Noliee behind her

Noliee was trying to get her lunch back.

Gollum randomly came over and placed a fish on our table. Then he put a fish on everyone's table and ran behind the trashcans.

"Um, okay." Melanie said, "What was that all about?"

Suddenly, the fish exploded covering everyone in sticky nasty fish guts.

Gollum laughed manically and scampered off.

All: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

"At least Leggy's shiny hair didn't get yucky!" Dani said completely covered in fish guts

Yes, she was still hugging his head.

"Stupid Gollum!" I screamed and pushed fish covered hair out of my face

What happened next would haunt all of us forever...especially Gandalf.

From the corner of the room a giant bowl of orange potato salad suddenly sprouted arms and legs. It got up and laughed evilly.

Everyone turned and stared. This was so weird that even Dani pulled her attention away from Legolas to see what the cheese was going on.

In the school kitchen, in a pot of 5-week-old chili, a pink cat was laughing evilly.

"My newest minion shall take care of that stupid old fool, affectionately known as Gandalf. That slob shall not see the halls of this school again! Muawahahaha!" Noruas laughed, "UGH! What am I sitting in! Is that...MEAT SAUCE! EVIL DOES NOT DWEL IN MEAT SAUCE!" Noruas got out of pot quickly

He hissed and shook the meat sauce out of his fur.

"I really need to get a permanent lair."

The evil potato salad then wiped some of the food off its face and revealed eyes, a nose, a mouth and ears.

Everyone: o.0?

The salad let out a war cry and headed straight for Gandalf.

"No! What is it doing! Get away from me you fiend!" Gandalf hollered

The salad hopped onto Gandalf's table, "You. (points to Gandalf) Come with. Me." (Points to self) it said in a caveman like voice

"No! I don't go places with food!" Gandalf replied, "I eat it!"

"Okay. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." The potato salad said and grabbed Gandalf's hat

"GIVE THAT BACK!" he said

The salad gave a war cry again and attacked Gandalf.

After a wile the salad had Gandalf hog-tied and dragged him out of the school. It pointed to us then to it eyes as if to say: 'I'm watching you!'

We sat in silence as we heard car tires screeching and evil laugher.

Everyone: O.O...AHHHHH! GANDALF WAS WIZARD-KNAPPED BY EVIL FOOD! (High pitched squealing) OH NO!

Suddenly a loud ear-shattering yell thundered from down the hall. A roar followed it.

Everyone: (silence) we heard the crickets chirping…

"What was that?" I asked

"I have no clue." Jackie replied

"Where is Elrond!" Legolas asked and pushed Dani away, "That sounded like him yelling."

(loud gasp) "He went with the zombie!" Anna informed

(loud gasp) "WHY! It will eat his brain!" Dani exclaimed

Everyone: OH NO! (Loud Gasp)

(Bell rings)

Silence…

"Well. We can deal with it after school." Aragorn said

"Yeah. Okay." Everyone agreed

"BUT WAIT!" I said, "We need a principal!"

"The substitute principal was Gandalf and the one after that was Galadriel!" Noliee said

"So we need to vote for another principle. Just for the day." Melanie said

"I CHOOSE LEGOLAS!" Dani hollered

"ME TOO!" Casey screamed

Several shouts came in for Aragorn. There were some for Pippin, lots for Legolas, several loud ones for Haldir, some for Boromir, even 1 for Gollum, and then there was that really loud scream for Noruas.

"OKAY OKAY! SHUT UP PEOPLE!" I screamed and jumped up on a table, "Now let's do this in a civil and calm manner. Okay, now, votes for Aragorn please raise your hand now...

(counts hands) "That's 37 Cheesy one!" Noliee said

"Thanks, Jackie please write that down." I said

"Sure."

"Okay, for Legolas..."

"38!" Noliee informed

"For Gollum..."

"4."

"For Pippin..."

"33!"

"For Boromir..."

"28."

"For Aragorn..."

"37. You called him already."

"Oh yeah, sorry, For Noruas..."

"17! Wow, that's surprising."

"Yes Noliee, okay, Haldir..."

"Oooh, 39. Is he the last one?" Noliee asked

"Yep! Looks like Haldir is the winner!"

"Okay, so now what?" Alice asked

"We go to out next class?" Casey said

"I guess." I replied and got off the table

Haldir shrugged, "Okay. Whatever...(squeaks) I GET ELROND'S SHINY OFFICE!"

0.0? "Okay, see you later." I sad and walked to my next class

ooooooooo

We were supposed to have Gandalf's class next but since he was...not available, Haldir called in a guest speaker for his class.

It was Denethor, and he was going to tell us about fire safety. Ha ha.

Denethor entered the room quietly. He was wearing the coat thing the wore in Return of the King and carrying a box.

No one was paying attention to him and continued talking.

He carefully put the box down on Gandalf's desk and tried to get our attention, "Hello? Class?"

We continued talking.

"CLASS!" he yelled

We stopped talking and looked at him. Denethor stared back.

"Yes. Okay. I am here today to talk to you about...(twitches)...fire safety." Denethor said

"Fire safety? As in, you are going to be telling us about, matches...

Denethor twitched

"Camp fires..."

Twitch…

"Fire places..."

TWITCH…

"And those things that you put fire in, oh yeah, torches." I said

Commence violent twitching: TWITCH TWITCH

"YES YES! FIRE! FIRE _GOOD_!" Denethor exclaimed and grabbed a match from the box

"I don't think this _is_ good." Anna mumbled

Denethor laughed evilly and grabbed a fire safety packet from the box. Just as he was about to let the paper on fire, something must have clicked in his mind.

He suddenly put out the match out and collapsed to the floor. Denethor curled up in a ball and rocked back and fourth.

"No! NO! Fire bad…what was it that the nice people in the white coats said? Oh yes, think of nice waterfalls and the ocean and lakes and- AH! NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"

He ran out of the room at full speed.

Class: o.0?

We sat like that until he came back.

Denethor re-entered with a manic expression on his face. His hair was all frizzed out and his clothes were all wrinkled.

"What happened dude? Did ya fall in?" Noliee asked

He looked at her oddly. Then he walked up to the front of the class and continued with the lesson.

"Okay class. There will be no more interruptions on my account. Now, the first lesson in…(gulp) Why playing with fire is bad…(reading paper) You could burn something down or cause an…(Twitch) explosion. You could…(violent twitch) set yourself on fire or someone else that you know and- (stops and stares blankly) I DIDN'T DO IT! I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!

DEAD! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

Then he started hyperventilating.

"Um, are you okay?" I asked

Loud hyperventilating…

"Dude?"

LOUD hyperventilating…

"STOP IT!"

He hyperventilated so much that he sucked in a random bug and choked.

"ACK UGHAHHAUGHG!"

"Oh no! He's choking! Does someone know what to do? I wasn't paying attention in class!" Anna screamed

"Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! I know!" Casey said as she ran to front of the classroom and pounded (and I mean POUNDED) on Denethor's back.

The bug flew out of his mouth and stuck to the wall on the other side of the room.

Denethor panted heavily a few times before he sat down and sighed loudly.

"Okay. Let's try this once more…Fire is-

"IS EVERYTHING OKAY? I heard screaming." Boromir said blasting into the room

Denethor stared at Boromir with his mouth open and eyes wide.

"Father?" Boromir said just as confused

Denethor shrieked loudly and threw a textbook through the window, shattering the glass. Then he jumped out the window and ran away hollering random stuff.

o.0? "I really don't want to know." Alice said

The bell rang and we got out of there as quickly as possible.

OooooooooO

I instantly knew something was up when Hanna rolled into Gimli's class in a wheel chair. Then I saw that _Noliee_ was the one pushing her along and it all made sense.

This was obviously another prank. I pity the poor slob who falls victim to this one.

Slob, heh heh, Noliee should join forces with Noruas. They might blow up the school and then we would get the rest of the year off…maybe. Or the might make us come back during summer, a horror to unspeakable…

Gimli watched as Noliee wheeled Hanna up beside her desk.

"What happened Hanna?" He asked

"I have suddenly developed a crippling illness." She replied in the utmost seriousness

"Well, I hope you feel okay to take notes on today's exciting science lesson on the history of rocks!" Gimli announced

"Oh, you are totally rippin' offa' Leggy's 'History of Elvish'." I said in my best rapper voice and snapped my fingers

Gimli grumbled something about how much he hated _The Elf_.

"Whatever! Just get out your notebooks and start copying down what I say!"

Jackie smirked and took the cactus out of her backpack. Then she raised her hand.

"Yes, Jackie?" Gimli said and stopped speaking

"The cactus has a question." She said and pointed to it

Cactus: …

"Oh not again! The cactus has an amazing question but whenever I try to get him to talk he won't speak to anyone but me!" Jackie informed

Gimli looked at her funny, "Ooookay, and _this_ is what you interrupted me for?"

"Yes, yes it is."

Gimli frowned and continued talking. Jackie stared mumbling things and appeared to be having a heated conversation with the cactus.

Gimli just ignored her.

"Now as I was saying, rock may seem like just some dirty old things in the ground. But they are not! Rocks are like underwear; they come in all shapes sizes and colors. If you think about it, the same is true for people too. You may like one brand and hate the other. Another brand may give you wedgies and then there is the type that fit just right." Gimli said really getting into the lesson

Okay, I could see where the little dude was going with his nice little metaphor thing, but I'm sorry comaring people to _underwear_. That's just not right…not right at all! I am so not writing that down in my notes and if it was going to be on the test **I**would give Gimli a wedgie myself no matter what type of fancy panties he was wearing!

"But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that all rocks are special and deserve your love and attention. Rocks ha- Yes Jackie?"

"The cactus promised to tell you the question now!" she informed with a smile, "He's finally ready."

Cactus: …

"…Jackie, stop talking to the cactus! Its not alive! Its not a 'He' it's an 'It'!" Gimli informed

Jackie gasped, "I can't believe you just insulted him like that! He is so a 'He'! He even has a name! His name is: Sherwood the Mighty Fig! And he does talk!"

"Jackie, I am only going to tell you one more time! The stupid plant is not alive!"

"Well you think your stupid old rocks are alive! I bet you write love notes to them like you do to Galadriel! 'Oh precious rocky, I love you soooo much! won't you take me away forever and ever and buy an underwear store with me?' I can't believe you!" Jackie yelled and crossed her arms

Gimli just frowned, "If you want all that touchy feely lovey stuff, go see Legolas!"

"Maybe I will! Come on Sherwood! We will go somewhere where you will not be insulted!" Jackie said and got up _'accidentally' _kicking Hanna's wheel chair in the process

Hanna screamed as the wheelchair when flying forward, got stuck in between two desks and launched Hanna out of it.

She went flying threw the air and landed on the floor with a thud. Then she ever so slowly pulled herself up realizing that she could walk!

"Hallelujah! I CAN WALK AGAIN! I CAN WALK!" She yelled 

Noliee smiled and put a CD into the class radio. Then she turned the sound all the way up.

The music BLASTED to an overly excited church gospel choir singing HALLELUJAH at the top of their lungs. The blast broke the windows and everyone got up and danced around wildly.

We joined hands and danced in a circle around Hanna who was showing off her craziest dance moves. We threw confetti and played leapfrog over the desks all the while shouting 'HANNA CAN WALK!' or "HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!"

Then Jackie ran to the TV and put a movie of the overly excited church gospel choir singing HALLELUJAH at the top of their lungs and also turned it on full blast.

We formed a line and copied the movements of the choir by swaying back and forth to the lively music and clapping our hands in a crazy manner.

Gimli backed out of the room fearing for his life once more. Once he made it to the hallway he slammed the door shut, muting the music, and sighed in relief.

Then as if another curse upon the poor dwarf, Legolas opened the door of his classroom and looked out. Seeing Gimli in the hall leaning up against the door panting and gasping for breath, Legolas yelled to his class that he would be right back and warned them not to write obscene things on the chalkboard in elvish.

WHY the class would know obscene things in elvish unless Legolas taught them is beyond me…

"Having problems, _dwarf_?" he asked

"No I have it under control, _elf._" Gimli replied

Legolas opened the door and the wild music blasted once again almost blowing the door off the hinges. He slammed it shut again.

"MADNESS!" shouted Gimli

"For once dwarf, I agree with you." Legolas replied

They stood in silence for a moment before Legolas laughed loudly and ran the room and joined us.

Gimli just shook his head slowly.

It was then that all the noise attracted the Hobbits and Merry and Pippin came running down the hall.

"What's going on?" Pippin asked running up to Gimli

"Madness…" He mumbled

"MADNESS?" Pippin shrieked, "Where, where is it!"

"In there." Gimli said and pointed into the class room where Legolas was break-dancing on a desk

"HEY EVERYONE! PARTY IN GIMLI'S ROOM!" Pippin yelled before he and Merry ran in

There was a great cheering roar and all the kids and teachers came stampeding out of their classrooms and sprinted over to Gimli's room, plowing the poor dwarf over in the process.

The music went up even louder and the whole room shook violently.

Gimli just shook his head, "Madness."

Ooooooooooooo

UNTIL NEXT TIME! MWUAHAH!

Turk-out my homies!


	22. When Legolas Attacks Unsuspecting Aragor

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 22

(Elrond's office)

Haldir was listing to a portable CD player, looking at a teen magazine and eating Elrond's wheat thins. He was reclining on a neon green beanbag chair and wearing Elrond's hippie clothes.

Suddenly the door burst open and a crazy looking girl with pigtails sticking off the sides of her head entered.

She screamed loudly and jumped on the desk.

"HALDIR! I'VE FINALLY FOUND YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! WILL YOU MARRY ME? PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE?" the rabid fan girl screamed

Haldir raised an eyebrow and listed one headphone, "Can you repeat that?"

She nodded, "HALDIR! I'VE FINALLY FOUND YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! WILL YOU MARRY ME? PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

"Um, no?" Haldir replied and placed the headphone back over his ear

"Waaaaaaahhhh!" the fan girl cried

Haldir turned up the volume on his CD player.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The volume went up more.

"**WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Haldir sighed, the volume wouldn't go up any louder and he could still hear her.

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-

"OKAY! OKAY! Stop making that noise!" Haldir said and turned off the CD player

She stopped and blinked.

"What's you name?" Haldir asked her as she sat down in front of his beanbag chair

"Piggy!" she said with a smile

"…Really?"

"No! That is what everyone calls me silly cutie pie!"

"I think you are what Legolas calls a 'rabid fan girl' "

"ME FAN GIRL!"

"Yep. You are. I guess I should scream in horror and run away now."

"NO! You are not going anywhere." Piggy said and launched herself at Haldir

He tried to move but Piggy was too fast. Before Haldir even knew what hit him, Piggy was already at work tying him up.

"NOOOOOO! GET AWAY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Haldir yelled

In the darkness of Elrond's closet, a pink cat with an Afro, was laughing evilly.

"MUAWAHAHHAHAAAA! Another one 'tied up' by the forces of my minions! (Squeals) and I just love my new hair…0.0? Where did that come from?"

"…I need to find Cloe."

O…O

(Teacher's lounge)

"I'm bored." Aragorn said and sighed loudly

He was sitting in the teachers lounge with Legolas and Gimli.

Gimli was trying to get the coffee pot to work and Legolas and Aragorn were witting at the small table next to the coffee pot.

Legolas was reading a magazine and Aragorn was staring at the ceiling.

"STUPID THING! Gimli yelled and pounded on the coffee pot, "GIVE ME SOME STUPID COFFEE!"

It still didn't work.

"You do know that it's not on, don't you?" Legolas said and pressed the on button

Gimli frowned.

"I'm still bored." Aragorn said

Legolas continued reading.

"Hey! I said I was bored!" Aragorn informed and poked Legolas

Legolas looked over the top of his magazine, "Yes? And what am I suppose to do about this?"

"I don't know. You could sing or dance or do something amusing." Aragorn suggested

Legolas gave him the 'you have got to be joking look', "No. How about not?"

"Well, I could go get Casey and Dani! I'm sure they would love to come in here." Aragorn said

"Don't you dare."

"I will! If I don't find something amusing in the next 2 minutes, I'm going to get them."

Legolas smiled evilly, "I know. I could braid your hair."

Gimli backed away. He knew Legolas was serious and an Elf with hair supplies is as dangerous as a rabid Warg.

Aragorn rolled his eyes, "Oh please…that is so stupid. Braid your own hair prissy Elf."

Gimli poured himself a cup of coffee and watched Legolas and Aragorn. If this were anything like last time, this episode would be enjoyable.

"I will." Legolas said

"Yeah, right, whatever." Aragorn replied

He was just about to get up and go to get Casey and Dani, when Legolas laughed evilly and jumped in front of the door. He locked the door and handed the key to Gimli.

Gimli calmly placed the key in his pocket and took a sip of coffee.

"What _are _you doing?" Aragorn asked and crossed his arms

"BRAIDING YOUR HAIR! MUAWHAHAHAHA! (Cough, cough) Sorry, not used to evil laughter…BUT ANYWAY! I-

"Hi! Is everything okay? I heard evil laughter." I said

0.o? "Huh? I though I locked the door…Yes, everything is fine. I was just about to braid Aragorn's hair. Now go away, annoying person!" Legolas informed

"Oh, Okay then." I said and closed the door

"Now, where were we? OH yes…MUAW-

"You were done with the evil laughter." Gimli informed

"I was? Oh yeah…AH! LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE POINT!" Legolas yelled and attacked Aragorn's head

Much screaming, pain and broken objects later, Aragorn cautiously poked his head and whimpered.

Legolas smiled and calmly sat down at the 'coffee table'. He gave Aragorn a random mirror.

Aragorn took one look and screamed. Loudly.

"WHAT DID YOU DO ME?" Aragorn exclaimed after seeing the cornrows braided into his hair

"Like it? I thought you would." Legolas said and smiled at Gimli, "You're next Gimli."

0.0! "You stay away from my head, you, you…rogue Elf!" Gimli yelled and waved his coffee cup threateningly at Legolas

"MUAWAHAHAHA! (Loud coughing) YOU THINK COFFEE CAN STOP ME?I AM THE GREAT LEGOLAS! C-

Gimli threw his cup at Legolas and coffee went all over him. Gimli laughed loudly.

Maybe it was the hot coffee, but I swear that you could see Legolas steaming.

"**GIMLI!"** Legolas yelled and charged the poor dwarf

Galadriel was just coming back from…wherever she was…and she decided to leave her stuff in the teachers lounge. She opened the door and froze.

Aragorn was throwing pillows, from the over turned couch, at Legolas and screaming war cries. Legolas had Gimli by the beard and was tugging so hard, that it almost ripped his beard off, he was also shouting curses in Elvish; Gimli was shouting curses in Dwarvish and trying to get away from the insane Legolas. The room was all messed up and the once full coffee pot was in a thousand pieces on the floor.

They immediately stopped and stared at Galadriel when they heard her enter.

Galadriel stared back, her eyes wide with terror. She decided not to put her stuff in the room and backed away slowly, not taking her eyes off the three crazy people in the room in front of her.

Once the door shut, the uproar in the room continued.

Galadriel sighed and shook her head. _This_ was the insanity that she put up with every day.

"I wonder what has happened since I was gone." She said

A shriek of happiness was heard from down the hall from Piggy. It was followed by more Elvish and Dwarvish curses from the room next to her. Then there was the random LOUD musings of Denethor. Next came the manic screaming of Elrond and the evil laughter of Ms. Fowler.

Galadriel twitched and shook her head again, " Never mind, I do not want to know."

O……O

Sorry that was so short! Responses next time I promise!


	23. The Infamous Evil Turkies

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 23

We were sitting in Gandalf's class. It was a Thursday…I think. Yeah, it was, just about a week from Thanksgiving.

Elrond was about to make an announcement.

"…Duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh…uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, duhmadoodoo uuughhhhh Eeee! Eeee!"

"What's wrong with Elrond?" Gandalf asked, "And what happened to Haldir?"

"He got his brain eaten by a zombie 'cause he wouldn't listen to me." I said, "And I have no clue what happened to Haldir…by the way, how did ever escape that potato salad?"

"I blasted it to the void of Mordor." Gandalf replied

"I think the zombie replaced Elrond's brain with a tomato." Jackie said

"All right! Enough Talking!" Gandalf hollered, "Today, we will be taking a test on the 3rd age of Middle Earth."

Everyone sighed loudly. Gandalf and his tests!

"How many questions will be on the test?" Noliee asked

"100, maybe more." Gandalf replied

"Is that it!?" Jackie exclaimed

"I said maybe more! Since you want to know so bad, there are exactly…219!" Gandalf hissed

"Oh, that's better. I was shocked at the small number." Jackie said with a smile

"Now, get out your pencils and…YES!? What now!?" Gandalf yelled at me

"Does the test have to do with the Fellowship? 'Cause I forgot to study about Frodo." I asked

"I don't know! Does it really matter?!" he replied

"Well, yes it DOES matter and you should know if Frodo is mentioned in the test, you made it." I said

"WAS FRODO PART OF THE 3RD AGE?!" Gandalf screamed

"Um, yeah?" I replied

"WELL, he is mentioned in the test then!" Gandalf informed

"But-

Gandalf silenced me with an evil glare and a threaten wave from THE staff of doom.

"Now, what I was trying to say was, you will have the entire class to complete the test, if you don't finish you will have some time next time we have class." Gandalf informed, "Oh yes, and remember when the test question asks for someone's name, JUST PUT THEIR NAME!"

Gandalf glared at me, then at Jackie.

Hey, just because we put the name, place of birth, date of birth, what they achieved in their life, hair and eye color and how many Orcs they killed, Gandalf makes it sound like a crime!

During the test, someone was passing around a note that said: "Gandalf is an evil turkey!" Enclosed was a picture of Gandalf's body with a turkey head.

The note landed on Noliee's desk.

"Rachel look!" she whispered and showed it to me

"What are you doing? Note passing is strictly forbidden! I should banish you from this learning establishment!" Gandalf yelled and came to collect the note

"WHO WROTE THIS!?" He demanded "Was it you?"

"No!" Noliee said, "It landed on my desk."

Hanna quickly closed her notebook and grinned evilly.

"What in Middle Earth is an "Evil Turkey" anyway?" he asked

"It's a-" Jackie started but was cut off by a loud crash from outside

Everyone ran to the window. I pressed my face against the glass and saw the weirdest thing ever.

5 large trucks had crashed each had a white hand print turkey on it (Like the ones you made in kindergarten) and under it was the word "Turkdor Inc"

I raised an eyebrow, "So, now what?"

Jackie looked horrified.

"Those are no normal crashed turkey trucks. They come from Turkdor, the place of evil!" she screamed

Everyone stared at her like she was crazy.

"I'm serious!" she protested

OoO

Suddenly the trucks opened and giant evil turkeys got out. More and more trucks came and more and more turkeys got off.

Soon the entire schoolyard was filled with the evil beings.

In the office, something in what was left of Elrond's brain, clicked.

He stopped drooling and looked out of the window. Elrond saw the approaching turkeys and stared wide eyed. He blinked several times and suddenly had a thought of dancing tuna sandwiches.

Elrond laughed stupidly and sat down at his hippy colored desk. He started drawling pictures of penguins and other random stuff. Then he started cutting out paper monkeys…

OoO

The turkeys started stomping and gobbling. Then they moved in closer around the school.

Gandalf called an emergency meeting in the auditorium.

"Students, there is a problem, well yes, it appears that there are giant evil turkeys outside the school. They don't seem like they want to sign a peace treaty either…if anyone has any information on the subject, please step forward now.

Me, Jackie, Casey and Noliee stepped forward.

"OH NO! Not you four!" Gandalf hollered, "Is there anyone else?"

No one else responded.

"All right! FINE! Come with me." Gandalf hissed

We followed to a small room where the rest of the fellowship was sitting around in a circle.

They seemed to be re-enacting the council of Elrond…without Elrond.

They stared at us. Pippin waved.

"Um, Hi?" I said

No response.

"Ooookay, so how is everyone?!" Casey asked happily

"Just tell us about the turkeys!" Gandalf said annoyed

"Well, let me tell the story." Jackie said and paused just to be dramatic, "Every November we celebrate a special holiday called Thanksgiving. In another land far far away from here, a group of people called the Turkdoreans, or the Turkas as they are more commonly known, celebrate a holiday quite similar.

"A symbol of this holiday is a picture of a white hand print turkey. Little did we know, the turkey is a fearsome beast. Especially the evil turkey! DunDunDunnnn!

"All of this started when the Turkas and Jonas (another race of turkey) became friends. The Turkas forgot their alliance with the Jonas and cooked the leader turkey, also known as the Kabob for dinner. This infuriated the Jonas! A small council met. They called themselves the Wanna Who Killed and Roasted the Great and Powerful Kabob. Or W.K.T.W.K.R.G.P.K. Needless to say, their name was not spoken often.

"Anyway, they set out to kill the Turkas. They were not aware that the Turkas were powerful magicians. The Jonas were walking straight into a trap. The moment the turkey army arrived, they were sprinkled with potion and a dead oak tree was dropped on their heads.

"The potions cooked the turkey's skin and it began to melt. The feathers all fell off and exposed a rough green surface. Their legs and feet grew feathers; their beaks shrunk until they looked more like a horn than a beak. The turkey's eyes changed colors until they were a kaleidoscope, destined to spin around forever.

"The mutant turkeys were unconscious thanks to the oak trees. The moment they woke up, they discovered that the Turkas had left them deserted in a large cornfield. This was the biggest mistake that the Turkas ever made. (Cornfields are the ideal spot for turkey meetings.)

"The angry turkeys didn't know that their brains had been partially melted. The turkeys were all insane. All but one turkey immediately called a meeting to order. "Order! Order in the house! We have been insulted by the Turkas. They are now our enemies. We must destroy them! We shall be THE EVIL TURKEYS! To war!" the wannabe Kabob called Sauronturk shouted

"The turkeys instantly got confused about what they were supposed to do. Instead of charging after the Turkas, they scattered in every direction. Even to this day, their descendants roam the hills, wreaking havoc wherever they go!"

Jackie turned the lights off and laughed evilly. Everyone screamed.

Gandalf pushed Jackie out of the way and turned the lights back on.

"Do you know how we can make them go away?" Legolas asked, "Great story by the way. Very entertaining."

"Um…no." Jackie said "And thanks! I love explaining stuff!"

"Lets just try shooting stuff at them!" Casey said excitedly

"Errrrmm…Whatever. We have to try something!" Gandalf said, "This would be so much easier with Elrond!"

OoO

All of the kids and teachers stood on the roof of the school. The turkeys saw us and started to get angry. They started screaming and stomping.

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEEE!" Casey shrieked

(45 minuets later)

We were still standing there. The turkeys were still stomping. Nothing else had happened.

"Oh, come on already!" Noliee said and threw a large rock at a turkey

The rock hit the turkey helmet and bounced off. This angered the turkeys and about 5 of them flew at us.

They landed on the roof in front of us and squawked loudly. They were as big as elephants and as evil as Sauron!

Noruas laughed evilly somewhere in the distance.

Legolas shot an arrow at one. The arrow bounced off the turkey and hit a random old lady's car.

"Hey! That wasn't nice!" she yelled, "Young people these days! No respect!"

"Okay, so that's not going to work." I stated to obvious

"What? The old lady, or the arrow hitting the turkey?" Casey asked

"The arrow stupid!' I hissed

The turkey roared.

"Now what?" Noliee asked wiping the turkey spit off of her face

Aragorn charged at one with his sword and repeatedly stabbed the turkey.

The sword bounced off the turkey and also hit the old lady's car.

The giant turkey looked down at Aragorn and roared once more. The walls of the school shook at the sound.

Aragorn slowly backed away.

"Right…RUN!' Gandalf hollered

All of us retreated into the school.

"Baaaaaaaad cheese!' I exclaimed

"I don't even know what that means but I agree with you." Aragorn said

Next the turkey tried to break down the door and enter the school.

The door was stupid, so it easily broke and smaller turkeys came rushing in. They were about the size of horses.

Gandalf jumped in front of them and made his staff glow bright orange.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS! I AM A SERVENT OF THE BUTTERBALL TURKEY COMPANY… see? Here is my member card…WEILDER OF THE FLAME OF KENTUCKY FRIED TURKEY! **YOU SHALL NOT PASS!**"

The turkeys backed up confused, then they remembered their mission and stormed past Gandalf and tore up the school.

I made the mistake of getting in their way.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as the evil turkeys headed right at me

I had two choices. 1, get trampled. 2, jump over them.

I decided to go with choice 2. I launched myself into the air but instead of jumping over it, I landed on the turkey!

The turkey spun around and tried to throw me off. I held on as Jackie took a picture.

At the flash of her camera the turkey went totally insane. He gobbled something to the other before they charged out of the school at full speed. With me still holding on to its back!

"HELP!" I screamed as the turkey ran off with me

"THE TURKEY HAS CHEESY!" Noliee exclaimed and ran around in a circle with her hands in the air

OoO

So now I was the prisoner of the evil turkeys. They threw me on the ground and tied me to a tree.

"Stop it you evil things! You should be worshiping me! IM THE CHEESE TURKEY!" I yelled

I sighed and waited for help to come.

(30 minuets later)

"You can come rescue me anytime." I mumbled

I looked up at the school and still saw nobody coming. Suddenly, on the roof of the school, I saw Casey and Noliee. They waved to me.

I guessed they had come up with a plan.

OoO

(Earlier inside the school, just after my abduction. Cafeteria)

"NOOOOOOOOOO! RACHEL CARRIED OFF BY THE BIG EVIL THING!" Noliee screamed

"Calm down!" Jackie said, "I have a plan."

"No offence, but the last time you had a plan, I ended up with pink hair." Legolas said

"Well, I thought everyone would like having their hair dyed pink." Jackie protested

Everyone glared at her.

"Well, FINE! Don't listen to my plan then!" Jackie said annoyed

"The turkeys didn't seem to it when I hit it with something." Noliee said

"And they didn't like Jackie's camera either." Anna added

"Yeah. So maybe we could hit them with something shiny?" Noliee suggested

"THAT WAS MY PLAN!" Jackie hissed

"Well, what do we have that is shiny?" Haldir asked

"Where did you come from?" Alice asked

"Over there." Haldir replied and pointed to a closet

"Oh…so yes! Something shiny!" Alice said

Everyone thought for a wile, and then Dani had a brilliant idea.

"SOMETHING SHINY?! I know! Leggy's hair!" she screamed

"NO!" everyone else yelled

"Well, we have a lot of mushy, nasty, left over food from the food fight." Noliee said "Maybe we should put all of that in balloons and-

"THAT WAS THE OTHER PART OF MY PLAN!" Jackie screamed "Except we should add pink hair dye!"

"What's with you and the hair dye?" Legolas asked

"What's with you not liking the hair dye?" Jackie replied

"DO YOU THINK I LIKE HAVING PINK HAIR!?" Legolas said annoyed

"Actually-

"Don't answer that." Legolas said

"Would you have preferred green?" Jackie asked

"Well…Its better than pink."

"OKAY! Off topic!" Noliee yelled "YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT LATER!"

"Green would be cool. Can you do blue for me?" Eowyn asked

"Sure if-

"STOP! OFF TOPIC!" Noliee yelled

"Come on everyone! If you don't I'll…use the hair dye on my cat!" Noliee said

"Cool! Funky colored cat!" Hanna yelled

"WE WILL GET RID OF THOSE TURKEYS NOW OR I WILL SEND THE DYE TO THE VOID!" Gandalf yelled and shook the staff of doom

"Okay! Okay!" Jackie exclaimed, "We can do this later…"

"Now, since none of you will come to a sensible agreement for a plan, I say we fill the balloon things with the mushy food, and cut up pieces of shiny paper and tape it to the balloons." Gandalf informed

No one objected, so they started making the largest mess ever!

Mashed potatoes, fish, pudding, nacho cheese, spaghetti sauce, mud and Jackie's infamous pink hair dye, all went into the balloons.

Half of the people started cutting shiny tin foil and gluing it to the balloons.

When they were finished, the group was covered in messy, sticky yucky stuff. Casey and a few others smeared the paste on their faces to represent war paint. (Gandalf refused to take part in this.)

They loaded milk creates with the balloons and headed to the roof.

Noliee and Casey ran ahead of everyone and shouted to the turkeys.

They waved to me before shouting.

"HEY YOU! YEAH! I'M TALKING TO YOU, YA BIG STUPIED POM POMS!" Noliee screamed

Casey ran around and gobbled stupidly, "I'M A TURKEY!" she said in a dumb as a rock tone

The turkeys were quickly angered and stomped over to the school. Soon everyone from inside was also on the roof.

I thought it was my chance to escape, but the 'stupid Pom Poms', picked me up.

Frodo launched a balloon at the approaching turkey. The shiny pink mess exploded all over the turkey.

"GOBBLE!" it shrieked and fell over

Silence…

"OH YEAH! It worked!" Noliee said and did the happy dance

Everyone cheered and threw more. The elves tied the balloons to their arrows and shot it at the turkeys. This worked well and turkeys were falling over left and right.

Finally the one carrying me approached the school.

'HIT IT! HIT IT!' I yelled as I pounded on the turkey

I guess someone heard me and threw a balloon at the turkey. It fell over and I was finally free!

I ran into the school and up the stairs to the roof and joined my friends.

"So, who's brilliant plan was that?" I asked and stared throwing balloons

"Who do you think?" my friends replied

Suddenly the largest turkey of them all landed on the roof with a thud.

The school shook from the massive creature. He must have been the leader because he had a cape and crown.

The tiny balloons had no effect on the gigantic turkey.

"**GOBBLE!"** It shrieked and spread its wings

Gandalf looked up and smiled at the turkey. He was expecting something like this. He shouted some orders to a few of the kids and ran down the stairs back to the cafeteria.

He soon came back pushing a _**huge **_balloon in front of him.

The balloon was rolled until it was 5 inches from the turkey.

The turkey waved its head back and forth, confused. Gandalf yelled something and stabbed the balloon with his staff.

The balloon broke, splattering stuff all over the big turkey and almost all the other turkeys too. The remaining turkeys fled back to their trucks and speed back too Turkdor.

Everyone did the happy dance. (Yes even Gandalf) He was so pleased with himself that he hopped around in a circle and hip bumped with Noliee! Legolas even willingly hugged Casey.

The fallen turkeys turned pink and all of their feathers fell off.

"Looks like turkey for lunch!" Pippin said

"NOOO!" shouted Jackie, "We can't eat evil turkey! They are evil!"

"Well, now it's dead evil. What are we suppose to do with them?" I asked

"I don't know, but I do know this: You better watch out, you better not fry, you better not bake, I'm telling you why! Evil turkeys are coming to town!" Jackie sang

"They see you when your stuffing they know when you bake, they know when you've eaten turkey for supper, so don't for goodness sake!" I continued

Everyone else joined in and we sang it again.

"You better watch out, you better not fry, you better not bake, I'm telling you why! Evil turkeys are coming to town. They see you when your stuffing they know when you bake, they know when you've eaten turkey for supper, so don't for goodness sake!"

"By the way, where is my hat?" Gandalf asked randomly

I took a deep breath, "Your hat is in an undisclosed location, know only by me. Any attempt to find the hat will not work and will result in anger and confusion. The hat will be returned to you in time."

"What? All that sounded like a bunch of babble!" Gandalf said

"Does this mean we will miss lunch?" Pippin asked

Nobody responded.

"So does it?" He asked again as everyone walked off the roof

"Come on Pippin!" I called to him

Oh yeah, school was defiantly TWISTED

(In Elrond's Office)

Now the office was filled with paper monkeys and Elrond was sitting on the floor in the middle of the pile. He was totally oblivious to the fact that anything had happened and was smiling stupidly and throwing the monkeys around the room.

Gandalf entered the office, determined to find out what was wrong with Elrond once and for all.

"Elrond, we need to talk." Gandalf said

"Huh? Duh? Wanna paper monkeeeeeeeeeyy?" Elrond asked

"No, I do not want a paper monkey. I-

"EEEEHHHH! Shiny monkey!"

"Elrond I-

"AKC! HEHEHE! DO DO DO! Merrrrrrrr!"

"Elrond?"

"EEE! EEE!"

"Elrond!"

"OOO! OOO! OOO!"

"**ELROND!"**

"Uhh? 0.0?"

"Elrond we need to get your brain back." Gandalf said, "And I know just how to do it."

Elrond shoved a paper monkey up his nose.

"And I need to hurry!"

OoO

So there is the turkey chapter with the story explaining the turkeys brought to us by none other than the great Jackie.


	24. The Zombie Hunt

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 24

Added Stuff!

(December)

"Okay class, like I informed yesterday, we will be testing chemicals with- yes, Eggzilla?" Gimli said annoyed

"Will there be eggs?" she asked

"No! No eggs!" Gimli replied, "Now we will begin if there are no more questions."

We were in science class about to test chemicals. _Us_ being trusted chemicals? AHAHA! Wow, Gimli sure is taking a risk. Especially after we crashed his last class…

I was partners with Casey. She was just about to mix something up I really wasn't paying attention, I was busy thinking about something.

"EGGS!" Eggzilla shrieked and took an egg out of her backpack

"No Eggs!" Gimli yelled and took it from her

BAD idea! Eggzilla freaked and screamed loudly.

"MY EGG!"

"No! Now its my egg!" Gimli said

"FINE! KEEP IT UGLY!" Eggzilla shouted and beat Cloe over the head with her notebook

"Hey Stupid! Stop hitting me with stuff!" Cloe yelled

Casey laughed stupidly and raised her hand.

"Yes? Are you ready to present your project to the class?" Gimli asked

"Uh-huh!" Casey said and walked to the front of the class

"Okay, I first take the blue shiny stuff and mix it with the yellow non-shiny stuff." She said

"Yes, good so far." Gimli said

"Right. Now I take the pink powdery stuff in the clear tube and mix it with the green shiny stuff I have now." Casey said and looked at Gimli

He nodded, "Very good Casey!"

"Yay! Okay, now comes the- HEY! Why is there a egg here?" She asked

She was clearly not paying attention to anything that was happening over the past 5 minutes.

"Oh well, it can go in too!" Casey said and broke the egg

Gimli yelled for her to stop but the warning was lost over the frantic screams of Eggzilla. The egg went in the mixture.

**BOOM!** There was a loud explosion.

When the dust settled, it reveled a black burnt room and everyone was covered in ash.

As normally Gandalf and Legolas came running at the noise.

"What happened!" Gandalf asked

"Casey happened." Gimli replied

Legolas laughed loudly, "It seems Casey can't be trusted with chemicals!"

"No! Ya think?" Gimli said sarcastically, "Oh, wait you don't think about anything 'cause you're a stupid Elf!"

"Did it take you all day to come up with that?" Legolas replied

The entire class sighed. Here we go again. Gimli and Legolas in another 'comeback war'. After the braiding incident they were at it all the time. Oh well, at least it was amusing…sota…okay, okay it was so funny that I could hardly stand it!

"You are so stupid that you got hit by a parked car!" Gimli said

"Oh please. That is so old. Well, ya know what? You are SHORT!" Legolas replied

Gimli's face went red with anger; "You must have been dropped on your head when you were little! MORE THAN ONCE!"

"Is that the best you can come up with?" Legolas asked and sat down on Gimli's chair

"GET OFF _MY_ CHAIR! That is not for you!" Gimli said

Legolas smiled and put his feet up on Gimli's desk. He just loved making the dwarf mad.

"AH! EVIL ELF! You…you are a cow!" Gimli hollered

"Riiiiight, well you are a octopus." Legolas replied

"What is that!" Gimli asked

"Its you!" Legolas said

"That's now an answer!" Gimli exclaimed

"Yes it is!"

No its not!"

"Yes it is!"

"No its not!"

"Yes it is!"

"Yo mama!" Gimli said

"What? That doesn't even make sense!" Legolas replied

"You are so ugly!" Gimli said

"You're fat." Legolas said

"You're hair looks like a train wreck and I don't even know what a train is! That's how bad your hair looks!" Gimli screamed

"You are so short that I thought you were a door stop!" Legolas said

"I went to the store yesterday, I looked but I couldn't find you a new brain!" Gimli hissed

"Oh wow Gimli, you actually care enough to buy me something but you are the one that needs a new brain!" Legolas replied

"Actually that would be Elrond." I informed

"SHUT UP!" Gimli yelled

"YEAH! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE TALKING!" Legolas hollered

0.o! "Okay sorry! Gee!" I said annoyed

"Now, where were we?" Gimli asked

"It was your turn." Legolas said

"Oh yes…Elves should called rocks because there is no difference!" Gimli exclaimed

"It would take more than duct tape to fix you!" Legolas hissed

"This is you: DUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH!" Gimli said

.-! "Well, this is you: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP!" Legolas yelled and hit himself in the face

0.0! "Um, I'm going to leave now." Gandalf said and quickly ran out the door fearing for his life

Gimli was crossing his eyes and running around in a circle with his hands flapping around.

Legolas repeatedly poked his nose and said 'duh!' every time. Then he fell off the chair and insisted that it was an example of a Dwarf's formal dance.

They hollered, squeaked, insulted each other, made stupid faces, screamed and made various animal noises.

"DWARF'S ARE STUPID!"

"ELVES ARE MORE STUPID!"

"WELL, YOU ARE STILL SHORT!"

"GET OUT OF MY CLASS ROOM NOW! Gimli screamed

"Not until you admit that I won!" Legolas insisted

"NEVER!"

"I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER WEDGIE!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Gimli hissed quietly

"I WILL! ERRRRRR!" Legolas screamed and chanced Gimli out the door

Soon there was a loud shout followed by evil laughter. We figured Legolas caught up with Gimli.

Gimli stomped back into the classroom. He was _really_ angry! His face was red and he was mumbling cures in Dwarvish.

That was the last straw! One wedgie he could deal with, but two? No, he would not stand for it. Gimli vowed to get revenge.

And revenge he would get. MUAWAHAHAHAH!

OoooO

(Math Class)

Frodo pocked suspiciously at the cheese carving that Noliee had placed on his desk.

Noliee snapped her gum, "Yeah, see it? It's a sculpture that I made in your honor. Its you and its made entirely out of various cheeses from around the world…Now, I want my extra credit."

"What?" Asked Frodo confused, "I never asked for a cheese sculpture extra credit."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes you did."

No! I didn't!"

YES YOU DID! STUPID FORGETFUL HOBBIT! NOW TAKE IT BEFORE I GET MAD AND GIVE THE POINTS!" Noliee demanded

Frodo looked scared and nodded.

"Please…go sit down." Frodo squeaked, "I'll add the points to your grade. Just don't hurt me!"

"Good," Noliee said and smiled, "I knew you would see it my way."

Then she sat down at the desk and blinked cutely at Frodo.

"Are we going to _learn_ today Mr. Teacher?" Noliee asked in an annoying high pitched voice and giggled

Frodo looked disturbed at her likeness to Gollum.

"Please tell us all about circles!" Hanna said in the same voice

"Um…I…circles make me feel strange." Frodo said his eyes getting large, "Wouldn't you rather talk about nice safe squares, or triangles?"

"Circles!" Hanna hissed, "We wants them! We NEEDS them!"

Frodo started to freak out. He started panting and developed this strange eye twitch.

It was then that Jackie burst into the room holding a fish by the tail.

"Come on! In here! That's a good boy, come in here and get the fish!" Jackie then threw the fish at Frodo who caught it and looked at it oddly

Suddenly Gollum came charging in, hollering and screaming. He saw Frodo with the fish and totally lost it. He shrieked and attacked Frodo.

Frodo screamed and ran around in a circle. He grabbed the math book from his desk and tried to beat Gollum off. This didn't work and only made Gollum angrier. Frodo then fell to the ground curled up in a little ball and rocked back forth.

"WHATS GOING ON!" Gandalf roared blasting the door off its hinges with the Staff of DOOM!

He ran over to Frodo and knelt down next to him.

"Frodo! Frodo! Speak to me! What happed?" Gandalf asked excitedly

"Gollum! RINGS! He attacked me! OH GANDLAF! I'M SO SCARED! Will you hold me?"

Gandalf slapped him.

"Thanks Gandalf, I needed that." Frodo said and stood up

I grinned and high-fived Noliee, yet another class sabotaged!

OoooO

(In Elrond's Office)

"Hello? HELLO! Oh, sorry yes…NO I NEVER USE A PHONE BEFORE…Just tell me, is the this where you call to hire a zombie hunter?" Gandalf asked, "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you get smart with me! I'll have you know that I saved your sorry bottom long before you were born! What what?…YES! Of COURSE that makes sense pathetic mortal!"

After much mumbling and shouting and death-by-staff warnings, Gandalf finally got a zombie hunter to come to the school.

I was hanging out in the office during lunch with Anna. We were eating and talking with Aragorn and Legolas.

We weren't in trouble; no, we _chose_ to be there. I mean really, would you rather eat with a bunch of annoying kids or with Aragorn and Legolas?

I, like usual, was screaming with laughter. I almost choked on my pizza and had to be revived…hmm, well with Aragorn and Legolas around I really wouldn't mind choking and having one of them revive me. If you know what I mean! AHAHA!

I have to add that to my _'thing's to try'_ notebook.

"So anyway, we were-

Anna was cut off from her story when a scary looking man blasted in the door. Like Gandalf had done, he blasted the door off the hinges and held his large smoking gun over his shoulder. The dude was wearing a long black coat and a hat that almost covered his eyes.

"I…am VAN HELSING! The Great Monster HUNTER!" he said

Anna, Aragorn, Legolas and I stared in awe.

"I heard Gandalf called a zombie hunter!" Anna said excitedly, "Are you here to get rid of it?"

"No…" he replied, "Actually…Dose this place have a bathroom?"

Anna, Aragorn, Legolas and I: O.o?

"Um, yeah…down the hall on the left." I replied and he sprinted off

About a second later a girl came running in. She was wearing a long black cloak and all black clothing. She had long brow hair and light blue eyes. She also had an orange backpack.

"HI! I'M LYNSAY! DID SOMEONE CALL FOR A ZOMBIE HUNTER?" she yelled and waved cheerfully

"Oh, yes Gandalf did. We are having a problem with one. She is mean. I told her to go away but she was all like, 'NO!' So yeah." Anna said

"COOL! Can we help you! " I asked, "I'm all for getting rid of the evil thing that dwells in broom closet. She ate our principal's brain."

"Sure! I'm always glad to have help but-

"OH WONDERFUL! You have arrived! We are having a huge problem with a z-

"Yes, yes! They already told me!" Lynsay said

"Oh, well carry on then." Gandalf said and went to find Elrond

He was in his office, making paper monkeys most likely.

"Well, since you are going to help me you need to know a few things about zombie hunting and- OH MY GOD! IS THAT LEGOLAS?" Lynsay screamed

"Oh him? Yeah." Anna said and put her arm around like it was the most normal thing in the world to be sitting next to Legolas, "He will be coming with us on the hunt, so will Aragorn if ya don't mind."

0.0! "REALLY? AWSOME…Oh! Yes! Zombie hunting. Well the first rule is…you must wear black on a zombie hunt." Lynsay informed

"Why?" I asked

"Because…it…confuses the zombie…'cause zombies are color blind!" she said and went over the rest of the rules before she handed us each a bag of clothes and told us to go change.

I twirled out of the bathroom with the black cloak flying out behind me.

"Weeeeeeeee! Shiny! Funness!" Anna said and followed me

Legolas, Aragorn and Lynsay were waiting for us.

"Um, is it time for the zombie hunt yet?" I asked

"HUH? Oh, the zombie hunt! Yes, we can start now. Where did you was the zombie was?" she asked

"Probably in the broom closet." I said

"Well, lead the way and let the zombie hunt begin!" Lynsay said

"Elrond?" Gandalf called to Elrond who was hanging from the ceiling fan that was turned on full blast and babbling something about old ladies on motorcycles.

"El-rond! What a weird name! Whose name is that?" Elrond asked

"YOURS!" Gandalf said, "And come down from there before you hurt yourself…more."

"No no! My name is King sponge monkey!" Elrond insisted

Gandalf sighed and shook his head, "YOUR BRAIN IS COMING BACK TO YOU SOON. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. ME?" Gandalf spoke loudly and slowly

Elrond nodded, "Uh-huh! The fishing poles are coming!"

Gandalf slapped a hand to his face, "Never mind!"

"Okay old one." Elrond said and continued to blab about something random

Somewhere in the broom closet, a pink cat was laughing evilly.

"MUAWAHAHAH! I didn't even think of the zombie and I love it! It is causing mayhem and madness! YAY!" Noruas laughed

Suddenly there was a noise from inside the closet.

"Hello? Who dares to interrupt my evil gloating!" Noruas called "And EW! What is that smell?"

"Hello. I. Am Ms. Fowler."

"And I'm suppose to care _because_?" Noruas asked

"I. Am Ms. Fowler." She said again

"Yeah…you just said that…now, what is so important that you and your ugliness had to bother me."

"I'm going to eat your brain." She said and advanced on Noruas

"Yes and that is wonderful." Noruas replied and crossed his paws, "You know, I really don't care and you are intruding in my lair."

Ms. Fowler frowned and leaned in close to Noruas' pink fuzzy ear, "I have…meat sauce…" she whispered

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Noruas screamed in horror

OooO

AHAHAH! I love this chapter! One of my favorites!

But I see that lots of you are going to go see Kingdom of Heaven too. I was counting down the days since last year! HUZZAH for all the TV shows that had Orlando Bloom on them. Really, everywhere I looked, there he was!

And Hanna, you _have_ to tell me all about it when you get back!

I hope I have a lot of reviews waiting for me when I get home tomorrow!

Oh, I wish I had more time and I would respond to reviewers but I'm going to a sleepover at my school at seven and its already 6:35pm!


	25. The End of Miss Fowler!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 25

Me, Anna, Lynsay, Legolas and Aragorn approached the closet carefully. We heard screaming from in side and we wondered what was going on.

Aragorn quietly placed his hand on the knob and yanked the door open.

The site inside was too horrible to speak of, so I will do my best…

There sat Ms. Fowler. She was holding a screaming pink cat that was covered in…

In…

**Meat Sauce!**

THE HORROR! THE HORROR! THE EVIL HORROR OF THE 3-YEAR-OLD STUFF!

"HELP! HELP!" the pink cat screamed

"Mr. Noruas? Is that you?" I asked

"YES! NOW GET ME OUT!" he replied

"Unhand that cat!" Lynsay yelled to the zombie

"MY PLAN HAS BEEN DISCOVERED! Prepare to dieeee!" Ms. Fowler yelled

She roared loudly and spun her head around. Suddenly 30 green and yellow turkey zombies appeared and gobbled evilly!

Lynsay instantly told us to retreat to the nearest empty classroom after she had seen the turkeys.

We soon for one not that far down the hall from the zombie. From the safety of Gandalf's room, they deiced what to do.

Aragorn and Legolas rolled their eyes.

"More turkeys!?" Aragorn said

"ZOMBIE turkeys!" Lynsay said, "They should be feared and hated by all!"

Anna and I shrieked and ran around.

"Well, yellow and green zombie turkeys are NOT scary." Legolas said, "All you have to do is throw food at it."

"No! That makes the zombie turkeys stronger. For them we must use the…Jelly blasters." Lynsay said

Anna and I stopped running around and blinked, "What's a Jelly Blaster?" We asked

" THIS! She said and took a weird looking object out of her pocket

"This is the Jelly Blaster 3000! It shoots advanced purple jelly beans. That is the only thing know to the world that will destroy zombie turkeys." Lynsay informed and gave us each one

"COOL!" I said, "LETS HUNT SOME ZOMBIE!"

The zombie turkeys were staying close to their master. The second they saw us Ms. Fowler ordered them to attack.

Lynsay shot the Jelly Blaster at the turkey. The purple jellybean hit the turkey right in the face and the turkey instantly exploded in a flash of bright pink light.

"Oooh! It worked!" Anna said and also blasted one

Soon turkeys were exploding all around us and Ms. Fowler was jumping up and down with rage.

When all the turkeys were dead we approached Ms. Fowler.

"Surrender evil…thing!" Lynsay said

"Yes please! Then all this stupid stuff will stop happening." Legolas said

"Anyway! Leave us alone!" I added

"NEVER!" She hissed

Lynsay frowned and quicker than you could say orange cat with a Mohawk she took a bigger blaster out of her bag and pointed it at Ms. Fowler.

"What do you plan to-

But Ms. Fowler didn't get to finish her sentence because Lynsay fired the blaster at her and blue spaghetti flew out.

Blue spaghetti, a zombie's worst nightmare. Ms. Fowler exploded with a great boom!

**BOOM! **(See? I told you.)

And Ms. Fowler was no more.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Anna, Lynsay and I yelled and we went to free Noruas who was drowning in the pot of meat sauce

Aragorn and Legolas were quiet however.

"What is that?" Aragorn asked and poked at the object that appeared in the spot where Ms. Fowler exploded

"It looks like a fork." Legolas said and picked it up

He turned it over and examined it. Nothing seemed strange about it. Just a normal fork.

"Whatch' got Legolas?" I asked

"A fork. Just a simple fork." He replied

All of us took turns looking at it before we decided it was really just a stupid fork.

Legolas threw it in the nearest trashcan and helped us free Noruas. If he would have turned and looked back at it he would have seen the greenish radioactive glow that the fork gave off.

"I'm okay…THANK YOU! You saved my life!" Noruas screamed and hugged my arm, "So…much…meat sauce!"

Noruas shrieked when he saw the meat sauce being taken out of the closet. He ran and hid in the safety of Lynsay's bag.

"Now, let's see if we can find that brain." Lynsay said and looked through the closet

She soon found it in a jar in the back of the closet.

"Here it is!" she announced, "I'm glad that she didn't eat it yet."

"Let's hurry up and get it to Gandalf." Anna said

"What was up with the fork?" Noruas asked

"I don't know. I think it was just a unimportant random object." I said

Well, even for me that was quite stupid. In this school even the tamest object, like a paperclip for instance, could be an evil leader from Mars, bent on taking over the world.

We hurried to the office and soon found Gandalf sitting with Elrond.

Elrond was throwing paper monkeys at Gandalf and hooting stupidly each time.

"Holy Cheese in the sky! What happened to him?" Anna asked horrified

"That, my friend is the brainless Elrond." Aragorn said, "Disturbing, isn't it?"

Anna nodded then thought of something, "Hey, you just called me you friend! So does that mean that we are friends?"

Aragorn looked confused, "Um…I suppose."

"YAY! ARAGORN IS MY FRIEND!" Anna yelled, "What's the Elven word for friend? It's like, Mel…or something?"

"DON'T TELL HER LEGOLAS! She will never shut up!" Gandalf hissed

"Ooooh! Friends?" Elrond said

Then he had a sudden memory blast, which is quite impossible since he has no brain, "THAT'S THE PASSWORD GANDALF! FOR THE DOOR OF MORIA!"

Elrond grabbed Gandalf's staff and ran to the closet and started beating on the door.

"MELLON!" Elrond yelled and pounded so hard that the staff busted a hole in the wall and got stuck

Elrond pulled and pulled but it wouldn't come free.

"ELROND!" Gandalf yelled, "Stop that RIGHT NOW! BAD ELROND! SIT!"

Elrond pouted and crossed his arms like a spoiled little kid, "I don't have to listen to you! Your not my daddy!"

"Aragorn, Legolas, assistance please." Gandalf said

Aragorn and Legolas grabbed Elrond's arms and forcefully pushed him to his rolling chair. The chair flew backwards and smashed into the wall behind the desk.

Elrond was knocked out.

If that was even possible because he didn't…have a brain…then how is he moving/talking/doing anything you ask? In response to your question, I DON'T KNOW OR CARE! ! Now getting back to things…

"Well! Who knows how to do brain surgery?" I asked

Everyone shrugged.

"If anyone knows how to put a brain back in someone head, please come to the front office." Legolas said over the intercom

We waited for a wile and just when we were going to give up, the door flew open and two girls were struggling to get in the door first. They were dressed in long white lab coats and had gloves and doctor's masks on.

One had frizzy red hair and the other didn't. The only girl in the school with frizzy red hair like that was Casey.

"CASEY?" I exclaimed

She looked up and the other girl pushed her out of the way and ran in the room.

Before she could attack Legolas, Anna grabbed her.

"Well, if it isn't Dani and Casey." She said

I slapped a hand to my face, "Leave it to them to come when Legolas makes an announcement!"

"But we really do know brain surgery! Here are our papers from…the collage place." Dani said and handed the papers to Gandalf

He looked them over and frowned, "Girls? This is an application for Fan Girls United."

"EXACTLY!" they said at the same time

"Now where is the brain?" Casey asked

"You think I'm actually going to let you get near Elrond's brain?" Gandalf said laughing

"Yes, you are going to let us help Elrond!" Dani yelled giving Gandalf the evil eye

"Okay, I suppose. You can't make him anymore stupid than he already is." Gandalf said and gave the jar to Casey

Dani frowned, "GET OUT ALL OF YOU! We need to concentrate!"

We scooted out and waited in the office near the front desk we sat down in the chairs and waited. The cheesy sit-com music played in the background then it slowly turned into elevator music.

"Who picked the music?!" Aragorn asked, "Its horrible!"

"_You_ think its bad? Try having elven hearing!" Legolas said and coved his ears

"Oooh! Let me help!" Lynsay said and gently place her hands over Legolas' ears, "Better?"

He nodded.

Waiting, waiting, waiting…

"AH! This is so boring!" I exclaimed

"Yeah, go get Fortaboopoo to entertain us!" Anna said

"Who's Fortaboopoo?" Aragorn asked

"I don't know. I read it somewhere once. In a FAN FICTION" Anna replied

Waiting, waiting, waiting…

"What's a fan fiction?" Aragorn asked

Suddenly, the door flew open, the elevator music stopped and Casey shrieked: **EUREKA!**

"You may see the patient now." Dani said and stepped aside

We hurried in and crowded around Elrond who was just waking up.

"Ughhh…I'm I dead? I'm I in heaven? AH! No! Casey is here! It must be the other place!" Elrond exclaimed

"Hey!" Casey said

"No, you aren't dead Elrond. You are in your office. How do you feel?" Gandalf asked

"My head hurts. But other than that, I feel okay." Elrond informed

"Well enough to rule the school aging?" Anna asked

"Yes, I suppose. What happened to me anyway?" Elrond asked

"Before or after the zombie ate your brain?!" I asked annoyed, "I warned you! But would you listen? NO!"

"Stop yelling. My head hurts. And you did tell me about the zombie and I'm sorry I didn't listen. There. Are you happy now?"

"Yes, I hope you feel better." I said and hugged Elrond

Elrond sighed, "Now get out of my office! I have stuff to do! And why are there paper monkeys everywhere?!"

"In case you don't remember Rondie, You were making them…in mass production!" Lynsay said

"I was? Why on Middle Earth was I...Never mind, I don't care." Elrond said and turned his disco ball on

He dusted off his tie dyed robes, put the Afro back on and went about fixing up his office.

"Where are my wheat thins?! I can't-

I handed him the box.

"Oh, thank you." He said and munched on some the second they were giving to him

The bell rang. It was time to get back to class.

"Bye Bye! Elly! I hope our handiwork with your brain helped." Casey said and skipped out dragging Legolas and Aragorn with her

Dani went after them yelling something about to Casey. Lynsay grabbed her bag and was just about to leave when I stopped her.

"Hey, stick around for awhile. We could always use some help with the random stuff that attacks the school on a regular basis." I said

"Okay! That sounds like fun." She said and dropped her bag

Her bag hissed when it hit the floor.

"Do you mind!? I was sleeping!" A voice yelled

"Noruas! Are you still in there? Come out and go sulk somewhere." I said

Noruas grumbled and pulled his pink catness out of the bag.

"Someone let the cat out of the bag!" I said

"Ugh! What a horrible pun!" Noruas exclaimed and trotted out

"Come on, let's go to class." I said

"CHEESE!" Lynsay shrieked

In math we were learning probability.

The hobbits were demonstrating with mushroom. Not a good idea.

"Okay, so you have 4 shiny orange mushroom, 6 red mushrooms and 5 purple ones. What is the probability of picking a purple one…after Pippin tried to eat 7 of them. PIPPIN! I told you to stop!" Sam hissed

"What? I wasn't!" Pippin insisted

"I just saw you take them!" Sam hissed, "Give me those! I need to help Mr. Frodo teach the lesson! Isn't that right Mr. Frodo?

Frodo was sitting behind his desk with headphones on. He was eating potato chips and playing Adrian's game boy. (How he got it, I have no clue.)

"Huh? Yeah, sure Sam." Frodo said and ate one of the mushrooms

"HEY! He just ate one!" Merry said

"Yeah, why can't we have one?!" Pippin said

"FINE! EAT THEM! I won't teach them about probability! Here they are, so willing to learn about fractions and you have to wreck it for them! Its not everyday that they are so enthusiastic!" Sam yelled

Half the class was sleeping. Casey was drooling over her picture of Legolas. Dani was doing the same. Noliee and Jackie were passing notes and I was quietly talking with Lynsay.

The hobbits ate their mushrooms and sighed happily.

Casey raised her hand, "This is boring. Tell us something about Elfy."

"Who's Elfy?" Sam asked, "Does this person like math?"

"I don't know if Elfy likes math. You should know! You are the teacher." Casey replied

"Just F.Y.I Sam, Elfy = Legolas. See? I used math. The '=' thing." I said in a 'duh' tone

"Oh, something about Legolas?" Sam said, "Well, did you know he likes to randomly talk about hand lotion?"

"Really?" Jackie asked suddenly interested for something she could use as revenge

"Yeah, during the quest all he did was- No! I'm getting off topic! Back to math!" Sam said

The class sighed and went back to what they were doing and Sam went back to blabbing.

"Um, Sam? I don't fell good." Pippin said

"I don't either. I think those mushrooms were- OH MY FLYING COW! Pippin! You're bright purple!" Merry exclaimed

Sure enough Pippin was bright purple and glowing.

"MERRY! YOUR'RE ORANGE!" Pippin hollered back

The hobbits looked at each other and then back at themselves.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the screamed

"Sam! Where did you get those mushrooms!?" Frodo demanded

He was fire engine red.

"I got them from the science room!" Sam said

"Before or after Casey got a hold of the chemicals?" I asked and looked at the hobbits who were now flying through the air

"After…I think." Sam replied

I smacked a hand to my face for the 100th time that day. (Can you say headfarting trauma?)

"DUH! They were infected with chemicals!" I shouted

"WEEEEEE!" Pippin exclaimed and floated out of the classroom

Frodo and Merry followed.

Sam shouted and ran after them.

"Coooooooool. No teacher!" Karvian said suddenly awake

We were just about to start parting when the door flew open, hit the wall, then ricocheted and slammed shut again. There was a loud yell of rage then the door blasted off its hinges and busted through the window.

Then it entered. A glowing green fork with an angry face floated in the door.

**"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!" **It yelled

The room shook, lightning flashed and the lights dimmed when it laughed.

"Who are you?" Casey asked

The fork looked at her, "**SLIENCE MORTAL!"**

"Casey! When a glowing fork enters the room and laughs evilly, you don't ask it question!" Lynsay scolded

**"QUIET! I WILL NOW SPEAK!"** the fork said

"Well, we don't have all day so get on with it!" Cloe yelled from the back of the room

The fork growled but chose to ignore the remark.

"I. Am THE mystical evil fork and-

"Cool! I'm THE Cheese Turkey." I said

"SHUT UP!…I have been awakened from my ancient sleep! It appears that the zombie that was my keeper has been destroyed…Oh well, I never liked her anyway…BUT! That is not why I am angry. WERE IS THE ONE THAT PUT ME IN THE TRASH RECEPTACLE!? THAT HAS ANGERED ME GREATLY AND I MUST HAVE REVENGE!" The fork exclaimed and hovered in front of the class

"Did you get caught in the chemical explosion too? Or did you eat the mushrooms? Those things will turn you-" Noliee asked

"DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS! GO FIND THE ONE WHO DISPOSED OF ME!" the fork commanded

"I'll go get him." I said

I returned a few minutes later with Legolas.

"What now!?" he asked annoyed, "It better not be another zombie."

"Err, well…whispers to fork lord Are you a zombie?"

"No."

"Okay thanks…Nope! Its not another zombie. Just an evil fork bent on attacking you and possibility taking over the world. You know, the usual." I said

"Oh, okay then." Legolas said,

"What do you want with me?" he asked the fork

"YOU ARE THE ONE WHO THREW ME AWAY?" It demanded and glowed brighter with rage

"Um, I think you have the wrong person. You are looking for…Elladan and Elrohir!" Legolas said picking the first names that came to mind

"WHO!?" the fork said

"I'll go get them!" Legolas said and made a quick exit

He came back dragging the twins behind him.

"Hi! This fork would like to talk to you. I think it's mad. BYE!"

Legolas said and ran off laughing

"Um, Hello?" Elladan said

"YOU ARE THE TWO THAT THREW ME AWAY!?" The fork said angered

"No. I don't think- gasp Elrohir! It must be the fork from lunch!" Elladan exclaimed

"But…I thought it was just a normal fork." Elrohir insisted

"I am no normal fork! HOW DARE YOU LABLE ME A 'NORMAL FORK'! I AM THE FORK OF WRATH AND DOOM!" The fork said

"We are sorry if we insulted you!" the twins said

"Silence! NOW, I will now put my cure upon all of you!" It hissed

"Um…Do you have to cures us?" I asked

**"YES!"**

"Okay. Never mind."

"NOW! I will send 6 plagues upon you! To-

"6?! Come on? That is so stupid! In all the good movies its 3 p-

"SHUT UP! I'M NOT DONE TALKING! Okay, the plagues will follow one right after the other…if you survive any of them. They are scary and evil! The worst of the worst! No one in the past could bare it, they were too horrible. Ghastly, sick, despicable, and all around bad they are. THEY WILL BE THE DOOM OF ALL OF YOU! MUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The fork shouted

"Well, that sounds bad." Casey said

"The only way you can stop these horrible curses is to return my to my rightful owner. AND by the hands of those two only nods at Elladan and Elrohir can I be destroyed."

"That sounds easy, who is your rightful owner?" Elrohir asked

"MUAWAHAHAHA! That _would_ be far too easy! No, no, I will not tell you who my rightful owner is. You have to find out for yourself! Oh yes, and you can't start looking until the curses have started. I will now disappear, but before I go I will leave you with this last hint as to whom my rightful owner is…

We all listened intently.

"It is one with flames shooting out around them. Fire and green gems surrounding them. Powerful they are, but in the most unusual way…EXPECT THE 1ST plague soon!"

With that said, the fork disappeared in a cloud of orange smoke.

"Oh wonderful." I mused

Let the hunt for the fork's rightful owner begin.

We have the whole world to search…Or perhaps not. Holy cheese.

OoooO

Wow, were already back to the fork? Whoa, time flies!


	26. The Curse of the Fork

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 26

Soon after the fork disappeared it reappeared only to take Elladan and Elrohir. The fork informed that if we didn't find the fork's owner in the next 3 days, they would become his slaves… forever.

We sat in silence, waiting for the first prank to begin.

We didn't have to wait long. Soon we began to hear a faint noise. Like a high pitched screaming…Oh no! Opera music! (DUN DUN DUN!)

It got louder and louder and louder and louder until all we heard was the annoying blaring opera music.

"MAKE IT STOP!" I screamed and covered my ears

"AHHHH!" Jackie yelled and shoved paper in her ears. "Hehehe, it works! And I can still hear everyone!"

The rest of us followed. Okay now we would see if we could find any clues as to whom the fork's rightful owner was.

We split up into groups of 5. I went with Karvian, Jackie, Lynsay, and just 'cause all of us like him (although Jackie would never admit it.) we dragged Legolas with us.

Casey, Eggzilla, Piggy, Haldir and Alice were another group.

Haldir, and Alice were screaming something about being stuck with all the annoying people.

Noliee, Dani, Anna, Aragorn and Gandalf were another group.

I could go on forever about who was in the different groups or I could just let you use your imagination.

But I will tell you that Kayla refused to join us. She was to worried that her perfect hair would get messed up. -.-

"Why did you want me to come with you 4?" Legolas asked

" 'Cause we looooooove you!" 3 of the 4 of us yelled

Jackie remained silent.

We looked at her.

"What?" she asked

"Nothing." I said, "Lets go to the library to see if there is any info in the fork."

"Um, I don't think there will be a book about a fork." Legolas

"Yeah, we will! It's not just a fork. It's THE Fork." Lynsay said

"We're off to see the Book! THE WONDERFUL BOOK OF OZ!" Karvian yelled

Gandalf sighed; Dani was poking him and yelling stupidly every time.

"DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT!" Gandalf hollered

(Blink) "Yes." Dani replied

"Gandy?"

"What Noliee?"

"Can't you just find the forks owner using your special powers?" She asked

"Don't bother Gandalf, the is thinking." Aragorn said

"No. This evil is to unknown to me so I cannot vanquish this foe that happens to be in the form of a utensil that is radioactive." Gandalf replied

"Uuuugh. What?" Dani asked

"Never mind." Gandalf replied

"Can't you try?" Noliee asked

"Fine. Watch out!" Gandalf warned

Gandalf waved his staff around and made the room glow bright blue. He chanted some words in another language before there was a great flash of light!

When everyone was able to see again they realized, Gandalf was gone!

"Where did he go?" Dani asked completely confused

"See! I told you! He's gone now! WHY? WHY? WHY! Gandalf COME BACK TO US!" Aragorn yelled

"Dude. Shut up." Noliee hissed and smacked him

Gandalf reappeared on some tropical island beach in the middle of a hippie convention.

Gandalf blinked several times. 'Um…I think I used the wrong spell. Where is that blasted staff anyway.' He thought

The hippies stared back at him.

"I. Am. Gand-alf." He said slowly as if the hippies couldn't understand him, "Do. You. Understand me?"

"Yeah man. We totally read you." The hippie said

"What?" Gandalf replied, No matter. Can you help me get home?"

"What is home? A place where we reside for a wile? Is it really home of just a step on the journey to the great beyond." Another hippie said

"Wha…No. I just need to get back to the place where I came from." Gandalf said

"We are all travelers on the road of life, stranger." Said a hippie with blue hair

"No! I just want to get back to the school so we can get rid of the evil fork." Gandalf said

"Back to the place of knowledge and wisdom. But tell me stranger, why do you hate this fork? We should all love not hate." Replied some hippie girl

Gandalf slapped a hand to his face, "I just want to go home! Do you know how I can get back to the United States? Or better yet, Middle Earth?"

"We are all trying to get back to the past, but what about the future? Why are we always going back to the past instead of moving ahead with our lives?" said the first hippie informed

"NO! DO YOU ALWAYS ANSWER A QUESTION WITH A QUESTION?" Gandalf exclaimed, "JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET HOME!"

"Chill out man. Anger is not the way. We need peace and harmony to make a difference in the world." A hippie mused

"JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET HOME OR I WILL BLAST YOU INTO THE DARK VOID OF MORDOR!" Gandalf exclaimed

0.0? "Duuuuuuuude. That is not cool. You must become one with nature…oooooommmmmm."

"LISTEN YOU STUPID HIPPIE! I NEED TO GET HOME! **RIGHT NOW!" **Gandalf exclaimed and threw the hippie into the water

The other hippies frowned but remained calm.

"Dude, you need to feel the love. Not the hate." One of the hippies said

Gandalf sighed and sat down in the sand. After a few minutes, Gandalf jumped up and ran around hooting.

"I GOT SAND UP MY ROBES!" Gandalf screamed and did a weird dance

The hippies paid no attention and continued to meditate.

OoooO

"The history of forks, the fork lover's handbook, forks for dummies!" I exclaimed, "Nothing on radio active, talking, evil forks though."

"I told you." Legolas said

"Yeah." I replied flatly

"Hey, I don't hear the opera music anymore." Jackie said and took the paper out of her ears

"YAY! We survived the first prank! BRING IT ON FORK! WHAT'S NEXT!" Lynsay shouted to the sky

As if on cue, there was a flash of blue lightning!

"Ow…That hurt my eyes…HOLEY CHEESE!" Karvian yelled, "Everyone's hair is blue!"

(Gasp) "Well," Jackie said and pulled a strand of down in front of her face, "It's better than pink…I guess."

"BLUE? BLUE?" Kayla yelled as she ran past, "I PAID $50 FOR THIS HAIR AND NOW ITS BLUE? OH MY GOD!"

In his office Elrond let out a yell of rage.

"FIRST PINK NOW BLUE!" He yelled and smashed the mirror down on the desk

The mirror shattered into a million pieces.

"Oops." Elrond said

(Sigh) "WILL YOU PLESAE SHUT UP!" Cloe yelled

Casey, Eggzilla and Piggy had not stopped screaming since the flash of lightning.

"AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!" they yelled simultaneously

Haldir rolled his eyes and continued looking through the school records to see if anything was reported about a fork. Why, I have no clue.

Cloe was helping but the other 3 were just being stupid.

"AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!" They continued to scream after they realized that their hair was blue

"**SHUT UP!"** Cloe yelled, "I DON'T LIKE BLUE HAIR either BUT I'm dealing with it!"

(Silence…)

"AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AHHHHHHHHH!" They yelled

"Just leave them alone." Haldir said, "If you ignore them they will shut up."

"Hey, look at this." Cloe said and showed Haldir a picture

It was a picture of someone holding a fork. You couldn't see their face but you could clearly see that the fork had a face however.

(Loud Gasp) "IT'S A PICTURE!" Casey said, "WOW!"

(Annoyed sigh) "No Casey, It's an elephant." Cloe hissed

"Really? COOL! Wow. I never knew that before." Casey replied

"What did you think pictures were for?" Cloe asked her

"Eating."

"Casey?"

"Yes?"

"You are the stupidest person I have ever met."

"Thanks!"

OoooO

"NOT 1 BOOK THAT WE CAN USE!" Karvian yelled and pelted a book across the room

It hit the ceiling light and the light came crashing down. Right on Legolas' head. Oops, and yes it knocked him out.

0.0! "Oops." Karvian said

(Gasp) "YOU KILLED LEGOLAS!" I exclaimed

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lynsay screamed

"Oh shut up! He's not dead." Jackie said and sat down next to Legolas, "He should wake up soon."

"How do you know?" Karvian asked

" 'Cause, I'm smart." Jackie said

"Oh, okay." She replied

"Can we wake him up now?" I asked

"We can try." Lynsay said

"Okay!" Jackie said happily, "I have always wanted to try this!"

She ran out of the room and returned later carrying a pitcher of water.

"Time to wake up Legolas!" She said evilly and dumped the water over his head

After she started laughing like a hyena, "THAT WAS FUN!"

However, there was no response form Legolas.

"Hey, that didn't work." I stated the obvious

"No, really?" Jackie asked sarcastically

"Awwwww, he looks so cute." Karvian said

(blink) "Random! But I agree." Lynsay said

We stared at Legolas in silence for a few minuets………

"Okay, lets continue our search!" I said

We must have looked through every book in the library by the time Legolas woke up.

"Ow…My head hurts…" He said

Karvian, who was looking through a book near him, screamed.

"AHHHHHHHH! You scared me!" she said and tossed the book

Legolas moved out of the way this time, "Do you enjoy throwing books?"

"Sorry." (Hugs)

"Hey, what book is that?" Legolas asked and pointed to a old purple book on a top shelf

"What book?" Lynsay asked

(Points) "That one. The old ugly purple one." Legolas said

"Oh, I see it! Jackie help me up, I want to get it." I said

"Okay."

Jackie tried to pick me up but she fell over and landed in a pile of books. The avalanche of books caused an entire bookshelf to fall over. It crashed to the floor and more books went flying everywhere. It was a bookapaloza!

"Oops!" Jackie said and got up, "Lets try that again."

"No!" Legolas said, "I'll help you get it."

Legolas picked me up and I reached for the book but I grabbed the book next it and caused another book avalanche. I screamed and somehow I ended up on top of the bookshelf clinging onto the sides.

The shelf was rocking side to side and was surely going to fall over.

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" **I screamed as the shelf toppled over with me still on it

Books were flying everywhere, I was screaming and thinking that I was going to die and Jackie was running around in a circle waving her arms around.

With a tremendous crash the bookshelf smashed to the floor. I went flying through the air, screaming all the wile.

Legolas tried to catch me but I slammed into him, throwing us both backwards into another shelf. That shelf fell backwards also and more books went flying. Karvian and Lynsay dodged them wile Jackie continued to run around in a circle except now she was shrieking.

The falling bookshelf crashed into another one. This created a domino-like effect until all the shelves slammed to the floor. All accept one.

Yep, the one that the book we wanted was one.

"Owwwwwwwwww," I said and got up, "Are you okay Legolas?"

"Just fine." Legolas replied sarcastically

"Oh, okay," I said, "Now my head hurts. At least we can get to the book now. We-

I stopped suddenly when I saw that the book we were after was still on the only shelf that didn't fall over.

Jackie stopped yelling and running around in a circle, "That book must be the one we need."

"Why?" Karvian asked

"Because only pure evil could do that." Jackie said and pointed to the book that was now glowing

The book's edge was against the edge of the shelf and it was suspended there.

"I think you're right." Lynsay said

"Now how are we going to get it!" Karvian yelled

"I don't know. I'm not attempting to get it aging." I said

"Can you just throw another book at it so it falls down?" Jackie asked

"Well, I'm not trying it." I said

"I will." Karvian said and picked up a book

She tossed it at the book and hit it. The book didn't move.

(Sigh) "I climb up and get it." Lynsay said

The rest of us watched as she carefully climbed the shelf.

After much tugging the book finally came free.

"I GOT IT!" Lynsay announced and waved the booking the air

This caused her to lose her balance and she fell off the shelf.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HELP!" She yelled as the tumbled to the ground

Legolas ran over and caught her just before she hit the ground.

(Blink) "Hi." She said and wrapped her arms around his neck

Legolas rolled his eyes and dropped her.

"Ow…Oh well, I got the book!" Lynsay said happily

"YAY! Lets go look at it!" I said

We took it over to the other corner of the library.

Lynsay set it down on a table and we crowed around it.

She carefully opened it. Oooh there was a shiny green glow to the pages. The title of the book was: "The legend of the Mystical Fork of Doom"

Oh yeah, this was defiantly the book we needed.

"Look! Read this story!" Jackie said and pointed to a story in the table of contents title: "Of the Fork's owner"

"Okay," I said and began to read aloud…

"Once upon a time in a land far far away lived a mighty king. His name was King Hyundi. King Hyundi loved to eat. He would sample new dishes from dawn to dusk. One day he realized, after a visit from his doctor, that if he continued eating in this way, he would be unable to wear his favorite puke green and pale pink pants, with the mongooses embroidered on the pocket.

This, you see, was a major tragedy. The king called a meeting with his royal advisors and explained that he needed a way to stop eating so much. The advisors donned purple cloaks and rode off on their horses at dawn the next morning. One of them came back with a healer, by the name of Livernian. She gave him a fork explaining that it had been rubbed with some chemicals to make it taste awful and therefore, your food would too. King Hyundi immediately had some spaghetti.

It was terrible! He refused to ever eat again. The king called his resident magician, Malyn to put a curse on all those who see the fork, use it, or know it exists. The fork would read all that was good in your soul, and send a curse to counteract it.

Of course, the fork was solid gold and encrusted with precious stones. In a matter of days, the fork was on eBAY and everyone had heard of it... Only the first person to who had seen the cursed fork can destroy it. Its rightful owner must throw it into the icebox of Cody, The evil talking refrigerator. Only there can it be destroyed. The first person to see it was-

"Sorry guys, it ended there. Someone ripped off the rest of the page." I concluded

"Well, that didn't help much. At least we know how to destroy it." Karvian said

Suddenly there was a loud rumbling. The 3rd plague had arrived.


	27. The Fruitcake of DOOMY DOOM DOOM

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 27

"What was that?" Noliee asked

There was just a loud rumbling noise then suddenly there was quiet.

"I don't know. It didn't sound good though." Aragorn replied.

"Hey! Lets look in the closet that Ms. Fowler was in. Maybe there is something in there that will help us." Anna said.

The group nodded in agreement and walked to the closet.

There was a strange noise coming from inside. It was a scraping, slobbering noise.

"I wonder what's in there." Dani mused.

"Only one way to find out." Aragorn said and opened the door.

Suddenly a large brown animal leaped out! It knocked Aragorn over, sat on him and roared.

"RABID SLOTH BEARS!" Noliee yelled and ran off.

The bear sitting on Aragorn bellowed and about 500 sloth bears charged out of the closet. They ran over poor Aragorn in the process.

OoooO

"Well, that book was stupid." I mused.

"IT'S THE ONE RING ALL OVER AGAIN!" Legolas yelled.

"Okay…What now?" Lynsay asked

"Um…we could ask Galadriel if she would let us look in her mirror thing. That might tell us who the owner is." Jackie suggested.

"Good idea!" Karvian said.

We found Galadriel sitting calmly in her classroom. She was grading papers.

"Hello, shiny elf lady." Jackie said, "Can we look in your mirror? We want to-"

"You want to see if it will help you find the fork's owner," Galadriel said reading Jackie's mind.

"Yeah." She said, slightly amazed.

"I do believe I can help you. Come with me." Galadriel said and led us to a closet.

"Ooooooo! So this is where you keep it." Lynsay said.

"Yes…" Galadriel said slowly reading Lynsay's mind

She stared at Lynsay for a long time before looking away.

"Um…Galadriel?" Lynsay asked.

"Yes child with the odd mind?"

"What were you doing?" she asked.

"Reading your mind."

"Oh. Was it fun?"

"No. Your thoughts are disturbing. Not as bad as Casey's though." Galadriel said.

"Do you know about the thought about Me, Legolas and the-

Galadriel held up her hand, "Yes I know."

"Ahhh!" Lynsay said.

"Do you wish to look into the mirror of Galadriel?" she asked us and made a pitcher of water appear.

"Hey! That looks like the one I used to throw water at Legolas!" Jackie exclaimed.

"DO YOU WISH TO LOOK INTO THE MIRROR OF GALADRIEL!?" Galadriel exclaimed and turned slightly green.

We nodded meekly.

Galadriel narrowed her eyes at us and poured the water into the birdbath looking thing.

"Then look or meet ye doom fell spam of Melkor!"

"Don't you mean 'fell spawn'?" Karvian asked.

"NO! NOW LOOK IN THE FREAKIN MIRROR!" Galadriel screamed.

"Okay! Okay!" I said and stepped forward.

The others crowded around me and we looked in.

At first we saw nothing but the bottom of the birdbath…err 'Mirror' but then we saw the strangest thing. Or things, I should say.

The 1st image was of a toilet. It was bright pink and it was on fire. The 2nd image was of a mean looking woman with a uni-brow. She was blowing her nose on a cat.

The 3rd image was of a blue rabbit. It was attacking a tree. The fourth image was of Elrond; he was wearing hillbilly clothes and hopping around stupidly. The 5th image was of a wild bush woman; she was eating a piece of chicken.

The 6th image was of little green aliens attacking a taxi. The 7th was of a lava lamp; it was spitting lava everywhere. The 8th was of cows playing bingo. They were also eating blue applesauce with green catsup.

The 9th was of burnt eggplant toast. The 10th image was of a random fish that was picking its nose. The 11th and last image was of Gimli in a Speedo. Then the picture went dark.

At this final image of Gimli all of us except Galadriel turned away and screamed: "IT BURNS!"

"I know what you saw, for it was also in my mind." Galadriel said calmly.

"Then you know how disturbingly random it was." Lynsay said.

"That did not help at all and now I have the image of Gimli in a swimsuit forever burned into my mind." Legolas said and closed his eyes, "AH! I SEE IT WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES!"

"What was up with all of that stuff that you showed us?" Karvian asked.

"The mirror shows many things. Some that are, some that were and some things…that have not yet come to pass." Galadriel and I said.

Galadriel turned around and glared at me. I smiled cutely and waved.

"So you mean that stuff is going to happen?" Lynsay asked.

"AHHHHH! NO! NO GIMLI IN THE SWIMSUIT!" Legolas yelled and shook his head.

His hair hit Jackie in the face.

"AH! STOP IT LEGOLAS!" she yelled, "I like your hair but not when it's up my nose."

"Jackie, your odd." I said.

"Yep. But what does the pink fire toilet mean?" Jackie asked.

"It may be symbolizing something." Galadriel replied.

"A flaming toilet. That's a symbol for something?" Karvian said.

"Yes. It could be." Galadriel replied.

"What about the uni-brow woman blowing her nose on a cat?" I asked, "What the heck does that mean?"

"I-"

"Yeah! And what about the bush woman?" Jackie asked.

"What about the cows and the Elrond and the aliens and the lava and the rabbit?" Karvian asked.

"WHAT ABOUT GIMLI IN A SWIMSUIT?!" Legolas yelled.

"I DON'T KNOW! I can't control the mirror! It shows what it wants. Most likely all that stuff is someone's thoughts." Galadriel said.

"But who would want to think about Gimli in a swimsuit?!" Legolas asked.

"Would you shut up about that?!" Galadriel hissed.

"Why would anybody think about that stuff?" Lynsay asked.

"They are obviously a _very_ stupid person." Jackie said.

"We don't know any stupid people." Lynsay said.

All glared at her.

"What? We don't."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight." Legolas, Jackie, me, and Karvian said.

"What would happen if I touched the water?" Jackie asked randomly and stared to touch the water.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Galadriel screamed.

OoooO

"LALALALALALALAL!" Eggzilla, Piggy and Casey screamed as loud as they could.

"**SHUT UP!**" Cloe yelled.

"I think I hear something." Haldir said.

"I probably would be able to hear that something too if the MORONS would shut up." Cloe hissed.

"No, really Cloe, something is coming this way." Haldir insisted.

"Okay, well what is it?" she asked.

"I'm not sure but it sounds like…dancing underwear." Haldir said.

"What the…"

"Just kidding! No dancing underwear!" Haldir laughed, "But really, I have no idea."

Suddenly there was a loud bellow from some animal and soon they appeared.

Rabid sloth bears! One was carrying Aragorn on its back.

Casey, Eggzilla and Piggy chased after them.

"No Morons! Don't chase the bears!" Cloe yelled as she and Haldir scrambled after them.

"I can eat food!" Casey yelled from down the hall.

She was riding on a sloth bear. So was Piggy and Eggzilla. Eggzilla was shouting "EGGS!" the entire time.

OoooO

Gandalf was mad.

Maybe he needed Glad bags to make him glad.

Or maybe he just needs to get off the hippie beach.

The hippies were having a veggie barbeque and they were playing 60's music and dancing.

Gandalf sat down and grumbled loudly, "Stupid hippies, stupid beach, stupid fork, stupid sand, stupid underwear that are giving me a wedgie!"

"I hate everything!" he exclaimed.

"Love dude! Don't hate." One of the hippies called to him.

"Do you hate me?" A voice asked.

"Huh? Who said that?" Gandy replied.

"Me. Pippin. You said that you hate everything. Do you hate me?" Pippin asked.

"Fool of a Took! How did you get here?" Gandy asked.

"I just wished to be where you were and I appeared here." Pippin informed. "You never answered my question. Do you hate me?"

"I suppose not…Now! Do you have any idea how we can get home?" Gandalf asked.

"No, but I'll see if I can find out." Pippin said and walked away.

He came back a few minutes later carrying a grilled veggie wrap.

"Did you find out how we can get home?" Gandalf asked, eyeing the food.

"Yeah. All I did was ask those hippies over there. They are really helpful." Pippin said and took a bite of the veggie wrap.

"YOU ASKED THE HIPPIES!? That is what I've been trying to do for the past 4 hours!" Gandalf yelled.

"Was it that hard to talk to them?" Pippin asked, "Whoa, maybe you need to learn some people skills."

"No! That is not what I meant!" Gandalf replied. "So how do we get home?"

"Oh, WOW this veggie wrap is really good!" Pippin exclaimed and shoved the wrap in his mouth.

"NEVER MIND THAT! How do we get home?" Gandalf exclaimed.

"Hmm, I don't remember." Pippin said.

"**FOOL OF A TOOK!" **Gandalf yelled, "Go ask them again!"

"Okay." Pippin replied.

But this time he didn't come back.

Gandalf sighed loudly and got up.

"Do you know where that short person went? He may have asked you something about getting home." Gandalf said to the hippies.

"Yeah man, we showed him how to get home." The lead hippie said.

"Well, can you show me?" Gandalf asked, annoyed.

"We must show him the way, brothers and sisters." The lead hippie informed, "He is ready."

The others nodded and advanced on Gandalf.

OoooO

"Hehehe. Just kidding. I wasn't really going to touch the water." Jackie said and took her hand away from the bowl

"Who do we know that's stupid?" Lynsay asked Legolas for the millionth time.

For some reason he wouldn't answer her correctly.

We left the closet of Galadriel and were sitting in the teachers lounge.

"Oh, I don't know." He replied.

"Is it Gandalf?" Lynsay asked.

"No."

"Well, how should I know?! Are you stupid?" Lynsay asked him.

"Oh, yes, I _always_ think about pink flaming toilets, bush women eating chicken and Gimli in a swimsuit possesses my every thought. How did you ever guess?" Legolas said sarcastically.

"Really? I don't know you were like that." Lynsay said and scooted away from him

"I was being sarcastic." Legolas said.

"Really?"

"Yes..."

"Oh! Okay! That makes me feel happy inside."

"What happened to the coffee pot?!" Jackie exclaimed when she saw the thing.

It was taped back together with most of the pieces missing or in the wrong place.

"Oh, Ehehe. You have Gimli to thank for that." Legolas said.

"I don't want to know anymore. Never mind." Jackie said.

"I want to k- Hey. What's that noise?" I asked and looked out the door.

I saw a large herd of something coming up the hall.

"What is it?" The rest of my group asked and stepped into the hall.

"I don't know it looks like-"

"RABID SLOTH BEARS! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Legolas screamed and took off running down the hall.

"Um, if Legolas runs from it, it must be pretty bad…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jackie shrieked and ran off after him.

Karvian was already gone so that left Lynsay and me. Standing there…in the path of the sloth bears.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" I yelled.

Lynsay followed me. We started running just in time. We were half way down the hall when the sloth bears attacked.

One singled me out and tackled me.

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHH!"** I screamed as it tried to eat me…I think.

Well, if it wasn't going to eat me it sure was doing a good job beating me up. The stupid thing batted me in its paws and hissed and snarled at me.

"Go away! GO AWAY! EVIL THING LEAVE ME ALONE!" Lynsay yelled and tried to shoot them with her zombie gun.

It didn't work; the sloth bear ate the gun.

I managed to look up and saw nothing but a sea of sloth bears that just seemed to keep coming and coming. The sloth bear was just about to eat me when it suddenly froze as if by some greater force. All the other sloth bears froze also.

Suddenly there was loud evil laughter.

"Have you had enough yet, lowly earth beings?" The evil fork of Doom asked, "Can I have those two Elves for all eternity?"

"NEVER!" I yelled, "We will find your owner!"

"Right…Yeah well, I guess it won't be any fun to let you get eaten. This is too amusing." The fork mused, "I guess I'll let you live AS well as bring the next plague."

"Whatever." I said, "Can we have another clue as to who your owner is?"

"Hmmm…NO! Mwuahahahah!"

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeee?"

"Fine, but only 'cause I like to-"

"Just tell me the stupid clue!" I yelled.

"FINE! My owner may seem dumb but she is really smart and is plotting the end of the world." The fork said.

"So we were right, it is a seemingly dumb person. But can you tell me something else?" I asked.

"No more clues!" the fork warned.

"No, it's not about another clue," I said.

"Okay then, ask away," the fork said.

"You're all knowing, right?"

"Yes."

"Then what does a flaming pink toilet mean?" I asked.

"What kind of stupid question is that?" the fork asked.

"Just wondering." I replied.

"I'm not going to answer that…PREPARE FOR THE NEXT PLAGUE!"

With that said the fork disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

The sloth bear that was just about to eat me also disappeared into a cloud of pink dust. Soon all of the sloth bears exploded.

"Owwwww." I said and got up.

"Stupid sloth bears." Jackie said, annoyed.

She was lying on her back staring up at the ceiling.

Suddenly someone's head blocked her view.

"CASEY! GET OUT OF MY FACE!" Jackie yelled and pushed away the laughing Casey.

She shut up instantly when she saw Legolas.

"ELFY!" she screamed, her green eyes widening.

"Ugh…Casey go away. I just attacked by a sloth-"

"Rabid sloth." I added.

"Yes, RABID sloth bear, and I don't need you annoying me for awhile." Legolas said.

"Okay! I'll leave you alone for awhile." Casey said with a smile.

5 seconds later

"ELFY! HI! GUESS WHAT!?" Casey screamed and poked him

"What?" Legolas replied and sighed annoyed

"I love you!" Casey said and hugged him tightly

When Legolas started to turn blue, I felt the need to interrupt the fan girl's spasm.

"Casey! You're going to kill him…Again!" I warned, "We talked about this Casey."

Casey frowned at me, but let go of Legolas.

The second Legolas was free from the evil clutches of Casey, he ran to the other side of the hallway where he was 'comforted' by Lynsay.

Then something weird happened.

All the lights in the school went out and there was thunder and lighting…INSIDE THE SCHOOL!

Then in a flash of lightning, appeared the oddest thing yet…well, I think so anyway. It was a giant fruitcake with wings!

Really! You know, those horrible things that people give to each other at Christmas. The things that shouldn't even be considered food because they taste so bad. The things that no one except old ladies like, the things that you can hit people over the head with when you leave the fruitcake in the freezer, the things that last a century and a day, the things that-

Well, you get it.

"Dude! What _is_ that?" Aragon asked.

"A fell enemy that could be the downfall of the world." I said and looked up at the flying fruitcake.

It was just hovering there…Menacingly!

"Oh, like Sauron?" Legolas asked.

"Exactly." Lynsay replied also staring up at the evil cake of doom and chaos.

Suddenly, the fruitcake opened its eyes?

Yes. It did. It opened its 'eyes'. Big red orbs stared at us.

"Casey! There you are!" Cloe yelled, "I don't want to-What on earth is that?!" she exclaimed and pointed at the evil food.

Haldir also stopped running and looked up at the fruitcake that was staring at us evilly.

Elrond heard the thunder and came out of his office.

"What is going on here?" he asked, "Did I miss something? W-HOLEY CHEESE! AN EVIL FRUITCAKE?!"

"Oh yeah, you really missed a lot Rondie." Karvian said.

"Yep, to sum it up quickly, your sons have been taken captive by an evil fork that wants to take over the world and will if we can't find its rightful owner." Lynsay informed.

"WHAT?! I leave you people alone for a few hours and you get a fork to attack the school and take my sons!" Elrond yelled.

"Well, we didn't invite the fork!" I protested.

"Yeah, it just showed up…" Anna said.

"Where is Gandalf?!" Elrond demanded. "I just knew you would lose him too."

"They didn't lose him." Aragorn said, "He lost himself."

"What?" Elrond asked.

"Yeah! Okay, so we were sitting there thinking of stuff to do to find the forks owner and someone suggested that Gandalf use his magic stick to find the owner. So, he did and then he went POOF!" Dani informed.

"Poof?" Elrond asked.

"No, POOF!" Dani said.

"Oh! PoOf?!" Elrond replied.

"No! POOF!"

"POOF?!" Elrond asked.

"No! POOF!" Dani replied.

"That's what I said, POOF!" Elrond insisted.

"Ohhhh." Dani said slowly

"Whatever, do you know where he went?" Elrond asked rolling his eyes

"Where who went?" Dani asked.

"GANDALF!" Elrond yelled and slapped a hand over his face

"Oh. I don't know." Dani replied.

"Does anyone else know where he is?" Elrond asked sighing loudly

"Oh I know." Pippin said, "He's on a hippie beach, where people are dressed like you, Lord Elrond."

Elrond growled loudly and stormed back to his office with Kayla in tow.

"You had better get my sons back or…Else!" Elrond shouted back to us.

"Or else?! All of you heard him! He said or else! Else is the worst punishment ever!" Lynsay said sarcastically.

Others around her laughed.

Meanwhile the fruitcake ghost continued to hover above us.

"Okay, this is a really stupid plague. I mean what is that thing going to do? Stare us to death?" Haldir asked.

Soon everyone in the school, minus Gandalf, Elrond and Kayla, was crowded around the fruitcake. We were watching it, just waiting for it to do something evil.

After a while we started to get annoyed. It was still hovering there staring at us.

Soon we got so tired of waiting, that we sat down and started a huge game of Poker. Legolas was winning.

Now I know what the Elves of Mirkwood do in their spare time. Seriously! I think they sit around and play Poker so if they ever go to Earth they can beat all the middle school aged kids that they play with.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Since we didn't have enough chips for the whole school, we used other things including: money, bits of paper, cheese, pencils, erasers, lip gloss, tape, socks, paperclips and a pint of orange juice.

I sighed, annoyed; Legolas just won a pile of paperclips. MY PAPERCLIPS! Mine! Not his!

"Do you sit around and play this game any chance you get?!" I exclaimed.

Legolas smiled evilly. "Maybe." He said as he patted the stack of paperclips.

"Yeah. Noliee, your turn." I said.

"Okay. I-

Noliee suddenly stopped and pointed to the fruitcake.

Everyone turned and looked. It was weird: the whole school lining the hallway suddenly stopped and looked at the evil food.

The fruitcake was now glowing bright orange. It was spinning around and around in the air.

"What's it doing?" Someone whispered from the back of the crowd.

Suddenly it started to grow and grow and grow! And then it grew more just 'cause it could.

A mouth formed among the fruit and from its sticky blobbishness it grew arms and legs.

It towered over me. The evil fruitcake leaned down and stared at me at eye-level. Then it roared loudly in my face.

"Um…Hi Mr. Fruitcake thing." I said nervously.

"ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR !" It replied.

"**RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!" **I screamed and took off running.

Everyone followed. We stampeded down the hall as fast as we could.

The fruitcake tossed its head from side to side and roared loudly. It chased after us. Also at top speed.

"I AM THE WORKER OF THE GREAT FORK! FEAR ME!" Fruitcake of doom said.

"We already do fear you!" I shouted and continued running.

"GOOD! KEEP FEARING ME!" It said.

Suddenly a small little girl about the age of 5 appeared in the hallway.

She giggled and poked the fruitcake.

"NO! GET AWAY RANDOM LITTLE GIRL! IT'S GOING TO EAT YOU!" I yelled.

The little girl looked at me but paid no attention.

"Hi!" she said to the fruitcake.

The fruitcake looked back at her and roared loudly in her face.

Instead of crying she put her hands on her hips and frowned.

"Bad monster! Go away!" she said.

And to everyone surprise the fruitcake obeyed. It shrank back to its original size and exploded.

All of us stopped running and stared wide eyed.

"Wow!" I exclaimed, "Thank you random little girl."

She looked at me and smiled, "You're welcome! That was a bad monster. He needed to go bye-bye." !

Group: Awwwwwwwww!

"Where did you come from?" Noliee asked her.

"From Middle-Earth," she said.

"Huh?! Where in Middle-Earth?" Jackie asked.

"The place," She said, "I'm looking for my cousin."

"Um…Okay. What's your cousin's name?" Lynsay asked her.

She blinked, "Fork."

"YOUR COUSIN IS THE FORK?!" All of us said at the same time.

She giggled, "No. I lied!"

"Then who is your cousin?" Anna asked.

"Guess!" she said.

"Is it someone from Middle-Earth?" Jackie asked.

"Um…Yeah." She replied.

"What letter does their name start with?" I asked.

"S."

"S? Whose name starts with 'S'?" Anna asked.

"I don't know. M- SAURON?!" I exclaimed.

"Is Sauron your cousin?" Aragorn asked.

She smiled, "YES! You guessed who my cousin is."

"There's my cousin!" She said and ran over to Noruas and hugged him tightly.

"No! I'm not your cousin! I'm an evil pink cat. That is all. That, that slob is your cousin!" Noruas said and pointed to the closest person that just so happened to be Legolas.

She smiled at Legolas and ran over to him. She hugged him REALLY tightly.

"Hi!" she said.

"Oh, look he is turning blue again." Noliee said flatly.

"Yes. It seems we have another Casey with us." Jackie said in the same tone.

"HEY LITTLE ANNOYING GIRL, THAT ELF IS MINE!" Casey screamed and pried the little girl off Legolas, "That's your cousin!"

Casey also pointed to the closest person. That happened to be me.

"No! I am not your cousin!" I yelled and ran away from her.

Just as she was about to jump on me she froze in mid-air.

"MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

It was the fork again.

"This is my cousin. Do you like her?" The fork said.

"Can't say that I do. So she really is your cousin?" I said.

"Yes. Her name is Sporky. Her mom's name is Spoon and her dad's name is Fork." The fork said.

"Well, that counted as 2 plagues! Now you only have 1 left!" I said.

"No. That didn't count. The fruitcake and the girl was a package deal," the fork said.

"Hey! Now that's not fair. I-"

"SHUT UP! I MAKE THE RULES HERE, AND I SAY IT DIDN'T COUNT! SO THEREFORE: **IT DOESN'T COUNT!**" The fork yelled at me.

"FINE!"

"That's what I thought! Now prepare for the next plague." The fork said before it disappeared.

"Well, there are two plagues left." I mumbled.

()()()

MUAWAHAHAHA! That was fun especially 'cause I got to be totally random with the images in Galadriel's mirror!


	28. The Fork's End!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 28

"Hello!? I'm talking to you!" Noruas shouted at Cloe and tugged at the leg of her pants.

"What?" she said.

"Am I scarier than the fork?" he asked her.

"No. The fork is not scary and you are not scary." Cloe replied.

"Oh…" Noruas replied and walked off down the hall to improve his scary image.

Most of the kids and teachers went back to their classrooms.

We decided that hall wasn't the best place to be during the plagues.

Lynsay and Legolas were talking in a random classroom. Casey and Dani were in there too. They were fighting over who loved Legolas more.

"So, what now?" Lynsay asked.

"Now, we wait for the next plague." Legolas replied.

"Why? Shouldn't we try to find the fork's owner?" she asked. "By the way, where is Cheesy? She disappeared in the crowd." Lynsay informed.

"Cheesy? She could be half way to China by now." Legolas said.

"Half way to China? So wouldn't that be like…Africa? Or maybe Europe." Lynsay replied.

"Huh?" Legolas said.

"You said that Cheesy could be half way to China. So Africa or Europe is half way to China." Lynsay informed.

"Oh. I-"

"**I KNOW WHO THE FORK'S OWNER IS!"** Jackie yelled as she burst into the classroom

"WHO IS IT!?" Legolas and Lynsay yelled at the same time.

Just before she told them she passed out and fell over.

"NOOOOO!" Lynsay screamed.

"Why does that always happen?" Legolas asked.

"Yeah really. It always goes like that, just when someone is about to tell you something REALLY important something always happens!" Lynsay hissed.

"Hello everyone!" I said happily. "Why did Jackie pass out?"

Suddenly a guinea pig ran over my shoe.

I picked it up and smiled, "Hello cute little animal. Want a cookie? I bet you- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as the guinea pig chomped down on my finger.

I waved my hand in the air trying to shake the guinea pig off of my finger.

When I finally got it off my finger, I threw the guinea pig out into the hallway.

Casey walked over to me. She was holding a large bucket of hot wings and was munching on one.

"Since when do you eat hot wings?" I asked.

"I like hot stuff." Casey replied and winked at Legolas.

He moved away from her…quickly.

"Hey Elfy, Gevedithal nin anuir?" Casey asked.

"NO!" Legolas replied.

"What did she say!?" Dani asked, also coming over.

"She asked if I would marry her," Legolas replied. "I'm surprised she was actually smart enough to put the question together in Elvish. She _was_ paying attention in my class."

"Well, duh! That is the only class that I like." Casey said, "Len melin Elfy."

"Iston." Legolas replied.

"What did they say now!?" Dani asked.

"Casey said that she loved Legolas and he said that he knew that," I informed.

"Pedin i lam edhellen," Casey said proudly.

"We know you can speak Elvish Casey," Legolas said.

"Dol lín lost," I said to Casey.

"My head is not empty!" Casey insisted.

"Oh, yeah? Then what is 'Elfy's' real name?" I asked her.

"Um…"

"Just like I thought."

"Shut up." Casey mumbled. "I know- HEY! It's a squirrel!"

"Casey, that's a guinea pig." Legolas informed.

"Oh! I knew that!" Casey said and hugged the animal, "You will be my pet and I will call you Legolas."

"You do know his name!" Lynsay said.

"Huh? Whose name is Legolas?" Casey asked.

"Him…I think." Dani said.

"Elfy? His name is Legolas?" Casey asked.

"No! His name is permanent marker!" Lynsay said sarcastically.

"Wha…you just said his name was Legolas. YOU CONFUSED ME!" Casey screamed, "WHO AM I THEN? AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Casey?"

"Yes Elfy?"

"Me Legolas. You Casey." Legolas said.

"Oh! Now I get it!" Casey said smiling, "I'm Legolas and you are Casey!"

"NO!" Legolas said.

"Yes? Okay, I got it right. Now what is up with all the squirrels?" Casey asked.

"Casey?" I asked.

"What?" she replied.

"You responded to the name Casey. That is your name…and that is a guinea pig! Not a squirrel!" I said. "And what do you mean all of them?"

"Lookie at the window things. There are lots of squirrels coming in." Casey said.

We turned and looked at the window. Sure enough there were millions of guinea pigs pouring in the window.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" All of us yelled and ran out of the room.

"EVIL ANIMALS!" We yelled and ran though the school and the guinea pigs followed.

"Oh, come on. Guinea pigs?" What is so scary about them?" Cloe asked and picked one up.

It bit her finger and she screamed.

"AHHHHHH! It's evil!" Cloe screamed and ran off.

"What is all the commotion?" Elrond asked as he came out of his office.

It was then that the head of guinea pigs charged past. Elrond shrieked like a little girl and ran back in his office.

The guinea pigs just kept coming! This was worse than the sloth bears! There were millions and millions of them coming in every window all around the school. We couldn't walk, move and it was getting really hard to breathe!

Who was the forks owner?!

I thought over the clues that the fork had given me.

"It is one with flames shooting out around them. Fire and green gems surrounding them. Powerful they are, but in the most unusual way…That was one of them…what was the other one?

They may seem stupid but they aren't?

AH! The guinea pigs are invading! They are crawling over me!

WAIT! Seems stupid, fire around them and green gems?

Stupid= Dani, Piggy, Casey and Eggzilla.

Fire around them? That could mean hair! Who has red hair? CASEY!

Green gems could be eyes…GREEN EYES= CASEY!

"CASEY IS THE FORK'S OWNER!" I screamed right before I started to drown in the sea of guinea pigs.

The guinea pigs froze and exploded just like the sloth bears.

The fork appeared once more.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" it asked.

"IT'S CASEY! CASEY IS YOUR OWNER!" I yelled.

"How did you guess?! That's right!" the fork said. "BUT! I still get one more plague!"

"Fair enough. One more." I said and sighed

"BUT! You can get rid of this one until the Elves that have to destroy me complete the task. And that is not going to happen anytime soon so…GOOD LUCK!" the fork said. "I LOVE YOU CASEY!"

"Huh?" Casey said and looked at the fork, "Who are you?"

"I'm the fork! You are my owner and I love you!" the fork replied.

"Well, I don't love forks," Casey said. "Go away!"

Suddenly there was thunder inside the school again.

There was a bright flash of light and Elladan and Elrohir appeared.

"Um…okay. We are back again." Elladan said.

The fork lowered itself from the ceiling and landed in Elrohir's hand. It no longer had a face. It looked like a normal fork again.

"Do you know what you are supposed to do with it?" Elladan asked.

"No." Elrohir replied.

"I KNOW!" Jackie shouted suddenly.

"You are awake!" I said.

"Yes I am! Now, you have to get Casey to take it back. The fork kinda lied, you don't have to destroy it, Casey does," Jackie informed.

"But Casey doesn't want it," Aragorn said.

"I know, but the real problem is…why is Elrond's office glowing?" Lynsay asked.

Suddenly Elrond came flying out of his office on his office chair. The chair was glowing multicolor and Elrond was in full hippie attire.

"What's going on!?" he demanded. "Why do I feel so weird?! Why IS my chair floating!? Why do I feel…evil? I- **MUAWAHAHAHAH! FEAR ME!** **FOR I AM LORD ELROND! MASTER OF EVIL AND DOOM! DOOM! DOOMY DOOM DOOM!" **Lightning crashed

Suddenly the opera music came back! Everyone's hair turned blue again, the rabid sloth bears invaded once more, the guinea pigs continued pouring in the window like nothing had ever happened to stop them, the fruitcake monster came back and so did little Sporky.

"IT'S EVIL ELROND AND THE REST OF THE STUFF! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Karvian screamed and ran off.

Everyone scrambled left and right! It was complete madness!

I grabbed Elrohir and Casey and ran into the nearest classroom. I shut the door and sighed.

"Casey, you have to take the fork back! It is the only way we can get all of this stuff to go away!" I said and offered it to her.

"No! It's ugly!" Casey said.

"UGH! The fork was wrong about something! You are not smart!" I yelled.

"Please take the fork," Elrohir said and made a cute face.

"No. you are not as cute as Elfy!" Casey said and crossed her arms.

"That's it! Elrohir, stay here and keep trying to give her the fork. I'm going to go find Legolas," I said.

"Okay. Good luck with that," Casey said and waved.

I opened the door and walked out.

Everywhere was _**madness**_ and random nonsense. Sloth bears were chasing people, people screamed in pain from the opera music and the fruitcake and Sporky were throwing pieces of fruitcake at people.

Okay…this was going to be harder than I thought.

"This is how I get home?" Gandalf asked and looked at the grilled veggie wrap.

"Yes, you must eat the veggie wrap of mystical powers!" the lead hippie said. "Don't worry man, they taste good."

"Okay! That sounds easy. Why didn't you just say that the first 50 times I asked you?" Gandalf asked.

"You were not ready, stranger," one of the hippies said as Gandalf devoured the wrap in record speed. "Oh and I found your magic stick!"

"Hey! This is good I-"

Gandalf didn't get to finish his sentence because he suddenly disappeared.

He reappeared in the middle of all the crazy randomness.

He sighed, "And I really wanted to come back to this?"

"GANDY! YOU ARE BACK!" I yelled and hugged him, "I really need your help! You see we found the forks owner and I…"

I continued to fill him in on all at that had happened since he disappeared.

"…And now I REALLY need to find Legolas!" I concluded.

"Hmm, I can help you!" Gandalf said and chanted something in a weird language.

His staff started to glow blue and suddenly Legolas appeared next to Gandalf.

"LEGOLAS!" I screamed and hugged him, "YOU. HAVE. TO. HELP. ME!"

"Okay! Okay! What to you want!?" he asked.

"You have to help me get Casey to take the fork back! I THINK THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT SHE WILL LISTEN TO!" I yelled.

"Is it going to involve kissing her and or other stuff that I'm going to hate?" Legolas asked as I pulled him down the hallway.

"Most likely!" I replied.

We were almost to the classroom that Casey and Elrohir were in when Over Lord Elrond spotted us.

"AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU TWO ARE GOING!?" he thundered.

When he spoke lightning crashed.

"Um…we are going to the…bathroom!" I said, saying the first thing that came to my mind.

Elrond raised an eyebrow, "Together?"

"Yes!" I replied, "I mean NO! I mean-ohhhhh!"

"What she means is we are going there to get water for…the…sloth bear army!" Legolas insisted.

Elrond frowned, "Okay, but make sure that you get a lot. They are thirsty."

With that said Elrond in his flying office chair flew off to bother someone else.

The second that he was gone, we ran into the classroom where Casey was. We entered quickly and locked the door behind us.

Casey and Elrohir were sitting on the floor playing 'Patty Cake'.

"Um, what exactly are you doing?" Legolas asked.

"She said if we played 5,000 games of Patty Cake she would take the fork back." Elrohir informed.

"Shut up!" Elrohir yelled.

When Casey finally made the connection that Legolas was in the room she screamed and jumped up.

"HI ELFY!" she yelled and hugged.

Legolas gave me the 'Do-I-have-to?' look.

I nodded. Casey squealed and put on mass amounts of lip gloss.

He gave me the 'Do-I- REALLY-have- to?' look.

I growled and nodded.

"Okay. Fine. Casey? Will you please take the fork back?" Legolas asked her.

"Will you please kiss me?" she replied.

Okay, maybe she wasn't THAT stupid.

"Will you take the fork if I do?" Legolas asked.

"Maybe…you will just have to wait and find out," Casey said with a smile.

Casey held all the power here. She knew it too.

"There. Now will you take the fork?" Legolas asked

He sighed and kissed her.

"Will you take me on a date?" Casey asked.

"If you take the fork back." Legolas replied.

"Well, I won't take it back unless you take me on a date." Casey replied quickly.

Okay, she was smart. In an odd way though. Hey! That's what the fork said!

"FINE! NOW TAKE THE STUPID FORK!" Legolas yelled.

"Um, no. I don't want to yet," Casey said.

Legolas was quiet for a while.

"Elfy?" she asked.

"What if I let you follow me around all day?" he asked.

"Make it a month and you got a deal," Casey said.

Legolas sighed, REALLY annoyed, "Okay…Now will you take the fork? You said you would!"

"Hmm…Gevedithal nin anuir?" Casey asked with a huge smile on her face.

"No! I can't do that! I don't care if evil Elrond eats the school or if sloth bears take over the world! I WILL NOT MARRY CASEY!" Legolas yelled. "That is worse than all of that stuff! That is the worst thing ever!"

I frowned, "No. You want to know that the scariest thing in the world is?"

Legolas shrugged.

"I'll tell you…it's the WRATH OF THE CHEESE TURKEY! I AM WORSE THAN ELROND, SLOTH BEARS, FLAMING PINK TOILETS OR EVEN GIMLI IN A SWIMSUIT!" I screamed.

Legolas laughed, "Oh, yeah? What makes you so scary?"

I stared at him and suddenly all the lights in the classroom went out.

"Did Elrond finally make the power go out?" Legolas asked.

"No…" I said evilly, "That was me."

"Eeep. Now you did it! Rule number one, do not make THE Cheese Turkey mad and you just made her mad!" Casey squeaked and hid behind Elrohir.

I stood on a desk and jumped off of it. Instead of falling to the ground I floated there.

I floated over to Legolas and hovered in front of him at eye level.

"I didn't know you could do that," he said, slightly amazed

I narrowed my eyes and screamed. _**REALLY LOUDLY! **_

I was calling my Cheese Turkey army.

My cheese turkeys arrived soon after. They broke the windows and poured into the classroom.

They crowded around Legolas and I laughed evilly.

"My loyal pets have come to help me, help you," I informed.

Legolas looked nervous; he was surrounded by giant cheese colored turkeys with rabies. You would be nervous too.

"They will help you make up your mind on the marrying Casey subject," I said. "You have two options…One, marry Casey and all of this goes away. Two not marry Casey and you get eaten by my evil cheese turkeys."

"I thought Cheese Turkeys were nice creatures that live in peace and harmony with the other creatures that people on fanfiction came up with," Legolas said.

"They are. Unless you make their owner mad," I said. "NOW DECIDE!" Lighting crashed

Elrond isn't the only one with special powers.

"But, but I don't wanna marry Casey!" Legolas said and stomped his foot like a little kid and pouted.

Elrohir laughed, "I'll bet you $5 that she doesn't fall for it."

"Really? Okay." Casey replied.

"Awwwwwwww! Oh my God! That is soooo cute!" I said and made the lights come back on. "Cheese Turkeys go away! Leggy doesn't have to marry Casey."

"Well, looks like I'm $5 richer," Casey said laughing

"She's a fan girl?!" Elrohir exclaimed.

"Only when she wants to be," Casey informed.

"Casey?"

"Yes Elfy?"

"What if I give you something? Will you take the fork then?" Legolas asked.

"No. The only thing I want is for you to marry me," Casey replied.

"You can always divorce her after…" I whispered

Legolas smiled, "I forgot about that. Okay…CASEY?!"

"WHAT!" She replied.

"You win. I'll marry you!" Legolas said.

"I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!"

"Will you take the fork now!?" Legolas asked.

"I'll do anything you want me to," Casey said.

"Then take the fork from Elrohir," Legolas said.

"Okay!" Casey said and took the fork.

"Well, that was easy!" I said and floated back to the ground.

"Where did you learn how to do that?" Legolas asked me.

"Authoress powers cutie," I informed.

"So you could make me fly if you wanted to?" Legolas asked.

"Yeah, but that will have to wait 'cause we have to go destroy the fork now," I said. "Now we have to find Jackie. She has the book that will tell us how to destroy it. We also need to find Elladan. He has to be present when the fork is destroyed."

"JACKIE!" I screamed and ran through the halls.

Elrond was chasing me in his levitating chair. He was throwing exploding wheat thins at me.

"THAT'S IT!" I shouted and did my special levitating thing. "You 3 go find Jackie. I'll occupy Elrond."

Casey, Legolas and Elrohir ran off to find Jackie as told.

"Hey Elrond! Can you float without that chair?" I asked.

"DUH!" He replied and stood up.

He was right. He could float too.

"Then…CHASE ME!" I shouted and flew off down the hall.

Elrond followed me.

"Gotta find Jackie! Gotta find Jackie!" Legolas said over and over again as they ran through the school dodging random sloth bears and the guinea pigs.

Casey, Elrohir and Legolas entered the cafeteria.

"LOOK OUT!" Noliee yelled from behind a lunch table that turned on its side.

Noliee and lots of other people including Haldir, Aragorn, Anna, Karvian, Cloe, Lynsay, Eggzilla, Boromir, Elladan, Eowyn, Alice and…Jackie were fighting off the fruitcake monster.

They were launching food at the evil cake. It was working too. The more food they threw at it the less it grew.

Apparently Legolas, Casey and Elrohir were right in the path of a food launch.

Noliee shoved them out of the way just as a food bomb exploded.

"We need to find Jackie and my brother!" Elrohir said to Noliee.

"Okay, come over here! Get out of the way of the food bombs!" Noliee shouted over the roar of the fruitcake monster.

"Jackie!" Casey said and hugged her arm.

"Casey, remember the talk we had about personal space?" Jackie asked.

Casey nodded.

"Well, you just violated the person bubble!" Jackie said and scooted away from her.

"**FIRE FOOD BOMB!"** Noliee screamed loudly.

"Yeah…what do you want?" Jackie asked them cringing

"Jackie, you are looking at the fork's owner," Legolas said.

"Oh really? You are the fork's owner?" Jackie asked Legolas.

"No…the owner is Casey!" Legolas said.

"Oh…WELL! LET'S GO! WE CAN'T KEEP WASTING TIME!" Jackie shouted.

"We have to get Elladan first! He has to be there too!" Elrohir said.

"You go get him. The 3 of us will wait for you outside," Jackie said and crawled secret agent style to the back door of the cafeteria.

Casey and Legolas followed suit.

When they were safely out of the cafeteria and into a classroom (and after the twins had joined them) Jackie locked the door, took the book out of her backpack and set it on a desk.

"Okay, it says that we have to take it to Cody, the evil talking refrigerator and throw the fork into the freezer. The ice cube maker thingo. It says here that the fork should explode taking all the stuff with it. Casey has to throw it into the ice box, but it doesn't say that we can't help her," Jackie informed.

"But where is Cody?" Elladan asked.

"Cody is in the place that the fork's owner fears the most," Jackie read. "What place are you afraid of…please let it be in the school!"

Casey thought for awhile, "Um…the basement! It's scary! I don't know what's down there, and it's all dark and dusty!"

"TO THE BASEMENT!" Jackie yelled and ran through the door of the classroom.

"Here we go again!" Legolas mumbled and followed the rest of the group.

On the way to the basement, they saw Gandalf fighting a large group of sloth bears. He chanted a spell that caused the floor to split. The entire group of sloth bear fell into the abyss but more quickly replaced them.

"HURRY UP AND DESTROY IT!" I yelled and floated past with Elrond hot on my trail.

"Whoa! Was Cheesy flying!?" Jackie exclaimed.

"Long story. No time now." Legolas said and ran faster.

"Slow down!" Jackie yelled, trying to catch up.

Catch up? That's like the dance the Catsup! DANCE BREAK!

Everyone and yes I mean everyone, including giant fruitcake monster, sloth bears, guinea pig and floating Elrond, in the story stops and dances the Catsup.

OKAY! OAKY! DANCE BREAK OVER!

Everyone went back to what they were doing…

Jackie, Casey Legolas and the twins finally reached the basement. They opened the door and ran down the stairs. They saw a bright glowing object in one corner.

Sure enough there was Cody, the evil talking refrigerator. It appeared that he was sleeping. The two slits for eyes were closed, so they assumed that much.

"How do we know it's the right refrigerator?" Casey asked.

"Oh I don't know! Maybe 'cause it's the only refrigerator in existence that has a mouth!" Jackie hissed quietly.

"What now Jackie?" Legolas asked.

"Okay, Casey go and try to open the freezer and put the fork in. Be VERY quiet. We don't want it to wake up. Cody is supposed to have evil plagues too," Jackie informed.

"But, I'm scared!" Casey exclaimed quietly. "I don't want to! I –"

She instantly shut up when Legolas kissed her.

"Eheheh…when do I go?" Casey asked.

"Whenever you are ready," Jackie said.

"Okay…I'll be ready after Elfy kisses me again," Casey said with a smile.

Legolas rolled his eyes but kissed her again anyway.

"Okay, I'm going now," Casey informed.

"Good luck Casey!" Jackie encouraged.

Casey silently snuck over to the sleeping Cody and stopped when she was right in front of the freezer. She looked back at Jackie, Legolas and the twins.

They flashed her the thumbs-up sign and smiled stupidly.

Casey nodded and reached up to the freezer. With a shaking hand she grabbed the handle and carefully pulled the door open. Casey smiled, Cody didn't wake up!

She took the fork out of her pocket and she was just about to place the fork in the ice cube maker thing when the door suddenly slammed shut and threw Casey backwards.

"**MUWAHAHAHAHA! WHO DARES TO DESTURB ME?!" **Cody yelled.

"ME!" Casey said and stood up. "I WANNA DESTROY THE FORK!"

Cody laughed evilly, "I would like to see you try tiny mortal!"

"I'M THE FORK'S RIGHTFUL OWNER!" Casey screamed and held up the fork.

It glowed blue and spit out sparks.

Cody roared, "YOU WILL NEVER DESTROY ME OR THE FORK! I NOW SEND UPON YOU A CURSE! OR TWO IF YOU PREFER!"

There was a flash of light and two boys about our age appeared.

They looked at Casey and at Jackie, Legolas and the twins.

"MY NAME IS KITTY MAN!" one of the boys yelled.

"AND I'M BIRD MAN!" the other yelled.

"Shut up Adrian!" Cloe yelled and smacked him.

"Cloe? What are you doing here?" Jackie asked.

"I always come down here…but anyway, their names are Justin and Adrian," Cloe informed.

"Okay, so what do they do?" Elrohir asked.

"They tell stupid jokes and act completely mental," Cloe said and crossed her arms. "Just DON'T laugh at them. It makes them do it all the more."

"Well how bad can they be? We are used to Casey," Jackie said.

Cloe just laughed and disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke.

Jackie raised an eyebrow, "I read about you two in the book. For Cody to have control and we lose, all of us have to be laughing and I mean full out laughing. Be warned, it is hard to make this Elf laugh." She informed and pointed to Legolas

They sat down and waited.

"Don't worry! We WILL make him laugh," Adrian said.

"Sure ya will." Jackie said.

"THIS is the code of the kitty!" Justin said and made a sign with his hand

Then he made a stupid face and hooted like a monkey.

It looked like this: v

"Yeah? And?" Jackie asked.

"The code of KITTY goes like this : You are making it go like this vvvvvvvvv!" Justin yelled.

"Dude, so not funny. Even for me," Casey said.

"Well, what about the pink fire toilet!?" Adrian asked.

"What about it?" Jackie asked, slightly amused.

"I have a story about it…it appeared in a town one day and everyone died."

The twins and Casey snickered softly.

"So?" Legolas and Jackie said at the same time.

"Well, how about THIS!" Justin yelled and held up a picture of Gimli in a swimsuit.

Legolas shrieked and covered his eyes.

"NOOOOOOO! That was not funny!" he yelled.

Casey thought it was funny thought. She fell over laughing.

"ONE OUT!" Cody bellowed.

"Bring her in!" Justin yelled to the door.

Suddenly a cage with a wild bush woman in it was lowered into the room.

She was eating a piece of chicken and hissing. Adrian poked her and she hooted and went mental. Justin poorly mimicked her actions.

Elladan laughed loudly, but then remembered that he wasn't supposed to and he shut up.

"TWO OUT!" Cody laughed.

Justin and Adrian clapped and danced around stupidly.

"This is a Nazgul!" Adrian said and pointed to Justin who had a black sheet on his head.

Justin made stupid noises and pretended to pick his nose.

Jackie snickered but didn't laugh out loud. Elrohir and Legolas stayed normal.

Justin and Adrian told stupid jokes and slapped each other with dead fish. No response from anyone.

"A PICTURE OF Elrond!" Adrian shoved it in Legolas' face.

Elrond was dressed like a hillbilly and he was dancing stupidly around a campfire.

Jackie snickered a bit louder.

"Oooh! The Jackie likes the pictures! Show her more!" Adrian said.

The next picture was of poorly drawn stick figure Casey, she was exploding and little squiggly lines coming off her head.

Jackie snickered harder and her face turned red.

"LOOKIE!" shouted Justin. "It's a picture of Sauron dancing to swan lake in a tutu!"

Jackie couldn't help it anymore. She burst out laughing.

"THREE OUT!"

"Hey Elf dude!" Adrian said and pointed to Elrohir.

"What?" He replied.

Adrian stared at him.

Elrohir stared back.

Stare…

Stare…

More staring…

More staring…

Stare…

Stare…

More staring…

More staring…

Adrian made a stupid face.

Elrohir burst out laughing.

"FOUR OUT!" Cody yelled. "Only one more!"

Justin and Adrian went into hyper funny overdrive. They tried EVERYTHING to get Legolas to laugh.

They made stupid faces, made noises, showed the most stupid pictures ever taken, screamed, jumped around, made farting noises, told random stories so funny that anyone else would have been rolling on the floor with laughter.

They poked each other, hit each other and danced around stupidly. They tried every random thing in the book! Whoopee cushions, staring, random out bursts, babbling, jumping around and even pie in the face.

All they got from Legolas was a raised eyebrow.

"Laugh already!" Justin exclaimed.

He and Adrian had a secret 3-second meeting.

"We only have one trick left and if he doesn't laugh Cody is going to be mad," Adrian said.

"Let's try it," Justin said.

"OOOGA BOOGA!" Justin and Adrian shouted.

"It that suppose to be funny?" Legolas asked, totally not laughing.

"He didn't laugh!" Adrian yelled and started to run away but Cody hissed and flung open his door and ate Justin and Adrian.

Then Legolas smiled, snickered and laughed loudly. He fell over and laughed more.

"That was the funniest annoying stuff that I have ever been subjected to!" he said.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU LAUGH BEFORE?!" Cody bellowed.

" 'Cause we would have to go away forever and not get rid of the fork." Legolas replied.

"Fair enough," Cody said.

"So you are going to let us destroy the fork now?" Jackie asked.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Cody roared, **"FEAR MY WRATH!**"

"Oh no." Jackie said and hid behind some of the stuff in the basement, "Get out of the way! Cody is going to shoot food and underwear at you!"

"Underwear?" Elladan asked, "Why is it going to shoot underwear?"

" 'Cause it can now hide!" Jackie shouted as Cody started shooting underwear and random food items.

The other hid just in time. Cody was shooting underwear and food like a machine gun.

"Casey, I have a plan," Jackie said.

Casey looked at her blankly and nodded.

"Okay, the book said that Cody can't protect himself from the back, so I thought if you climbed on top of it from behind, you could throw the fork in that way," Jackie said. "Did you understand that?"

Casey nodded. Then shook her head no.

"You. Climb thing from back. Throw fork in," Jackie said trying to dumb it down a bit

"Oh! Why didn't you just say so!?" Casey asked. "I CAN DO THAT!"

"Good. Now go do it," Jackie said.

Casey snuck around the back of Cody just like Jackie said.

Cody was too busy blasting underwear and food at Legolas, Jackie and the twins to notice Casey sneak up behind him.

Casey quickly climbed on the refrigerator and flung the freezer door open.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Cody roared and spun around trying to shake Casey off.

"STOP MOVING!" Casey yelled back and held up the fork.

It was again glowing blue.

"AHHH! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!" Cody yelled and continued to spin.

Casey held on and continued to inch towards the freezer.

"Hello evil fridge!" She said and hung upside down of the side of the evil machine over Cody's face.

"I CAN'T SEE! GET OFF!" Cody yelled.

Casey carefully pulled out the ice cube maker and looked at the fork.

She smiled, laughed and threw the fork in.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !"** Cody yelled.

Casey flew off Cody and landed in the corner.

The refrigerator yelled and all the stuff that was invading the school was sucked back into the fridge.

Flying Elrond fell out of the sky, the sloth bears, guinea pig, Sporky, and the fruitcake monster all turned to blue dust inside the refrigerator.

Everyone's hair went back to its normal color and the school instantly went back to the way it was before everything got wrecked. And finally Cody slammed the door shut and exploded.

Then it was quiet…

…See? I told you

"Casey?!" Jackie asked and ran over to where Casey had landed, "Are you okay?!"

"Owww…" Casey said and sat up, "That hurt."

"YAY! YOU DESTROYED THE FORK!" Jackie said.

"Really I-"

But Casey shut up when Legolas grabbed her and kissed her on the lips.

"Wow…you do love me," Casey said smiling stupidly

"You wish," Legolas said and hugged her.

Jackie and the twins also congratulated Casey.

Upstairs everyone was cheering, happy that all the stuff was gone.

"Owwwww…" Elrond said and got up.

I was still floating around waiting for Casey and company.

"CHEESY! GUESS WHAT?! I DESTROYED THE FORK!" Casey yelled, suddenly appearing.

I smiled. Maybe Casey _is_ smarter than everyone thought.

I floated down to Casey.

"Hi! So it worked then?" I asked Jackie.

She nodded, "Believe it or not, Casey actually destroyed it."

Casey nodded proudly but then she smiled evilly.

"Elfy has to marry me now," she said.

"Casey! Shoo!" Legolas said and backed away from her.

"ELFY!" She yelled and chased after him, "YOU PROMISED!"

OoooO

There! I finally got the chapter up and I am SO sorry it is really, really late. I haven't been home lately and I got in trouble with my mom so now I can only go on the computer once a week, I hope this changes soon but until it does, updates will sadly be slow.


	29. NonFangirl

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 29

(Still December)

THE FORK WAS GONE!

After much partying and randomness (like Nazgul giving piggyback rides) we finally settled down and got back to our schoolwork.

Frodo's class was as boring as ever.

I stared out the window at the freshly fallen snow. I wanted to go outside get a load of snow and shove it down Gandalf's robes.

THAT would have been entertaining!

When the bell finally rang, everyone scrambled out to their next class.

I had Elvish next. So did Casey.

Speaking of her, Casey was trying to remember something important. She tried and she tried but she could not remember.

I rolled my eyes at the thought. I take it back. Casey is not smart.

If she can't remember the thing she wanted the most and almost got, then there is no hope for her.

I mean honestly! If Legolas said he was going to marry me, I would remember it. I WOULD REMEMBER IT!

As I walked passed the office I saw a few students waiting there.

I smiled, new people! I love new people! More people to annoy and/or scare!

I walked into the office.

"Hello! Need some help finding your classes?" I asked.

Oh Helpful me!

One of the girls smiled.

"Yeah. We are totally lost and what is up with the principal? He looks like Elrond!" she said.

"That's because it is Elrond," I informed. "Oh, I must tell you, some of the stuff you may see in this school may confuse or even scare you but remember you are in no danger whatsoever. Oh, yeah the school is run by the people from Lord of the Rings."

They blinked at me.

"I'm Koala," The girl that spoke to me said.

"I'm Chloe," said another girl.

"I. Am, Queen Hazza!" The girl said and nodded proudly.

"HI! I'm Kitty!" said the last girl.

"HELLO!" I yelled. "Nice to meet you. I'm THE Cheese Turkey, but you can call me Cheesy."

Then the door to office opened and Legolas walked in.

"Don't you have a class to teach?" I asked with a smile.

"Yes and you have my class to be in," he replied.

"Wha…"

The girls stood open mouthed. What was going on here and why did that guy look exactly like Legolas? They wondered. Except for one who was…terrified?

Koala shrieked and hid behind Queen Hazza. She pointed a shaky finger in the direction of Legolas.

"WHAT! WHAT!?" I screamed, "Is there a giant monster behind Legolas!?"

"No!" she said and continued to hide, "Make him go away!"

"Who? Legolas?" I asked confused

She nodded. "He scares me!"

"WHAT!? You are afraid of Legolas?! CALL THE NEW CREW! CALL THE PRESIDENT! CALL THE ARMY! CALL MY UNCLE! IT'S A GIRL THAT IS ACTUALLY AFRAID OF LEGOLAS!" I screamed and waved my arms around.

"You are afraid of me?" Legolas asked.

Koala screamed when he spoke to her.

"Ye-yes, now please go away!" She screamed in horror.

Legolas smiled and walked out of the office forgetting what he came there for.

"Finally! A girl that doesn't love me!" Legolas said.

I was hyperventilating thinking it was the end of the world, Queen Hazza was trying to calm Koala after her 'traumatic' experience and Kitty and Chloe were talking quietly.

"How…can she…be afraid…of Legolas!?" I exclaimed loudly.

I yelled so loudly that Elrond came out of his office and glared at me.

"YOU! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" he yelled at me.

I happily left. I shuddered from the thought of someone being afraid of Legolas. Just then Koala tapped my shoulder.

I screamed and jumped in the air.

"Can you tell me where the Elvish classroom is?" she asked me.

"I'll just show you. I'm going there next," I replied and looked at her oddly.

OoooO

Everyone stared when we entered the classroom.

"HI CLASS!" Koala yelled and sat down in the front row next to Casey. "MY NAME IS KOALA!"

"HI KOALA!" The class said.

Casey looked at her, "You don't like Legolas do-"

At the name, Koala screamed.

"NO I DON'T HE SCARES ME!" she exclaimed.

The entire class gasped and whispered softly.

I shuddered again.

Noliee and Jackie took her picture with their cameras with the instant photo feature. Under her picture, they wrote: 'This is the scariest girl in the world'

Casey almost threw up. She couldn't handle that kind of information.

"Well, Koala you are not going to like the teacher very much," Karvian said.

"Why?" Koala asked.

"The teacher is LEGOLAS!" Jackie yelled.

Koala screamed.

"What's with all the screaming?" Legolas asked entering the classroom with a box of Chinese food balanced on his head.

Koala went crazy. She screamed and screamed like someone was trying to saw off her arm with a TV remote. Koala gripped the sides of her desk and hyperventilated to the point where she almost passed out. Then she started screaming again. The windows started to shake and from her screaming. Then she started whimpering and crying like there was no tomorrow!

"Does me being around upset her that much?" Legolas asked as the Chinese food fell off of his head and splattered on his desk.

The class nodded as Koala continued to scream and cry.

Casey's thoughts were racing.

_"HOW CAN SHE BE SCARED OF HIM!? It not right! Its…its…the opposite of right! I don't know how-Ah! She- she…I can't-"_

Casey couldn't take it anymore; she screamed, ran to the nearest trashcan and threw up.

"EWWWW!" Everyone in the room exclaimed except for Koala who was too scared to move.

Casey eventually stopped puking and went back to her seat still holding her stomach.

Koala was now staring at Legolas; her eyes were wide with terror. At least she stopped screaming!

"Um…okay. Well, I guess we can start the lesson now," Legolas said. "Turn to page-"

Then Koala stared screaming again! She threw her lunch bag across the room, it smashed against the wall and food went flying everywhere!

Next Koala threw her textbook across the room also. It hit Noliee in the head.

Noliee screamed and fell over unconscious.

This only made Koala spaz out even more. She got up and kicked her desk over, screaming all the while.

Then something in Koala's mind suddenly clicked and she decided to be brave and approach Legolas.

She inched over to him holding a textbook in one hand for protection.

Legolas just stood there with a raised eyebrow and a look of amazement on his face. Actually he looked quite odd with that expression…

Koala continued to inch along and when she was in arms reach of him she stopped and stared.

Legolas looked back at her.

Slowly, Koala reached out her arm and poked Legolas.

The second that she touched him, she screamed and pulled her hand back as if she had touched fire. She tossed the textbook up in the air, screamed and hid in the back of the room.

Casey panted and tried not to throw up again.

I stared straight ahead with my mouth open.

Jackie was trying to revive Noliee and the rest of the class was silent.

"What just happened?" Karvian asked.

"I. Do. Not. Know." Anna replied.

Koala continued to hide in the corner and screamed every now and then.

"Well, you have to see it from her point of view," Lynsay said. "I mean, would you like to stuck in a room with the thing that scares you the most?"

"But she's afraid of Elfy! He is not scary!" Casey said.

"He would be scary if you were an Orc," I said.

"Yes…but Koala is not an Orc!" Casey said.

"I know that! I was just saying he would be scary if you were an Orc!" I informed.

"…Whatever…" Casey said.

Suddenly the door flew open and Merry and Pippin entered carrying a bag of mushrooms.

They weren't radioactive anymore.

"Can I help you?" Legolas asked.

"Huh!? Who are you?" Pippin asked.

Merry slapped him, "Yes you can help us. Hide these mushrooms and if Gandalf comes around asking about them, DO NOT tell him about us."

"I'm not going to hide food for you," Legolas said. "Where did you- "

Legolas shut up when Merry gave him 5 dollars.

"Where do you want me to hide them?" Legolas asked with a smile.

"Don't care! Just don't let Gandalf get them! Hey! Is that Chinese food?" Merry asked and stole the half empty box of noodles.

"HEY! I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT!" Legolas yelled as they ran out laughing.

Legolas sighed and put the mushrooms in one of the drawers of his desk, "At least they left the spork."

The class gasped and hid under their desks.

"What? Oh, its not an evil crazed spork that is going to take over the school. I made sure. I asked the people at the Chinese place about it…hmm, maybe that's why they looked at me weird."

We came out from hiding.

"But just to be safe, does it look odd?" Legolas asked and tossed the spork to Lynsay.

She was an expert when it came to this stuff.

"No…It looks okay to use. Just be careful," Lynsay warned. "You can't be to sure when it comes to these things." She tossed the spork back to Legolas.

"Well, Merry didn't get all the food. I was hiding some in the closet," Legolas informed and took a box out of the closet.

"Are you going to eat it _now_?" I asked.

"Yes."

Jackie stopped trying to revive Noliee and ran back to her desk. She took her video camera out of her backpack and turned it on.

"And this segment is called: Legolas eats Chinese food." Jackie said in a narrator voice, "We watch as the Legolas picks up the spork and prepares to eat the food. Wow, this sure isn't this exciting folks!"

The class 'oohed' and 'ahhed'.

"Do you have to do that?" Legolas asked and stopped eating.

Jackie nodded, "Yes. Yes I do."

"I guess I'll just eat later. Now, maybe, we can continue with what we were going to do."

Just then the bell rang.

"Never mind…"

The class scooted out. Koala ran out screaming.

"Wow, if you want to torture her just tell Legolas to give her a hug," Noliee said with an evil smile forming on her face.

We walked into Noruas' class and sat down.

To our surprise it was Tom Bombadil that was there.

At least I thought it was Tom Bombadil. He was in a wheelchair, had his arm in a cast, he had two black eyes, one leg was also in a cast and he had a bandage around his head.

"Hello, class. I am back," he said cheerfully.

"Um…what happened to you?" I asked.

"Noruas happened. He is evil and wrong. He pushed me out of the window and took over my class," Tom explained.

"Oh. Well, that was bad luck. Where is Noruas anyway?" Alice asked.

"I tied him in a sack and threw it in the river!" Tom said, momentarily losing the happy face.

The class gasped in horror. Noruas was gone!?

"But-but, we liked Noruas!" I protested.

"Well, he's gone now! He will probably be off to bother some other school," Tom said.

"No more Noruas?!" Casey exclaimed and started crying.

"Yes, but no matter! Now we will read some poems!" Tom said happily.

The class groaned. Stupid poems!

"I see the flower

The flower is shiny

I like the flower

It smells like a sweet thing

Nice are the flowers," Tom read happily.

"What on Middle Earth are you reading? That was the worst poem I have ever heard!" Karvian said.

"I love flowers

They are smelly

They smell good though

The flowers are pretty," Tom read ignoring everyone and continued to read his poem book.

Next Tom went to the chalkboard and starting writing on it.

"Look class. I drew a flower," Tom said.

The class sighed. I shot a spitball at him.

The worst part was, he didn't even notice. This was going to be a long day…

OoooO

Eehehe, short chapter I know. Next chapter will be an all-new one! I know that someone will be very happy about it!

But I regret to inform that there wont be as many updates because my mom has decided to be evil and let me on the computer only one time a week. Just reminding you!


	30. Hannas Notebook

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 30

(Completely new bonus chapter in honor of Hanna M. One of my biggest fans and good friend! LOL this is so awesome I feel so loved I have FANS! So, the brilliant poem, and other random musings belong to the great Hanna!)

The sacred document titled '_THE JOURNAL, KEEP OUT…yeah I'm talking to you! STAY OUT HANNA'S PROPERTY' _was left on the desk of Hanna in the classroom of Gandalf in the back of the room.

By some horrible chance of fate, Gandalf was actually in his own classroom and he was going up and down the many rows of desks making sure that the student that were previously in his 4th period class had remembered to take all their slobbish trash with them before they ran down the hall to lunch.

When Gandalf got to Hanna's desk and saw the formerly mentioned document he picked it up and sniffed it.

"It reeks of evil, madness and Noliee's malevolent schemes!" Gandalf exclaimed, "But most of all…MADNESS!"

He was about to throw it in the trashcan when the first line of a poem caught his eye. It read: _'Gandalf, Gandalf you're such a pig!'_

Instantly outraged Gandalf decided to explore this evil document VERY carefully.

"Gandalf, Gandalf, you're such a pig!

Why can't you just wear a wig?

You think that you can talk all smack,

But my hair's not a chia pet on crack!

You hated that essay, I wrote, what's the matter?

So it had a LITTLE improper grammar!

You want to give poor Cheesy a kick,

But maybe she can ride a broomstick!

You are so mean; you know its true!

Lord Elrond's a GOD compared to you.

You probably kick poor helpless cats!

(But Noruas will speak to you about that!)

You're getting scared now, can't you see?

My accomplices and I (including Cheesy,

And at least I used proper grammar for that!

You could stand to lose a little fat.)

But I digress we rule the school!

Think anything else and you're a fool!

You're just so mean to us all!

Why can't you go to a cliff and FALL?

Go take a long walk on a short pier.

It wouldn't aggrieve the kids back here.

Cheesy's really a nice girl!

AND she knows the history of your world!

Jackie's smart, and funny too!

So stop treating her like a pile of POO!

Noliee may pull a prank or two,

But she's wiser than you, don't deny it, it's true!

Casey maybe a little insane,

(An understatement for her lack of brain)

But it certainly doesn't give you the right

To make her cry in bed at night!

(Alright, I exaggerate, she doesn't care,

She's dreaming of elves with golden hair.)

But as for me, you have no clue

Of the torturous stunts I could pull on you,

Or you would run home screaming to your mother,

Of the stark-raving people there is no other

That could possibly bug you the way that I do.

But you're stuck with me, and By Eru, I'm stuck with you!"

To make the understatement of the century, Gandalf was not pleased with the poem that 'greatly slandered his magnificent state of being' whatever the cheese that meant. Gandalf hollered something, slammed the notebook down on the desk and called Elrond telling him to get to his classroom ASAP!

When Elrond arrived he found a very annoyed Gandalf sitting at his desk smoking his pipe angrily.

"What happened?" Elrond asked

"THIS!" Gandalf exclaimed and threw the notebook at Elrond

The book hit Elrond in the face and fell to the floor. Elrond growled, picked it up and opened it.

He read the poem about Gandalf and laughed loudly.

"I see no problem here, Hanna is simply expressing her creativity." Elrond said and turned the page

Next was a poorly drawn picture of him captioned: _'Elrond is a fat hippie obsessed with spongebob!' _

Elrond's face fell into the classic frown of doom and hate.

"WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!" He roared, " This, this…BLASPHMEY!"

"Smell it." Gandalf said

Elrond did so and threw it away in disgust.

"It smells like evil, madness and Noliee!" Elrond yelled, "AND Hanna, and…(sniff)…Cheesy and, and Jackie and the evil bubble gum scented lip gloss of CASEY! THEY MUST BE PUNISHED FOR THIS!"

"Look at this! Just look at this!" Gandalf yelled and shoved a page in Elrond's face

It was a picture of Gandalf exploding and Hanna laughing evilly and holding his staff and hat.

"That's horrible!" Elrond exclaimed and looked at it again, "It also contains evil plots to take over the world!"

There were several drawling by Casey of people labeled 'slobs' exploding, Noruas, Casey holding the one ring and people bowing to her. There was even more drawling by Hanna depicting exploding Gandalf and a particularly disturbing one titled _'Tolkien's Rampage of DEATH!' _

All the shouts of angry rage and slapping of the notebook on the desk attracted the attention of a few others.

Galadriel came walking in slowly and calmly, "What's going on?" she asked

"LOOK AT THIS!" Elrond shouted, "This horrible book makes fun of all of us!"

Galadriel flipped through the pages and laughed quietly at the pictures of Gandalf exploding. Then she came to a picture of herself. She was a poorly drawn stick figure with funky hair. There was a short bigheaded blobby thing labeled Gimli. The Galadriel stick figure was begging the Gimli stick figure to marry her. The Gimli stick figure refused claiming Galadriel was too ugly.

Galadriel threw the book up in the air and shrieked loudly. She turned into psycho evil radioactive green elf queen and started to spew green slime out of her eyes.

"**HOW DARE THEY MOCK ME!**" she thundered

She was tempted to blast the notebook to the void but Gandalf

reminded her that blasting stuff to the void was his special power.

"What's with all the yelling? Not that yelling doesn't go on everyday anyway…" Aragorn said entering the room

"Hanna, Cheesy and her little friends have joined together and created evil and MADNESS!" Gandalf informed

"Created madness? What did they do? Clone you?" Aragorn asked and laughed

Gandalf glared and him and shoved the notebook under his nose, "Just look at it!"

Aragorn looked through the pages laughing hysterically at exploding Gandalf, fat hippie Elrond, and Tolkien's rampage of death. After a few minutes he gave it back to Gandalf.

"Funny dodo!" Aragorn laughed, "Give my compliments to the girls!"

"What! What! There is no page about him?" Elrond shouted and looked wildly through the notebook, "That is _so_ not fair!"

Aragorn shrugged then grinned, "But, did you see the one about Legolas! AHAHHAH!"

"What about me?" Legolas asked appearing behind Aragorn

Aragorn shrieked like a little girl and fell over a desk. Legolas rolled his eyes.

"What's going on?" he asked

"Your precious Miss THE Cheese Turkey is partly responsible for Madness!" Gandalf exclaimed

"Cheesy? Well she's like that." Legolas replied and took the notebook

He looked through it and laughed louder than Aragorn.

"LOOK! The Vampires are chasing Hanna!" he said and showed them the picture

There were a group of stick figures labeled 'vampire' and the one labeled Hanna was running away.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Listen!" Legolas said excitedly and waved his arms around, "Its Hanna and Cheesy talking about forest fires and kitties!"

Elrond looked appalled, "THAT'S HORRIBLE!"

Galadriel ran around the room shrieking and blowing green slime that smelled like lime jello all over the classroom. She shrieked random things and ran into the wall a few times.

Once, she even crashed into the closet and tore everything up in there while drooling and making noises like a moose during mating season. She grabbed a pack of papers and tossed it up into the air. With her freaky powers she made it explode and rain paper bits on everyone's head. Then she took the bottles of glue and dumped it all over herself and even ate some of it.

Galadriel went on a wild hair-cutting storm with the safety scissors cutting her hair off at odd angles and while screaming like a monkey, she threw the hair around the room.

Everyone stopped looking at the notebook and watched her with raised eyebrows.

"Aragorn, where did you put that tranquilizer gun?" Elrond whispered to him

"The one you told me to get rid of after I went on a wild rampage and took out half the school and shot you and Legolas in the butt! HUH HUH HUH? THAT ONE?" Aragorn asked a manic expression appearing on his face

"Um, yes. _That_ one." Elrond replied slowly

"I got rid of it." Aragorn said in a 'duh' tone

"Really? You actually listen to me?"

"Are you kidding? I had WAY too much fun with that thing to get rid of it!" Aragorn replied and ran off to get it

A few minutes later he returned carrying a HUGE tranquilizer gun that could have been mistaken for a flamethrower. He hooted wildly and charged after Galadriel.

She saw him coming and ran off as fast as she could. They ran down the hall hollering and screaming.

"Ahem…well back to the notebook!" Gandalf said and took it from Legolas

"Hey! I wasn't done with it!" Legolas replied and pouted

"Humph! Well with all the time you HOGGED it, you obviously missed your picture!" Gandalf hissed and held it out

The page was captioned 'Its not fun being sacrificed to the gods of hotness…Poor Leggy.' There were more poorly drawn stick figures. The one labeled 'Leggy' was sitting in the middle of a fire and the other ones called Casey and Dani were dancing around him wearing sacrificial head gear and carrying sacrificial staffs that were spitting sparkly things out of them.

Legolas looked disturbed, "So, THAT'S why Casey and Dani showed up to class with matches and freaky hats yesterday! I don't feel safe here…"

He looked around in the dark corners of the classroom and whimpered.

Suddenly there was a loud ear shattering screaming and they guessed that Aragorn had caught up with Galadriel. Then there was a yell of 'WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SWEET GALADRIEL!" And another screamed.

Aragorn came limping back followed by Gimli who looked mad, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO GALADRIEL!"

"Yess…she was spazzing." Elrond replied

"But! What-

"Shut up and look at this evil madness with us or I will blast you to the void!" Gandalf warned

"Evil Madness you say? What is it Aragorn's socks?" Gimli asked walking over

"No! It's Hanna's Notebook! It reeks of evil, madness and Noliee!" Elrond exclaimed

Gimli shuddered, "That's even worse than Aragorn's socks and those things have eyes!"

Aragorn slapped the back of his head.

"Let's see if there is a poor drawling of you!" Legolas said happy at another opportunity to embarrass the dwarf, "Hey, what's this? Two pages stuck together by a substance that looks like moldy tuna fish? Maybe that's what we've been smelling on it…anyway lets see what this is. OHHHHH! LOOOKIE!"

Legolas threw the notebook at Aragorn. It was a picture of…you guessed it, yet another poorly drawn stick figure. This one was called Aragorn, with little arrows to tell them this. The caption was 'No one escapes THE BATH!' And it showed the Aragorn stick figure screaming in horror and other little unnamed stick people warning that the horror of the bath could happen to you if you didn't wash your hair.

Aragorn growled and slammed the notebook down a desk and roared. The desk fell over…

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I BATHE REGULARLY! I DO! BY THE VALAR I DO!" he yelled to the sky

"Calm down!" Gandalf said and shook him

"NO! THIS MEANS WAR! WHO'S WITH ME!"

"WE'RE WITH YOU ARAGORN!" yelled the hobbits as they came running into the room

"So what are we with you on?" Asked Pippin

"FOOL OF A TOOK!" Gandalf bellowed, "He is declaring war against five of our students."

"Let me guess, is NOLIEE one of them?" Frodo asked

"Yes."

"Then I am with him though I have no idea why…" Frodo said a thoughtful look coming over his face

"We have all been blasphemised! I don't even think that is a word but it sounds cool!" Elrond said and giggled

Everyone stared at him.

"Ahem! Sorry, it's the paint fumes!" Elrond insisted

No one bothered to ask what the cheese he was talking about.

"Stare in terror at this page of the notebook that is Gimli!" Legolas said dramatically and held the page open for all to see

Everyone gasped in horror and disgust at this stick figure Gimli. It was…in a pink frilly bikini. Everyone then screamed and shielded their eyes.

Gimli's face went red and you could see steam billowing off the top of his head.

"HOW DARE THEY! THOSE HORRIBLE EVIL GIRLS! THEY MUST BE PUNISHED!" Gimli roared so loud that the windows shook

The Hobbits looked disturbed.

"So…is there a page in there about us in there Legolas?" Merry asked

"I don't know I didn't look yet." Legolas replied he started to look for one but Frodo boldly grabbed it from the elf and looked himself

"Well! You don't have to be rude about it Frodo." Legolas said

Frodo gave him a death glare that burned with the intensity of a thousand white-hot suns.

"The Ring is MINE!" he yelled

Legolas backed away quickly.

Frodo hissed at him and opened the notebook. After a few minuets of looking he threw it down and screamed and screamed and wouldn't stop.

"What is it Mr. Frodo? What have those nasty girls done to upset you?" Sam cooed and put a hand on Frodo's shoulder

Frodo spazzed out and slapped Sam's hand away, "Don't do that! Look at the notebook!"

The others crowded around and saw the picture.

"Oh come on, that's just stupid." Legolas said and crossed his arms

"Yeah, for once I agree with the elf-

The others gasped and made note of this.

"Well, its true. That is so not degrading like ours were!" Gimli continued

"I also agree," said Aragorn

"OOH MR. FRODO! HOW DARE THEY! I MEAN IT! **HOW DARE THEY? **THEY PROMISED!" Sam said and went off in the corner to sulk

The picture was of the Santa incident. There was a poor drawing of Santa in the middle of the page with little line coming out of him. The hobbits were running away from him and his evil Santa elf helpers and evil reindeer.

Frodo ran around in a circle screaming curses in a language he made up.

Elrond looked thoughtful then he gasped and grabbed the sleeve of Gandalf's robe.

"You do know that this notebook was not left here by mere chance or the forgetfulness of a teenaged mind. It's a conspiracy, those girls are plotting, and something is going on Gandalf! Something…Horrible, an unspeakable evil! We should prepare for battle!" Elrond exclaimed

OoooO

From our seat in the back the cafeteria we were watching the events unfold on Noliee's laptop (that was connected to a tiny camera that we installed in Gandalf classroom.) All five of us laughed evilly. For a moment Noruas joined us, then he realized what he was doing and stomped off to do other evil things.

"What do you think they are going to do?" I asked

"Who knows," Hanna replied, "But they had better not get anything on the notebook! I think Gandalf really enjoyed the poem."

Noliee cackled, "Very nice. Very nice indeed."

"OOOH LOOK THERE'S ELFY ON THE SCREEN!" Casey shrieked

Jackie thunked her over the head with a muffin and turned the volume up.

"So, what's the next part of the plan Hanna?" she asked and bit into the now tended muffin

"You shall see…you shall ALL SEE! MUWHAHAHAHAH!"

"Again…nice touch." Noliee said nodding in approval

"Hey Hanna girl!" Casey said waving her arms around

"Yes? What, cant you see I'm plotting?" Hanna replied

"What's this? I found it in you backpack." Casey said and held out a large purple book

"YOU WERE GOING THROUGH MY BACKPACK! But, if you must know, it's a collection of sacred fanfiction writings of the comings of Tolkien. The cannon stick shall strike down those that do not obey." Hanna informed and took the book from her

Casey stared at her with that famous lost 'what the cheese are you talking about' expression.

"Here, I'll read a passage from it…AHEM…'Tolkien is coming. Paint orc blood on your doors if you wish to be saved. May he skip your house on his rampage of DEATH!

"For Tolkien shall rise again, and with his disciples the hobbits and elves, he shall destroy the evil fanfic of the world. And lo! The people shall know that Aragorn married Arwen, and that Merry and Pippin are cousins only, and that Legolas left for the Grey Havens with Gimli, that mortals in Valinor still die, and that only Aragorn can heal truly with the athelas.

"His true followers shall be saved, and they will reign in Valinor with him forever, under the care of his Elves and Hobbits, and the evil shall rot forever in the bowels of Mordor'…that's from the 'The Book of Many Partings, Verses 5-10." Hanna informed with a nod

The four of us stared at her before Noliee gasped and pointed to the screen. All of us immediately looked, if it made Noliee gasp it _had_ to be good.

"What are they doing?" Jackie asked as we watched the teachers

They seemed to be making preparations for war. Gandalf was writing plans on the chalkboard and Aragorn was trying to make weapons out of various school supplies. He ended up with something that looked like a stick with scissors duct taped to the end.

Noliee laughed evilly, "This is the best they can come up with! Look at that _stupid_ strategy! How did THEY ever win the war of the ring! GOSH!"

She quickly copied their ill-conceived battle plan into Hanna's REAL original notebook. They had gotten the badly photocopied version. Like we would ever risk a document of that importance with people that chased each other with tranquilizer guns and eat toasters.

Okay, so they don't eat toasters but you understand.

"So, shouldn't we make a shiny battle plan!" Casey asked

Hanna grinned evilly, "We already have one!"


	31. Randomness and Band Class

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 31

(Part 2 of the totally new bonus chapter!)

Hanna gave a copy of the battle plan to all of us. I looked over it and laughed, she was brilliant! We were to recreate Tolkien's rampage of DEATH, complete with costumes that, after the zombie scare, were sure to be effective.

As we got into our costumes we watched as the teachers armed themselves with school supply closet weaponry and stormed out of Gandalf's classroom. Then we heard Elrond's voice over the intercom demanding that the five of us report to the office right away. He sounded as mad as a one eyed cat that was just drenched in ice water.

Of course we ignored it and hid all our stuff as the teachers neared. Hanna stashed the real notebook in the freezer behind the food counters. Then we hid under the lunch tables and waited in silence as the teachers pounded into the cafeteria.

"All right! Were are they!?" Elrond exclaimed waving his scissors on a stick around, "Help me look for them!"

Aragorn was twirling his scissor weapon around like a baton, Legolas was trying to attach scissors to both ends of the stick and everyone else was beating each other with them. They had so much fun attack each other that they forgot what they were there for in the first place until Elrond cleared it up for them.

"YOU PEOPLE NEED TO PAY ATTENTION! We are here to get revenge on wicked students and all you people do is whack each other with scissors!? You make me sick!"

Elrond was clearly having an episode again. This thought was confirmed when he stared to flap his arm like a bird and stared cawing. Suddenly he stopped and slowly looked under the table only to see a group of ugly looking…zombies.

Elrond shrieked like a little girl and jumped away remember what happened last time when zombies were involved. Everyone stopped and looked when Elrond screamed, if it mad him shout like that, it had to be good.

Slowly from the evil darkness from under the table (that wasn't all that evil or dark in the well lit cafeteria) came five zombies all creepy and…creepy! The zombies hissed and made various other zombie noises to show that they were in fact zombies. One had a white t-shirt on that said 'I am the zombie ghost of Tolkien! FEAR ME!'.

One of the zombies shuffled over to Legolas and made a noise that sounded like this: 'OOOHFARMOO!' Legolas hit it over the head with the scissors but seeing as the zombie had no brain (really it didn't) this didn't effect the zombie at all. Then the zombie danced around him and chanted.

The Tolkien zombie threw something at the one terrorizing Legolas and began its speech.

"I am the zombie of TOLKIEN!" It said in a deep Darth Vader like voice, "And I have come back to right the horrible wrongs against my fandom! Starting with YOU GANDALF THE GREY!"

Gandalf waved his hand and his staff magically appeared.

"GO BACK TO THE ABYSS FELL CREATURE OR I SHALL BLAST YOU AND YOU MADNESS TO THE VOID!" Gandalf exclaimed and has staff glowed hot pink

The other three zombies began to dance around the Tolkien one and wave their arms around.

"You shall not defeat me!" the zombie yelled, "None of you are protected from my wrath!"

The zombie stepped forward and there was a big mystical explosion that spit out green puffs. All the teachers took a step backward. There were more of the smoky mystical explosions that clouded the air and blocked off all escape routs.

"You are trapped!" Called the zombies, "We shall have you know! MUWHAHA!"

The Tolkien zombie walked over to Elrond until he was about two feet from him.

The zombie glared up at him evilly, "BOO!"

"RUN AWAY! RUUUUNNNNN AWAYYYYYYY!" Aragorn yelled

Elrond shrieked again and ran off followed by everyone else, leaving the zombies rolling on the floor laughing evilly.

So much for their 'war'.

"Well, that was easy." Noliee said and pulled off the zombie mask

"Yeah it was! I expected them to fight back or something! They ran off like little babies!" Jackie said laughing

"DID YOU SEE ELFY!?" Screamed Casey waving her arms around

"I don't think they will forget about the notebook though. They will get us eventually." I said looking around

It felt as if we were being watched…

"But its Friday!" Jackie said, "No one remembers anything over the weekend!"

"Still…"

"Oh stop worrying about it! It shall be fine." Noliee insisted

The Tolkien zombie laughed evilly, "My work here is done!"

Then it ran to the open window of the cafeteria and jumped out.

Noliee raised an eyebrow, "Why the cheese did Hanna do that?"

"What? Did someone call me?" Hanna asked walking in the door, "Did I miss the attack!?"

The four of us looked at her oddly.

"If you are here, then who was…Well that was quite freaky." Jackie mused

"Huh? What are you guys talking about?" Hanna asked

"I think…that the REAL zombie of Tolkien was just here…" I said my eyes widening

The four of us had a moment of silence, something unheard of.

"No, couldn't have been!" We decided

OoooO

Back in Gandalf's classroom the teachers were laughing evilly.

"Do they actually think we are _that _stupid that we wouldn't know that they were the zombies?!" Sam laughed

Gandalf was the only one not joining the evil laugher; no he was busy plotting our doom!

OoooO

We were sitting in band class waiting for Haldir to show up. I was in the front row squeaking my clarinet as loud as I could over and over again at an annoying rate. I took a deep breath and prepared to go for a record breaking, ear shattering, glass-smashing squeak when Haldir marched in and shoved a wad of tissues into the end of my clarinet just as I blew into it.

The clarinet let out a milled hiss of air and blasted out of my hands. It few across the room and smashed through the window. A few seconds later Gandalf poked his head in the window, there was my clarinet stuck through his hat.

I got up and attempted to pull it out but the stupid thing wouldn't come free. So, I stole Gandalf hat, pushed his head back out the window and closed the curtains. I sat down and smiled at Haldir.

I guess I would just have to play the clarinet with the hat still one it! Haldir rolled his eyes and took the attendance sheet out of his desk.

"Okay, Jackie?"

"I'm here, I'm also orange. Not really but that's okay!"

"That's very interesting, K-

"Hey! You didn't ask about Sherwood!" Jackie said and took that cactus out of her backpack, "I _told_ you he gets offended when you don't acknowledge his existence! This is the second time this has happened Haldir and frankly I don't think Sherwood is going to tolerate much more of you forgetting about him."

Jackie held up the cactus that had a little paper angry face taped to it.

Haldir looked disturbed, "All righty then…Hanna?"

She was doodling in THE notebook and didn't reply.

"Hanna!? HANNA! I am speaking to you! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" Haldir yelled

Hanna gasped loudly and looked up suddenly causing her to scribble all over her drawling that she was working on. She scowled at Haldir and very angrily shouted that she was currently in the room.

"Okay, well blue cabbage to you too. Eggzilla?"

"EGG! WOOOOOO aphablarga!" she shouted

"Nice…Casey?"

There was no response, Haldir scanned the room and it appeared that Casey was absent today. But that couldn't be!

Haldir shrugged and marked her absent. When he was finished, Haldir took this huge book off his desk and slammed it down on the music stand.

"Today, we will be learning about this history of music! Isn't that thrilling now?"

"No, not really." I replied, "I would much go for the worlds loudest squeak on my clarinet."

Suddenly the closet behind Haldir started to shake violently. Haldir raised an eyebrow and carefully opened the door. Suddenly Casey came flying out dressed as a samurai complete with sword.

"I AM HERE! I FOOLED YOU! I FOOLED YOU ALL!" she screamed and laughed in an evil high-pitched voice

Haldir screamed like a little girl and threw the 'history of music' book at her. Casey shrieked and fell over. Haldir composed himself and picked the book up again.

"Now that my horrific incident of terror and madness is over we can continue learning." Haldir said and opened the book

The class sighed.

"I know, its stupid, boring and dull but we have to learn it…Casey, sit down!" Haldir said and whacked her over the head with a spare flue

"MUWAHAH! NO! I SHALL NEVER SIT DOWN FOR I AM THE CASEY!"

"Casey! Oh whatever! Now, in 1620 music-

"YES! I have that date!" Lynsay announced and put a chip on her bingo card

"What?"

"Oh nothing Haldir, please continue."

Haldir continued reading for most of the class period. During a particularly boring part about some old dead guy that wrote music that no one cares about, he looked up from reading and saw that half the class was asleep.

He sighed and found his trusty air horn on the desk sitting next to some refried bean that had been there so long that they had begun to grow legs and eyes. The beans hissed at him when he came to close. Haldir shuddered and blasted the air horn for a good 3 minuets. The class fell to the floor covering their ears and begging for mercy.

Seriously, it was that bad…but my clarinet squeak would have been worse! I swear it would have been! All I needed was 2 seconds to prove it but stupid Haldir wouldn't let me! I could have broken a world record for loudest squeak; I could have had money, fame, fortune and cat hair! But no! He had to spoil my moment of greatness and shove the stupid tissues into the end of it and-

Okay, okay, I'm done. I promise.

ANYWAY, after he was sure the entire class was awake (and no longer able to hear) he stopped the loud annoying noise.

"How very rude of you people to fall asleep during my wonderful, lovely book reading! Not everyone can read from a book as well as I can! You should all be worshiping and bowing down before my awesome book reading powers! I shall be world renowned for my book reading powers! "

"Haldir?"

"Yes Noliee?"

"That is sooo never going to happen. Now please shut up and teach us something before I feel the need to add you to my prank list." She said and crossed her arms

Haldir made a face at her that resembled a dying octopus. Or maybe the face he made was so ugly that it could have killed and octopus driving a taxi!

Yes I did have too much sugar for lunch today! Stop looking at me like that!

Haldir turned some pages in the book looking for something else to bore us with. Half way through the 8th time of flipping through the book he shouted something very nasty in elvish (that does not need to be repeated her in the case that some little kiddies are reading) and slammed the book shut and threw it out the window.

There was a collective 'OOOOOOOHHHH!' around the room and all the kids pointed at him accusingly.

"Oh whatever! I was just as bored reading that trash, as I'm sure you were listing to it! That was stupid! I mean was is the point!? Who _cares_ about the music that existed in the 15th century! I wasn't alive then…I think…and I'm sure that you weren't so why bother learning about it!?" Haldir yelled and waved his arms around

Hanna fell to her knees and screamed at the sky, "Finally! One of them who can see my point! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

"Since we need to learn about music, lets just listen to some. Or better yet, lets _watch it_." Haldir said and turned on the tv

"How do you watch music?" I asked

"3 words…Music Videos." Haldir replied

"Oooh!" I said nodding in approval

So we spent the rest of class watching music videos and dancing. When the bell rang something finally hit me.

"Hey Haldir, you do know that 'music video' is only two words right?"

OoooO

Heh, so there it is. I didn't really like that chapter too much. It wasn't one of the best but it hasn't really been a good week for me so I wasn't really in the mood.


	32. When the Cheese gang goes Visiting!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 32

School was out for the day. Me, Lynsay, Casey, Noliee and Jackie were almost home when I remembered something important.

"Did any of you get the homework from Gandalf's class?!" I asked.

"No! THERE WAS HOMEWORK!?" Jackie exclaimed.

"Yes! Now what?" I asked.

"We could go get it. I'm sure that Gandalf is still at the school," Noliee said.

"No, it's after 5:30. They leave at 5:00," I informed.

"Was it an important assignment?" Jackie asked.

"If 50% of our grade is important," Noliee replied, "Then yeah. It is."

"What was it?" Casey asked.

"I don't know! If I knew I could do the homework!" I said.

"Oh, well why don't we just go find Gandalf," Casey suggested.

I stared blankly at her. "Good idea!"

"But where is he!? He could be anywhere in the entire city," Lynsay said.

"I remember Frodo saying something about where they are living," I said. "Now what was that he said?"

"Hey, is it that place?" Lynsay asked and pointed to a building in the distance with a huge orange flag on top.

"Why would it be that place?" Jackie asked. "It looks like a normal building."

"Look at what the flag says." Noliee said and pointed, "Its so big that you can read it from here."

" 'I rule the world', 'Dwarves suck', 'Elves suck', and 'It's coming for me, the ring is coming'," Casey read aloud.

We didn't want to know how someone would have gotten up there to write it.

"Well, that is the place," I said. "Now how are we going to get to it?"

"Um, walk?" Jackie suggested sarcastically.

"Um, no. It's to far. It's on the other side of the city," I said.

"WE CAN TAKE THE BUS!" Casey shouted and ran to the bus stop.

The rest of us sighed and followed her.

When the bus came, we got on and sat down in the back.

Casey hugged the seat and refused to sit down because it would be 'disrespectful' to the bus seat.

When I tried to tell her that's what the seat was for, she just frowned at me and scrunched up her nose.

This was Casey's angry face.

"HEY! Is that Aragorn?!" Jackie asked and pointed to a man in the 5th row.

I looked too. "YEAH! It is! Lets go say hi!"

The five of us walked over and piled into the seat with him…it was quite crowded.

"Um…do I know you?" the guy asked.

Noliee looked at him.

"Guys. That is **not** Aragorn," she informed.

"Ooops." Jackie said, "Sorry sir. We thought you were someone we knew. We will be leaving now…BYE!"

All of us ran back to our seats giggling.

"Wrong person 'Oh brained one'!" Noliee said and thunked Jackie's head. "THAT is Aragorn. Over there!"

"Oh…OH!" Jackie said and pointed, "She's right."

Again we ran over to the seat, but this time we wanted to make sure.

"Hello person, are you Aragorn?" Casey asked and poked him.

I sighed loudly. Casey is so dumb.

He looked up at her. "Yes. I am Aragorn. Who are you?"

"Me is Casey. From school who are you?" Casey replied.

"I'm Aragorn. Who are you?" Aragorn said.

"I'm C-"

"Shut up! We get it!" Noliee said, annoyed.

We piled into the seat with Aragorn.

"So, where are you going?" Aragorn asked us and tried not to get squished.

"Where you are going," Lynsay replied. "We need to see Gandalf…you are going back to the place where you live aren't you?"

"Yes," Aragorn said. "Why do you need to visit Gandalf?"

"We need the weekend homework assignment," I informed.

"Oh, well I have to warn you. It's crazy there," Aragorn said.

"Believe me, we are used to crazy," Jackie said with a smile.

"No, I mean REALLY crazy! It's loud, odd, disturbing and or messed up and wrong," Aragorn said.

"It's just you people. How bad can it be?" Noliee asked.

"You would be surprised. We act a lot different than we do in school," Aragorn informed.

"Really...like how?" I asked.

"Almost the opposite of how you see them act," Aragorn said.

"So you mean, Galadriel for example, would act crazy, weird, spazzy and totally wild?" Jackie asked.

"Pretty much," Aragon informed.

"Wow! That sounds awesome! I can't wait to get there," I exclaimed.

"Well, that's good because we are almost there," Aragorn said and pointed to the quickly approaching building.

"What's up with the flag?" I asked.

Aragorn laughed, "Gandalf started it. He wrote 'I rule the world.' Then Legolas and Gimli got to it, you can guess what they wrote."

"I know! They wrote, 'It's coming for me. The ring is coming'," Casey said.

"No," Aragorn said. "That was Frodo."

"How did they get up there?" I asked.

"I have no clue," Aragorn said. "I wasn't there when they did it."

"Hey! The bus stopped," Jackie stated the obvious and pointed at the building.

"Yep. Let's go," Aragorn said and got off the bus with us following behind.

When we entered the apartment building we instantly heard loud blaring music, the sounds of things breaking, manic laughter, screaming, hollering , pounding, meowing, zapping noises, hooting and loud TV noises.

The five of us stood there with our mouths hanging open.

"I told you," Aragorn said. "And you didn't even see anyone yet."

"Why? Are they really aliens that are pink and orange?" Casey asked.

"You could say that," Aragorn said. "Just no pink and orange. I think I'm the only normal one around here. It's Gandalf's fault, HE went shopping for everyone."

"Wha…"

"You'll see. Lets get on the elevator," Aragorn said and pushed the button.

"Are you renting the entire building?" I asked.

"Well, kinda. The other people moved out. They couldn't take it," Aragorn replied with a smile.

This was going to be cool…I think.

The elevator stopped on the second floor and all of us got off.

This was the floor that the TV noises and rock music were coming from.

"This is the floor I live on. I have no clue where Gandalf lives. Really, I don't visit the others. I only know the people that live on either side of me," Aragorn said before he walked over to one of the apartment doors and kicked it multiple times.

"Aragorn? What are you-"

I was cut off when he yelled loudly.

"**TURN THAT STUPID MUSIC DOWN LEGOLAS!"**

As a reply, the music shut off then came on again, louder that it was before followed by crazy, evil laughter.

Aragorn sighed in annoyance, "Sorry I can't help you anymore. I really don't want to go visiting but I'm sure you five do. Some of the things you see may disturb you. You have been warned."

With that said Aragorn walked into his apartment and closed the door.

"Okay then…" Jackie said.

"Well, we know that's Legolas' apartment. Aragorn so nicely informed us of that," Lynsay said. "Maybe he knows where Gandalf is."

"I doubt it, but we can try," Noliee, Miss negative, said.

I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

"Um Cheesy, I don't think he can hear that…ya know with the music and all?" Jackie said.

"Oh yeah! I'm so stupid!" I said and kicked the door like Aragorn did, **"YO LEGOLAS!?"**

"WHAT?!" Legolas shouted. "WHO IS IT!?"

"CHEESY AND FRIENDS!" I yelled.

A few seconds later the music went off and the door opened. Legolas stood there and raised an eyebrow at us. He was wearing all black with a black cloak. He had the hood up.

"HI! We are looking for G- 0.0! Cool apartment!" I said forgetting all about Gandalf and the homework.

To explain the apartment simply, it looked like there was an explosion at the Hot Topic store.

It was painted black, with those funky glowing posters all over the wall. All the furniture was fire engine red and there were lots of cool light things like disco balls and strobe lights.

"I guess Gandalf knows something about shopping," Noliee said, amazed.

"Do you want to come in?" Legolas asked.

"You mean we can enter the shiny place?" Casey asked in awe.

"Yes Casey. We can enter the shiny place," I said and walked in.

The others followed. We sat down on the cool red couch thing.

"I was trying to ask you something," I said.

"Yes…and?" Legolas replied.

"Do you know where Gandalf lives?" I asked.

"No. I don't think I do," Legolas replied "T-"

"SEE! I TOLD YA!" Noliee screamed.

All of us looked at her.

"I knew that he wouldn't…know where Gandalf lives…yeah." Noliee said.

We continued to stare at her.

"STOP LOOKING AT ME! Let's go find Gandalf," she said.

"I don't wanna! I wanna stay here!" Casey and Lynsay said simultaneously before glaring at each other.

"No! ALL of us are going to find Gandalf," I said and grabbed Casey's arm.

"Can we come back?" Casey asked and made huge sad eyes at Legolas.

He shuddered and inched away from her. "I guess so."

"Yay! We get to come back to the place of shiny!" Casey said.

We were about to leave when I remembered something.

"Hey Legolas?" I asked, "How did you write 'Dwarves suck' on the flag?"

"Well, first I got a can of spray paint and-"

"No! I mean how did you get it on the flag? Ya know 'cause the flag is all the way, up high," I said stupidly.

"I took the flag down," Legolas said in a 'duh' tone

"Ohhh! I get it now," I said.

Okay, okay! That's enough of my Casey moment.

"Who lives next to Aragorn on the other side of his apartment?" Jackie asked.

"Gimli," Legolas hissed.

"Do you know if he knows where Gandalf lives?" Lynsay asked.

"I don't know. I _don't_ talk to him," Legolas said.

"Oh okay." I said and shoved my friends out the door, "BYE!"

Soon after we left the music started again, twice as loud. We heard Aragorn shout in annoyance and he pounded on the wall to try to get Legolas to turn the music down.

We laughed and knocked on Gimli's door.

"HUH?! Who's there!?" he called.

"THE CHEESE GANG!" Noliee replied.

Gimli appeared at the door several seconds later.

He had a biker jacket and sunglasses on.

"Hi Gimli!" I said.

"Hello, wha- I can't here myself think with horrible noise!" Gimli said and stalked over to Legolas' door.

He kicked it and shouted, **"TURN IT DOWN YA STUPID ELF!"**

The music went off.

"Haha! See girls, you just have to ask nicely and people do what you want!" Gimli said.

Suddenly Legolas' door opened a watermelon flew out and hit Gimli in head. Then, the door slammed shut.

"**TAKE THAT, STUPID DWARF!"** Legolas yelled and turned the music up as loud as it would go.

This was followed my more loud, crazed, evil laughter from Legolas.

"Crazy elf!" Gimli said and shook his fist at the door.

Then he tossed the watermelon back at the door. It smashed against it.

Legolas probably didn't hear it over the music. Either that, or he didn't care. Probably both…

"Now, what were you wanting?" Gimli asked and lead us into his Betty-Boop furnished apartment.

EVERYTHING was Betty-Boop themed! Even the toilet paper. _That_ was scary!

"Uh, we were wondering if you knew where Gandalf lives?" I asked sitting down on a chair that had none other than Betty-Boop on it.

"Hmm, No I don't think I do. I've never seen his apartment. The hobbits might know. Or Galadriel might…"

"Gimli! Come back to earth!" Lynsay said.

"HUH?! Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of Galadriel in a swimsuit," Gimli informed.

"Too much information dude," Jackie said.

"Well, I did see her lounging by the pool that one time…" Gimli mused.

"You have a swimming pool in this building?!" I asked.

"Yeah, and a hot tub," Gimli said.

Casey squealed. She was obviously thinking of something we don't want to know about.

"Cool! I wanna go swimming some time!" Noliee said.

"Okay, come whenever," Gimli said.

"YAY! I love swimming!" I said and smiled.

Everyone looked at me.

"Never mind. Let's go ask someone else." I said and got up, "Bye Gimli!"

We left his apartment and went around the corner to the next 3 apartments on that floor.

Jackie knocked on the door.

"Hello?" came a voice.

"Hi!" Jackie replied, "We were-"

The door opened and there stood Arwen dressed like a hippie.

"Um, hi?" I said.

"Who are you?" Arwen asked.

"I'm Jackie, and these are my friends Casey, Lynsay, Noliee and Cheesy," Jackie introduced.

"HI!" we shouted at the same time.

"Why are you here? You don't teach a class at the school," Casey said and crossed her arms.

For some reason, Casey hated Arwen. Maybe because she thought that Arwen was dating Legolas even though she is married to Aragorn.

Casey read too much fanfiction. **Don't** ask…

"I'm going to next semester. I'll teach art," Arwen informed.

"Why are you dressed like a hippie?" I asked.

"Daddy was throwing out all of his hippie stuff so I told him I would take it. He has moved on to a new theme," Arwen replied and opened the door wider showing all the hippie stuff.

"Oh. What's his new theme?" Noliee asked.

"You don't want to know," Arwen said.

"You're right. I suddenly lost interest," Noliee said.

"WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE LEGOLAS ALONE!" Casey randomly screamed.

"What are you talking about?" Arwen asked her.

"CASEY! Shut UP! You are so stupid! Arwen is married to Aragorn!" I informed.

"Oh great so now she's cheating on Aragorn!" Casey replied.

"Casey?"

"What Noliee?"

"JUST SHUT UP!"

"What _is_ she talking about?!" Arwen asked.

"Nothing. Ignore her. Can you tell me where Gandalf lives?" Jackie asked.

"Sorry. I don't know where he lives," Arwen said.

"Does no one know where he lives!?" Lynsay exclaimed.

"Thanks Arwen. We have to go now," I said.

We went around the next corner and were instantly hit with the sound of pop music. It wasn't as loud as Legolas' music but it was close and even more annoying.

We approached the door that the music was coming from and Casey knocked on the door.

"HELLO!?" She shouted and knocked again when no one answered instantly.

"Casey! Stop it!" Noliee said and pulled her away from the door.

It was then that the door opened and Eowyn appeared at the door.

"Hi, do you know where Gandalf lives?" Lynsay asked.

"Oh, I remember you five. No, I don't think anyone knows where Gandalf lives…Well, maybe the Hobbits know. Did you ask them yet?" Eowyn asked.

"No, I guess we should do that. Everyone seems to think that they know," I said.

"Yeah. They live on the 3rd floor. Sometimes you can here them running around when Legolas doesn't have his music on," Eowyn informed. "Actually, they always run around at 3am."

"Oh well, hopefully we won't be here then. But we might be at the rate this is going. We must find Gandalf!" Noliee said.

"Well, thanks anyway Eowyn," Jackie said.

"Bye. Good luck," Eowyn replied and disappeared back into her apartment.

"This was going to be harder than we thought," Noliee said as we approached the last apartment on that floor.

That was where the loud TV noises were coming from…

OoooO

You remember this chapter anyone? Heh, well it means we are getting pretty close to the new parts that no on has read before. I remember after I lost everything from my computer I had 3 new chapters of TWISTED written. One was called 'Gimli's Revenge' and I also think I had this short story about Halloween but I cant remember what it was…


	33. When the Cheese gang goes Visiting 2

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 33

The five of us walked to the next apartment where the loud TV noises were coming from.

Jackie knocked on the door.

"Hello!" she called.

What we were about to see next would scar us forever.

Elrond came to the door. He was dress in full Spongebob attire and he had underwear on his head. He waved stupidly, danced around, and motioned for us to come in.

0.o? "Was your brain eaten again?" Noliee asked.

"No! Of course not sillies! I am fine and happy!" Elrond said and laughed like Spongebob.

We saw that Spongebob was playing on the TV. The apartment walls were painted a sponge color and _everything_ was Spongebob themed!

"Dude…No!" Jackie said and shook her head.

"Isn't it the people like this that our parents warned us not to take candy from when we were little?" Lynsay whispered to me.

I laughed and nodded. "Hey Elrond?"

"LALALALA! No one named Elrond here! I am Lord Spongeron!"

o.0? "Okay, Lord Spongeron?" I asked.

"YES NICE LITTLE GIRL?" Spongeron asked.

"Do you know where Gandalf lives?" I asked.

"Who is this Gandalf? I only know a Gandrick!" Spongeron said.

(Sigh) "And where exactly is this '_Gandrick_'?" Noliee asked as if the name was poisoned.

Spongeron thought for a long time.

"Um…I- Oh this is my FAVORITE episode! I just LOVE it when Spongebob and Patrick go jelly fishing and try to get Squidward to come!" Elron- excuse me 'Spongeron' said, completely forgetting what was going on.

He sat down on the floor in front of the TV.

"COOL! I love this one too!" Casey said and sat down next to him.

"REALLY? You are my new best friend!" Spongeron said.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"COME ON IN!" Spongeron yelled happily.

"Daddy?" Arwen called.

"OH HI PERSON THAT IS MY DAUGHTER!" Spongeron said.

Arwen rolled her eyes. "Whatever, can I use the Palantir? Pleeeeeeeease?"

Spongeron's face fell into a frown.

"Why do you want to use it?" he asked suspiciously.

" 'Cause I want to e-mail Aragorn!" she whined.

-.- "Just go talk to him. He's right there." Spongeron said.

"It's not the same!" Arwen complained, "You already banned me from living with him! YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE!"

-.- "No! I don't care about your life! Now, you are making me unhappy 'cause I'm missing Spongebob!" Spongeron yelled.

"FINE DADDY! I HATE YOU!" Arwen said and stormed away.

The second she was gone Spongeron started laughing loudly.

"She is so funny!" he said.

"You have a Palantir?" Jackie asked.

"Yes!" Spongeron replied.

"Cool! We see it!" Lynsay asked.

"Hmm...I suppose so," Spongeron said and got up.

He disappeared into a room in the back of the apartment.

He came out a few seconds later carrying a round thing under a cloth. Then he set it on the table and pulled the cloth off.

"Ooooh!" The five of us said as we reached out to touch it at the same time.

"Uh-ua! No touchy!" Spongeron said. "It's very sensitive! Watch me."

Spongeron placed his hand above it and it seemed to turn on.

"Welcome! You've got mail!" the Palantir informed.

"See, when you place your hand above it the shiny little arrow moves. It's heat sensitive, you know, and get this, you tell it what to write and it does it for you!" Spongeron informed excitedly. "Only Gandrick and me have one."

"Oh, so everyone wants to use it I see," Lynsay said.

"Yep! But they can't! 'Cause I don't want them too!" Spongeron said.

"Well, in that case, you must know where Gandalf- I mean Gandrick lives!" Noliee said.

"Gandrick? Nope!" Spongeron said and shook his head.

(Sigh) "Well, thanks for showing us that but we have to go find Gandrick," I said.

Spongeron looked sad. "Will you come back some time?"

"Sure! I REALLY want to come back to this place sometime anyway," I said as we left.

"BYE!" Spongeron called to us.

"Well, wasn't that creepy," Noliee said.

"Yes. Yes it was but now we need to go to the next floor," Jackie said, already running for the elevator.

"Okay!" we said and sprinted after her.

The elevator came and we piled in. We hummed to the elevator music on the way up. The bell dinged and we stepped off.

Wow! This floor was crazier than the last one.

There were even louder TV noises, scary movie noises, pots and pans clanking, and cats meowing.

"Well, this is odd," Lynsay said and knocked on the door of the closest apartment. "Why is there a cat picture on the door?"

You have probably put it together by now that this is that apartment where that cat noises were coming from.

The door opened and there stood Galadriel. She had a t-shirt that said 'I Love My Cats' and her pants had little cat paws all over them. She also had a cat themed clip in her hair.

"Hello. Please come in," she said and smiled.

The second we entered Jackie started sneezing.

"What's wrong?" Lynsay asked her.

"I'm (sneeze) allergic to (sneeze) cats!" Jackie said as a cat ran across her shoe.

0.0! "Wow, how many cats do you have?" Casey asked.

There were cats everywhere! On the couch, lining the windows, stretched out on the floor, on the chairs, and they were also climbing the curtains.

"About 65," Galadriel said.

"Ah! I (sneezes) I'm going to (sneezes) wait outside!" Jackie said and ran out of Galadriel's apartment.

"KITTIES!" Casey said and picked one up.

"And here we had the creepy neighborhood cat lady. You know, the one that all the little kids are afraid of?" Noliee said to Lynsay with a snicker.

"Would you girls like some tuna and milk?" Galadriel asked.

"Um, no that's okay," I said and pushed one of the cats off of me, "We just want to know where Gandalf lives."

"Oh just ask my one of my kitties! They will tell you." Galadriel said and patted one.

0.o? "Ooookay…Kitties? Where does Gandalf live?" Lynsay asked.

The cats just blinked at her.

"Aw, come on make mommy proud and tell the nice little girls where our friend lives," Galadriel cooed.

"MEOW! MEOW MOW MOW MOW!" All 65 cats said at the same time.

"What does that mean?" Noliee asked.

"I don't know," Galadriel said.

"Can't _you _tell us where Gandalf lives?" Lynsay asked.

"I don't know. They visit him, I don't." Galadriel said, "Nice Gandy gives my babies snacks doesn't he?"

0.o? "So you let them run around the building? Isn't that dangerous? They could escape or get stepped on," I said.

"I only let them on this floor. No one harms them here on this floor. I learned from my mistake," Galadriel said and frowned.

She looked like she was about to cry. Obviously something bad had happened to the cats.

"What happened?" Casey prodded.

"Oh, I was told that one of my cats had gotten into some bad trouble with someone on _that_ floor." Galadriel said and pointed to the floor meaning the second floor, "Apparently someone hurt one of them. They claimed it was an accident, but I know better. He hates cats I tell ya! I didn't think it was possible not to like my kitties!"

"Who?" the four of us asked at the same time.

"He that shall remain nameless! Anyway, when my poor kitty was returned she was dyed 5 different shades of blue and green! The person snickered and said that they found her this way. My poor kitty is still mentally disturbed! Really! My kitties never bother anyone! He had no reason to attack my poor kitten like that!" Galadriel said.

"Why can't ya tell us who did it?" Casey asked really wanting to know so she could go attack the person that dared to hurt a cat.

"Because, I would get in trouble with Celeborn," Galadriel said.

"Huh? Where is he anyway?" I asked.

"In the next apartment, he can't stand all the cats," Galadriel said.

"Okay, why will he be mad with you?" Noliee asked.

" 'Cause he told me not to tell anyone. Apparently he thought it was a bad idea to tell anyone about the incident. He said it might start a conspiracy against the world of cats. Wars and bad stuff would come of it!" Galadriel said.

"Right. Okay, sorry I asked," I said, afraid of Galadriel, "We have to go now. Come on."

The four of us quickly left shouting goodbye to Galadriel on the way.

"Bye-Bye! Come again soon!" she said.

"I'm glad that you are finally done," Jackie said.

"Well, she had to tell us this big long story that we really didn't care that much about," Noliee informed.

"Lookie! Galadriel gave me a kitten!" Casey said and held up the orange ball of fluff.

"What are you parents going to say?" Jackie asked.

"They won't care. We were going to get a kitten anyway. I'm going to name him Legolas," Casey said with a smile.

We rolled our eyes at Casey.

"You name everything you get Legolas," Noliee said.

"No I don't!" Casey insisted.

"You name a roll of toilet paper, spoon, pillow and a bottle of nail polish, Legolas. I rest my case," Noliee replied.

We move on to the next apartment. There was really creepy music playing in there.

I knocked on the door and waited.

The door squeaked open and a very creepy looking Frodo appeared.

His hair was over his eyes and he was dressed in all white. The apartment was dark so we couldn't see what it looked like. All we saw was the TV that was playing an odd movie called, "The Ring."

"Seven days," He said in an overly creepy voice and pointed at Casey.

Casey shrieked and ran off to the elevator in a mad dash. She pressed the button and waited impatiently for it to come. The bell dinged and Casey ran into it, the doors closed and Casey was gone.

"Okay…Frodo what are you talking about?" Noliee asked, totally not getting it.

He slowly turned and pointed to the wall behind him.

There on the wall was a picture of the ring from the movie, 'The Ring'.

The four of us shuddered.

"Um, do you know where Gandalf lives?" Noliee asked.

"It's coming for me! THE RING IS COMING!" Frodo screamed and pulled on the necklace that he was wearing as if he was trying to find something on it, "THE RING! IT'S COMING! WATCH OUT!"

0.0? "Gandalf? Do you know where he lives?" Jackie tried.

He looked up at her with wide eyes.

"Gandalf? I know of this Gandalf," Frodo said.

"Great! Can you tell us where he lives?" I asked.

"No," Frodo said.

"Why?"

"The ring told me not to tell," Frodo said.

0.o? "Okay, let's move on. Bye Frodo," I said and hurried my friends along.

"You will die in seven days!" Frodo said and shut the door.

"That was just creepy!" Noliee said and looked back at Frodo's apartment, "I wonder where Casey went."

"I'll give ya two guesses," Jackie said with a smile.

"Oh, I don't know. Legolas' apartment or possibility Legolas' apartment!" I said with a laugh.

"You're probably right. Let's just leave her there until we have found Gandalf. She will probably enjoy herself more and leave us alone," Lynsay said.

Next we came to Celeborn's apartment. We knew it was his before we knocked because he had a sign on his door that said, "Celeborn's Apartment"

So original, I know. Please, contain your applause.

We heard loud wooting and hollering from inside.

We looked at each other with raised eyebrows before knocking on the door.

Celeborn came to the door. He had a baseball hat on and a spots t-shirt over his robes. He looked weird.

"Hello! Come in! Come in!" Celeborn said and practically pushed us into his apartment.

"I'm watching the football game! I love sports!" Celeborn said and shoved a can of soda into our hands.

"Right. Do you know where-"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! TOUCHDOWN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Celeborn yelled and jumped on the couch.

He jumped around causing the springs to creak each time.

"Do yo-"

"WOOOOOT! WOOOT! TWO IN A ROW! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Celeborn yelled.

"DO YOU KNOW WHERE GANDALF LIVES!" I yelled.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **(Slams hands on coffee table) NOOOO! NO! GO LEFT! GO LEFT! ERRRRRRRRRRR!" Celeborn yelled at the TV and threw the remote at it.

"Is that a 'no' to the question or to the TV?" Lynsay asked.

Celeborn didn't respond. He was too busy shouting at the TV.

"Okay that's it! I don't care if he doesn't know where Gandalf lives!" I said and stomped out, "WE ARE LEAVING NOW! BYE!"

Celeborn was still lost in the world of his TV.

"Whatever. That was really annoying!" Noliee said.

"Yeah and it's getting late." I said and checked my watch. "6:30! My mom is going to be SO mad!"

"Just tell her you were trying to get you homework assignment," Noliee said.

"Yeah, I guess. But I missed dinner. Oh well," I said. "I'll just eat chocolate."

Lynsay knocked on the next door.

The door opened slowly, and there stood Haldir. He was wearing orange tinted sunglasses, a bright orange shirt and khaki pants.

"Hi?" Lynsay said, "Do you-Oooh, shiny apartment!"

Really, it was shiny.

It was painted orange and white at it was so clean that it shined brightly. You could see yourself on the walls like a mirror.

"Oooh!" we said at the same time, "The Shiny!"

"Right," Haldir said. "Are you finished?" he asked.

"Wait. Just a few more seconds!" I said as we continued to stare.

7 seconds later…

"Okay! Hi Haldir, cool apartment! Do you know where Gandalf lives? We need a homework assignment," Lynsay said broken from the trance of shininess.

"No, ask the hobbits. They know," Haldir said and pointed to the ceiling, "They are creepy though. I wouldn't go up there."

"From what I hear, no one does," I said.

"Why doesn't anyone know where Gandalf lives!" Jackie said.

"I don't know. No one knows and they don't want to know," Haldir said.

"Well, thanks anyway," Noliee said. She stopped when she noticed that we weren't following her.

We were staring at the shiny apartment.

Haldir sighed and closed the door.

"AW! WE LIKED THE SHINY!" the three of us screamed.

"Come on!" Noliee said and tugged my arm.

"Okay," I said sadly.

"BACK to the elevator!" Jackie said and took off running down the hall.

We piled on once more and waited to get to the next floor.

DING! The elevator bell exploded above our heads as we ran off the elevator.

(Gasp) "We almost DIED!" Jackie exclaimed.

0.o? "No we didn't." I said, "At least I don't think so. The evil bell isn't that powerful is it?"

The second after I said that, there was a huge explosion in the elevator caused by the bell.

0.0! "I stand corrected." I said and looked into the black burn elevator.

"See? I told ya." Jackie said and crossed her arms.

After the noise we heard loud snickering.

We looked in the direction of the sound and saw that a door was open and two little figures were looking out. When they saw us looking at them the door shut quickly.

Noliee snorted. "What was that all about?"

"Let's find out," Lynsay said and walked to the door.

She knocked on the door and waited.

"Who is it?" came the voice of Pippin.

"The mushroom company. We have your order, of…3,000 cases of mushrooms," Lynsay said.

The door flew open and Pippin rushed out.

"Merry! Come quickly the mushrooms are here!" he called.

Merry came out. "Hey! I don't see any mushrooms. Just those girls from school."

"So it was you two that almost killed us!" Jackie accused.

"Why would you think that?" Pippin asked.

" 'Cause we saw you two laughing after the explosion," I said.

"OKAY OKAY! It was meant for Elrond! I swear! DON'T HURT US!" Pippin informed.

"We won't hurt you unless you have anymore traps," Jackie said and inspected the door, ceiling and the floor.

"Um, I think that was the only one," Merry said and smiled.

"Right. Do you know where Gandalf lives?" Jackie asked.

"NO!" they said simultaneously.

"Okay then," Noliee said.

"Yeah. We have to go now, it's getting late and our parents will worry,"

Noliee said.

"I think this is the latest I've been out alone with friends before. With no parents I mean," I said.

Jackie looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Lies!" she said and wagged a finger at me, "I seem to remember a certain December 17."

My eyes went wide.

"Oh yeah that." I said with a grin, "You are just as guilty miss Jackie!"

The two of us snuck out at 11pm on December 17 to go see the premiere of Return of the King at the 12am showing. Our parents had no clue and to this day they still don't know and we plan to keep it this way. Bad us!

The four of us walked to the second to last apartment and knocked on the door.

Boromir came to the door.

"Hello?" he said.

"HI!" we replied and smiled.

"Do you know where Gandalf lives?" Noliee asked.

"No. Ask Sam, he knows everything that's going on in the building," Boromir said.

"Really? He knows EVERYTHING!" Lynsay asked.

"Well, not EVERYTHING! But he could tell you lots of stuff. We talk all the time," Boromir replied.

"Do you know who dyed Galadriel's cat blue?" I asked, remembering what she had said.

Boromir nodded. He looked around to see it anyone was watching then whispered it to us.

"Okay, don't tell anyone that I told you this, but it was…Legolas." He informed.

"Oh really? Cool!" I said.

"It wasn't cool to Galadriel. She flipped out and turned that odd radioactive green color. She had to be restrained before she totally lost it and attacked!" Boromir informed. "Legolas was scared to come out of his apartment for weeks. She threatened to cut off his hair with a spork!"

"Oooh, so what happened to Galadriel?" Noliee whispered already thinking of an evil prank to play on Legolas and Galadriel.

"She eventually calmed down but she hasn't said a word to Legolas since," Boromir said.

I laughed, "So where is Sam?"

"In that apartment," Boromir said and pointed to the last apartment.

"Thanks for the info!" Noliee said evilly.

"Bye!" Boromir replied.

We walked to Sam's place and knocked on the door.

Sam soon answered. He, like Boromir, was dressed normally. His apartment however, looked like something off of the Little House on the Prairie set. It was nice though, all homey and cute.

"Hi Sam!" we greeted.

"Hello! How are you?" he replied.

"Good! Do you know where Gandalf lives?" I asked hoping to finally get an answer.

"Of course I do! Everyone in the building knows where he lives!" he replied.

0.0! "Well! Everyone said that they didn't know!" I exclaimed.

"Oh did they? They tell that to everyone. Gandalf often get visitors." Sam said, "They were just being mean."

-.- "Okay, I officially hate everyone." Noliee said and frowned deeply.

"Can you please tell us where he lives?" Jackie asked.

"I'll just show you." Sam said, "Follow me!"

Sam led us up some stairs at the back of the building. Then we went through a narrow hall and came upon a door at the end.

Sam knocked on the door.

"Come in," came the voice of Gandalf.

We entered and gasped. His apartment was designed to look like a Chinese Monk palace on the roof. The entire ceiling was sky lighted. The perfect penthouse apartment.

It was calm and quiet, not to mention clean and orderly. Gandalf was seated in the middle of the room, meditating.

"Hi Gandalf! We were looking for you all afternoon!" I exclaimed.

"Well," he said and got up, "You found me. What is that you need?"

"We need to know what the big important homework assignment was for the weekend," Jackie said.

Gandalf frowned, "But I didn't assign any…Oh you must not have gotten the announcement! That is for next weekend!"

Noliee twitched, "So you mean we have no home work this weekend!"

"Yes."

The four of us screamed in rage and took off to the elevator. We just wasted 3 hours for nothing!

Well, it was pretty fun!

On the 1st floor we stopped to get Casey.

She was sitting outside Legolas' apartment.

"Casey?" I said, "Why are you outside the apartment?"

"He wouldn't let me come in!" Casey wailed.

"Oh come on! We don't have time to deal with it now! I wanna go home!" Noliee whined.

When we finally got out of the place, it was night time and very dark.

"Oooh! It's dark! Let's hurry up and get home!" Casey said.

"But our parents warned us not to take the bus after dark. There are creepy people on it!" Jackie said.

Eventually we came to the stupid conclusion that we should walk home.

We quickly walked down the dark streets.

Suddenly we heard footsteps behind us.

We walked faster, so did the footsteps.

Faster!

Also faster!

Running!

Also running!

SPRINTING!

ALSO SPRINTING!

"Hey you little girls!" said a voice.

We turned quickly to see an evil group of 7 people behind us.

That was it. We screamed so loudly that the windows of the buildings near us shook. Then took off running as fast as we could.

They ran after us and surrounded us.

"Now you little brats! Give us your money NOW!" the leader said.

"But, we don't have any money!" Casey said and cried pathetically.

"HEY! SHUT UP!" he yelled and was just about to slap Casey when an explosion behind him made him stop.

All of us turned and looked.

There stood Gandalf and the rest of the people from apartment building 364. Gandalf's staff was glowing and he looked extremely angry. They all did.

One of the people in the gang gasped, "It's them crazy people! We better get out of here man."

"Oh come on! What can they do?" the leader asked and walked over to Gandalf, "So come on old man! Do something!"

Gandalf looked up and smiled, "Okay."

He grabbed the evil dude's arm and flipped him over before he took his staff and blew the guy backwards into a building.

The other dudes looked shocked. They looked at us then back at Gandalf and crew.

"You know the crazy people?" one asked me.

"Yeah. I would be best if you left now before they REALLY get mad," I said smugly.

The rest of the gang rolled there eyes and laughed.

"Right. Whatever!" another one of them laughed.

Gandalf took a step forward and so did the rest of them.

The gang members took a step back.

Gandalf smiled and nodded.

Suddenly everyone took another step forward.

"**OOGA BOOOGA!"** They yelled at the same time and waved their arms around in a freakish manner.

The gang yelled in horror and took off running in the opposite direction.

Think about it. 15 scary looking people screaming, "OOGA BOOOGA' at you. I'm sure you would be scared too.

"THEY SAVED US!" The five of us yelled and ran in a circle around them.

"We heard you screaming and came to see what happened," Gandalf said.

"Thanks Gandalf!" I said, "Could you magically teleport us home?"

"Sure!" Gandalf waved his staff and the five of us disappeared.

Now we had to explain to our parents that we were late because we were visiting 'fictional' characters from a 'fictional' book.

Well, I think all be grounded for about…4 weeks?

(Sigh) Oh well, it was worth it!

OoooO

AHAHAH I like that chapter. Heh, sorry the chapters continue to be late. I was in the process of moving. WE HAVE A SHINY HOUSE NOW! Hehehe


	34. Why Ice Skating with Teachers is Bad

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 34

(Saturday)

To my great an utter surprise, I was not grounded for  
coming home late.

My mom actually believed the story. At first I was  
shocked and confused. I thought she was pulling some  
psycho mind trick on me. She is known for doing stuff  
like that.

She wasn't though; in fact she thought it was very  
responsible of me for putting that much effort into  
homework. And she in fact is the one that came up with  
the brilliant idea for this weekend.

The suggestion was for Jackie, Noliee, Casey and I  
to go ice-skating for the entire day. 

Of cores I jumped at the idea right away, for I love  
ice-skating to pieces. Then I thought it would be much  
more fun if we were joined by some 'other' people.

I called my friends and waited for them to get to my  
house.

I sat down in front of my TV and began to watch the  
special channels that cost extra. I wasn't supposed to  
be watching it because I was limited to 3 movies a  
month but The Fellowship of the Ring was on and I HAD  
to watch it.

Even though I own it, on video, extended video and on  
extended DVD I cannot pass up the wonderful  
opportunity to watch it again.

The fellowship was just leaving Rivendell when I heard  
a crazy shout from downstairs.

I looked up and smiled, "Casey."

I grabbed my ice skates and coat and ran down the  
stairs.

"HI!" I screamed when I saw my friends standing in the  
kitchen.

"HI!" they replied, "GOBBLE! (Imitates turkey  
noise)

"GOBBLE!" I said and also mad the turkey sounds.

My mom looked at us with a raised eyebrow, "Okay...Are  
you going now Rachel?"

"Yep! See ya later mommie!" I called and ran out the  
door friends in tow.

"SO! What do you say to adding a few more to the  
party?" I asked my friends.

"Meaning who?" Noliee asked.

"Meaning our favoritest teachers in the world!" I  
replied.

"OKAY! DO YOU THINK THEY KNOW HOW TO ICE SKATE! I  
WONDER IF-"

Casey stopped screaming when Jackie threw a snowball  
at her head.

"Lets go get them!" Noliee said and pulled me to the  
bus stop.

For the second time that week I found myself looking  
up at an ugly orange flag with various writing on it.  
I smiled and walked into the lobby.

We decided to go straight to Gandalf. He would know  
how to get everyone's attention.

We found Gandalf sitting of the floor in his  
apartment. He was meditating and chanting in some  
weird language.

"HEY GANDIE!" Casey yelled as loud as she could.

He must have jumped 10 feet.

"AHHHHHHH! WHO? WHAT? WHERE! COW?" Gandalf shouted.

"It's MEEEE GANDIE!" Casey yelled and launched herself  
at the unsuspecting wizard.

She knocked over Gandalf and sent him flying  
backwards.

"Don't you people know how to knock!" he yelled and  
got up.

"Yes we do know how to knock. We just choose not to,"  
Noliee said with a grin.

"Do you want to come ice skating with us?" I asked.

"Skate over ice?" Gandalf asked and seemed to ponder  
the reason for such madness, "Skate over ice? Whatever  
for?"

"It's REALLY fun! You get to wear these cool shoe  
things that help you skate and...Well just trust me,  
IT IS REALLY FUN!" I informed.

"Trust? YOU?" Gandalf said and laughed loudly, "Never,  
would I do that, but this skating sounds intriguing. I  
will try this fun of which you speak. But don't you think that the others should share this wonder with us?"

"Exactly why we came to you." Jackie said, "We thought  
that you would have a way to get everyone's attention."

"Well, why don't I summon everyone to the lobby?"  
Gandalf suggested and grabbed his staff from the coat  
rack.

Gandalf and the four of us stood in the lobby. Gandalf  
was furiously chanting and waving his staff around. He  
looked like that freaky monkey from the Lion King.

Suddenly there was a huge flash of light and everyone  
in the building appeared in the lobby. They looked REALLY confused.

"Okay! What is the deal Gandrick! I was watching  
spongebob and suddenly woooosh! I was here?" Elro-Spongeron asked.

"I called you here to discuss a matter of fun," Gandalf said, "We are going to go ice skating!"

"WHAT'S THAT?" everyone asked at the same time.

I slapped a hand to my face, "Here we go again."

After explaining ice skating again, we left the apartment building and we were sitting on the bus. I was next to Galadriel 'protecting' her from the 'evil cat hater', Legolas who was sitting next to me on the other side.

We were getting strange looks from the people on the bus. One even went so far as to poke Frodo. But after Frodo attempted to bite his hand off no one else tried to bother us, save two teenaged girls older than the four of us.

They smiled, winked, and blew kisses at Legolas from over the seat. Casey saw this and grabbed Legolas' arm. She hissed at the girls and shook her fist at them. They rolled their eyes and continued to bother poor Legolas. One of the girls giggled and tossed a piece of paper with her phone number on it to Legolas.

Legolas smiled and winked at the girl. Then he passed the paper to Gimli and he ate it.

The girl pouted and turned to her friend who was so bold as to approach Legolas.

"Hi." she said in the sweetest voice that she could manage without pouring syrup down her throat.

Legolas raised and eyebrow, "Do I know you?"

"You don't...Yet," the girl replied.

Legolas sighed, "Casey? Assistance please."

Casey nodded and turned to the girl.

"Get lost ugly. He's mine!" Casey hissed.

"I don't have to listen to you! How old are you? 10?" The evil girl asked.

-.-! "I AM 14!" Casey screamed.

"Hey random girl that likes Legolas!" I said, "Just go away!"

"No! I don't want to, besides I'm sure that he doesn't want me to go away," she said and pointed to Legolas.

"Actually I do want you to go away," Legolas said.

"SEE NOW GET LOST!" Casey yelled.

"Why don't you go away?" she said.

"Okay, let's go," I said and got up, trailed by everyone else. "We are here!"

The girl got ran over by the hobbits who were eager to get off.

"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Casey roared and darted off the  
bus and into the building.

Once all of us were in inside and Casey stopped annoying the little children trying to get their skates on, I got in line at the front desk to pay and to rent skates for everyone besides the four of us.

And what a horrible process that was. To make a long story short, after a lot of screaming, throwing things, confused hobbies and smacked pineapples everyone finally had the correct ice skates and we were just about to go on the ice.

The four of us easily glided off onto the ice. Even Casey could ice skate and that was odd considering...well considering the fact that Casey is Casey!

Gandalf looked at us then at the ice then back at us.

"Hmmm. How do they do that?" he mused aloud and stared at us of awhile.

He finally decided to step out on the ice. The second his skates touched the ice he fell over and landed hard on his butt.

Everyone gasped. Gandalf fell over! The great and mystical wizard fell over!

"Come on! It doesn't bite...I think," I called to them.

Galadriel was next to try. She carefully scooted around Gandalf and glided away from the wall. She managed to stay up for about ten seconds before she too fell over.

"This looks easy," Pippin said observing our actions.

He and Merry zoomed out onto the ice after us and to  
everyone's surprise they didn't fall down.

I skated over to where Galadriel was sitting on the ice and helped her up. Seconds later she had fallen back down again.

Elron-SPONGERON laughed evilly and flew out onto the rink. He began to skate laps at a very fast pace not falling down once.

Frodo screamed in surprise when Sam poked him and asked if he wanted help. Frodo looked over at us and nodded. He pointed to us and smiled.

"I want to go talk to them," he said and let Sam lead him out on the ice.

The two hobbits carefully inched there way over to us.

Celeborn shrugged and skated off only to fall down seconds later.

"Ow! That hurt!" he said.

"I bet I can skate better than you Elf," Gimli challenged.

"You wish," Legolas replied.

"Okay then, why don't you go first," Gimli said.

"No, no I insist go ahead Gimli," Legolas replied.

"Fine," Gimli said and skated off.

He twirled around and skated in circles. He skated around the rink two times and finally jumped in the air and landed right in front of Legolas.

"Your turn," Gimli said with a smile.

0.0? "Where did you learn to do that!" Legolas asked.

"I'll tell you after I win," Gimli said.

Legolas sighed and carefully stepped out.

"Hey, this is easy!" he called to Gimli who was watching him closely, "I can-"

Legolas stopped talking when he suddenly fell down and  
spun around in circles on his butt.

Gimli laughed loudly, "HAHAHAHAH! There is stuff that Dwarves can do better than Elves!"

Legolas frowned and tried to get up. Much to the amusement of Gimli Legolas discovered that he couldn't get up. Every time he tried, he would fall down again.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Legolas yelled.

"Yes it is!" Gimli said and pushed Legolas so he would go spinning across the ice.

"GIMLI!" Legolas yelled.

He stopped spinning right in front of Casey.

"Hello Elfy!" she said, "Having trouble?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine. That's why I'm sitting here," Legolas replied sarcastically.

"Oh okay then," Casey said and started to skate off.

"No! Casey! Come back!" Legolas called to her.

Casey skated back slowly, "What Elfy?"

(sigh) "Can you help me get up?" Legolas asked.

"SURE!" Casey exclaimed and pulled him up quickly.

"Thanks. I-AH!" Legolas said as he fell over again.

Casey giggled and helped him up again. This time she didn't let go of his arm.

"I'll help you lean to ice skate. Then you can show off to that nasty Gimli," Casey said in a voice that you would use to talk to your pet or a small child.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!" Celeborn yelled as he and Spongeron raced around the rink.

They were pushing each other out of the way and acting like complete loony people.

Aragorn was skating around with Noliee following him. They appeared to be having some sort of contest.

Haldir was trying to help Galadriel who was spazzing out because she could not figure out how to skate.

Eowyn and Boromir were calmly skating around and talking about random stuff.

Gandalf was still sitting on the ice with his arms crossed.

"Help, someone?" he said.

I was skating with Pippin and Jackie was skating with Merry.

Gimli was bothering Casey and Legolas, while Frodo was spinning in circles claiming that he was making 'rings' in the ice.

"Gimli! Go away!" Casey hissed.

"Not until he admits that Dwarves are better than Elves at ice skating!" Gimli replied.

(Sigh) "No," Legolas said and grabbed Casey's arm to keep from falling.

Gimli smiled evilly and skated in circles around Legolas.

"NO! I WON!" Celeborn shouted at Spongeron as they continued to skate laps.

"I WON! ME! ME! ME!" Spongeron shouted and pushed Celeborn over.

"OW! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Celeborn yelled and got up.

Then he pushed Elrond over. They go into a huge fight soon after.

Noliee and Aragorn stopped to watch.

"WEEEE!" Pippin yelled as I grabbed his hands and we spun around and around.

"Say it and I will leave you alone!" Gimli said to Legolas.

"Dude. Go away!" Casey said and started to chase Gimli around the rink.

As soon as Casey let go of Legolas he fell over, much to Gimli's amusement.

"COME BACK HERE!" Casey yelled and skated quickly after Gimli.

Legolas was left alone sitting on the ice in the corner.

"CASEY! COME BACK!" Legolas yelled.

But Casey was gone.

(angry sigh) "Fine! Leave me here then, I don't need your help!" Legolas said in the direction that Casey had skated off in, "Noliee? Jackie? Cheesy! HELP ME!"

When no one came, Legolas continued to sit there brooding silently.

"I thought they loved me," he mused.

"GUYS STOP IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU GET US THROWN OUT!" I yelled at Celeborn and Spongeron who were still  
fighting.

At the sound of my yelling they stopped and looked down at their feet like guilty little children.

"Sorry," They said at the same time.

"Now the two of you go sit over there in time out!" I said and pointed to the bench, "SEPARATE! Do NOT sit next to each other!"

The two of them slowly skated over to the bench and sat down at opposite ends.

"AND DON'T MOVE UNTIL I SAY SO!" I yelled to them, "Honestly! Grown elf lords acting like four year olds!"

I noticed that everyone on the ice rink was staring at me. LotR people and other random slobs that decided to come ice skating today.

"STOP STARING! SHOW'S OVER!" I yelled, angered greatly.

I despise it when people stare.

Everyone instantly went back to skating and didn't dare to make eye contact with me for awhile.

"Galadriel! Calm down! Nothing is going to get you!" Haldir said and grabbed Galadriel's hand to keep her from falling.

"NOOOO! I CAN'T SKATE! THE ICE IS GOING TO GET ME! I SAW IT IN A VISION!" Galadriel screamed and thrashed wildly waving her arms and legs around to keep herself from falling.

"SAVE ME HALDIR!" she yelled and jumped into his arms.

Luckily Haldir had good balance and he caught her before she smashed into the wall behind them.

"Galadriel!" Haldir said and put her down.

Again she spazzed out and tried to keep herself from falling but failed and ended up in a heap on the ice.

Frodo was zipping back across the ice with Sam in tow. He was fussing about Frodo getting hurt or some thing like that.

"CAN WE SKATE AGAIN!" Celeborn asked after about 20  
seconds of time out.

"No!" I replied, "You have to say there for 5 minutes!"

"5 MINUTES? ARE YOU CRAZY GIRL? I CAN'T STAY HERE DOING NOTHING FOR 5 WHOLE MINUTES! I'LL GO MAD!"  
Spongeron yelled at me.

"You mean you're not mad already?" Noliee replied as she skated past them.

Aragorn was following her now. Noliee said that they were playing follow the leader.

Noliee jumped into the air and spun around.

"Just try to do that Aragorn!" she challenged.

Aragorn repeated the stunt with equal ability and or grace.

Noliee sighed, "How did you do that!"

"I don't know. Ice skating is easy," Aragorn replied with a smile.

"Tell that to Gandalf, Galadriel and Legolas," I said as I spun past them in a circle with Pippin.

We were holding each other's hands and spinning as fast as we could. You should try it some time. It's really REALLY fun!

Gandalf was mad. He couldn't figure out how to get up or skate.

"Would someone please assist me?" he called.

Suddenly a little boy skated up to him and stopped.

"Hello old person!" he said and smiled.

"Hello child. Can you help me get up? In exchange I won't blast you into the dark void of Mordor when I take control of this planet and enslave the earth," Gandalf said.

The little boy giggled, kicked Gandalf and skated off as fast as he could.

"Blasted child! Now he will go to Mordor! I will see to that!" Gandalf said, "Well, as soon as I figure out how to get up."

"GIMLI YOU EVIL TURKEY!" Casey screamed and continued to chase him, "Leave Legolas alone!"

"NO! NEVER!" Gimli called from ahead of Casey, "Not unless he admits Dwarves are better than Elves!"

Casey growled and flew after him.

Pippin and I spun over to the corner where Legolas was sitting.

"Cheesy! Please help me!" Legolas said and put his arms out as if he wanted me to pull him up.

I gave Pippin a gentle push and he went gliding across the ice screaming with laughter the whole time. I raised an eyebrow at Legolas.

"Having trouble I see," I said.

"Yes and I've been sitting here for a long time since Casey ran off after Gimli. I'm cold, I really wanna get up and I think my butt went numb...5 HOURS AGO!"  
Legolas complained.

"Um, we were only here 3 hours so that is impossible unless you butt was numb BEFORE we got here. But if that is the case, then how did you walk and stuff. Wait…unless you only thought your butt went numb but it really didn't and now you think that it has been 5 hours but you couldn't have been there more than an  
hour. (Loud gasp) Maybe you are getting hypothermia and its messing with your brain and now you think that you have been sitting there for five hours with a numb butt," I rambled.

0.o? "What are you talking about?" Legolas asked, extremely confused.

"Oh no! You are delirious and can't think straight! You are so confused, you poor confused thing!" I exclaimed and sat down on the ice next to Legolas.

"I'm not-"

"Shhh! Don't speak save your energy! I'll keep you warm!" I said and hugged Legolas.

O.O? "Wha...No! I'm fine! I'm not dying or whatever! I just want to get up!" Legolas said.

"Well, in that case just enjoy the moment," I said and continued to hug him.

-.-? "Ooookay..."

Five minutes later...

"Okay, the moment is over. C'ya!" I said and skated off to find Pippin.

"No wait!" Legolas called to me, "You...didn't help me…get up."

But I was gone!

"It's all your fault you know," Celeborn hissed to Spongeron.

"No, it's all your fault," Spongeron replied.

"We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you," Celeborn said.

"Well, if you hadn't come along I would have a blue pina colada right now!" Spongeron said.

0.o? "What," Celeborn asked, "exactly are you talking  
about?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!" Spongeron replied and crossed his arms.

"No, I don't know what you are talking about. Enlighten me," Celeborn said.

"No. I don't feel like it right now but I'll have you know that I could have had a blue pina colada if you didn't come and mess things up!" Spongeron exclaimed.

"If you are not going to tell me what you are talking about then shut up about it!" Celeborn hissed.

"I don't have to shut up! You are not the boss of me!"  
Spongeron said and crossed his arms.

"I'm older than you are! Respect your elders!" Celeborn said and wagged a finger at Spongeron.

"No! I am over 5,000 years old and I will not be told what to do by some ancient old dinosaur that thinks he is better just because his face resembles an old soggy prune! PRUNE FACE!" Spongeron yelled.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!" Celeborn exclaimed and prepared to attack.

"PRUNE FACE! PRUNE FACE! NANANANANANA!" Spongeron taunted.

"THAT'S IT!" Celeborn yelled and tackled Spongeron, football style.

You could almost see the cartoon like fight cloud appear.

People again stopped and watched. For some reason they think that old people fighting is entertaining.

"What's going on here?" I asked and pushed through the crowd that was yelling 'FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!'

I stopped suddenly and almost fell over when I saw what was going on.

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW! I MEAN IT I-"

"What's going on here?" asked the manager of the  
skating rink as he came out onto the ice, "Why are people fighting on my ice rink?"

"Because they are stupid heads!" Merry said as he and Jackie spun passed in the same manner as me and Pippin.

"There is NO fighting aloud in my skating rink! I'm going to have to ask you two to leave!" the manager said and pointed to Celeborn and Spongeron who had stopped fighting seconds before.

"I TOLD YOU!" I screamed at them. 

This caused me to get some odd looks but I ignored them and continued to yell.

"GO WAIT OUT SIDE!" I yelled and pointed to the door, "I can't believe you two! You are suppose to be wise and powerful leaders!"

They sulked and slowly walked out of the building.

"Stupid Celeborn...(mumble)...Spongeron...errrr...(mumble mumble)" I mumbled as everyone continued to stare at me.

"Now if there are anymore disruptions I am NOT going to be happy!" The manager of the ice rink said and stomped off.

"MOO to you!" Jackie said sarcastically to the manager as he walked past her.

He ignored her and kept walking back to his office.

"Great." I mumbled, "Now everyone is STARING at me again!"

Soon they stopped staring and went back to skating.

Legolas came to a brilliant discovery. Since no one would help him get up, he decided to try to get up himself. So smart, I know. Please hold your applause.

To his surprise he found that he could get up without falling.

Very slowly he slid one foot forward and found that he was not going to fall over. Then he tried gliding off. Amazingly he could do this too.

It was then that Casey came back.

"Awww! You got up!" She cooed and patted his head like you would do to a cat or dog.

-.- "Yeah I did, no thanks to you!" he said.

"Well, I had to go chase Gimli away," Casey said.

"Did it work?" Legolas asked.

"No," Casey said as Gimli skated over.

"Still falling over, Elf?" he asked.

"No," Legolas replied and glared at Gimli.

"Oh yeah? Prove it," Gimli said.

"Fine," Legolas and let go of Casey's arm.

He carefully skated away from Casey and stopped next to Gimli. He smiled evilly and pushed Gimli over, and then Legolas laughed and took off surprised by the fact that he was not falling over.

He looked over his shoulder at Gimli who was struggling to get up, "THAT WAS FOR EARLIER DWARF! I CAN ICE SKATE I-"

It was at that moment that Legolas hit a rough spot on the ice and went flying forward into the wall. You could here the THWACK noise as he collided with the wall.

Almost everyone turned and looked to see what was had happened.

Jackie was the first one to reach him.

(loud gasp) "LEGOLAS ARE YOU OKAY!" Jackie asked and gently poked him.

When there was no response she started freaking out.

"CHEESY! GET OVER HERE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIM!" she yelled.

I skated over quickly and knelt down beside him.

"Okay, this can't be good. SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" I yelled.

So our little ice skating outing suddenly became an outing to the local hospital. 

Just to let you know, the owner was not happy about any of this. First the thing with Celeborn and Spongeron then with Legolas. We were banned from the skating rink FOREVER. Something told me that Legolas was not going to be able to teach his class for a  
while.

Oooh, my mom is not going to be happy and somehow, even though its not my fault, I will be blamed and I don't think that I am going to be getting out of this one easy.

"Well, Cheesy what have you learned today?" I asked  
myself as all of us waited in the hospital waiting room.

"Never bring them skating?" Noliee suggested.

"Don't skate and look backwards?" Sam asked.

"Make sure you know how to ice skate before you take off?" Aragorn said.

"Don't start fights in the ice rink?" asked Celeborn.

"Don't challenge people to skate-offs?" Gimli suggested.

"Never let Legolas skate by himself?" Casey asked.

"No." I said, "School is most certainly TWISTED!"

"Well, yeah! I hope we don't get another zombie sub teacher." Noliee said with a laugh, " 'Cause it doesn't seem like Legolas will be coming back anytime soon!"

"If we get another zombie, someone is going to here about it!" I said.

OoooO

Hehehe (evil smile) poor Legolas. I am so mean to him  
but he had to go to make way for the sub! Any guesses  
at to who it is? Anyone remember who is it?

The next chapter will be back to classes as normal!


	35. To the Beach We Go!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 35

"No zombie, no zombie, no zombie, no zombie, no zombie, no zombie, no zombie, PLEASE no zombie!" About 12 of us in the elvish classroom chanted

As you can probably remember what happened last time a zombie entered the school, we were not eager for that to happen again.

Elrond was beyond mad at me, Noliee, Casey and Jackie and he said if he even heard the word 'Ice Skate' again for any of us he would suspend us for the rest of the year.

But we had dirt on him. I told him that I was sure that all of the students would love to know that their principle wore underwear on his head, worshiped Spongebob and acted like a baby when something didn't go his way.

After that, Elrond glared at me for a long time. I glared back. Then it went something like this…

"This whole conversation never happed." Elrond said

"Agreed." I replied and nodded seriously

Then we vowed never to tell another soul of what happened at the ice rink or what my friends and me had seen at the apartment building.

We smiled. Then, we shook hands. Wow.

I laughed quietly to myself as I remembered the entire thing. I was just about to poke Jackie and ask her for some gum when the door creaked open and the sub entered.

There were several loud gasps from around the room. Standing there in the doorway was Captain Jack Sparrow!

"Hello class!" he said happily and strutted into the room waving his arms around in that funky manner

On his way to the teacher's desk he took his hat off and waved it around a bit before he randomly tossed it to Jackie.

She caught it and put the hat on her head. Then she giggled evilly and smiled at Noliee.

Apparently there was something more going on that may involve an inside joke.

"Okay, since your normal teacher isn't here, as you know, I am going to be your substitute teacher for a while!" Jack announce

"YAY! NO ZOMBIE!" The class cheered

"You're not a zombie are you?" Lynsay asked and poked him suspiciously

Jack pondered this.

"Does a previously cursed pirate count?" he asked looking at her seriously

Lynsay blinked, "Nooo…"

"Well, that's good then! I will now take attendance." He said sounding very teacher like, "Okay then, Alice?"

"HERE!" She replied and waved her hand around

"Sarah?"

"MEOW MIX!" she replied

0.o? "Right then, Noliee?"

"Yesss precious. It is I. Nolieeeee." Noliee said putting on her best Gollum impression

"Ooookay…Cloe?"

"What do _you_ want?" she asked from the back of the room

"I want to know if you are here today." Jack said

"Well, I'm not." Cloe replied

"Sure. Jackie?"

"Hello! I am the one called Jackie!" Jackie said with a huge smile, "I have your hat!"

"I see that Jackie. Nice name by the way, take off two letters and you have my name." Jack said and returned the smile

When Jackie started to get that look in her eyes that reminded me of Casey, I promptly poked her.

"Rachel?" Jack called

I frowned, "I'm here but please call me Cheesy. I hate the name Rachel."

"Okay, I'll have to remember that Cheesy. Brittney?"

Eggzilla hooted in response.

Jack looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "Are you part monkey?"

Eggzilla hooted again.

"That is Eggzilla. Ignore her." Jackie informed

"Okay I will. Hmmm, this is going to take to long. I'll just assume that all of you are here." Jack said and tossed the attendance list in the air, "Now we can start the lesson…WILL, BRING THE BOOKS!"

There were more gasps when Will entered the room carrying two large books.

Casey stared intently at him. There was something VERY familiar about him.

"YOU!" she stood up and shouted at him, "Do I know you?"

Will looked back at her, "No…who are you?"

"I'm Casey." She said with a smile, "You look like someone, but I can't think of why or who."

Noliee just about died laughing.

"Hey Casey, try to picture him with blond hair and pointy ears. Does that help?" She asked

Casey sat back down and was silent for a while.

Will shook his head and set the books down on the desk. Jack looked at the lesson plan and frowned.

"What's Elvish?" he quietly asked Will

"I don't know." Will replied with a shrug

Jack opened the book and tried to read it. When he found that he couldn't he tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"What is all this blugga blogga?" he asked no one in particular, "Moo goovoonoblu?"

Noliee snorted loudly.

"Um, that would be Mae Govannen." I informed

"Oh, well how in the name of the Black Pearl am I supposed to say this stuff?" Jack asked, "I-

"OHHHH MY GOSH!" Casey exclaimed finally realizing whom Will looked like, "YOU LOOK LIKE THAT GUY AT THE PIZZA SHOP!"

The entire class looked at her.

Noliee fell over laughing at Casey's stupidness.

"The guy at the pizza shop! I was thinking more along the lines of Legolas?" I said

Casey looked at Will again.

"Nope. I don't see it. Besides, no one else could look like Elfy. Except for the guy that works at the pizza shop that Will looks like. But no, he doesn't look like my Elfy." Casey said

"But you just said…Forget it." Jackie said smiling wildly, "You can continue Caption Jack!"

I rolled my eyes. Fan girl Jackie? That was just odd.

"Well, like I was tryin' to say, I can't speak this Elvish and besides, it seems terribly boring. I know! Lets go to the beach!" Jack said and clapped his hands together

"Dude. Its December, which means its cold." Cloe announced flatly

"Yeah, how are we going to go to the beach? Its all snowy and yucky." Jackie said

"Not in the Caribbean luv." Jack replied, "Its warm and sunny! Lets go!"

0.o? "How are we going to get there?" Alice asked

"If you say that we are going to walk, I'm going to smack you." Cloe hissed and shook her fist at him

"No need for that! I'll just do that clapping thing that Elrond told me about." Jack announced

"What!" the class asked at the same time

"Well, I'll just show you." Jack said and clapped his hands making us all disappear

All of us appeared again soon after on a sunny beach.

"WOW! That was cool!" I exclaimed and looked around

Sure enough were the entire class was standing there blinking repeatedly.

"COOL! WE ARE AT THE BEACH!"

Can you guess whose wonderful logic that was? If not, it was Casey.

"Really Casey? I thought we were on the moon." Noliee said sarcastically

"We are?" Casey asked and looked at the sand

"NO!" Noliee replied and smacked her

"This is good and all but how are we suppose to enjoy the beach in winter clothing?" Alice asked and looked down at her long sleeved shirt and jeans

Jack pounded for a while before he suddenly clapped his hands. All of us were now wearing purple chicken suites. Jack sighed and tried again.

This time it worked. Everyone was dressed in brightly colored beachwear, including Hats, swimsuits, sandals and sunglasses. We also had boogie boards (It's a little surf board thing that you lay on and…yeah well I hope ya get it.), volleyballs and other stuff that you would take to the beach.

"That clapping thing works wonders." I said

"Well! What are you waiting for? Go have fun!" Jack said and shooed up away

The class wooted happily and ran off to various parts of the beach.

Casey ran in a circle before she flopped down on and tossed the sand in the air.

"Weeee!" she yelled

Jackie's eyes went huge when she saw the boogie boards.

"Cheesy! We _must _go boogie boarding RIGHT NOW!" she said and pulled my arm

"Okay! Okay!" I replied and let her lead me over to the pile of boogie boards

"You know," Lynsay said, "This would be a lot more fun if our teachers were here."

"You're right. That would be fun! We could have a massive volleyball game!" Lynsay said and tossed a volleyball in the air

"Hey Jack!" Noliee shouted to him, "Can you make our teachers appear?"

Jack nodded and clapped his hands. Soon the teachers stood there looking very confused.

"Um, How did we get here?" Elrond asked as Casey ran past shrieking gibberish, "And how did all the children from the school get here?"

"Well, I wouldn't expect _you_ to know." Celeborn replied with an evil smile

Elrond gave Celeborn the evil eyebrow glare but remained calm.

"Ooh, I like the beach!" Aragorn said and shuffled around in a circle

"Why are we here and who is _that_?" Gimli asked and pointed to Jack who was off in his own little world

He was talking to a palm tree, he asked it for a coconut.

"DUDE? WHO ARE YOU?" Haldir shouted to him

Jack yelled in surprise and fell over. At the same time a coconut fell from the tree and clunked him on the head. This made him pass out.

Galadriel gasped loudly and put a hand to her forehead.

"What is it?" Everyone shouted

"All of us were magically transported here." Galadriel said, "Something else is going to happen soon. Someone from another Middle Earth is going to be joining us shortly…again."

Gandalf nodded, "All right. What are we suppose to do while we wait for this person?"

"You tell us! You are the all mighty wizard." Aragorn said

It was then that Noliee and Lynsay ran up to them.

"Hello! Jack was nice enough to bring you here!" Noliee said and hugged Aragorn

Aragorn looked disturbed, NOLIEE just hugged him.

"Who _is_ Jack?" Elrond demanded

Lynsay pointed to the guy lying on the ground with the coconut near his head.

"Oh. Okay then." Gandalf said, "Why?"

" 'Cause we wanted you to have fun." I yelled as I ran past carrying a boogie board, "Everyone love the beach!"

The teachers looked unsure.

"We have food!" Jackie shouted as she also ran past carrying a boogie board

The hobbits smiled.

"Merry, did you hear that?" Pippin exclaimed and ran off to find the food

Merry, Sam and Frodo followed at equal speeds.

"FOOOOOOOD!" They shouted

"Uuuuhh…it seems okay to me." Gimli said and picked up a randomly placed beach ball

"Its too hot!" Gandalf complained, "And to sandy and to wet and to-

A volleyball hit him in the head.

"Well, when Jack wakes up you can ask him to instapoof you some…swimsuits." Noliee said but then pictured Gandalf in a swimsuit

She covered her eyes and ran off screaming.

Elrond stared blankly at the ocean, and then as if in a trance he walked over to it and stopped at the very edge where sand met water.

"Oooh, its so shiny." He said

"Hey Elrond! Try actually getting _in_ the water." I called to him

He raised an eyebrow, "But I'll get wet."

I sighed, "No! REALLY!"

He nodded.

I noticed that Haldir was quietly sneaking upon Elrond who was staring at the shiny water.

"BOO!" Haldir yelled and pushed Elrond in the water

"AHHHHH! AHHH! AHHHHHHH! GET ME OUT! GET ME OOOOOOUUUUUTTT!" Elrond yelled and thrashed around wildly

"Dude, its okay." Jackie said as she floated over to Elrond on her boogie board

Elrond stopped moving, realizing that he could sit in the water and still have his head above it.

"What is that thing you are sitting on?" Elrond asked Jackie like nothing had happened

"It's called a boogie board. Wanna try it?" Jackie replied

Elrond nodded.

I laughed quietly; this was going to be good.

"Well, I am not getting wet." Galadriel said

"Me neither." Gandalf said

"Well, Lets go talk about intelligent things over there." Galadriel said and pointed to a sunny spot on the beach

"All right." Gandalf replied and followed her

Aragorn and Boromir smiled widely before they wooted loudly and jumped in the water splashing Gimli and Haldir.

Celeborn looked around and saw several of the kids playing a game where they were hitting a ball back and forth over a net. He smiled and ran off in that direction. Haldir decided to follow him, he didn't want to get wet either.

Gimli laughed and went to go find the hobbits; maybe they had some food. Gimli was particularly happy today but then again anything that Legolas missed out on and he was in on amused him.

He found the Hobbits building a sand castle with Casey. They had a piece of chicken in one hand and in the other they had a shovel.

"Let's build a moat!" Pippin said and started digging

"Hi Gimli! Wanna help?" Casey asked enthusiastically

"Sure." Gimli replied and sat down next to her and the hobbits, "Where did you get that chicken?"

"Here ya go Gimli. Have some!" Merry said and passed him the enormous bucket of Barbequed chicken

Celeborn continued to run to the spot where the volleyball game was being held. It wasn't that far but you have to remember, Celeborn is over 6,000 years old…I think. Well, he's old so yeah. The fact that he was wearing a long robe thing didn't help matters. He kept falling and getting stuck on pieces of dried seaweed that washed up on the beach.

When the poor elf finally made it over to the volleyball game, he fell over and lay there for sever minuets.

"Ugh." Jack mumbled and sat up

"Finally!" Cloe said sighed loudly, "I've been trying to wake you up for like and hour!"

"Huh? Who are you?" Jack asked only half with it

"CLOE!" she yelled and threw a rock at him

"Ow! Hey, I though I did the clapping thing and gave everyone swimsuits." Jack said noticing that Cloe was still in her normal black clothes

"I _never_ wear a swimsuit. Not under and circumstances. Got that?" Cloe said and sat down against the palm tree

Jack nodded, "Okay then."

"Since you are awake, you can instapoof those teaches of ours and get away from my palm tree! Its mine and no one else's!" Cloe hissed and poked Jack

He quickly scooted away from her and looked at the teachers. Jack clapped his hands and now they too had mass amounts of beachwear.

Galadriel shrieked when a large floppy straw hat appeared on her head and green tinted sunglasses, that matched her swimsuit, appeared on her face.

The hobbits and Gimli didn't even notice. They were too focused on building a sand castle.

Elrond noticed though. He was in the process of going over a wave when a hat blocked his view and made him fall off the board.

"AHHHHH! I'M BLIND!" He yelled

Suddenly there was a huge flash of light that caught everyone's attention.

"Did I say the magic word or something?" Elrond asked as he sat in the water

From the flash of light came a swirling portal. The portal made a farting noise and spit something out. Or someone rather…

The person few out of the portal and landed in a heap of black robes on the beach.

Casey gasped, "IT'S THE TOOTH FAIRY!"

Noliee rolled her eyes, everyone watched as she approached the figure.

"Hello? Who are you person?" she asked poked them

"SCREEEEEEECHHHHHH!" The Nazgul replied and got up quickly

She screamed and ran off to hide.

"Um, hi? I remember you! I'm Bob ya know?" the Nazgul said

"SCHEEEECHHHHH!" I replied trying to properly communicate with Bob

He looked at me and if a Nazgul could raise an eyebrow, he would have.

He screeched back however and soon the two of us were caught up in an engaging conversation in 'Screech language' as I like to call it.

The teachers were completely confused as to what was being said and weren't very patient on the matter. Soon they settled for pointing sharp objects at Bob as they tried to look intimidating.

For some reason Bob wasn't afraid. Maybe it was the fact that freaky looking people in swimsuits surrounded him.

Bob stared blankly at them and screeched in question.

"People? The Nazgul is nice! He is not going to eat anyone's head!" I informed and winced at the mental picture of a Nazgul eating someone's head

Slowly they backed away. I hugged Bob and ran off to join the volleyball game.

Bob stared at the teachers who were still looking at him with evil glares on their faces.

"If I wanted to attack, don't ya think I would have by now?" Bob asked

Very slowly the teachers went back to what they were doing. Bob sighed and followed me to the volleyball game.

"Hiya!" I said, "Can I play!"

"Sure! Does Bob want to play too?" Lynsay asked

She saw the Nazgul following me and figured that he was coming this way.

" 'K!" Bob said and hopped over to Lynsay

Celeborn, Alice, Queen Hazza, Will, Piggy, Chloe, Anna, Jack, Kitty, Haldir, Casey, Gimli, Merry, Karvian, Pippin, Sam and Frodo were standing around waiting to volleyball.

Apparently, Casey, Gimli and the hobbits had given up on the sandcastle after it had been destroyed by Elrond who crashed into it when the boogie board he was on went crazy.

"Why don't we get everyone over here so we can play a huge game of volleyball?" Kitty suggested

"Okay! I'll go get them!" Casey suggested and took off running down the beach

"Do you think that she will come back?" Haldir asked

"I wouldn't count on it." Anna said

"Should someone else go tell everyone?" Queen Hazza suggested

"If she doesn't come back in five minuets. Lets send someone else." Celeborn said

"Agreed." All of us said

(5 minuets later)

"Okay, so who wants to go?" Alice asked and crossed her arms

"I'll go!" Celeborn said enthusiastically

"No offence, but you are too slow." Alice said with a laugh

Celeborn growled and sent death glares in the direction of Alice.

"Hmm…Will! You can go!" Alice said

"But I-

"GO NOW!" She yelled

"Okay, okay!" said and walked off

Pippin picked up a volleyball and tried to balance it on his head. This didn't work; the ball bounced off his head and hit Celeborn in the face.

"OWWWW!" Celeborn howled

He threw the ball back to Pippin but it hit Gimli instead.

"Hey! Watch it elf! Do not toss a dwarf and do not toss stuff AT the dwarf!" Gimli complained and threw the volleyball in a random direction

This time it hit Bob.

He screeched in anger and threw it as hard as he could. The ball hit the sand bounced off and flew down the beach. It just kept going and going and going like the energizer bunny. Soon the ball was out of our site.

"Whoa! Where did it go?" Merry asked and spun around looking for the ball

"What is going on?" Elrond asked appearing suddenly behind the group

"Bob threw a volleyball." I informed

"And this is interesting because…" Elrond asked

"It went really far." Queen Hazza said

Elrond rolled his eyes.

"So where is everyone else?" Kitty asked

"They are coming." Elrond said, "Look, here come Jackie, Aragorn and Boromir now."

"Hello! Who else are we waiting for?" Jackie asked and picked up another volleyball

"No one besides Casey." I replied as I saw Galadriel, Gandalf, Eggzilla, and Cloe coming over

Suddenly Casey came running up the beach screaming that she could not find anyone. Then she everyone standing there and smiled stupidly

"Good! Now that we are all here, we can start the game!" I said, "Hey wait, what's that!'

Something in a brown sack floated up on the beach.

"It better not be another Nazgul!" Gandalf said

"Let me out! Help!" the sack shouted

(Gasp) "That sounded like Noruas!" Anna said

I ran over to the bag and untied it.

"Noruas!" I screamed and hugged the pink cat

Noruas growled in warning.

"Sorry, sorry! I forgot about the no hugging thing." I said

Noruas shook out his fur and sat down in the sand.

"Well, thank you for saving my life. Hmm, I appear to be on some island with all the slobs from the school, except for the slob who tied me up in the first place!" Noruas hissed

"Ooookay, why is that cat talking? Is that cat I had in my office?" Elrond exclaimed

-.- "Yes, it is I slob." Noruas said but then he spotted Frodo

At the same time Frodo looked at him and he tried to grab something around his neck that wasn't there.

"ITS HIM! ITS HIM!" Frodo screamed and pointed to Noruas who was staring at him intently, "HE HAS COME FOR ME!"

"Its just a cat." Jack said, "Calm down!"

"NOOOOO! ITS HIM!" Frodo yelled and continued to spaz out

"Who? Who is it Frodo?" Aragorn asked

"HIM!" Frodo replied

"Wow that helps." Noliee said sarcastically and rolled her eyes

"Its…its…Sauron!" Frodo yelled and fell over

Sam instantly ran to him and tried to help him up.

0.o? "Um, no Frodo. That is a pink cat that talks." I said, "Noruas is defiantly not Sauron. Are you?"

Noruas tilted his head to one side and meow cutely.

All: AWWWWW!

Noruas smirked evilly.

"Do you wanna join the volleyball game?" I asked him

"Hmmm. Fine, I will join your slob game." Noruas said

"Okay, lets split up into teams." Noliee said and started randomly placing people on two teams

The final order ended up like this…

On one team was Celeborn, Sam, Will, Galadriel, Noliee, Queen Hazza, Aragorn, Pippin, Eggzilla, Bob, Anna, Cloe, Karvian, Haldir, and Casey.

On the other team was Alice, Piggy, Chloe, Jack, Kitty, Gimli, Merry, Frodo, Elrond, Boromir, Gandalf, Eggzilla, Me, Jackie, Noruas and Lynsay.

After the rules were explained, in massive detail, we were finally ready to play.

Noliee picked up the volleyball and served it over the net to our team.

Elrond was right on it, he leaped and flew through the air and hit it back over the net.

Aragorn gasped and made a dive for it. He managed to save the ball but he slammed in to Eggzilla. She freaked out and stared throwing sand everywhere.

"EGGZILLA STOP IT!" Everyone commanded

She hooted and grabbed the ball from Aragorn. Then she hit it as hard as she could to the other side of the net.

Jack managed to return it before it hit the sand.

Celeborn saw the ball coming right at him. He yelled and covered his face with his hands.

The ball flew over his head and Queen Hazza hit it back over the net.

(Later)

The scores were tied and this was for the last point.

I shrieked as the ball flew towards my head.

Noruas suddenly floated up in the air and punched the ball.

"Whoa! That was cool!" I said

"Slob volleyball! How I hate it!" Noruas hissed

Anna growled and returned the ball.

Chloe easily bumped back over the net.

Casey gasped and yelled as the ball almost hit her in the face. Luckily Karvian saved it.

Gandalf simply lifted his hand and the ball flew back across the net.

"Hey! No using powers!" Alice scolded

"Yeah, now we get a free move too!" Pippin said

"Fine! Fine! Just throw the ball!" Piggy said now totally into the game

Galadriel smiled and made the ball fly over the net with extreme force!

Noruas run up Boromir's back and launched himself into the air. The pink cat flipped, let out a samurai yell and again punched the ball over the net.

The extreme force of Noruas and Galadriel's powers was too much for the ball to handle. With a great boom the ball busted into a million pieces.

"Nice." Cloe said sarcastically

"Aww! What are we going to do now?" Merry asked

"Yeah, there are no more volleyballs!" Noliee shrieked

"I guess we just have to call it a tie." I said and sighed

"Yeah, I suppose." Noliee replied

"So, what do you what to do now?" Anna asked

"It's getting late! We have to go!" Jack said

"But there is so much stuff we didn't get to do!" Jackie protested

"We can come back tomorrow." Jack said and clapped his hands making everyone disappear

OoooO

Hehehe! I can't believe no one remembered who the sub was! Well anyway, **I made a forum about the cheese castle!** You should all go check it out and join!

http/ thecheeseturkey. take the space out or go to the link in my profile.


	36. The Grand Return of Noruas

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 36

It was the week before Christmas break and all through the school everyone was getting ready for the Christmas party!

Wait, that didn't rhyme.

Oh well, anyway I think that he was hit on the head with a brick, but Lord Elrond decided to let us have a Christmas party. It was his idea and to everyone's surprise he was EXTREAMLY happy that week but no one knew why.

I thought it was because of the new season of Spongebob episodes but I didn't dare to say anything.

Let me try again…

It was the week before Christmas break and all through the school everyone was busy getting ready for the Christmas…party that was sure to not get wet 'Cause there is no…pool.

I sighed angrily and crumpled up the paper that I was writing on. Tom Bombadil was trying to get us to write Christmas poems and it wasn't going well.

Noruas promised that he would be taking back over the class soon and that he just needed some time to finalize his plans for getting rid of the evil slob that we liked to call Tom Bombadil.

I hoped that he hurried up about it because Tom was really getting on my nerves. He was _still _talking about flowers! Its winter! ALL THE FLOWERS ARE DEAD!

"Watch the flower.

It is beautiful.

Watch the flower

Look at the colors.

Watch the flower.

The colors are shiny.

Watch the flower." Tom read out of his flower poetry book as he twirled around the room

The class sighed. This was so boring and useless. What was watching flowers going to teach us? I mean really! Come on, I don't think anyone wants to watch some fairy dance around the room holding a poetry book. Gosh, no wonder why Peter Jackson cut him out of the movie AND he wasn't even in the animated version and _that's_ saying something!

On a happier note, Legolas was supposed to come back today. He was just in time for the party. Casey was sure to be happy, or not. Ever since Will came she has been following him around and waving little flags with the words: "Go Will!" on them. It was quite sad actually.

"It was the week before Christmas break and all through the school everyone was busy, even the mool!" Jackie read aloud to Noliee and me

"What's a mool?" Noliee replied

"You know, those little fuzzy animals that are blind?" She informed

"Oh! You mean a 'Mole'!" I said, "Like m-o-l-e."

"Yeah! Yeah! That's it!" Jackie said

"Um no. That is creepy." Noliee said

"Well, what can I say! This assignment is so stupid!" Jackie informed

"You are right! This is impossible!" Anna said from her desk that was next to mine

"I hate poems!" Koala hissed and ripped up her paper

"Now now children! You must be good and happy!" Tom said and continued to twirl in circles across the room

"Yeah right." Cloe said, "Oh and your flowers are on fire."

Tom gasped and turned around. Sure enough his vase of flowers that was sitting on his desk was 'burning with the fires of Mordor' as Tom later described it.

"AH! NOOOO! WHO WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?" Tom yelled and jumped around

Then, slowly from behind the burning vase 'rose a creature of burning evil and flame'. The creature raised one of its short arms and pointed at Tom. The evil thing then looked up and stared at Tom with its glowing orangey red fiery eyes.

"YOU!" it hissed showing its long fangs, "DOOM ON YOU!"

Tom screamed and ran off yelling about a creature that burned with a thousand evils.

As soon as Tom was out of site the creature snapped it paw-like fingers and the fire suddenly went out.

"Muawahaha! Hello slob children!" said the pink life form on the desk

"NORUAS! YAY!" The class yelled

Noruas nodded, "Yes dear slobs, it is I. Noruas the great! I told you that I would return!"

"You are back in time for the party!" Casey said

"Huh? EVIL DOES NOT PARTY!" Noruas yelled

"What does evil do for entertainment then?" Lynsay asked

"It sulks in the corner and plots evil thing to do to the slobs that party!" Noruas replied

"Well, where did you come up with that?" Queen Hazza asked

"I am the master of all evils! Do not question me!" Noruas replied

"But, HOW did you get to be the master of all evils?" Noliee asked

Noruas sighed, "That is a long story."

"We've got time!" I said

"Okay fine. The account is in this book." Noruas said and held it up, "BUT you slobs cannot tell anyone about this! UNDERSTAND!"

We nodded.

Noruas seemed to except this response and opened the book. He sighed loudly and stared to read…

"Everyone knows about Sauron, the big giant eye that exploded after the One Ring was dropped into Mount Doom. But the second that the pieces of the ring hit the ground, they shrunk.

A young man from Gondor, who went by the name of Ghildur, found the pieces. He was a greedy man and thought they belonged to a priceless piece of jewelry that had been brought to the battlefield. Historians tell us that he was slightly "touched" in the head. Anyways, he took the pieces home when he returned to the city of Gondor. He lived in a small house with his cat that only had one eye and an empty hole in the other. There he fused the pieces of the ring together so he could put them on his sword hilt. He tried to make them rectangular, but the only way they would stick was in a ring shape.

The sphere drove Ghildur mad. All he could think about was the ring. Ghildur slipped into a state of insanity. In his mind, he was going through the journey of trying to destroy the ring. After several years, he finally reached Mount Doom in his head and he dropped the ring into it.

Unfortunately, Mount Doom was in reality his cat. The Crack of Mount Doom was his cat's empty eye socket. The ring had finally found something to use to take physical form. It quickly took over the poor cats mind and while experimenting with landing on his feet, he turned his fur a bright pink. Now the ring, bound to Sauron, is an evil pink cat. The cat learned that he could talk and do other various things. Yes friends, this evil pink cat is indeed the sprit of Sauron.

The cat was plotting his next doom of the earth for almost 500 years. When the time finally came he changed his name to Noruas (Sauron backwards) to hide his identity.

We await his next attempt at taking over the world."

"So, you are Sauron!" I exclaimed

"Yes! MUWAHAHAHA! YES I AM!" Noruas exclaimed and laughed evilly for a long time

"Wow! That's cool!" Cloe exclaimed actually impressed

"That's why Frodo was afraid of you!" Jackie said putting it all together

"Yes well slob, I told you I am the master of all evil!" Noruas replied

"So how long do you have to stay in cat form?" someone asked

"I don't know! If I knew do you think I would be sitting here teaching you slobs?" Noruas exclaimed and waved his paws around, "Now you cannot tell anyone about this! I cannot risk-"

"Can I tell Leggy?" Dani asked

Noruas slapped a paw to his face, "I JUST SAID DO NOT TELL ANYONE! 'LEGGY' INCLUDED!"

"But-

" 'Leggy' is not evil! 'Leggy' will tell other not evil slobs. 'Leggy' and slobs will come after me. 'Leggy' and slobs will attack me! 'Leggy' and slobs will NOT KNOW! GOT THAT SLOB?" Noruas shouted at Dani

She nodded scared for her life.

"Now, like I was saying, I cannot risk anyone else finding out and if I learn that one of you told someone…Well, lets just say it won't be a pleasant rest of the year for you." Noruas growled

We nodded again. Noruas was just about to say something else but the bell rang and everyone scrambled out.

"Who would have guess that Noruas was Sauron?" Casey exclaimed as she grabbed a book out of her locker

I rolled my eyes. Casey was SO stupid sometimes.

"Hey Casey, Legolas is coming back today." Noliee said expecting a reaction

"Oh, that's nice." She said and continued to go through her locker

"OH NO! NOT AGAIN! She forgot who Legolas was again!" Jackie yelled

"No she didn't, she just doesn't care. Apparently she is a 'Pirates of the Caribbean' fan girl now." I informed

Noliee rolled her eyes, "Stupid fan girl." She mumbled

"Yep! And proud of it!" Casey said

"Maybe when she sees Legolas she will get back to normal…Kinda." Noliee said

I again rolled my eyes and grabbed my math book. As you can tell I had math next, it was the last class of the day and right after school was the Christmas party.

The four of us walked down the hall that was lined with millions of Christmas ornaments. Really, it looked like the Christmas party store exploded or threw up. Probably both.

Red and green trim lined the lockers and ornaments hung from every inch of it, brightly colored decorations and wreathes were placed randomly around the school, there were Christmas trees in every room, some teachers even had candles and plates of cookies, there were pictures of Santa and reindeer, brightly colored lights, candies and other goodies were sold and to top it all off there was an enormous Christmas tree in the very center of the cafeteria that reached all the way to the roof.

With all the cookies and other goodies you can guess that it smelled REALLY REALLY good inside the school.

I never would have guessed it, but Elrond really knew how to do Christmas parties!

Frodo was teaching today. Apparently Sam was busy making cookies.

I walked in and sat down. Frodo was faced the other way writing something on the chalkboard.

After the bell rang he remained this way for a long time.

"Um, Frodo? Are you okay?" Anna asked

"Santa is coming." Frodo mumbled

"Oh, are you still freaked out about that?" I asked

Ever since he found that picture from the 'Apple Pie Lords' Frodo has been scared of Santa.

"Yes, I am! Santa wants the ring!" Frodo said

"Dude, the ring is gone." Noliee informed slowly,"Just like the Rum. Remember, the Mount Doom thing? Gollum dropped fell in and Sauron exploded."

At the mention of Sauron and Gollum, there was evil laughter heard from Noruas' classroom and someone hissed the word 'Preciousssss'.

This only made Frodo more afraid. He thought that he was hearing voices from the past in his head.

"Where is Sam!" He demanded

"He is making cookies for the Christmas party." Jackie informed

"Why is he doing that!" Frodo asked, "He needs to be teaching my class!"

"Spoiled Hobbit." Anna said quietly

"Humph! Well, since Sam is not here, we will just do some assignment out of the book." Frodo informed and randomly opened to a page in the math book

The booked opened to the fraction section.

I swear the math book is possessed with the evil of Mordor. It must know that I HATE fractions or something.

"Okay, fractions it is!" Frodo exclaimed and erased what he was writing on the chalkboard

It said: "Santa is coming for the ring" over and over again in big bold letters.

He wrote several fractions on the board and was just about to start teaching about them when the door flew open and Pippin came flying in.

"Frodo! Frodo! They have cookies!" Pippin announced and tossed a few cookies at Frodo

"Well, that's nice but why are you running?" Frodo asked

" 'Cause Gandalf said that I wasn't supposed to have any yet." Pippin replied

"Then why do you have the cookies?" Frodo asked

"I wanted them." Pippin replied, "I think Gandalf is chasing me."

"Wha-

"FOOL OF A TOOK! I TOLD YOU NO COOKIES UNTILL THE PARTY!" Gandalf said as he busted through the door, "Now you must suffer the consequences!"

"Uh, do I have to suffer the consequences?" Pippin asked and held out the cookies that he stole

"No, I suppose not. I just like saying that!" Gandalf replied and snatched the cookies back from Pippin, "Sorry to interrupt Frodo!"

Frodo just stared at him in a creepy manor.

"Ooookay then…I'll be leaving now." Gandalf said and left

You could here his staff thunk the floor every so often as he walked down the hallway.

As soon as you couldn't hear Gandalf anymore, Pippin started laughing. He then took about five cookies out of his pocket munched on them.

"Did you ever notice that Gandalf looks like Santa?" Frodo asked, "Did you also know that Santa name starts with 'SA'? Just like Sauron and Saurman…"

The class stared blankly at Frodo.

"ITS EVIL! SANTA IS THE NEW EVIL! New assignment class! Come up with as many things as you can that are the same with Santa as they are with Sauron or Saurman!" Frodo instructed

"Cool! At least its not fractions!" I said

"Yes…I will then present your papers to Gandalf and Elrond and anyone else who is stuffy, boring and considered 'Wise'. Then, we can decide what to do about this new evil!" Frodo informed

Noliee rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I'm sure the Fellowship with have to be reformed and all of you will have to go to the North Pole where Santa lives and destroy his EVIL fort and all his evil SHORT Santa Elves."

At the mention of short Elves most of the class shuddered. Me included.

Frodo's eyes where huge by the time Noliee had finished.

"Do you really think that's going to happen?" He asked

"NO! Don't be weird! Of course not!" Noliee replied

"Well, okay then. Now start your papers! I want at least 7 things on the list!" Frodo said

I thought about the similarities between Sauron, Saurman and Santa.

"Well, they all have 'N' in there name." I said

So that went on the list.

"Hmm, they are all butt ugly." I said and also added ugliness to the list

When I was done I had a good-sized list that read as follows…

"The similarities of Sauron, Santa and Saurman. By Cheesy." There are many things that are the same when it comes to the three of them. For one thing, the three of them are REALLY butt ugly. For another they all have 'N' in their name. They all have minions. Sauron and Saurman have Orcs, Nazgul, Trolls, Evil Men ect. Santa has short Elves, Gingerbread men, friendly Polar bears and other such objects of evil.

They all have something to show the authority of their power. Sauron has the sign of the great eye, Saurman has the white handprint and Santa has his 'Hohoho!' and his reindeer. They all have a distinct color. Saurman has his WHITE robes, Sauron was the big RED and ORANGE eye and Santa has his RED suit.

All of them rule something. Sauron rules Mordor, Saurman rules Orthanc, and Santa rules the Magical Kingdom at the North Pole.

In one way or another Elves are involved. Santa has short Elves, Saurman and Sauron have orcs, which once were Elves.

So as you can see, Sauron, Saurman and Santa have a lot of thing in common.

I had just handed in my paper when the bell rang. Time for the Christmas party!


	37. The Christmas Party!

The Day School got TWISTED Chapter 37

Me, Jackie, Noliee, and Casey ran down the hallway on the way to the gym where the Christmas party was.

Casey was waving her arms and screaming madly. She ran into the walls a few times but that didn't stop her.

Jackie was running down the hall beside me. I think she said something about fish, but I can't be sure.

Noliee wasn't really running, she was on her skateboard going a hundred miles an hour. It's a good thing Gandalf didn't catch her.

The last time she skateboarded through the halls, Gandalf tried to give her detention for disorderly conduct in the halls but that didn't stop Noliee.

She skated right out of the school and all the way home with Gandalf following her.

When her mom saw that some old guy was following her daughter, she freaked out and called the police.

Apparently she thought her precious daughter had a stalker.

Gandalf was never the same after that…

Casey spun around and around in a circle as she ran and on the last turn she collided with someone.

I gasped loudly. It was Legolas. He was back. From the hospital. After the ice skating accident. Woot.

Other than the green cast on his arm, you could never tell that anything had ever been wrong with him.

"LEGOLAS!" I shouted and ran over to him at full speed

I hugged him tightly, Noliee rolled her eyes, Jackie smiled and Casey stared at a bug that landed on her shirt.

"And I came back for this?" Legolas mumbled and pushed me away

Casey hooted and swatted the bug away.

"What's wrong with her? Why isn't she attacking me?" Legolas asked, "Did she forget who I am again?"

I smiled hugely at him.

"Did she switch bodies with Cheesy?" asked Legolas as he looked me over as if I was going to pounce

"No, Casey likes Will Turner now. " Noliee informed, "Too bad for you."

"But she's my fangirl! "

Casey hissed at him.

"Great, I lost my best fangirl!" Legolas wined

Noliee snickered, "I thought you hated her."

"Not really…Casey! Snap out of it!" Legolas said and slapped her

Casey gasped loudly and began to cry.

"HE HIT ME! WHAAAAAAA!" She screamed and took off running in the direction of the Christmas Party

"Oh, good job." Jackie said sarcastically and followed her

Noliee laughed evilly and skated off too.

"So…can I take Casey's place?" I asked and smiled sweetly

"No! There will only be one Casey! My fan girl!" Legolas exclaimed

I pouted and stomped my foot, "That's stupid!"

Then I trotted off to the gym.

Gandalf was standing by then entrance of the gym, dressed up in a Santa suit and holding a Christmas stocking to put money in.

Casey screeched, threw the money at him, and ran into the gym.

Jackie raised an eyebrow and carefully put the money in the stocking. Gandalf stared at her the whole time.

Noliee skated up next.

"Gandalf." She said

"Noliee." He hissed and looked at the skateboard

It brought back horrible memories of police men with nightsticks.

Noliee tossed the money at him and skated in without another word.

I was last of the four of us to enter. I looked up at Gandalf and paid normally.

"What did Elrond threaten to do to you if you didn't wear that Santa Suit?" I asked

"What makes you think that I was threatened?" Gandalf replied

"Dude, you are in a Santa Suit."

"Fair enough." Gandalf said and nodded, "If was either this or shave my beard."

I shuddered and entered the gym.

It was sooo shiny! It looked like hundreds of Christmas party stores had exploded! There was Christmas lights in the millions, Christmas music was blaring, the cookies smelled really good, the Christmas trees were decorated and everything was REALLY shiny! We even had a disco ball. Most likely the one from Elrond's office.

I ran over to the cookie table and started eating them in mass amounts. On my way over, I saw Casey singing loudly and dancing with a Christmas tree.

Noliee was bothering Gandalf. She was skating around Gandalf and telling him VERY wrong fact about Middle Earth.

"Hey Gandalf!" she yelled and pulled his beard, "Hey! Did you know that Wizards are fish, and Sauron is a monkey and Galadriel is a turkey in disguise?! Did ya Gandalf? HEY GANDALF DID YA KNOW?!"

Through all this Gandalf managed to remain in his happy Santa mode.

"Hohoho! Have a cookie you sweet little girl!" He exclaimed and shoved a cookie into his mouth

"Merry CHRISTMAS! MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOOOOOOOOOOOU!" Casey screamed and danced around the Christmas tree, "I love you! OOOOOOOOHHHHH CHRISTMAS TREE OOOOOOOHHHHHH CHRISTMAS TREE HOW LO-

Casey stopped abruptly when Will walked past followed by Jack who was being stalked by Jackie who holding a plate of cookies.

"WILL!" She screamed and jumped on him

He yelled and fell over.

"Hi! How are you? I love you!" She exclaimed

Jack and Jackie looked with raised eyebrows as Casey sat on Will and kissed him.

"So Jack, wanna cookie?" Jackie asked and shoved the plate at him

"Sure!" He exclaimed and started shoving them into his mouth, "I love cookies! Just like I love weddings! I like to crash them to! I did I ever tell you about the time I crashed that wedding in Tortuga?"

"Good, good." Jackie said smiling evilly, "Just eat the cookies…"

She looked over at Noliee who was now leaning against the wall and smirking evilly.

"Stop it RIGHT NOW! Those Cookies have to feed everyone!" Sam exclaimed and tried to pull me away from the cookie table

"Hey!" I said with my mouth full, "Leave me alone and go kiss up to Frodo, he looks needy."

Sam looked around wildly for 'Poor Mr. Frodo'.

"Run Sam! Frodo looks scared and sick and like he's in horrible pain!" I shouted

Sam started gasping and panting, "WHERE IS HE!?"

"Oh my god! Poor Frodo! He just got mauled by an orc!" I screamed and pointed in a random direction, "Oooh! OOOOOH! Oh my gosh! Frodo! I don't he's going to make it!"

"I DON'T SEE HIM! WHERE IS HE!?" Sam yelled and ran around in a circle

"Look! LOOK! NOOO! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY FRODO! THE GIANT FLYING MEATLOAF IS GOING TO GET YOU!" I screamed and jumped up and down

Sam hooted and waved his arms in the air, "FRODO! FRODO!"

Then he passed out. He couldn't handle the fact that poor mister Frodo might be hurting.

Frodo was in fact fine the entire time. He was standing by the punch bowl and looking at the pretty decorations. I laughed and went back to eating cookies.

Then Gandalf made his announcement.

"HOHOHO! HELLO EVERYONE! I AM SANTA! I LOVE ALL OF YOU VERY MUCH! AND I NEED A SPEICAL ELF HELPER TO HELP ME WITH ALLLL THE GIFTS!" Gandalf exclaimed and looked around for an Elf

All the Elves had moved away from him, except for Legolas who was off in his own world.

"HOHOHO! I have found an Elf!" Gandalf exclaimed and trotted over to Legolas holding a Christmas Elf hat

"Wha…AHH! AH! AH! NOOO! GET THAT STUPID HAT AWAY FROM ME! HATS MESS UP MY HAIR!" Legolas screamed and ran off

Gandalf gasped, "No, my elf helper!"

Legolas ran off to the other side of the gym and sat down next to Gimli.

"Dwarf." He said as a greeting

"Elf." Gimli replied

"Yeah, so what's up with you? Wedgie!" Legolas exclaimed

"What was that last thing you said?" Gimli hissed

"Huh? Oh nothing."

Gimli grumbled and scooted his chair away from Legolas.

Legolas leaned over to him, shouted 'Wedgie!' and moved before Gimli looked up again.

"I know you said something that time Elf!" Gimli exclaimed

"Huh? What are you talking about Dwarf? I said nothing to you." Legolas replied and crossed his arms, "I can't believe that you would accuse perfect little me of saying something to a…_dwarf_."

Gimli frowned, "Whatever."

"Whatever is right Mr. Dwarfwedgie!" Legolas exclaimed

"What was that last word you said?" Gimli asked and pointed a finger at Legolas

"Dwarf?" Legolas said and made a cute face

"Ewww." Gimli replied and looked away from him

"…Wedgie…."

"WHAT!?"

"Nothing."

"Yooou."

"Yes meee!" Legolas said and pointed to himself, "Who are you?"

"I was talking about you!"

"Its not nice to talk about people Gimli."

"Shut up."

Legolas gasped, "What? You just told me to shut up?! Well! Wedgie to you!"

"WHAT!? DID I HEAR THE WORD WEDGIE!?" Gimli exclaimed

Legolas looked at Gimli as if he had just been accused of something horrible. Like stealing people's underwear on a midnight panty raid.

"Gimli! I can't believe you! And here I thought were friends!"

Gimli hissed and turned away from Legolas.

A few seconds later Legolas whispered 'Wedgie' in his ear.

Gimli whirled around, "THAT IS IT! I KNOW YOU SAID SOMETHING!"

Legolas was looking at the ceiling, "What?"

Gimli grumbled loudly.

"Hello how are you," Galadriel appearing in front of their chairs

Gimli smiled hugely and took a deep breath to give a long drawn out greeting.

"Oh, I'm-

"OH hi Galadriel!" Legolas said and waved wildly, "Wanna go say hi to someone?"

"Sure Legolas." She replied and walked away with him, "I am happy to see that we can get past that little incident with my cat and still remain friends…or something like that."

Gimli gasped and blinked rapidly.

His beautiful moment of_ love _with Galadriel was ruined!

Oh, Greenleaf would pay. Gimli again swore revenge against him AGAIN.

In the darkest corner of the gym under the bleachers, a pink cat was watching the party closely.

"Slobs! Slobs!" he cackled, "They party when they should be fearing me! They will suffer for this partying!"

"Oh shut _up_." Cloe exclaimed and shook her head slowly

"Dark Lordess Cloe! There you are, I was looking everywhere for you! We have work to do, involving bathroom towels!"

"You mean toilet paper?" Cloe asked flatly

"Yes, yes! It is all part of the plan!" Noruas exclaimed

"Yeah, woohoohoo. Cool." Cloe said, "What's going on out there anyway?"

"Well let's see…"

Elrond was mad. As usual.

Celeborn had just 'totally dissed' Elrond's new look.

He was dressed as a Spongebob loving, Goth-Hippy. He decided it was time he stopped hiding his true self and express his proper intentions to the world.

He had square pants over a tie-dyed robe with a black shirt pulled over that. He had his hair pulled up in pigtails with little pink rubber bands.

It really wasn't all that new, he just kept all adding stuff.

Everyone was strongly convinced that he had in fact gone psycho.

Elrond was currently taking his anger out on a Christmas tree that he tripped over in his rage.

"Don't you sass me tree!" he yelled and drop tackled it

He hooted and punched it. Elrond sat on the tree and pulled millions of its little needles out. He screamed every time one of the needles poked him.

Then he rolled over on his back and continued to punch the tree, but the tree seemed to defend itself and smacked Elrond in the face with its branches.

It seemed that the tree was winning this fight.

It was really, _really_ sad…

"Um, what's he doing?" Haldir asked as he walked passed with Aragorn

Elrond screamed as his hair got caught in the lights and hooks from the ornaments.

"Dude, that is so wrong." Haldir said, "Elrond, are you okay?"

"OOOH POOHOO!" Elrond replied and struggled more

"The doctor said there was no help for him." Aragorn whispered as they walked away, "But I didn't tell him. The doctor says it would get worse if he knew and it was either let him live out the rest of his days in blissful ignorance or put him in the mental hospital. They didn't know he was immortal…"

Haldir nodded sympathetically, "Is he fit to run the school?"

"Probably not, but who cares? This place is zoo anyway." Aragorn replied

"But he does act normal some of the time." Haldir stated

"Yeah the doctor said he would, but this one time he comes to my apartment at like 3am saying that he had a bad dream about a flying blender and other stuff." Aragorn said and shook his head, "When I asked him why he came to me, you know what he said?"

"What?"

"He said that he no one else on his floor liked him and after he came down to our floor he tried to talk to Legolas but a watermelon was throw at his head and Legolas chased him with a spork. Legolas…don't even get me started on that nut case. There's another fruit loop. The doctor said there was no help for him either." Aragorn informed nodding in Legolas' direction

He was skipping around in a circle singing 'Frosty the Snowman' and throwing fake snow in the air.

Haldir looked horrified, "But what was the rest of Elrond's bad dream about?"

"Oh yeah, It was about..." He lowered his voice even more, "…that Cheesy girl and her little friends. You know the ones?"

"Oh yes. I know those…" Haldir forced a smile and pointed to me, "…_Lovely_ Children."

"Yeah, I thought so, but in the dream they supposedly were attacking him with purple pigs that squeaked when you poked them." Aragorn said sadly, "He was scared stiff."

"That is terrible. I am beginning to believe that we are the only sane ones left." Haldir said sadly

Aragorn nodded seriously, "I agree."

"Soooo, ya want to go trash the teachers lounge?" Haldir suggested

Aragorn wooted loudly and ran off with Haldir to trash the teachers lounge.

Oh yeah, real sane.

I was having an engaging conversation with Pippin about the proper way to cook mushrooms when Jackie and Noliee walked past dragging an unconscious Caption Jack with them.

"Don't ask." Jackie said

"I won't." I replied

Noliee looked at me, I looked back.

"Merry Christmas!" She said in a deep creepy voice

I shuddered. Noliee scared me. I looked around for something and then…I saw it.

Fruitcake…

After the little 'incident' with the Spork, I developed a deathly fear of the stuff and there it was sitting in a big pile on one of the tables.

It was disgusting. I was revolted by the sight of it.

Frodo saw me looking at with huge scared eyes, much like his own, and walked over to me.

"Hi, are you scared of Santa too?" He asked and poked me

"…No…I don't like the fruit cake." I replied and motioned to the table that Celeborn had just appeared next to

Frodo looked over and frowned.

"Its not nice to talk about people that way. Imagine how poor Celeborn must feel about you thinking that he is a fruit cake." Frodo scolded

"Dude…I'm talking about the food!" I replied and stalked off in search of some one to talk to that wouldn't lecture me about calling people fruitcakes

I found Casey. She wouldn't talk about anything intelligent. Perfect!

"Hi Casey, what's up with you?" I asked and sat down in the chair beside her

She looked sad; she was frowning and looking at the floor.

"Will hates me!" she wailed

'Oh boy.' I thought and shook my head

"HE HATES ME!"

"Well, go back to being Legolas' fan girl."

Casey looked up at me interested.

"Yeah," then I lowered my voice to a whisper, "I probably shouldn't say anything, but…he misses you."

Casey's eyes widened, "Really!?"

I nodded, "Go find him! FETCH!"

Casey barked and ran off.

Legolas however was too busy harassing Gimli at the moment to notice the screaming Casey who was franticly searching for him.

"Hey Gimli, I have a surprise for you." Legolas said

Gimli grumbled, "What is it? Its probably something stupid. Like you."

Legolas sighed, "No. I want to apologize for being Soooo mean to you."

Gimli blinked, "This isn't a trick, is it elf?"

"No Gimli, no trick. All you have to do is follow me over to the middle of the gym, under the disco ball." Legolas said

"Well…okay then, I guess." Gimli said and followed Legolas over

'_Sucker!' '_Legolas thought smiling evilly

"Okay what is it? Where is the surprise?" Gimli asked once the were under the disco ball in the middle of the gym

"If I could please have everyone's attention for a moment please!" Legolas said

No one heard him, and the party continued.

"Hey!"

Still, no one paid any attention.

Legolas sighed, "HEY PEOPLE! **SHUT UP AND LOOK AT ME!"**

The music cut off and everyone stared at him.

"I have something to say to our dear friend Gimli!" Legolas announced

Gimli blinked.

"Wedgie…" Legolas whispered to Gimli

"What?!" Gimli exclaimed

"_**WEDGIE!"**_ Legolas yelled loud enough for people in China to hear

Then he pulled Gimli's underwear over is eyes.

Everyone just about busted up laughing. Even Galadriel laughed and that annoyed Gimli the most.

That STUPID, idiot, rude, pathetic elf, made him look like a fool in front of Galadriel yet again!

Gimli had been publicly humiliated for the last time!

He would have his revenge.

The only person in the gym not laughing, besides Gimli, was Elrond.

He untangled himself from the offending Christmas tree and stalked over to Legolas who was literally rolling on the floor with laughter.

Elrond grabbed him by the pointy ear and said in his most principle like voice: "Did you think that was funny?!"

Legolas stopped laughing instantly. So did everyone else

"Do you think wedgies are funny? Well, they're NOT! Really I excepted better from you Greenleaf! Wedgies are a horrible horrible thing. How do you think that Gimli feels? I for one do not think it is at all funny!" Elrond lectured

That was too much for me. Elrond lecturing Legolas was the funniest thing I had ever heard in my life. I laughed so loudly that I was screaming.

"And what is so funny!?" Elrond demanded and gave me that look he gave Merry and Pippin when he found of that they were listing in on the council

"You…are funny!" I laughed, "I remember YOU taking part in a wedgie yourself LORD Elrond!"

There was a collective gasp and 'Ooooooohhh' from everyone in the room.

If looks could kill I would exploded.

"That was BEFORE my therapy class!" Elrond hissed

This only made me laugh harder, "Well, I don't think the therapy class worked!"

There was another 'OOOOOOOOH' from everyone.

Elrond's left eyebrow was twitching violently and he had such an expression of disbelief on his face that it wasn't even funny.

Not wait…yes it WAS funny!

Elrond bellowed something at me and stalked out of the room, most likely to go call his therapist to get a stronger medication.

"Ooookay everyone!" Gandalf said, "I think now would be a good time for the gift exchange!"

OoooO

Oooh we are getting really close to the new chapters now. But you might have to wait a week ahahha. I'm going away to New Hampshire for a week to visit Jackie! Yup the one in the story. Don't forget to check out **my** **forum**. The link is in my profile!


	38. The Great Gift Exchange

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 38

Everyone at the Christmas party followed Gandalf over to the side of the gym and sat down on the floor.

Gandalf went over to a closet, unlocked it and opened it.

About 5 million brightly colored gift-wrapped boxes fell out, avalanche style, and clobbered Gandalf.

So, that was where he was keeping the gifts. Noliee and I had planned to sabotage the gift exchange but we could not figure out where the heck Gandalf had hid them.

He probably did this for the fact that someone with evil ideas (Aka: Almost everyone in the school, including _certain _teachers _Ahem Noruas, Galadriel, Elrond, Legolas, Gimli…) _would try and do something.

For once Gandalf actually used his brain to think of a good and sensible plan instead of using it think of assorted British toffees like he usually does.

Don't ask, it goes back to an incident involving Noliee and a big case of Spanish orange juice.

So anyways, back to what I was saying before…which was what?

Um…Oh yes!

Gandalf quickly got up from the mound of gifts and composed himself, well as much as one can if you are wearing a big fat Santa suit!

He coughed several times and dramatically selected a gift from the pile.

"The first of many gifts goes to…Gollum, from Galadriel." Gandalf and said and left of a fit of 'merry' Hohohohos

Gollum slunk forward and grabbed the box from Gandalf. Then, with a wild manic look at Frodo, Gollum ripped open the box.

Inside was a plant. A fern, to be exact.

Gollum smiled and ate it.

"HOHOHO! Next box goes to Casey, from Legolas." Gandalf announced and held out the box to her

Casey's eyes got big as she took the shiny green box and set it on her lap. VERY carefully, so she wouldn't upset the shiny wrapping paper, she opened it.

Inside was a snow globe, was a girl that looked a lot like Casey riding a horse over a pretty little snow landscape.

Casey gasped smiled hugely; I thought she was going to start crying. She loved horses and snow and if it was from 'Elfy', it was just the best thing in the whole world!

Casey then launched herself at Legolas, in true fan girl style, and hugged him tightly.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! It's the best thing I've ever gotten! I love you so much!" Casey exclaimed

The she looked at over at Will and hissed. No longer was she his fan girl. The towns people cheered and everyone lived happily ever after.

No, that's not right, now is it?

But…

Legolas actually hugged her back and allowed Casey to sit on his lap.

Gandalf just shook his head and I think I heard him mumble: "The things I put up with!"

But if indeed that's what was said he quickly covered it up with a jolly HOHOHOHO.

"The next set of boxes is from Anna to Casey, Jackie, Elrond, Aragorn and Noruas! Hohoho!" Gandalf exclaimed and gave us the boxes

Elrond, who was so excited to get something, ripped his box open first. It was the new season 2 of spongebob on DVD.

Elrond just about freaked out with happiness, he started shouting and waving it around.

Aragorn got his open next. It was a fancy arrangement of imported soaps.

He blinked several times and turned to Anna, "Are you implying something? Because I will have you know, that I bathe regularly!"

I got mine open next; it was platter of different cheeses from around the world.

"Shiny!" I exclaimed

Shiny, here meaning cool.

Jackie ripped off the wrapping paper of her gift box revealing a Jack Sparrow doll that squeaked when you hugged it.

Jackie smiled at Anna and thanked her.

Noruas ran over from the shadows and opened his box that was sitting on the floor waiting for him.

Inside was a PLASTIC replica of the one ring.

"FINALLY IT IS MINE! THE RING HAS RETURNED TO ITS RIGHTFULL OWNER! I SHALL RULE THE WORLD! MUAWAWAHAHAHAHAH!" Noruas exclaimed and put the ring on his little paw

Oh yeah, he was WAY too excited.

Gollum and Frodo gasped and rushed forward but one glace from Noruas and Frodo fainted. Gollum however leaped through the air and attacked Noruas!

They rolled around and ended up bursting through the doors of the gym and out into the hallway.

There was a silence and Sam hurried over to the passed-out Frodo and started fanning him.

Casey shook her head and opened her box. She got a Legolas doll, much like Jackie's Jack Sparrow one. This one also squeaked when you hugged it.

"HOHOHOHO!" shouted Gandalf

"Hey Ganta! Shut up and announce who gets the next present!" Noliee exclaimed

Ganta! I snorted, that was funny Noliee.

'Ganta' glared at her, "Hohoho! The next gift goes to Celeborn from Elrond!"

It was so big that Elrond didn't bother to wrap it up; he just put a bow on top.

Celeborn ran over to it and elaborately ripped off the bow and exclaimed: "It's a ping pong table! You do care!"

Elrond nodded, "So, you do like ping pong then?"

"YES!" Celeborn exclaimed, "I'm the best at it!"

"Well…I play you for the best title!" Elrond replied and ran over to the ping pong table as fast as the square pants would let him

Then they started slamming the ping-pong ball back and forth at inhuman speeds.

"HOHOHOH! Next gift is for Haldir from Noliee!" Ganta said happily and placed the large box in the middle of the floor

Haldir gasped and ran over to the box as fast as he could. He managed to trip over Merry and fell over.

Haldir then got up like nothing has happened and slowly walked over to the funny shaped object. He unwrapped it and found that it was a soft fluffy red chair that smelled like apples.

"Finally! I comfortable chair! The stupid ones the school has are so…stupid!" Haldir said and sat down in the chair, "HA! Now I have a cool chair and the rest of you people don't! Thanks Noliee!"

Noliee just smiled evilly like she always does.

"Hohoho! This one is for Pippin from Gimli!" Ganta exclaimed and tossed the box to Pippin

He ripped it open and waved the gift inside around.

"Hey! I've got a million dollars!" he said

"Actually, that's a book mark!" Gimli replied

"Oh…" Pippin said sadly

"Next present is for Galadriel from…hmm, anonymous? Who is anonymous? Oh well, HOHOHO!" Ganta said

Galadriel slowly stepped forward and took the gift.

Then she sat back down on the floor and opened it just as slowly but when she saw what was inside she gasped and screamed loudly!

"WHO DID THIS!" She demanded and held up the blue cat that was dyed 5 different shades of blue and its head almost ripped off

If you remember, Galadriel has a thing about blue cats since one of hers was 'vandalized' by the 'evil' Legolas.

"YOU!" She screamed and pointed at Legolas, "YOU HATE MY CATS! YOU WISH THEY WERE DEAD DON'T YOU! DON'T YOU! THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF SICK SICK JOKE? ISN'T IT? ISN'T IT! I HATE YOU! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She hooted like a monkey and charged Legolas. She leaped through the air; screaming and hollering like a mad woman.

Legolas shrieked and hid behind Casey, who wasn't much of a shield.

"I DIDN'T DO IT! I SWEAR!" Legolas insisted

Galadriel went all green and radioactive and stared foaming at the mouth. Celeborn gasped and ran her before she sliced Legolas' head off with a piece of wrapping paper that she was currently waving around like a sword. Her eyes went red and her head spun around.

She literally crawled over to him gasping and screaming and foaming and panting and totally spazzing out.

"Come on Galadriel dear, it time for your medication!" Celeborn said and pulled her away screaming and kicking

"**BEWARE LEGOLAS! I WILL GET YOU! I HAVE MY WAYS! I KNOW YOUR DADDY! I'LL TELL HIM WHAT YOU DID TO ME! HE WILL PUNISH YOU! _PUNISH YOU!_ YOU EVIL LITTLE TOAD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (HISS, SNARLE) YOU THINK YOU ARE SO GREAT, WELL, YOUR NOT! I HATE YOU AND ALL YOUR CAT HATINGNESS OF DOOM! DOOOMY! DOOOOOOOOOOM!" **Galadriel rambled as Celeborn pulled her out the door

Her random babblings about the doom of Legolas could be heard down the hall.

Legolas whimpered, curled up on a ball and rocked back and forth.

"I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it!" he chanted and started hyperventilating, "I hope she doesn't tell my dad! He'll go crazy like she did! I can't handle that again!"

From the corner where she was sitting, Noliee smiled evilly, this was just the reaction that she had hoped for when Galadriel opened HER gift. She liked her pranks so much that she considered joining Noruas.

Gandalf blinked rapidly, "Ooookaaayyy then. Hohohoho! The next gift goes to hmm, me! From Cheesy!"

He opened it, all excited to get something and took out the cute little hedgehog inside.

Ganta smiled and put the animal on his solder.

"How did you know that I wanted a hedgehog! That is amazing! It's the best thing you have done all year!" He exclaimed

"I have my way of knowing." I replied

"Well, thank you…HOHOHOHO, next present is for Frodo from Sam!"

Frodo blinked at Sam and took the shiny elaborate red box and opened it.

Frodo took out the cell phone and stared at it.

"It's a cellular phone Mr. Frodo. You can call me anytime and that way I will know if you need anything or if something has happened to you!" Sam explained, "I already added my number on it! And you can talk as much as you want! Don't worry about the phone bill! I'll pay it for you!"

Frodo just stared at him and nodded.

"Next box goes to Spazzy Magee from Pippin! Hohohoho!"

"Shiny!" Spazzy exclaimed and waved her blue furry slippers with bunny head on the top around

"This one is for Koala from Lynsay."

Koala opened it and looked at the 'Legolas off spray' not to be confused with 'Zombie off spray' or 'Fan girl spray'.

"Cool!" She exclaimed, "So do you have a whole bunch of 'Off' stuff?"

"Yes. I do." Lynsay replied with a nod, "I have an 'Off' for everything."

"So you have 'Elrond off'? " I asked

"And 'Celeborn off'?" Asked Elrond

"And 'Orc off'?" Aragorn asked

"And 'Evil Off'?" Asked Sam

"Yes! But you are not getting any! They are special and I only give them away on certain occasions! So, don't even ask!" Lynsay replied

"Hohohoho! Hohohohoo! Hohohohohoh! HOHOOHOHOHOOHOH! _HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOH!_**_HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!_ HOHOHOHO-**

Noliee slapped Gandalf.

"Oh, yes…Hohoho, this gift is for Aragorn from Legolas."

Aragorn ripped off and found that the gift was a furby.

He poked it and the furby opened its eyes.

"Oooday! Emoss! Tu!" The furby said

Aragorn pulled his hand away as if it was going to eat him.

"Isn't it cute?" Asked Legolas

"Well, that's not the word I would have chosen." Aragorn said and petted it

"I have five of them!" Legolas informed excitedly, "We can collect them together, and did you know that they can talk to each other? That is so cool isn't it! Huh? Huh?"

Aragorn stared at him, "You. Are. Creepy."

Legolas just smiled, "Eehehe…"

"Hohohohoho! Next gift is for Merry from Elrond! YAY!"

I looked around at everyone.

"_They are all spazzes." _I thought

It was then that Galadriel came back escorted by Celeborn.

She still looked half crazy but tamer now. She was blinking and her mouth that was slightly open curled up unto a frown/snarl when she saw Legolas.

He just stared blankly.

Aragorn looked at Haldir and whispered: "Crazy, I tell ya! And its getting worse!"

By then Merry had his gift open, it was a box of permanent markers. Quite a stupid choice by Elrond, now Merry could do permanent damage.

He smiled at Pippin, and Pippin smiled back.

"HOHOHOH! Next gift is for Cheesy from Jackie!"

"Paper clips!" I exclaimed and hugged Jackie

It was tradition for us to get each other paper clips.

"HOHOHO-

"Must you say that every time?" Anna exclaimed

"Yes! I must _HOHOHO_! This is for Laseri from, Aragorn!"

"SKIS!" She exclaimed and skated around the gym

However this didn't work and she ended up running into ping pong table and knocking over Elrond and Celeborn who ended up fighting.

"This is for Casey from Gimli! Hohoho!"

"Oooh shiny, what is it?" She asked once she got her box open

"It's a magic wand! I was hopping that you would turn THE Elf into underwear or something." Gimli said

"Why does everyone hate me!" Legolas exclaimed

" 'Cause you are annoying." Aragorn replied

Legolas thunked his cast against Aragorn's head.

"Well, I hate all of you too!"

Casey pointed the wand at Gandalf and turned his hat into a frog.

"Give that to me!" Gandalf demanded

"No!" Casey replied and was about to turn Ganta into underwear when Gollum came slinking back, holding his arm out in front of like it was hurt mumbling about 'The Nasssty pink kitty'

Gollum got in the way of the underwear spell and got himself turned into a giant pair of orange underpants.

Gandalf growled and snatched the wand from Casey. He snapped it in half and basted the pieces to the void of Mordor.

"Never give power to a fool!" he said going into all mighty wizard mode

Then he switched back to happy Santa mode.

"Hohoho! Next gift goes to Galadriel from Cheesy!"

Galadriel smiled evilly at the video camera, the things she could do with it!

"Hohoho! Next is for Aragorn from Frodo!"

Aragorn ripped off the paper reveling the video titled 'How to do the Frodo Chicken Dance, by the master himself Frodo.'

Aragorn smiled hugely and made some weird hand motion to Frodo.

Frodo grinned and returned the gesture.

"Hohohoho! And this goes to Anna from Galadriel!"

"Ohh shiny bottle, what is it?" Anna asked

"It is a genie." Galadriel said calmly

"Cool! So I get 3 wishes!" Anna exclaimed

"Yes."

"Well, okay! I wish-

"NOT NOW! Hohohoho! Next present is for everyone from Koala." Gandalf said and passed out the little plastic toilets filled with mustard

Noliee laughed and hers at Gandalf. Mustard splattered all over him.

-.-! "HO HO HO! Next gift is for Casey from The Lady of Randomness." Ganta hissed and wiped the mustard off his face

Casey grinned in a creepy manor when she saw the CD that she had gotten: The insane Album for lunatics.

She put it in her CD player that she wasn't suppose to have and started singing.

"Hohoho! Next gift goes to Gimli from Galadriel!"

Gimli was SO thrilled that Galadriel had actually cared enough to get him something that he ran…no, sprinted! Over to Ganta and grabbed the box.

He thanked Galadriel before he even opened it and sat down.

Gimli happily started the take of unwrapping the gift with a huge smile on his face. But when he saw what was inside the smile instantly vanished from his face.

It was a giant pair of underwear that said: "WEDGIE DWARFY!" across them.

Legolas and Galadriel busted up laughing. They high fived each other and did this weird handshake thing (that involved clapping and 'booty shaking') like they were best friends and the blue cat thing never happened.

Gimli was too embarrassed to say anything. He just frowned and shook his head. Galadriel, his sweet Galadriel had been corrupted by…by that horrible elf!

"Hohohoho! Next two shiny box go to Hmm, Me! From Sam and someone that signed Funky Chicken Muffin" Gandalf said happily and ripped it opened them

The one for Sam turned out to be a megaphone.

"MUWAWAHAHAHAH! NOW I CAN YELL AT PEOPLE REALLY LOUDLY YAY!" Ganta exclaimed his voice blasting through the megaphone

All the elves in the room screamed.

The second gift was a hat the said 'Caution Old people, go slow'.

Ganta smiled and put the hat on.

"HOHOHOHO! Next three gifts are for Noliee from Pippin, Aragorn from Sam and Galadriel from Haldir."

Noliee had hers opened first, it was a stop watch, but not any normal stopwatch, no this was a PRANK stop watch.

Noliee giggled evilly and thanked Pippin. A great gift from one prankster to another.

Galadriel held up her new fortune telling cards and waved them around.

"Pick a card!" she shouted and shoved the cards in my face

I selected one.

"Okay…"

"Yes…I THE magical Galadriel will now tell you that...A pink roll of toilet paper will attack your home!" Galadriel informed

"Well…that was stupid." Jackie said

Aragorn smiled and put the spandex book cover that he had just received over head. The he stood up and danced around.

"Woot! I'm BATMAN!" He exclaimed and pretended to fly around the gym

"HOHOHOHO! The next gift is for someone called…The French Chipmunk?" Ganta said and held out the box, "Anyone here by that name? Well, anyways its from Cheesy."

A girl in the back stood up and ran to the front.

"Yep! That's me!" She shouted, grabbed the box and opened it

Inside was an enormous box chocolate!

"HOHOHOHO! This is for Jackie from Cheesy." Gandalf said

"YAY!" Jackie shouted and put the parrot hat on her head

"Only a few left now!" Gandalf exclaimed and pushed the remaining gift out of the closet, "Hohoho! This is for Noliee from Haldir!"

Noliee ripped it open and gasped loudly.

It was a bag of Meow Mix.

"How did you know?" She exclaimed and poked Haldir

Then she fell to her knees and bowed down to the bag of Meow Mix.

"I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" she screamed

Noliee's entire family worships Meow Mix. DO NOT ask.

"Okay Haldir, you are my new best friend okay? We need to like hang out sometime or something. No normal person could possibly know about the meow mix! Okay, so can we go to the mall or somewhere? Huh?" Noliee asked eyes wide

"Uhh, okay." Haldir replied inching away from her

"HOHOHOHO! These next two gifts are for…Me, YAY, from Pippin, and for Elrond from Laseri."

Elrond squealed, yes squealed, when he saw his new stuffed Spongebob. He hugged it and squealed again.

Gandalf also squealed when he saw his gift. It was one of those make your own teddy bear things.

"OHOHOHOH!" He said happily as he hugged the teddy bear, "The next gifts go to Abby from Merry, Legolas from The French Chipmunk and to Pippin from Hanna."

Abby smiled and danced around with her new stereo system that was playing some random song.

Pippin hooted loudly and ripped the box in half, his present, a stuffed mushroom, went flying across the room. Pippin gasped and ran after it.

Legolas tore the paper off the thing her got and just about screamed when he saw what it was.

A fluffy pink Elephant plushy.

He eyes got big and he hugged it. Tightly.

Actually, it was quite disturbing.

"HOHOHOHOHZEBRAOHOHOHOHO! HOOOT HOOOT HOOT! HOOOHOHTURKEYOHOHOOHOHOUND! AND THE LAST GIFT GOESE TO HALDIR FROM JACKIE!" Gandalf announced and made the elaborately wrapped gift float over to him

I looked at Jackie and she smiled no smirked, back.

Could it be? No, she wouldn't, the power was too great!

"What's this?" Haldir said as he opened the last present and pulled out a massive cookie.

"A Woot Cookie!" Jackie sad happily, "But make sure you don't say-"

"Woot Cookie?" Haldir said as he stared at the cookie, completely disregarding what Jackie had just started to say.

At that instant, the cookie flew out of Haldir's hands and landed on the ceiling.

"What was that about?" he asked Jackie.

"Well, when you say woot it-" Jackie began.

Cookie crumbs seemed to be falling in the air around them. Everyone looked up. The Woot Cookie was slamming itself into the ceiling. A spider web of cracks soon appeared.

Then, a massive whole. Distant whistling could be heard from the Woot Cookie as it floated around outside, sprinkling chocolate chips on everyone.

"Do tell!" I said to Jackie.

"Well, it all began many many years ago in a land far far away," Jackie began, "When the royal emperor Chi Ghu Woot was bored. He needed a hobby. So Chi Ghu Woot consulted his royal advisor wizard, Gandalf-"

"Gandalf! How did you hear this story?" Gandalf demanded instantly leaving happy Santa mode and entering irate wizard mode

"Why does everyone keep interrupting me!" Jackie complained," I know everything, remember! Including your past!"

"Oh, okay!"

"So the royal advisor, Gandalf, told Chi Ghu Woot to take up baking. Chi Ghu Woot went straight down to the kitchens and demanded to be taught how to bake. Everyone laughed, they had all heard of Chi Ghu Woot's wonderful toast making talent. Black smoke from burnt toast still lingered over the part of Chi Ghu Woot's castle where he had burned his toast. Eight years ago.

Then Chi Ghu Woot had all the cooks fired for laughing at him. Gandalf then mentioned that he had some baking experience and would happily teach Chi Ghu Woot.

Chi Ghu Woot agreed and they set off to make chocolate chip cookies. Now, what you must understand is that Gandalf secretly did not like Chi Ghu Woot. He saw the cruelty and brutality with which the empire was run. Gandalf simply could not pretend he didn't. He had to do something.

So, when Chi Ghu Woot was attempting to get his sleeve out of the blender, Gandalf slipped a chocolate chip onto the tester cookie which they were going to use to get the perfect oven temperature. His chip, however, was special. If all went well, the eater would turn into a chocolate ship cookie."

"But, Jackie," Casey interrupted, "Why would Gandalf want to turn into a cookie. Shouldn't he be trying to save the empire?"

Jackie rolled her eyes and continued, "Gandalf put the cookie with the special chip into the oven and timed it for 10 minutes. When the timer buzzed, he extracted the cookie and handed it to Chi Ghu Woot to try.

Upon eating the cookie, Chi Ghu Woot became a massive chocolate chip cookie. Angrily, the cookie flew out the open window, sprinkling down chocolate chips in an effort to get rid of the one that had cursed him.

Legends spread of this angry cookie, it was now called the Woot Cookie. To awaken it, you simply must look it in the face and say 'Woot'.

It seeks to be free and regain its empire. Now that you have set it free, after I kept it safe for 13 years, we are going to have to catch it and put it back to sleep."

"How?" Haldir asked, "And why one Middle Earth would you give me something like that!"

"I don't know..." Jackie admitted.

"So much for knowing everything!" Gandalf said angrily, "You should have given the cookie straight to me. Now we have to go and find it!"

"Yay," said Noliee flatly, "Another stupid quest to get back something stupid and destroy it in some stupid way. I'll go get my back pack!"

So the Christmas party ended in that weird way, now we have to go get a cookie!

OoooO

Ha! so there is one of my favorite chapters. Only one more chapter and then it is the totally new stuff. I would like to inform all of you that my trip to New Hampshire to visit Jackie was AWESOME! We had lots of fun and I would further go into detail but I dont want my story deleted again and now I'm not even sure if we can still answer our reviews. So, until I am sure that it is ok to still do that I sadly wont be replying to any. meh, admin is stupid. But if you wanna talk to me there is link for my forum at the top of my profile as well as my email address and AOL AIM screenname.

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

Turk-out ma homies! heheeheh


	39. The Woot Cookie!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 39

(Hello everyone, this chapter was written entirely by my partner in crime!)

Haldir frowned, "So does this mean that I have to go get the cookie?"

"Yep" Jackie smiled.

Gandalf's face was becoming redder than an angry tomato.

"JACKIE! What were you thinking?"

Jackie smiled innocently.

"That's right! You weren't Elrond is going to flip!" Gandalf roared.

At the mention of his name, Elrond came storming into the room.

"What did Cheesy do now?" he asked.

"Hey! I'm innocent! It was Jackie." I said

Jackie coughed a cough that sound peculiarly like "lying turkey mushroom head"

"Tsk tsk Cheesy. We all know it was your idea" Jackie said.

I scowled, "Your point being?"

"LOOK!" Elrond said pointing his finger at the assembled group of students and LOTR characters.

Everyone turned around to see what he was looking at.

"No, over here," Elrond said calmly, "Now, someone tell me what the problem is."

He had obviously taken some medication.

Gandalf quickly explained what Jackie had done and what they had to do now.

"Alright. Anyone who actually cares about an evil cookie taking over the world and would like to help come to my office." Elrond said, a defeated look on his face.

A small group of students including Me, Jackie, Noliee, Casey, and several others followed Elrond, the teachers all close behind.

The group walked into what looked like a normal principal's office. Elrond clapped his hands and the room extended so that everyone could fit in. Then the furniture in the office disappeared.

A small pedestal appeared in the middle of the room. Chairs were scattered around the pedestal.

Everyone sat down.

"This shall be the Fellowship of the Cookie!" Elrond commanded from his special chair.

"WAIT!" I ran up to Elrond, "There isn't anything on the pedestal!"

"So...put something there. I really don't care," Elrond said impatiently.

I fished through my pocket and selected a piece of moldy cheddar cheese. I walked up and placed it on the pedestal.

"So it is true..." Boromir said.

"The Doom of Man..." someone else said.

"What doom?" Boromir said, very confused, "I just meant it's true that Cheesy is waaay over obsessed  
with cheese."

Haldir frowned, "Does it really matter? Can we just get this little meeting over with?"

"Alright," Elrond said, "So, Jackie gave Haldir a cookie, Haldir let it go, the cookie turned out to be the long dead emperor Chi Ghu Woot who has returned to seek revenge upon the world. Any questions so far?"

No one answered.

"Okay, so, who will go find the cookie?" Elrond asked.

"I will find the cookie!" Haldir said and stood off to the side.

"Well, this is partially my fault so I'll go too." Jackie decided and stood with Haldir.

Eowyn smiled, I'm not missing this!" She ran over to Jackie and Haldir.

Finally, the assembled group was Jackie, a girl with curly blonde hair and blue eyes named Cacia, Haldir, Eowyn, Legolas and Aragorn.

"You shall be the Fellowship of the Cookie!" Elrond said.

The group smiled.

"Wait," Casey said from the doorway, "Elfys'  
going!"

"Duh," Elrond said.

Casey ran towards the assembled group, Pippin at her side.

"We're coming too!" Pippin announced.

Elrond smiled to himself, "Nine companions. So be it."

"So," Casey said, "Where are we going?"

"Did you miss that whole thing?" Haldir asked.

"Yup."

"Great."

"Well, let's start by searching the school. Maybe the cookie is hiding out." Haldir suggested.

"Oh yes, I'm SURE that's it!" Legolas said sarcastically.

"Well you never know!" Eowyn defended Haldir.

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Let's just get going."

"WAIT!" Cacia said.

Everyone turned to look at the short, curly-haired girl. Cacia reached into her pocket and pulled out a rather large box.

"What's that?" Pippin asked.

Cacia answered by reaching in and tossing a bundle of orange clothing at everyone.

Aragorn opened his bundle. Inside laid a pair of orange gloves and boots. Next to the boots and gloves, was an orange ski mask. They were wrapped in a bright orange cloak.

"Cool!" Aragorn exclaimed. He quickly put on the outfit.

The rest of the group also opened their bundles and found identical outfits.

"You just happened to have these on hand?" Eowyn exclaimed.

"Never leave home without them!" Cacia said.

"By the way, do you even go to our school? I've never seen you before," Eowyn said. "I just transferred...I came right after the gift exchange. I was supposed to get my schedule at that dudes office and you all happened to be in there." Cacia explained.

"Oh, okay!" Eowyn said.

Everyone put on their outfits except Casey.

"Case face? What's the matter with your outfit?" Legolas asked her.

"Did you just call me Case Face, Elfy?" Casey said, looking up.

"Yes, I do believe I did," Legolas said, "Why won't you put on you outfit?"

"It clashes."

"It clashes?" Legolas asked, confused.

"She means it doest match!" Jackie said as she rolled her eyes and examined Casey's outfit.

Casey happened to be wearing a pair of blue jeans that were the style that made them look like they had been dragged through a sewer. She wore a maroon and orange shirt with a cream colored jacket over it. On her head was a hot pink bucket.

"And the rest of her outfit does?" Haldir whispered to Aragorn.

Aragorn snickered.

Casey pouted, "I heard that!"

"Get over it." Pippin commanded.

"I'll wear mine if Elfy will wear his," Casey said.

Everyone turned to Legolas.

"I don't want to wear this skunky outfit!" Legolas complained.

"What does skunky mean?" Aragorn asked.

"I think it means super awesome," Cacia said, "But then again, I'm not an illiterate duck like some people."

"How dare you insult Elfy!" Casey screamed.

Legolas looked embarrassed, "Fine!"

Casey and Legolas both put on their outfits.

"Okay, can we get started now? Or are there any more outfit changes or random events?" Haldir asked.

A bunch of bananas fell through the ceiling of Elrond's office (Which they still hadn't left)

"That is so not funny!" Haldir exclaimed.

Finally, the Fellowship of the Cookie left the office.

"Let's go to the lunchroom!" Pippin suggested, "I mean, it is a cookie!"

"Not a bad idea..." Aragorn said.

"I'm hungry!" Casey complained.

"So..." Cacia answered, "Why should we care?"

Casey turned to stare a death stare at Cacia but walked into someone wearing a long black cloak.

"Oops, sorry!" Casey exclaimed.

The person had fallen to the floor and was struggling to get up.

"Here, let me help you," Jackie said, extending a hand.

The person quickly sat up and reached for the hand.

Jackie pulled away.

"Oww!" Jackie exclaimed, "It hit me!" She pulled back a sleeve to show a bruise forming across her hand.

Everyone looked at the person still on the floor. Finally, it got up and began to walk away quickly.

Legolas reached into his pocket (yes pocket) and pulled out his bow and arrows. He aimed an arrow at the hem of the cloak of the person walking away.

As the person continued walking, the cloak fell off their shoulders to reveal...

"The Cookie!" Haldir exclaimed.

"GET IT!" Aragorn yelled.

The group dashed towards the cookie, which was now rolling at a surprisingly fast speed toward a classroom.

"Get it quick!" Eowyn yelled.

"Where are we?" Casey asked.

Jackie looked around. The hallway did look unfamiliar.

"I'm not sure!"

Legolas put on an extra burst of speed and did a flip. He landed an inch from the Woot Cookie. The Woot Cookie rolled in a doorway and into the room beyond.

"It went in there!" Cacia yelled.

Cacia and the others ran into the classroom and immediately stopped.

OoooO

They seemed to be in a branch of Elrond's office, for Elrond was present in the room. He and Sam were doing the Frodo Chicken Dance to the song "Celebration"

"So this is what happens when we aren't around!" Pippin exclaimed.

Elrond turned around quickly and shut off the music.

Elrond opened his mouth, probably to defend himself, when he noticed what the group was wearing.

"What on Middle Earth are you wearing?" Elrond exclaimed.

Sam was looking around the room. He muttered weirdos.

"And what's that noise?" Elrond asked.

Then, they all heard it too, a soft voice calling "woot, woot, woot"

The Woot Cookie was slowly rolling out the window.

"Gotta go!" Haldir said to Elrond. The group jumped out the window.

"Hold up," Aragorn said to the others as they flew through the air, "Isn't Elrond's office on the 19th floor?"

"Yup"

"So, were falling nineteen stories?" Aragorn asked.

"Yup"

"Great"

"What's that big blue and black thingy that we're heading for?" Eowyn asked.

"I dunno" Pippin said.

"Maybe its a trampoline." Legolas said.

"Oh yes! I'm sure that there just happens to be a giant trampoline right where we land when we jump off a building!" Cacia said sarcastically.

The group landed on a rather large trampoline.

Cacia scowled, "Well you can't always depend on stuff like that happening!"

"When you're with us, you can!" Jackie exclaimed happily.

They all continued to bounce up and down on the trampoline.

"Hey-look-at-that!" Legolas said in between jumps.

Everyone looked at where he was pointing.

"It's a line of chocolate chips! From the Woot Cookie!" Eowyn exclaimed.

"MEOW MIX!" Aragorn said.

"That was one of the most out-of-character phrases I've ever heard!" Casey exclaimed, "Don't you think so, Legolas?"

Legolas looked up, "I knew I had been having too much fun…did you just speak in a complete sentence and call me Legolas!"

"He's right!" Jackie exclaimed, "I don't think I've  
heard Casey call Legolas, Legolas at all since...I don't know…"

"I know!" Haldir said, "Maybe Aragorn and Casey are acting out of character because they're having allergic reactions."

"To what?" Jackie asked.

"I don't know! She's your friend!""Well," Aragorn said, looking down, "I am allergic to cookies."

"You're what!" everyone said.

(gasp) Casey gasped, "me too!"

"So you guys decided to come! And get sick! And act of out of character!" Pippin exclaimed.

"Yup." Aragorn and Casey said together.

"Not the brightest light bulbs in the box, are we?" Cacia said sarcastically.

Casey's eyes narrowed, her ears turned bright red, her hair stood on end, fire squirted out of her ears.

Then, she became calm once more.

"Cacia, get lost," Casey said calmly, "You've done nothing but insult us all day and...You're fired!"

"Wow," Jackie said, "That's how the winners do it."

Cacia frowned.

"I give you pretty outfits, good advice and this is what you do!" she screamed.

"Yup."

"Well, if you need me, I'll be unleashing the Woot Cookie on the world. Later," Cacia said and walked away.

"Do you think she's serious?" Haldir asked.

Eowyn thought for a moment, "Without a doubt."

"Perhaps we should get moving..." Aragorn said.

"Wait!" Jackie said, "What about you and Casey?"

"What about us?" Casey asked.

"You're allergic to cookies!"

"So..."

"Maybe you shouldn't come." Jackie suggested.

"Tsk. You lot are stuck with us, right Case Face?" Aragorn announced.

Casey nodded.

"Let's go! Pippin said.

And so, holding hands and singing the Follow the Chocolate Chip Road song, they continued on their quest.

"Oh!" 

Follow the chocolate chip road!  
La dum de dum de dumm dummm  
Follow the chocolate chip road!"

"Look! The road's leading to the school!" Haldir pointed out.

"Look, there are footprints next to the chips!" Pippin announced, pointing downward.

"Oh no! Cacia! Run!" Jackie yelled.

The group dropped each other's hands and stopped their singing. They dashed through the double doors in front of the school.

OoooO

"Come, little furry ones!" Gandalf said from the middle of the hallway. He was herding his sheep across the hallway into the grassy paddock he had made out of a classroom. Gandalf looked up sharply at the sound of pounding feet. He saw a group of people wearing disgustingly ugly orange outfits.

"AH! Dead orange skiers from Mount Doom!" Gandalf yelled.

He grabbed his sheep into his arms and carried them into the paddock.

The trail of chocolate chips was leading the Fellowship of the Cookie through a maze of classrooms and forgotten hallways. Who forgot them, we may never know.

Pippin gasped and started jumping up and down.

"I was right! I was right! I was right!" he yelled.

"What?" everyone said.

"It is in the lunchroom!" Pippin announced.

Everyone looked down at the trail. It was indeed heading for the lunchroom.

They burst through the lunchroom doors. Cacia sat on top of a table hunched over something.

"Oh no! We're too late! She's going to use the cookie to take over the world!" Haldir sighed.

Cacia turned around slowly.

Everyone gasped.

"Cacia, why are you eating Chi Ghu Woot the evil Cookie?" Legolas asked her.

And she was indeed eating the cookie.

"Wow," Jackie said, "That's how the winners do it."

Cacia finished the cookie and took a sip of milk.

She held out one finger to symbolize 'one moment'

Cacia reached for her neck and pulled at a piece of string. A mask, complete with curly blonde hair came off. Inside it was-

"CHEESY!" Jackie squealed, "What was the point of  
that!"

"Well, I wanted a cookie!" I said.

Everyone sighed and rolled their eyes.

"Woot!" I hiccuped.

"Heheheheh!" Jackie said.

At that moment, Gandalf, Elrond, and Sam stormed in.

"Anything you want to share with us?"

"Not really, no." Jackie replied

"Haven't you learned by now not to ask?" I said laughing


	40. When you Give a Dwarf a Swirly

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 40

(This is all the new stuff from here on out! Let Cheesy's newfound inspiration of humor begin! WOOOT!)

(January…FINALLY)

Gimli casually strolled down the hall carrying a closed cardboard box. When he got to the end of the hall he stopped whistling _'Baby got Back'_ and entered the main office. He waved to Eowyn who was sorting papers.

"Hello Gimli what do you need?" she asked in a bored tone

Office work was clearly not for her.

"Hi there Eowyn, I have a delivery for Elrond, can I take it into him?" he asked and held out the box

"Oh yeah, go ahead in." she said and waved him on

"Thanks." Gimli said and walked merrily in to Elrond's Office

Elrond was sitting at his desk playing with his spongebob action figures. He quickly put them away when he saw Gimli.

"Oh Gimli! Hello, I didn't here you come in!" Elrond said smiling sheepishly as he stuff the action figures into the desk

Gimli returned the smile but it was a very evil smile, and he shut the door to Elrond's office and shut off all the lights.

"Gimli? Wha…what are you doing?" Elrond asked staring at the short dark shadow that was slowly advancing on him

Gimli opened the box and took out a rope.

"What are you doing with that rope? What's going on here!" Elrond demanded and back against the wall as Gimli jumped up on the desk in front of him

"What am I doing?" Gimli asked menacingly, "I am talking my revenge against all you elves!"

With that said, Gimli let out a war cry and jumped at Elrond who screamed like a little girl and ran off in the direction of the door. But Gimli beat him to it, he tackled Elrond, hog-tied him, shoved one of Aragorn's gym socks in his mouth and duck taped his mouth.

Then Gimli took Elrond's shiny headband, placed it on his own head, gave Elrond an underwear-over-the-eyes wedgie and tied him in the closet upside down.

After that, Gimli laughed evilly for a long, long time.

OoooO

It was the new semester of school and we were sitting in our art class painting pictures of sneaker shoes. Why, we weren't sure, but Arwen the teacher told us to so we did anyway. Little did we know that our normal day was about to get totally twisted in a really strange way.

"Casey? Casey? What are you doing?" Arwen asked when she saw that Casey was wildly slapping paint on her paper and the result was no sneaker of earth

"I am expressing myself, my mom told me its good to express yourself. So go away shiny elf lady and let me express! EXPRESS!" Casey shouted and whacked Arwen across the face with her paintbrush leaving a big red streak.   
"Casey! That was very rude of you!" Arwen yelled   
She went on to say something else about paintbrushes and hitting people with them but I tuned her out when I saw a dwarf running down the hallway in the direction of the auditorium. 

I poked Noliee, who was sitting next to me reading a magazine instead of doing her work; she didn't even look up when she replied.

"What is it Cheesy?"

"A dwarf that wasn't Gimli just went running down the hall what do you suppose that means?" I asked

Noliee looked up from her reading with a weird expression on her face, "What _are_ you talking about?"

"I just saw a dwarf!"

"Okay then, that's nice." She replied and returned to her magazine

"I mean it Noliee! I think something is going on!"

"Like what? So there is an extra dwarf in the building, who cares. Just another person to annoy." Noliee said and leaned forward at our art table

"Nicole Ann Lee!" Arwen screeched, "Why are you not doing your work that I assigned?"

Noliee's head snapped up and she growled like an angry bull. You _never_ used Noliee's real name.

"I was expressing myself, isn't that right Casey?" Noliee replied glaring at Arwen

"Huh?" Casey asked looking around at the sound of her name

"I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see that sneaker drawn Nicole!" Arwen replied

"My name…" she slowly and angrily, "…is NOLIEE! GOT IT? NOLIEE! This _Nicole _of which you speak is not here!"

"Oh whatever," Hanna said trying to get Noliee to stop, "What are we drawling a sneaker for anyway?"

"That's what I'd like to know." Lynsay added

Arwen sighed as if it was the stupidest question ever, "Each of you are different. That means each of your sneakers will be different and how you draw them says different things about your special qualities that are uniquely you."

"Uh-Huh, so what does it mean about me if my sneaker looks like a dead cat being swung around by its tail?" I asked and held up my picture

If you tilted you head to the side and scrunched up you nose you could clearly see the cat. Arwen appeared to be at a loss for words. I guess she saw the cat too.

"Right then, very good Rachel." She said and smiled a very fake, very forced smile

I growled much in the same manner as Noliee.

"I am MISS THE CHEESE TUREKY and you shall address me a such!" I said as I stood on my chair and stood there in a heroic pose

Then the chair fell over and fell to the floor.

"I'm okay!" I said and held up my hand

Arwen rolled her eyes and pouted, "Do you want me to get Daddy in here! I'm sure he won't be happy to be disturbed from his important work!"

"Oooh no not daddy!" Noliee mocked

She grabbed on to Hanna and they both pretended to be scared.

"What do you even know about art?" someone asked

"I'm an elf! Elves know _everything_ about art, music and stories!" she replied

"Oh I bet you do. Then tell us something oh wise teacher." I said and crossed my arms

"No! I don't have to tell you anything! I'm calling daddy! You people are out of control!" she wined and picked up the phone

But 'Daddy' wasn't there. Instead Gimli picked up.

"Gimli? Where's Daddy?" Arwen asked surprised to hear Gimli, "Huh what's that? 'He's tided up at the moment'? Okay, well just tell him I called. Thanks."

But there would be no call from Elrond…

I suddenly gasped and dropped my paintbrush it fell to the floor splattering red paint all over my shoes.

"Something is going to happen!" I announced loudly

"Since when did you acquire Galadriel powers?" Hanna asked

"I-

Suddenly the loudspeaker hissed and there was a sound of tapping on a microphone.

"AHEM? Is this thing on! Oh…Hello children and staff of this school building this is Gimli, you new overlord speaking. All of you please report to the auditorium for a very impressive speech delivered by myself over the school broadcasting system complete with full video coverage. Failure to comply with my order to report to the auditorium will result in very unpleasant thing to happen to Elrond…that is all…"

"SEE! I TOLD YA'LL SOMETHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!" I yelled and waved my arms around

OoooO

Once we were all gathered in auditorium and seated, all these dwarf sprung up from holes in the ground, all carrying little shovels. The came in the hundreds and surrounded all the exits so no one could get out. The large TV screen was lowered over the stage and everyone got quite when the picture came on and showed Gimli.

He was standing on Elrond's desk in Elrond's office, wearing Elrond's shiny robe that was much too big for him and wearing Elrond's shiny headband. He had his hand behind his back and looked quite serious.

"Greeting all of you. I imagine all of you wonder what is going on here and why I am proclaiming my lordship over this pathetic vile learning establishment where no learning goes on at all. As you can see, there are several hundred of my kind blocking all exits to this auditorium. No one is to leave during my speech…and NO CASEY…there will be no bathroom breaks."

Casey, who had just opened her mouth to ask that very thing, blinked wildly and stared in amazement.

"Now that that is out of the way I can continue…Some of you may be able to guess why this is happening and for those of you to stupid to understand I will now explain.

"For the past few months I have been wrongly harassed by a certain elf that all of you know. There were slandering insults against me and the race of dwarves, repeated putdowns about me being vertically challenged, certain incidents involving my undergarments to be wrongly exposed, and disruptions during my classes. And it started from being just this one elf to all the elves. And the one elf, that I had strong feelings for, teemed up with the malevolent elf that first mocked me and conspired against me at the Christmas party…

"At first I laughed it off, and even fought back but a few days ago something happened to me that I could not forgive. The horrible elf that stared all this snuck up on me, gave me another one of these 'Wedgies' and the proceeded to flush my head in the waste disposal unit, commonly referred to as the toilet."

Gimli paused here and closed his eyes as if the mere thought of the swirly hurt him. When he continued he seemed quite angry.

"This act of sabotage was completely undignified, disgusting, uncalled for and down right rude! GET THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW GREENLEAF!" Gimli screamed into the camera

Legolas, who was in fact smirking, stopped immediately.

"I have been wronged for the last time! That was the last straw! I have been tolerant, and fair to these unspeakable acts and will take no more of this! I am taking over this school now in an attempt to abolish this vile elven rule! HERE ME NOW DWARVES! I AM ABOUT TO SPEAK TO YOU OF REVOLUTION!

"We will not take anymore of this degrading to our being! JOIN WITH ME and we will put an end to this once and for all! THIS SHALL BE THE DOWN FALL OF THE ELVES!"

All the dwarves in the room cheered and there was more thunderous cheering from down the halls.

"WE SHALL DESTORY this elven establishment brick my brick! NOW HEAR MY PLAN DWARVES AND SLOBS…Shut up you stupid pink cat! IT IS MY WORD NOW!"

Noruas looked around wildly from where he was sleeping under a chair.

Gimli held up a roll of toilet paper before he continued, "Dwarves! With this toilet paper we will vandalize this school!"

Then he held up a can of spray paint, "WITH this spray paint we will vent our rage by composing well deserved and well constructed insults against the elves! Finally mocking their kind in our well deserved settling of scores!"

Next he held up scissors, "With these scissors we shall cut off all that precious hair that those brainless Elves like so much!"

He was really getting excited now and started panting when the camera changed to show a large tank of water large enough to flood the school.

"AND WITH THIS WATER WE SHALL CLEANSE THIS SOILED LEARNING ESTABLISHMENT FROM THE FILTH OF ELVES!"

All the dwarves went wild.

"We are tired of being told what to do! We are tired of being made fun of at the wrong end of poorly constructed Elven jokes. I WILL CONQUER THIS PLACE AND TRIUMPH OVER THE ELVES!

"MIGHTY DWARVES! Do not let them put you down! DO NOT LET THEM FEEL SUPERIOR FROM OUR MISFORTUNES! I will have order; rule…**I WILL HAVE THE WORLD! **ALL SHALL BOW DOWN THE MIGHT AND POWER OF ME! GIMLI SUPREME OVERLORD OF ALL THAT YOU SEE ON THIS GREEN EARTH! HAIL GIMLI!

He was really, _really_ excited now he was jumping around on Elrond's desk screaming, throwing and kicking and waving his arms in the air!

"**I AM GIMLI! HEAR MY NAME AND FEAR IT! ALL SHALL LOVE AND FEAR GIMLI! KNOW ME! FEAR ME! I SHALL BE LORD OF ALL UNIVERSES! MASTER OF ALL THINGS LIVING AND DEAD! I DECLARE MYSELF GRAND SUPREME RULER OVERLORD OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING ELES!"**

He suddenly stopped panting and gasping for air. Then his face became unreasonably calm and he opened his mouth…

"And you know what? You know what all this sums up too?"

Gimli took a deep breath and shouted at the top of his lungs until he was red in the face…

_**THIS MEANS WAR LEGOLAS GREENLEAF! MUWAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAMUWHAHAHAHHAHHAHAAHHAHAAMUWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAMUWHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" **_

With that final thought the screen faded to black and all the dwarves cheered madly. It was so loud I couldn't hear myself think. It was in that moment that Casey was empowered and said the most intelligent thing in her short 14-year-old life…well, not really. She jumped up from her seat and ran to the stage.

She grabbed the microphone and turned it on full blast and picked up a random megaphone that was on the stage in the case that a 14-year-old girl would have to make an announcement of great importance.

"SPLARVAC!" She screamed getting everyone's attention, "If stupid Gimli is declaring war against the Elves, I say that there should be an Elven rebellion force that fights back against the EVIL OF THE DWARVES! WHO'S WITH ME?"

There we lots of cheers and equally as many angry protests from the dwarves and those who wanted to join Gimli.

"Hey! Why would you want to join with that boogersucking Gimli anyway?" Casey hissed

Gandalf and Galadriel looked at each other disturbed. It was happening again. The dwarves and elves were dividing…it was time once again for _the_ book of Elven and Dwarves war rules. It was time to sing the song and read the ancient scrolls. Galadriel and Gandalf nodded to each other and snuck out of the room just as objects were beginning to be thrown at Casey who was shouting and shaking her fists at the dwarves.

Noliee cackled loudly and evilly when things started going into total chaos. Legolas had conveniently disappeared, and the rest of everyone else had either started fighting over what side was better or had taken to screaming about the end of the world and running around. Noliee found Noruas and lifted him up on her shoulder.

"Noruas! I want to join…THE DARK SIDE! MUWHAHA!"

Noruas blinked wildly and tried to get away, "What is it with you people lately! I'm the one that is supposed to cause mayhem and madness but you seem to be doing a fine job of that on your own!"

Noliee dropped the cat and he scurried off, "He's right! I don't need him to be evil! I don't need anyone to rule with! I shall take over the world on my own! Forget you Noruas and Gimli!"

Then Noliee ran off shrieking with laugher to do something evil.

Everywhere people where going crazy and fighting each other like crazed loony birds. They were jumping around and throwing things at each other and I was just sitting there under the seats wondering how it was possible for school to be THIS twisted.

Then Gimli came blasting in. He kicked the doors open and bellowed loud nonsense to get everyone's attention. It worked and everyone looked at him.

"Yes! It is I! GIMLI THE GREAT! And I will now choose my army for the upcoming war out of all of you slobs!" Gimli announced and looked around

He spotted Noliee trying to set off the fire alarm.

"YOU THERE, NOLIEE!" Gimli yelled and stood on a chair

"What?" she replied still busy with the fire alarm

"Will you join me in my quest of world domination against the evil of elves?"

Noliee shrugged, she _could _join. It would look great on her application to the newly founded school of 'I want to take over the word in a hostile siege.'

"If you stop being dramatic, sure I'll join you." Noliee said and went over to Gimli

"Good, you shall be my second in command…now YOU CHEESY!" Gimli yelled and pointed to me

Somehow he had discovered my wonderful hiding place.

"Me? You want-

"No! She doesn't want to join your ugliness!" Legolas yelled popping up behind the large decorative floor plant

You could sense Gimli's hate as he turned and tried to burn Legolas with a glare that could have liquefied the sun. I'm surprised Legolas' face didn't melt off.

"Join me Cheesy!" Legolas said and made a face at Gimli, "I know you like me better."

I tilted my head to the side and blinked rapidly. I often do this when faced with an important decision.

"I know who I will join!" I announced I grinned at Gimli and winked at Legolas, "NO ONE! I choose to be a referee with Galadriel and Gandalf!"

With that said I scampered off to go find them.

"Hey! Forget her Elfy! I SHALL JOIN YOU!" Casey yelled and jumped off the stage into Legolas' arms

He dropped her and sighed, "Fine. Fine then."

OoooO

I found Galadriel and Gandalf in an abandon classroom. They were standing around a large picture-less, boring looking book and whispering.

"Um hello?" I called

They ignored me and continued whispering.

"HELLO STUFF BORING PEOPLE!" I yelled

They slowly turned to look at me with an evil eyebrow glare that they had clearly learned from Elrond on their faces.

"Yes, evil eyebrow glare to you too!" I said, "But anyway, I would like to be a referee! Can I? Huhuhuhuhuhhuuhuh? Can I?"

"Silence child!" Gandalf commanded

He and Galadriel had a five-second privet conversation before they decided that they would in fact let me be a ref.

"But you must behave! No crazy behavior like the rest of them." Galadriel warned, "Are you capable of being dignified?"

"You mean stuff and boring and old personish? Sure! I can do that! Watch!"

I composed my face into a frown, "Ask me something."

"All right…Is cheese good?" Gandalf asked

"I refuse to answer such a question on the account of it is in ill taste and insults my intelligent state of being." I replied flatly

Gandalf and Galadriel looked at each other and nodded.

"All right then. Join us in the reading of the official rules of Elven and Dwarven wars."

OoooO

Everyone was just about to bust out of the auditorium and start running through the halls on a mad rampage when Gandalf, Galadriel and I entered and commanded that everyone stopped talking.

When the simple request didn't work, I jumped up on the stage and screamed into the microphone for everyone to shut up of doom would befall them. I didn't actually expect it to work but it did for some reason.

Once we had everyone's attention the three of us told everyone if they were going to have a war they had to do it properly or else Sauron would appear and eat everyone.

The last part was of course a complete lie, even more so because Sauron was currently somewhere in the room with us now in the form of a pink cat and I really don't think he was in the mood to eat the entire student body plus all the teachers and other random slobs that like to hang around here.

We told everyone to pick a side and meet out in the hallway in ten minuets and exactly _eleven_ minuets later everyone was there. Galadriel got mad about stupid people being late but Gandalf whispered something to her that sounded suspiciously like 'medicated toaster over' and she shut up.

The elves and dwarves lined up on opposite sides of the hallway with Gimli and Legolas in front. It reminded me of one of those old western showdowns. I was even more so reminded when a tumbleweed rolled past, the lighting went all funky and someone started playing old western showdown music. Then I think someone started to read my thoughts because well…this happened…

"I'm calling you out Greenleaf!" Gimli exclaimed as someone placed a random cowboy hat on his head

"This town…err…school isn't big enough for the two of us Gimli The Kidd!" Legolas replied also obtaining a cowboy hat

"Well then Greenleaf, this is a draw! I-

Gimli was cutoff when Galadriel stormed over to him and smacked him so hard it made Jack Sparrow wince from all the in the Caribbean. Then she went over to Legolas and beat him over the head with the book of rules.

"INJUSTICE!" Gimli yelled, "See! I got slapped and all Legolas got was hit _gently_ on the head with a book! See!"

Gimli pointed to Legolas who was out cold and slumped against the wall.

"Um Gimli, I don't think being beat with a book to the point of unconsciousness is what you would call 'gently hit'." I pointed out

Gimli gasped and started hopping around, "SHE'S TAKING THE ELF'S SIDE! IT'S NOT RIGHT! IT'S EVIL!"

"SHUT UP!" Gandalf shouted into the mega phone that I had gotten him for Christmas, "Shouting before the ceremonial song and the reading of the rules will not be tolerated!"

"But, aren't you shouting?" Jackie asked

Gandalf glared at her and Jackie stopped talking at once. A few minuets later Legolas woke up with a massive headache that he tried to ignore.

"ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED!" Galadriel yelled turning slightly green and radioactive

Everyone nodded.

"Now, like I was about to say before I was so rudely interrupted… Before we being the war the rules must be read and the ceremonial song must be sung to commence the event. Cheesy, would you please be so kind as to read us the rules?" Galadriel requested and held the book out too me

"Of course Lady Galadriel," I said formally and took the large book from her.

I cleared my throat and began to read, "The only rule is, there are no rule!"

I dropped the book and it exploded…it was creepy, and it singed the corner of my pretty special referee robe!

"Very good, now Gandalf and I will sing the ceremonial song." Galadriel informed and began to sing

"AHHHOOOOOOOOOFLARSMOGO! OOOOOOOHHH HEI HIE! OOOOOOHHHH FLARMA! CU CU CU MOO!"

Everyone started screaming and fell to their knees. It was the most horrible noise any of us had ever. It was like a vacuum cleaner running over a penny, a dying hippo, an angry wet cat, a blender grinding rocks, and a possum clinging to the face of a screaming hillbilly in the middle of a hailstorm in Miami!

Yes…it sounded _just_ like that…stop looking at me like that!

When Galadriel and Gandalf finally stopped about an hour later everyone had either stuffed cotton in their ears, passed out, gotten used to it or died…

Okay, Okay I was being dramatic, no one died!

"Is it over?" Legolas asked taking the cotton out of his ears, "Is it _really_ over now that my headache is a thousand times worse?"

Galadriel nodded and bowed as if expecting applause but none came. She looked offended as she crossed the hall and stood on the bottom step of the staircase.

"DON'T START SINGING AGAIN!" Everyone screamed

Galadriel glared at all of us and had serious thoughts of turning us all into strawberry milkshakes.

"I was not going to sing again! I was just going to say that you can start now! Go on, fight to the doom of the world! Go ahead!" she said and made a shooing motion with her arms

Everyone stood where they were and started at her.

"Okay, you _really_ aren't going to start singing again?" Noliee asked

"NO! I'M NOT! ITS OVER!" Galadriel yelled and rang a bell, "NOW START THE WAR!"

"Okay, if there is no more singing then!" Noliee said and all at once everyone rushed forward and the war was on!

I barely managed to get out of the way before I was trampled. The dwarves had clearly been planning at strategizing because after the first five minuets they seemed to be winning. Toilet paper littered the hallways and ceiling. Noliee found great joy in running to the top of the stairs, tossing a roll down and watching it unroll over the five floors. Then the empty roll would hit someone in the face.

I zoomed down the hallways on Noliee's skateboard babbling nonsense. I passed lots of kids and teachers fighting each over with school-supplies-based-weaponry. The safety scissors swords seemed to be popular among them. I saw Casey sneaking off down the dark corners of the hall on the way to the office. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was planning to free Elrond.

Next I came across Gimli and Legolas who were standing in the middle of the hall having yet another battle of wits or like as I call it 'a battle of _dimwits_'.

There was a crowd of kids and teachers around them cheering them on. I stopped and watched for a while too.

"You have so many mental problems _dwarf_ that they doctors can't even find a name for them all."

"Well _elf! _Yo' mamma so ugly she got arrested for vandalizing a mirror shop!"

"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. I see the duct tape in my mind! It wants you shut up!"

"I think you where beat with the ugly stick when you were born _elf_!"

"Your family tree is the ugly tree and all the ugly people in your ugly family fell off it and landed in an ugly pile of ugly dog poo that was ugly _dwarf_!"

"It seems like you enjoy saying ugly a lot _elf_! But I suppose it makes sense considering that is what you are and you are sooo ugly!" Gimli blew a raspberry

"You invented ugly! I bet it you got a dictionary and looked up the word 'ugly' that you name would be there as the definition! That's how ugly you are Gimli!"

"You are so stupid that if you got locked in a grocery store you would starve!"

"I bet you lick doorknobs!"

"You probably think meow mix is a CD for cats!"

"I bet you steal free samples _dwarf_!"

"I bet you try to wake up sleeping bags _elf_!"

"Well at least I'm not SHORT!"

There was a collective gasp and an 'OOOOOOHH!' from everyone watching. Gimli's face went red.

"You take that back you stupid elf!"

"NEVER! I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER WEDGIE!"

"You wont ever do that again!" Gimli yelled and launched himself at Legolas, "Dwarves will be victorious!"

He waved a pair of scissors around a bit before he snipped a large portion of Legolas' hair off. Legolas wrestled the scissors from him and cut off half Gimli's beard. When Gimli started shouting praises to the blender gods I thought it was time to move on.

As I skated away I heard Legolas screaming and begging not to be taken away and most of the people in the group around them laughed evilly. I passed more dwarves spraying graffiti on the walls with lots of different colored cans of spray paint. It was highly enjoyable to watch people throw water balloons at each other down in the cafeteria. I wondered how Casey was doing.

OooO

Casey, who was heavily armed with all kinds of school-supplies weapons, snuck down the hallways to the office to free the captured Elrond. As usual she was being overly dramatic and felt the need to crawl down the hall and flatten herself against the wall like a secrete agent. Casey looked around the corner and saw a dwarf patrolling the area in front of the office.

She hooted a war cry and drop tackled the poor dwarf. Then she tied him up and locked him in an empty classroom before she checked the area and entered the office.

Casey carefully walked through the doors that led to Elrond's office checking for dwarves in each room. When she didn't see any more she charged through the last door and looked around the dark office. Half expecting a group of rogue ninja dwarves to come flying out of the floorboards, Casey began her search for Elrond. It really wasn't that hard to find him, especially since he was yelling his head off informing her that he was in the closet. But for a special person like Casey, it was quite the mystical journey. He wasn't in the desk drawers like she had originally thought, or on the ceiling, or glued to the underside of the decorative floor plant named George, nor was he inside the computer, or hiding inside the jug or water on the water cooler.

Casey was mystified. She just couldn't figure out where he was. After a while she began to get side tracked and started going through Elrond's desk drawers. She found some gum, an all expense paid week pass to _'shining springs'_ spa and hotel, a rubber chicken, nose hair clippers as well as an eyebrow shaver, a roll of toilet paper, a calendar, a newspaper article with a phone number to call for phone-dating, and a top five list of people that he thought were 'hot'.

Casey gasped and read the list thoroughly. 1. Oprah, 2. Martha Steward, 3. Brittney Spears, 4. The Queen of England, 5. Betty Crocker.

Casey laughed hysterically and pocketed the list. Then she went over to the closet to look for a secrete candy stash. She flung the door open and found Elrond hog-tied hanging upside down with duct tape over his mouth. Casey ripped the tape off. Elrond spit Aragorn's moldy gym sock out and screamed in pain from the tape.

"Get me down!" Elrond demanded, "There is madness going on!"

Casey shrugged and untied the rope that held him in the air and he crashed to the floor.

Elrond mumbled something that sounded like a thank you and he and Casey ran out of the office to put an end to the madness.

OooO

Gimli laughed evilly as he led a group of dwarves down the hall. There were about six of them carrying Legolas over their shoulders. It's safe to say that Legolas was not enjoying the free ride down the hall because he knew where they were going…

Gimli continued to laugh evilly as he pushed open the door to the bathroom and motioned for the rest of the dwarves to enter.

OooO

Casey watched as a single dwarf ran up the hill behind the school and fiddled with something on the side of a large tank of water big enough to flood the entire school. Casey gasped/screamed and tried to alert Elrond but he wasn't paying attention and was to busy yelling at Galadriel and Gandalf for encouraging madness.

Casey shrugged and ran off to her locker and got out a large inflatable raft. Then she sat down in the middle of the hall and waited.

OooO

Gimli rubbed his hands together in evil anticipation as the dwarves dropped Legolas on the floor of the nasty school bathroom.

"Ew! Why in the world did you drop me on the gross, e…hey, is this the _girls_ bathroom?" Legolas asked looking around

Gimli frowned at him, "It doesn't matter for the p-

"Yeah _Gimli_ it kinda _does_ matter! That's why the bathrooms are separate in the first place! Gosh you are stupid! I mean really! Why-

"SILENCE! I said it does not matter so therefore it DOES NOT MATTER! NOW SHUT UP AND LISTEN!" Gimli yelled and waved his arms around

"Fine then."

"GOOD! TOO long have you mocked me! You are doing it right now! You don't take me seriously! No one does! I get no respect from you or any other of the slobs! But I am going to have my greatest moment of revenge! I am going to give YOU a wedgie and the a Swirly!"

Legolas looked shocked, "Gimli how could you? I thought we were friends!"

"We where never friends and you know it Greenleaf, we just told everyone that so they would shut up and stop preaching about elves and dwarves getting along! I never liked you and you never liked me!"

"Well, that is true but…but don't you think its time we stopped this childish fighting and put our differences aside?"

"…That was the most intelligent thing I have heard you say all year Greenleaf. But I am not going to be fooled by your false gesture of friendship! The second I let you go you are going to run off and do something evil!" Gimli yelled pointing a finger at Legolas

"Well, it couldn't hurt to try." Legolas said and shrugged, "You found me out."

"Yes, yes I did Legolas and now revenge shall be mine! MUAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"FINE! BUT KNOW THIS DWARF BEFORE YOU FLUSH MY HEAD KNOW THAT YOU ARE STILL SHORT! AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE **SHORT**!" Legolas exclaimed, "SHORTY, SHORTY, SHORT FAT HEAD!"

Gimli's face went so red that you would had thought that he was going to burst into flames or explode.

"You will regret that _elf_."

Gimli then stalked forward and attacked! All across the school you could hear Legolas screaming. It was quite disturbing. Well not really but that's okay.

OooO

I was still skating up and down the hallways screaming random babble over Gandalf's megaphone that I stole from him. I thought he was still chasing me trying to get it back but I wasn't sure. I think I lost him around the turn in the band room.

He crashed into a case of tubas and got one stuck over his head. Yeah…after that I am pretty sure that he is not after me anymore.

I had just found Galadriel, who finally got another chance to spray jello out of her eyes at a kid that tossed a water balloon at her, when I heard a great rumbling roaring noise. I looked all around but I couldn't see anything. Then the next thing I know, gallons and gallons of water came crashing through every door and window.

I screamed hysterically and flailed my arms around and tried to run away but it was too late. The water had already started to flood the school in a giant tsunami like wave. It picked up everything in its path and washed it away! Desk and papers and chairs and food and kids and teachers all got caught up in it. For once Casey was the only one prepared. The wave caught her raft and pushed her along down the hall at ungodly speeds.

OooO

Gimli was busy flushing Legolas' head in a toilet when he heard the strange roaring crashing noise. Gimli stopped the evil torture against the poor elf and stepped outside the bathroom to see what was going on.

Gimli gasped when he saw the giant wave coming right for him. Those other stupid dwarves where suppose to notify him when they released the water! Gimli was about to yell in rage when Legolas pushed past him and ran out into the hall only to the giant wave with Casey coming at him and clinging to her orange raft for dear life.

They both screamed as they collided and Legolas flew through the air, flipped over and landed in the raft. The water blasted past Gimli and knocked the bathroom door off its hinges.

"Nice landing Elfy!" Casey said as they were carried off down the hall

Random kids floated past holding sign that said 9.5, 9.7 and 9.8 rating the cool flip.

The raft was now spinning out of control as it went down a flight of stairs, hit the wall, smacked into a door of a classroom and continued flying down the hall after almost hitting a cow that had some how ended up inside the school. Legolas looked over his shoulder and was shocked to see Gimli behind them surfing the wave on the broken bathroom door. He was holding a spear and had a manic expression on his face.

"I'M COMING FOR YOU GREENLEAF!" He shouted and waved the spear around

Legolas and Casey looked at Gimli then at each other and screamed. Casey started paddling the raft faster with her hands but Gimli was closing in! Where on earth Gimli had learned to surf is beyond me. Gimli shrieked a war cry and jumped off the door, launched himself at the raft and let go of the spear.

The spear busted through the side of the raft and within seconds the raft was deflated and the water washed all three of them down another flight of stairs into the basement of the school. They crashed into things and thrown up against random objects before they pushed through the side exit of the school.

The water blasted out and left Casey, Legolas, Gimli and lots of other people scattered all over the lawn.

Gasping for air, Legolas sat up and looked around for Gimli. He found the waterlogged dwarf sitting a few feet away.

"Okay dwarf…truce?"

Gimli nodded, "Truce elf."

I coughed and pulled a piece of paper off of my face. Could it be true were Legolas and Gimli now on good terms? I watched as the two of them shook hand and began talking about signing a peace treaty and possibly even having a joined class that taught ways to resolve conflicts peacefully.

They walked away chatting and laughing like…like they had been best friends for years, leaving the rest of all of us with a soaked school and a _very, very_ unhappy elf lord named Elrond. He was beyond angry about the insane display of madness that took place today.

But all was right with the world! Legolas and Gimli were now getting along. There would be no more battles of dimwits, or wedgies or nasty swirlys. They would no longer make fun of each other or yelling or disrupting each other's classes and absolutely no more wars declared against each other. Dwarves and Elves would get along in harmony.

Legolas and Gimli would be best friends! They would share secretes, jokes, beauty tips and Betty Crocker lasagna recipes.

They would never _ever ever _**_EVER_** fight ever again!

……

YEAH RIGHT. How long was this going to last? I'm taking bets on five minuets!

"Stupid Elf!"

"Ugly Dwarf!"

OoooO

Okay, this is SO my new favorite chapter!


	41. New Classes shall ensure MADNESS!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 41

The school was still all soggy and icky smelling from the dwarf attacks so most classes where being held upstairs. The teachers where all still mad at Gimli and Legolas but I don't think they cared all that much. The two of them were to busy 'getting along'.

Yeah, right…

I walked up the insane amount of stairs with my red messenger bag over my shoulder. I was kinda mad because of my schedule changes for the new term. I no longer had elvish or band, but of course I still had _Gandalf's _class.

They had to make way for my new classes, botany, Health/Childcare, psychology, Woodshop and horseback riding. The last one sounded quite fun. But first I had Woodshop; I wondered who the teacher would be. Probably someone totally wrong for the job like usual.

I walked in and sat down next to Noliee and Casey. Like usual the teacher was not in the room. I think that is a rule here or something. Noliee was doodling notes for another prank on the back of her hand and Casey was once again drooling over her pictures of Legolas. She poked me and asked me some things about them.

"Do you like this one? I do, I think he looks just sooo cute in this picture!"

"…Casey, that is a picture of a decorative floor plant, not Legolas." I informed her

She looked at me as if I had just told her the secrete of the universe, "IT IS? Oh my god! I love floor plants!"

Then she hugged the picture. Yeah, I think she is getting dumber. I laughed to myself as the door opened and in walked the teacher of our new class. Casey jerked her head up from the decorative floor plant.

"ELFY!" She screamed and charged at the teacher

When she got closer to him however, she stopped in mid-run, turned her head to the side and burped. Casey was thinking! Shhh! don't interrupt her!

"You aren't Elfy. You kinda look like him though. More than anyone else I have seen shiny person. But you are different or something. I think the shiny might be older than Elfy?" She said and poked him, "WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE ELFY?!"

"Casey shut up! You are scaring the teacher!" Noliee shouted even though the teacher didn't look scared at all

In fact he looked quite annoyed with Casey but that is understandable.

"Why does he look like Elfy?!"

"Because! That is _'Elfy's'_ father, Thranduil." I said

Thranduil pushed Casey away from him and stood in front of the desk. He scowled evilly at us and told Casey to sit down and stop poking him.

"It seems to me that you people like silliness." He said, "Silliness and MADNESS."

"Oh great another Gandalf." Noliee mumbled

"I, on the other hand do not like silliness or madness of any kind and I am quite annoyed that _LORD_ Elrond…

He said the name like it was poison…

"…brought me here to this ugly plant to teach foolish, mortal children, I have many other thing do to because as some of you know I am the king of Mirkwood. And unlike your other _teachers_ here, I am completely normal and sane. I-

Casey gasped loudly and fell to her knees bowing, "I did not know I was in the presents of royalty oh shiny elfy person!"

"Casey you are in the presence of royalty everyday three time over!" I said

"I AM? Oh my god! I am LEARNING so much today!"

"SILENCE!" Thranduil yelled, "No more madness!"

"SO….what do like to do in your spare time?" Noliee asked randomly

Thranduil stared at her wondering if she was capable of some madness. When he decided she was being serious he answered her.

"I like watching talk shows, like Oprah and Dr. Phil. I have to admit this planet has interesting 'Television programs'. There _are _some good things about living on this planet I suppose. Like computers, electricity and 'toilets'."

I busted up laughing. I don't think he would like the toilets to much if Gimli introduced him to a Swirly. But we won't go into all that again.

Noliee nodded in response to his question, "Is there anything else we should know about you?"

She took a silver pencil out of her pencil box. It was a very pretty pencil, it has shiny poofy things all over it and it dropped little glitter sparkles all over the place.

"Well I enjoy light jazz music while dining, I-

It was then that Thranduil noticed the shiny pencil. His eyes went wide and all glossy looking.

"Shiny…" he whispered

"What?" Noliee asked

"Shiny!" he exclaimed and pointed to the pencil

"Yes…the pencil is shiny…"

"SHINY!" Thranduil screamed and launched himself at Noliee who screamed and ran off

Thranduil cornered her, knocked her down and stole the shiny pencil. Then he ran back to his desk and stood on top of it.

"IT' S MY SHINY! SHINY SHINY PENCIL IS ALL MINE! EHHHHEHEH! Mine it is! My own, my love! MY PRECIOUS! MINE MINE AND NO OTHERS!" He jumped up and down and waved the pencil around

Now it all made sense. No WONDER why Legolas had those 'special moments'.

Thranduil laughed insanely for a while before he slapped himself and stuffed the pencil in his pocket.

"I'm sorry you had to see that children. It will not happen again." He composed himself quickly, "I enjoy shiny things...anyway, let us begin. What class is this supposed to be?"

"Woodshop?" someone said

"Oh yes! Elrond thought it was just so funny to have a wood elf teach this class! Like I am obsessed with trees or something! I don't live in a tree! I don't even like trees that much!"

There was a gasp around the room.

"I think I might have seasonal allergies to the stupid things! Elrond just wanted to have a big laugh over it! What I ask you is so amusing about a wood elf that hates trees teaching a class like Woodshop!?" Thranduil hissed

I thought he was going to have one of those special moments but he composed himself and continued speaking in a calm manner.

"But no matter…in this class we will learn about different things such as…"

He picked up the paper that was the lesson plan from Elrond and read from it.

"_Creating things out of wood, how to safely use the power tools, learn different types of wood…and just wing it you big nosed freak.'"_

Thranduil growled, "Elrond! I can't stand that…that pointy eyebrow ugly person!"

"Wait," Noliee started recalling the list of things we were going to learn, "Did you say we were going to be using power tools? WE are going to be dangerous tools that could be used for other things besides cutting wood?"

Noliee rubbed her hands together evilly. Thranduil was about to reply when Merry and Pippin came running in the room screaming followed by Legolas who wearing a pink Easter bunny costume and throwing eggs at the hobbits.

"You wanted food! Have some food! EGGS! FEAR THE EGGS!" Legolas yelled and pelted them with eggs

Behind him Eggzilla was screaming her head off demanding to have an egg. Merry and Pippin ran around the room screaming hysterically about the 'evil rabbit haunting them'.

"Legolas?!" Thranduil exclaimed

"Huh!? NO! NOT THE VOICES AGAIN! I HEAR HIS VOICE INSIDE MY MIND!" Legolas screamed and fell to his knees

Thranduil looked disturbed, "No Legolas, I am right in front of you."

Legolas looked up, screamed and ran out of the room. Thranduil looked around at all the kids staring at him.

"Erm, don't ask. Its complicated. Everyone always though that Legolas is…um, slightly touched in the head." Thranduil said and tapped his forehead, "How else would you explain the bunny suit?"

"Uh huh…so do we get to wear goggles!?" Jackie asked, "You know so that the wood doesn't hit us in the eyes when we are trying to cut it!? I love goggles!"

"Right…" Thranduil mumbled, "This is going to be a long _rest_ of the year."

OooO

I was so glad when that class was over but the next one wasn't much better. It was…Tom Bombadil's class. No, not the one that Noruas took over. Elrond decided to give Tom another classroom far away from Noruas because Tom threatened to sue if he was not properly protected from the pink menace.

He even demanded a raise and when someone as happy, nice and good as Tom Bombadil _demands_ a raise you know something bad is going down.

I sat down and watched as Tom pranced around in a fairy costume throwing flowers and 'magic fairy dust' at everyone and singing some stupid song. He jumped all around now that he was fully recovered from Noruas' attack and he was happier then ever.

He sprinkled some 'magic fairy dust' over Sherwood on Jackie's desk and sang the song of 'the beautiful cacti'. Jackie informed him that Sherwood was very flattered that there was now a song about him but the cactus requested that he kindly shut up.

Tom was the only teacher in the whole school that believed that Sherwood could really talk and considered him a valued member of the classroom. It was kinda creepy. He kept talking to Sherwood, laughing at the 'jokes' Sherwood made, and asking the cactus his opinion on things Tom was talking about.

"Let's all be shiny fairies and dance and sing and be merry!" Tom shouted and beat me over the head with his little magic wand

"Lets not!" I yelled and snapped the thing in half

Tom frowned, "You children are not happy! You need to smile and act joyous! Be carefree and fanciful! Now all of you should have been inspired by my wonderful dancing so that you can write a poem about it! In fact I think we will have a pop quiz about poetry!"

Everyone sighed and threw something at Tom. Everyone except for Hanna that is. She got about five candles out of her desk, arranged them in a circle and lit them. Then she tossed this sand around and stood on her chair and started babbling and waving her arms around.

"Oh mighty pop quiz gods hear me now! Hear my voice and know that we are about to take a pop quiz in this very classroom! AHOOOOOOOOM!" she paused and tossed some sand around, "This man, Tom Bombadil is about to give the quiz! Either make it so I pass with flying colors or strike him down with your awesome mighty powers STRIKE HIM DOWN! MUWAH! AHOOOOOOOM!"

She tossed some sand at Tom and it got in his eyes. He flailed his arms and screamed. His arm hit Sherwood's pot and the poor cactus went flying and smashed into the wall.

"SHERWOOD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jackie screamed and ran to him

The little nesting pot was shattered into a million pieces and Sherwood lay on the floor stuck to the carpet.

"OH MY GOD! HELP HELP!" Jackie screamed

The class was thrown into chaos. Hanna was still chanting and shaking maracas, Jackie was screaming, I was shouting things about the end of the world and Tom was still screaming about the sand in his eyes (though no one really cared about him) They were all worried about Sherwood.

"Call 911!" I said

"Call the army!" said Lynsay

"Call my uncle!" Noliee said

"No, no! Just go get another pot someone! Quickly!" Jackie yelled

Suddenly Galadriel calmly opened the door and looked in, "Is everything okay in here?"

Then she saw people screaming, Tom yelling about his eyes in song format, people crying over Sherwood, Hanna on the desk babbling to the test gods.

"Why do I even bother to ask? Nothing is ever okay here." She said and was about to leave when Jackie shouted at her to get a replacement pot for poor Sherwood who was 'dying'

Galadriel sighed and walked away to get it mumbling something that sounded like 'The things I put up with.'

"Oh Sherwood! Stay with me! What's that? You don't think you are going to make it!? No! NOOO! Sherwood! You have to live! Don't tell me that you have lived a full life! There are so many things that we haven't gotten to do yet!" Jackie said and carefully stroked the cactus so that it wouldn't poke her, "Sherwood? I have to tell you something…I…I love you!"

There was a silence where Sherwood _'responded'._

"Oh Sherwood! I knew you loved me!" Jackie yelled and people around her started to cry at the beautiful scene, "I would never leave you Sherwood, love of my life!"

You could just hear the annoying dramatic swelling music playing in the background or in this case the dramatic tribal chanting of Hanna.

"Sherwood! Kiss me!" Jackie said and carefully kissed the cactus

A thorn stuck to her lip but she didn't notice. Sherwood was just about to die when Galadriel entered with the replacement pot. She tossed it to Jackie who caught it. She scooped up the dirt and placed Sherwood in the new pot.

"HE LIVES!" Jackie screamed as she held the pot up in the air, "HE WILL LIVE!"

There was a tremendous amount of cheering and blabbing.

"Whatever." Galadriel mumbled and left

Then as soon as it started the cheering stooped and everyone sat down. Jackie stopped shouting and smiling. She put Sherwood back in her backpack and sat down at her desk and stared at Tom who was flushing his eyes out with water from his desk that actually turned out to be fruit punch…

When Tom was okay again he turned to the class that was sitting calmly in their seats waiting for the pop quiz. He stared at Hanna and pointed a finger at her.

"You! What did you do to me?! Why did you throw evil at my face!?" Tom demanded

"I didn't throw anything at you!" Hanna said looking amazed that he accused her of it

"Yes you did! I saw you!"

She gasped, "How dare you accuse me of such horrible things! I did nothing! You threw the sand at yourself!"

Tom danced around angrily, "No! You are a bad dead flower! A mean one too! An evil flower that bit me on the eye with your bad magic sand!"

Hanna just stared at him, "Right. So prove it then."

"All of the other unhappy flower fairy children saw you!"

"What are you talking about you crazy man!? Hanna didn't do anything to you!" Noliee said looking amazed, "I can't believe you would say something like that to get her in trouble you freak!"

The rest of us nodded and Hanna and Noliee hi-fived each other when Tom wasn't looking.

"Then how did her sand magically float over into my eyes!?" Tom asked and waved his arms around

"It just did. Stuff like that _always_ happens to people Tom! Gosh catch up with the times dude!" Jackie said while petting Sherwood's new pot, "I can't believe that you have never heard of the magic flying sand! Its sooo common!"

Tom looked mystified. I think he actually believe Jackie, which is really, really sad, "All, right then fine! But no more silliness from you unhappy flower fairy children! Now we shall begin our pop quiz! Aren't you excited?!

It was then that the bell rang and all of us ran out of the classroom as fast as we could glad to be away from the crazy freak!

OooO

Next I had gym class, that wasn't upstairs but it was outside so we didn't get all waterlogged. The only problem was it happened to be the middle of January and it was freezing.

But Aragorn didn't care. Actually he was _thrilled_ to be outside in the middle of winter. The silly turkey decided that we were going to play tennis. So all of us grabbed the tennis rackets and hiked it down the snowy 'mountainous slopes' of the school building to the tennis courts.

Once we got there Aragorn was all pumped and ready to start playing tennis. He could hardly wait for the rest of us to get down to the courts before he paired us off and turned on the machine that spit out tennis balls at annoying rate.

I seriously don't think the thing was suppose to shoot out the tennis balls that fast. My theory is that Aragorn did something to it so that the thing practically beat us down with onslaughts on small spheres of death!

I managed to block the tennis ball coming at my face and I hit it over the net to Casey who was less fortunate. She was standing right next to the possessed tennis ball machine and I swear the thing was purposely aiming at her face. Casey shrieked and ran around in a circle while Aragorn watched from the side of the tennis court with an evil grin on his face.

Casey randomly smacked a tennis ball as hard as she could. It flew at ungodly speeds out of the courts, soared through the air…and hit a bird. The poor creature spiraled to the ground and landed with a thud. Aragorn saw what happened and just about blew up laughing. I think something affected him too and made him all evil today.

Casey didn't think it was very funny though. In fact I think she was either upset that she hit the poor bird, or she thought that the sky was falling and the bird was part of some scientific secrete government operation that would set off a chain reaction causing all the iced tea in the world to become nuclear-active and-

Yeah, so I was eating the glue in history class today, stop looking at me like that!

But anyway, Casey started freaking out. She fell to her knees next to the bird and screamed 'WHY!?" at the sky, while the evil tennis ball machine turned its attention to me.

"I have done great evil." Casey said in the closest thing to a proper sentence that you would ever get from her, "My once shiny hands are soiled WITH DEATH! I HAVE COMMITTED A MURDER!"

Casey looked around for help, "Will they take me away and lock me up forever?!" she asked Aragorn

"Well…most likely but not for the murder of a _bird." _Aragorn replied, "It was just an accident and the 'murder' victim was just a _bird_."

"But the shiny birdy had feelings too! I mean what if the birdy thing had a wife…and kids!? I BET HE DID! I bet he had a good well paying job and was a respected member of the shiny birdy society of the great tree people! And now, now he went to the big huge really shiny birdy in the sky!"

Then she started sobbing loudly and everyone stopped playing tennis and stared at her. Aragorn sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Someone get Legolas out here and _please_ hurry." He said

"I'll get him." Noliee said with an evil smile on her face

She ran off the tennis courts cackling evilly. About five minuets later there was a loud scream and Legolas came running out of the school as fast as he possibility could. He came down to the tennis courts and 'composed' himself before he entered and said hi to Aragorn. Noliee showed up a few moments later with an evil, evil grin on her face.

"Don't ask." Legolas said to Aragorn scooting away from Noliee, "What did you want me for?"

Aragorn frowned and motioned in the direction of the screaming/crying Casey.

"Oh no! no, no, no, no, no!" Legolas hissed, "No way!"

"Right, then I will tell the whole school about the 'you know what' at the 'you know where.'" Aragorn informed

Legolas gasped, "You mean the 'thing at the place with the people with faces'?! Aragorn, how do you know about that?"

"I have my ways."

Legolas looked defeated, "FINE FINE THEN!"

Legolas walked over to Casey and hugged reluctantly, acting like she was some poisonous germ that would infect half the world.

I poked Aragorn, "You don't have any idea what _'the thing at the place with the people with faces'_ is do you?"

Aragorn shook his head no, "Nope, not a clue! I learned that trick from Hanna."

"OH MY GOD! I LOVE YOU ELFY! THANK YOU FOR CHEERING ME UP IN MY TIME OF GREAT TERROR AND CONFUSION! I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME!" Casey screamed at the top of her lungs and returned the hug

Legolas started to turn blue again as he was accustom to doing while Casey was hugging him.

"I love you soooo much Elfy!" she yelled and kissed him on the lips

Legolas freaked out and pushed her away, "EWWWW OH MY GOD! I HAVE BEEN INFECTED WITH FANGIRL GERMS. I AM GOING TO DIE! JUST LIKE HOW SHE KILLED THAT BIRD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I HAVE TO GO BURN MY LIPS OFF NOW!"

Then he ran off waving his arms and acting all dramatic. Casey was left standing there with a hurt expression on her face.

"I killed a birdy."

"I know, please get over it." Aragorn said and turned the tennis ball thing up to its maximum speed

I was now impossible to even attempt to play a game of tennis because the evil thing was spitting tennis balls so fast that they all became one big yellowish green blur. Everyone screamed and ducked behind their rackets.

Aragorn was laughing like a rabid polar bear on a Wednesday! If a rabid polar bear would laugh, and I seriously don't think it would because it's rabid and would be all 'ROAR' at you. I think so anyway...

I think I think too much. Do I think too much? I think so because right now I am thinking about thinking to much. So yeah, I do think I think too much.

Anyway, moving on…

Aragorn was laughing so hard that he was almost rolling on the ground. I inched my way over to the spastic machine and turned it so it was facing him. When the tennis balls started hitting him, I don't think he thought it was so funny anymore. In fact he found no humor what so ever in that.

Once gym class was over and Casey had calmed down about the stupid bird. I agreed to walk with her to her journalism class that I was trying to illegally get myself into. I waved to Eowyn and pointed to the basket of cookies that I had left for her as a bribe and smiled sweetly. She looked a bit freaked out but smiled back.

Casey entered the room and started spazzing out because her chair had been moved five inches and she demanded to know who had sat in it. She wouldn't sit down until someone confessed to the horrible deed.

In the end Lynsay just said that she moved the chair even though she really didn't. I rolled my eyes and headed off to Science, after that I had psychology.

THAT class should be something memorable, considering that everyone in the school could use some serious counseling. As I was thinking this, I walked passed Gandalf classroom and he was watching a video that taught people how to learn hip-hop, shake ya booty dance.

Oh yeah, everyone needs help at this TWISTED school!

OoooO


	42. A Good Reason Never to Give a Nazgul CPR

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 42

"I pledge allegiance to the cheese of the untied cows of Cheesetopia, and to the dairy products for which it stands, once food, under the cheese gods, inedible, with crackers and cheese for all!" I shouted as loudly as I could over the other kids that said the normal pledge of allegiance

For some reason Gimli made us say the pledge before each class. I really don't know why, but he said we were going on a field trip today so I didn't bother asking.

"Where are we going ugly dwarf man?" Casey asked as she made a chain of paper hearts to give to Legolas

"We are going on a nature hike!" Gimli announced with great enthusiasm, "We can collect rocks and other cool nature-ish things…like rocks! Today we shall experience nature to its fullest! And ROCKS!"

"Right, if I wanted to 'experience nature to its fullest' I can go walk to the tree outside the school and say hi to it." Noliee said and crossed her arms

Gimli frowned at her, "You should have a nice happy outlook on things."

Noliee laughed hysterically.

"Hey! Hey! HEY GIMLI! GIIIIMMMLLI!" Jackie shouted and waved her hand around

"Yes Jackie? And if its anything about that cac-

"Can Sherwood come! He's part of nature! I thought he would like to interact with his plant cousins." Jackie said and put Sherwood on her desk

Gimli sighed, "Fine. That thing can come."

Jackie gasped, "HOW MANY TIME DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU! SHERWOOD IS NOT-

"Oh sorry, HE CAN COME!" Gimli corrected himself

"That's better!"

"Is Elfy coming?" Casey asked

Gimli's eye twitched, "No, no Legolas is not coming."

"WHY NOT? Oh my god! He should come! I want my shiny Elfy!"

"Casey, Legolas is NOT coming with us today." Gimli repeated calmly

The nice people in the white coats suggested that he remain calm when the 'L' word was mentioned.

"NO! ELFY! COME!"

"Casey!"

"I like pasta!" Casey screamed and slammed her hands down on her desk

Gimli sighed and decided just to ignore her, "Anyway, if all of you would please choose a partner and form a nice orderly line at the door we can get on the-

Everyone scrambled to the door hollering and screaming and freaking out about whom they were going to pair up with. In short, there was no nice orderly line.

I was looking around wildly for someone when Hanna grabbed my arm.

"HI! There you are Cheesy!"

"Yay Hanna!" I yelled happy I was with someone cool and Prudence was making kissy faces at Casey

Casey spazzed out when she saw Prudence and ran over to Noliee but she was already with Jackie and Sherwood. The only person left was in fact the ugly unibrowed Prudence. Casey sighed.

"Hi Casey!" he said in that annoying nasally creaky voice of his, "I guess we are partners."

"I hate you, you are not my shiny!"

"But but I love you my sweet darling Casey! If I dressed up as Legolas would you love me?"

"Never! You are an ORANGE! A NASTY ORANGE!"

Suddenly Noruas the pink came trotting in swishing his pink tail around. He jumped on Gimli's desk, grabbed a class attendance sheet and was about to leave again when Casey grabbed the cat and held on to him.

"This is my shiny partner! Go way Prudence!"

"AH! AH!" Screamed Noruas, "Let go of me you slob!

Noruas threw a fit and Casey started yelling and waving her arms around when Noruas grabbed onto her face. Gimli angrily told Casey to let Noruas go and forced her to partner with Prudence. Prudence was ecstatic, Casey, to say the least, was not. Prudence grabbed Casey's hand and they ran off to the bus.

Once again we had a Nazgul bus driver. I don't know what is up with this. WHY, WHY I ask you would you have an undead zombie like thing that has no apparent eyes or even a face for that matter, drive a bus? Its just stupid! Its c-Madness! That's what it is! MADNESS!

I sat down in the seat right behind the crazy Nazgul. Hanna sat down next to me and Jackie and Noliee sat behind us. Prudence sat down across from me and Hanna and Casey had a fit when she was told to sit down next to him.

"NO! NO! I will not disrespect the bus seat!" Casey screamed

We went through this every. signal .day…Casey and busses I swear. This usually went on until the Nazgul has to blast her with this freaky stuff that comes out of its hands. I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be silly string.

This always scares Casey. Today was no exception. The Nazgul got sick of hearing her screaming so it got up from the drivers seat, screeched loudly and pointed its hands at her. Casey screamed and ducked behind the seat as the silly string blasted the whole bus.

Casey promptly sat down and Prudence tried to hold her hand. Casey smacked him as the Nazgul screeched and waved its silly string covered hands in the air. Then it sat down, started the bus and we flew down the road so fast that I didn't it was possible for a vehicle to do that.

Gimli grabbed on to the back of the seat he was sitting in as the bus squealed around a corner and almost toppled over.

"Stop! Stop this right now!" Gimli yelled, "You are going to kill us all! Who ever heard of a stupid servant of Sauron driving a bus."

The Nazgul did not respond well to being called stupid. It smashed on the breaks and everyone was thrown forward. Then it blasted silly string at Gimli hitting him right in the eyes.

Then as if nothing had happened the Nazgul continued to display its wild driving skills.

"Where are we going anyway?" Noliee shouted, "This is just stupid!"

Gimli however did not answer; he was too busy getting the silly string out of his eyes. When it was out he turned to Noliee and looked at her with an expression that clearly said, 'never ask me anything when I am getting silly sting out of my eyes.'

"We are going into the wild out in the mountains away from civilization, other people, houses, food and indoor plumbing!"

Noliee looked like she wanted to smack him.

The bus continued its wacky insane ride up the mountain rode that had an enormous cliff drop off then it turned of on this dirt road that went on for miles and miles and mile and miles and miles and m- yeah I think you get it. We were almost to the top when something happened to the Nazgul that can only be described as a heart attack.

It let out this long annoying screech and mass amounts of silly green silly sting out of its hands. Then it slumped over in the driver seat and didn't get back up. The bus swerved off the road and flew into the forest crashing through the bushes and trees.

Everyone was screaming and thinking that they were going to die! It was MADNESS! Finally the bus stopped we were stuck in the middle of a mud hole.

"OH MY GOD! WE ARE GOING TO DIE!" Casey screamed and clung to Noliee from across the seat

Noliee hit her.

"Now, now kids remain calm! Nothing is going to happen to us!" Gimli said, "We are all fine."

"We are stuck miles away fro civilization! And my cell phone does not work to call for help!" Jackie informed, "We are not fine!"

"Just calm down! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM!" Gimli shouted from where he stood on a bus seat, "I am going to try and revive the bus driver! All of you get off the bus and stick together."

No one moved.

"Go on! SHOO!" Gimli yelled, "See if you can see anything that might help us."

All of us sighed and got off like he told us. It was kinda of annoying. As we got off we were up to our knees in mud.

"This is just not sanitary!" Jackie said and began wiping her backpack and jeans off with moist towletts and hand the tiny bottle of hand sanitizer that she always carried with her, "Even Sherwood thinks this is nasty and wrong!"

"Let's revolt." Noliee whispered to the cactus in Jackie's hands

The class stood on the side of the mud hole looking expectantly at the bus waiting for Gimli to get off of it. He was talking a very long time.

"CACTUS REVOLUTION!" Noliee screamed after a few minuets of talking to Sherwood

While we blabbed about Cactus civil disobedience, Gimli was in fact tying to wake up the Nazgul. He tied kicking it screaming at it, and putting peanut butter on its shoes but nothing was working.

So Gimli got the _brilliant_ idea to give the Nazgul CPR. Gimli wiped his mouth off and was moving in when the Nazgul suddenly came back to live and saw Gimli tying to kiss it. To make an understatement, the Nazgul flipped out on him. It blasted him backwards off the bus and shot even more, silly sting at him. Then the Nazgul started the bus and drove off at top speed.

All of us shouted for the bus to come back but like most things you shout at to come back never _do_ in fact come back and the bus in this case was no exception. But hey, you would want to get the heck of there if Gimli tried to kiss you too, so I can half way understand.

I might have even forgiven the Nazgul for taking off with our only transportation back to society and the modern world. But I was stuck with Mr. Underwear Wedgie Nazgul kissin' Gimli and PRUDENCE and Casey who was in a heated debate with a tree.

"What on earth did you do to get the Nazgul to take off with our bus?" Noliee asked annoyed

"Well, I thought he was dead and I tried to revive him with CPR." Gimli said

"DUDE! The Nazgul wasn't alive when we started! And CPR! YOU TRIED TO GIVE IT CPR? THE KISS THING? A NAZGUL, CPR!" Jackie exclaimed and waved her arms around, "That's just wrong!"

Then she squirted some of her hand sanitizer into his mouth.

"There! That should disinfect you!' She informed

"So what should we do now?" Someone asked

Gimli spit the nasty hand sanitizer out of his mouth and frowned.

"I guess we should try to find help?" he said

"You are the woods expert! You tell us! We are going to DIE!" I yelled

"Now, now we have enough food from our lunches to last us until we make it back to civilization. If we all share our rations and-

"SHARE?" cried Hanna, "I'm not sharing my only food with…with _these _people! Its my food! My own MY PRECIOUS!"

Man, food shortage does some strange things to people.

"We all have to work together if we are going to get back to civilization by nightfall. Now all of you give me your lunches." Gimli said in a very teacherly voice

We all gave each other suspicious glances as we handed over our food to Gimli. We all suspected each other of hold out some secrete reserves of food.

But of course this was just silly mistrust of our fellow classmates! None of us would ever hold out on each other. We are such a loving, kind group of individuals. We would never be so selfish to keep food all to ourselves when we were experiencing a famine!

Or are would we?

Ooooh it's a mystery! Oooooooh! Spooky ghosty!

Erm, ignore that please…

So we crammed all our lunches into a spare backpack. Why someone brought an empty backpack on a fieldtrip is beyond me. But anyway, Gimli came up with an idea that one of us should carry it so that we learn to trust each other more.

How on earth would carrying a backpack full of our only food make me trust someone! I would be worried that they were going to eat it all when no one was looking!

I voiced my idea but I was ignored. So Gimli decided that Prudence should be the one that carried the backpack. Noliee yelled at him that he was a stupid poo face and the Prudence was going to eat all the food.

Gimli waved it off and we began walking in a random direction that he said was the way back to civilization. He said he was positive that this was the correct way. Something to do with moss growing on rock.

Why I ask you would you put so much faith in a rock? I mean a rock has no brain, its just there! It doesn't even have a nose!

"I want Elfy!" Casey said after about 4 hours of walking through swampy forest terrain, "Elfy would know what to do!"

I saw Gimli twitch violently when 'Elfy' was mentioned.

"We don't need '_ELFY'_ I am perfectly capable of taking care of this situation."

"But I miss Elfy!"

"**HOO HA!**" said Gimli as loudly as he could, "HOO HA DUM DEE DUM!"

After that, no one mentioned Elfy for a very long time actually no one said anything. There was just no way to respond to that.

I guess Gimli's plan for silence worked.

When we did start to talk again Casey felt the need to inform people that she thought the trees were stalking her because everywhere she looked there was one there.

Then we started to complain of hunger so Gimli sighed and agreed that we should find somewhere to eat a SMALL lunch. We found a small grove of trees that was nice and sunny and looked very peaceful, the perfect spot for lunch.

The class crowded around in a circle, waiting expectantly for their food. Prudence began to look nervous as he set the backpack down. It didn't help that Noliee was standing right next to him holding a large stick that she was slapping against the palm of her hand.

"Hurry up prune boy!" she said and poked him with the stick when he wasn't fast enough in opening the backpack full of the food

Prudence unzipped the back and with shaking hands turned it over and dumped it out. The only thing that fell out was a single grape. Noliee's eyes narrowed and her mouth got all tiny and scrunched like an old lady's.

"Okay, Prudence. Where is our food?" She asked disturbingly calm

"I…I…um, I kinda got hungry on the walk." He replied

It must be a horrible feeling to know that your entire class consisting of exactly 22 and half kids has turned against you.

"Prudence! THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN! LEAVE!" Noliee shrieked and waved the stick like a mad woman, "As tribal council leader I command you to leave!"

With that stick, no one dared to challenge her self-proclaimed authority.

"But, I didn't mean to! I was hungry!" Prudence wailed, "I'm really sorry! Don't leave me for the raccoons to eat! Casey will stick up for me!"

"HUH? Are the tree things talking to me?" Casey screeched wildly looking around

"Now wait just a minuet here! I am the teacher and all you have to listen to me!" Gimli said, "And we are not leaving Prudence behind! The poor boy was just hungry! I am hungry myself! We should look for berries or something! Besides, you kids can go a little longer without food. I mean, it's not the end of the world. So you miss lunch, I'm sure by dinnertime we will be back in our homes safe and snug. So what do you say? Let's move on and look for some berries?"

Noliee and the rest of us pondered this for half a second.

"NOO!" We shouted

"I am talking control now." Noliee said, "We are going to survive this one way or the other and you don't like it Gimli, we will cook you for dinner like we are planning to do with Prudence!"

At the mention of this, Prudence backed up and tried to run away but the class soon brought him down and tied him up.

"We shall build camp here and call ourselves TRIBE KOOKAMUNGA!" She waved her arms in the air and babbled war cries

Then she stared giving out orders like a drill sergeant. I seriously think that she was planning this all along. It just further supports my theory of the evil plan against the world.

I'll tell you all about it sometime. It involves Elrond's eyebrows and a certain celebrity that was in certain movies like Pirates of the Caribbean, Troy and oh yeah a certain film that we have certainly all seen, Lord of the Rings. No? Never heard of it?

But anyway, Noliee had instructed half the class to gather all the leaves they could find. The other half of the class was told to find berries, water and any other food source that was in the forest. Noliee told a select few to make weapons and Casey was to make her a crown of leaves and twigs.

Everyone was running around doing the things that Noliee had instructed. Gimli had 'rebelled against the new power' and was set to be punished like Prudence was. Jackie had gotten the marvelous idea to smear dirt on her face and call it war paint. She stuck a paper angry face to Sherwood and smeared mud on that too. She was suppose to be making spears for the grand hunt later tonight but improving the tribes' fashion sense was more important.

Soon everyone had caught on to Jackie's wonderful war pain idea and covered themselves with mud and other stuff, I think Casey accidentally grabbed a pile of bear poo…

Hanna stood between to trees and took the magic dust of Tom Bombadil's downfall out of her backpack. She sprinkled some in the air and danced around chanting in some weird language. The dust made a poof noise and all the leaves fell off the trees. Hanna smiled triumphantly and collected all of them.

After all the materials were collected, Noliee called us all back together and assigned new jobs. Some of us were suppose to start weaving hammocks, and tents. Others were to start preparing for the great feast tonight.

But what I wanted to know was how we were supposed to cook this grand feast? We didn't have any cooking pots. Come to think of it, how come in all those movies the island natives would always have a huge cooking pot? Where on an island (or in our case the middle of a forest) would you get a giant cooking pot? The things don't grow on trees!

I asked Noliee this and she instructed us to dig a large pit and start a fire in it. She did seem a little disappointed that we in fact did not have a large cooking pot. I think it kinda killed her dream of creating the whole island-forest vintage scene. And as you all know, having an authentic vintage island-forest is _impossible_ without the cooking pot.

Once we had finished we had the shiniest looking native tribe camp that has ever been constructed by kids between the ages of 13 and 15.

Noliee instructed us to make weird looking acorn hats that had leaves coming off the top. Then it was time for Noliee, the tribe leader to give the grand hunting speech. All 22 and a half of us stood in a circle decorated with war paint and holding spears and torches and looking all island nativeish.

It went something like this…

"Okay, we are hungry and want food cause the stupid prune kid ate it all. So what are you doing standing around staring at me for! Go get food!" Noliee said and sat down on the throne like chair that we made for her, "And get your butts back here before it gets totally dark!

All of us charged off through the forest yelling and screaming and waving our self-made weapons around like a bunch of angry lunar moon men that just had their space ship blown up by an irate alien slug worm.

In short, we scared every living thing off the face of the mountain with out hollering. Only then did we remember that we were supposed to be quite and calm so we _didn't _scare the animals away. So after that we proceeded quietly.

Then we saw it. A pack of deer…

Well its safe to say that we forgot about being quiet. We rushed forward screaming at the top of our lungs and stormed the group of deer. The deer took off running like world war two with a little paper angry face was after them and we chased after them like we were trying to escape next Tuesday!

"CALAWOOOO!" Jackie screamed and tossed a spear at one of the deer

It missed by about ten feet and hit a tree.

"Shut up Sherwood!" she said to the cactus that she had safely tucked away in her backpack, "I tried! I would like to see you do better job! You don't even have arms! Oh no, oh my gosh Sherwood! I'm sorry; I forgot I'm not supposed to mention the arm thing!"

Jackie stopped running to take council with her offended cactus as the rest of continued to pursue the deer. I tell you I felt very cool running through the forest after deer dressed like a forest tiki lady and screaming and waving a spear around. I was leading the pack of wild bush children (as we decided to call ourselves) and you could almost hear the war drums and tribal chanting.

We leaped over logs and hopped across streams, jumped from tree to tree all the while keeping the deer in site. It was hard to keep up with speeding animals but somehow we managed. We were closing in on them and when they stopped against a large rock, all 22 and a half of us threw our spears.

We didn't hit any of them. This angered us. Then the deer took off and disappeared into the thick pine tree things.

I sighed angry and threw my spear to the ground.

"Well this is depressing." Jackie said

Apparently she had made peace with Sherwood and had rejoined the hunt.

"Yeah, Queen Noliee won't be happy." Hanna stated, "We shouldn't return with nothing."

"And it's getting all dark and spookaful!" Casey babbled, "And the trees are watching me! I just know they are! They will probably eat me when I am closing my eyes for the sleep thing! And I am the hungry!"

"So what do we do now?" someone asked

"Go back I guess…" I replied, "And hope that the other food we collected earlier will be enough. And we are soooo not going to EAT Prudence and Gimli. I will get indigestion and a bad case of catfootoba…"

"What is this catfootoba of which you talk of?" Casey asked in another example of her marvelous grasp of the English language

"Catfootoba is a disease." I explained while we walked back to the island-forest vintage camp, "When you have it, you…"

I decided to have a little fun at Casey expense.

"You, grow bright orange hair and have green eyes. And you love to call Legolas 'Elfy' all the time. You are also paranoid and think that trees are staking you. You think it is disrespectful to sit down on a bus seat. And sometime you forget things." I said trying to full Casey

She laughed, "Well I'm glad I don't do any of those crazy weirdo things!"

"Right, right," I said trying to think of something else to tell her, "Hey Casey, are oranges your friends!"

She looked at me as if I had just told the world she wore pink fuzzy bunny pajamas…wait, she does…never mind…

She gave me this evil look okay!

"Yes, yes is there a problem with this!"

"No its just a sign that you have catfootoba!" I exclaimed

Casey gasped and started screaming. She didn't stop until the cool island-fore…yeah you know the shiny camp.

Noliee was sitting on her throne looking bored.

"So did you get something?" she asked yawning

She did look like a queen on that chair of sticks and leaves. She was wearing a self-made leaf dress over her clothes, and had a crown of berries on her head.

"No, oh great tribe leader, the forest creature of the deer clan have eluded us." Hanna said and bowed

Noliee sighed and got up off her throne. Scowling, she started coming toward us when she tripped over her leaf dress fell to the ground. She growled, stood up and kept walking all queen like. When she was about two feet from me she stopped.

"Oh well," she said and shrugged, "We can just eat all the berries and stuff that you guys found."

Then she told Hanna to start the huge campfire with some of her magic dust. Once she got that lit we all crowed around it and tried to get warm. Casey sat down on a hammock leaf bench and started tapping her fingers against her backpack rhythmically.

Lynsay started bobbing her head to the musical sound and joined in by drumming on her backpack. Well this started a chain reaction and soon everyone was drumming on their backpacks, stomping on the ground, throwing rocks against trees or making some other form of noise.

The music was so cool sounded that we decided to really go for island-forest vintage scene. So were got up and danced around the campfire looking like people that had just escaped from the mental hospital or an infomercial! We chanted random babbled in every language known to man and a few known to monkeys.

If anyone had walked into our camp at that moment, I seriously think that they would have turned right around and left

We roasted theses huge berry things that we found in the fire and they tasted really good like cherry pies with a light touch of cinnamon.

Gimli and Prudence, still tied up, where placed near the orange bush that was growing in the middle of the camp and danced around them too.

So we danced and partied late into the night until we got too tired and all went to bed.

OooO

That night some loud noise woke me up. It must have been like two in the morning. I got out of my hammock and looked around. Nothing…

"KOOOOKA POO! PAH SNOT!" I shouted the warning cry walking up the whole tribe

Everyone scrambled to attention. The tribe got up and out of their hammocks faster than you can say sloth frog with an afro on a Friday.

"What is it?" Noliee asked me

"I thought I heard a strange noise."

They paused and listened. It sounded like music.

"What is it?" someone asked

"Should we go find out?"

"NOOO what if it's like a spooker thing!" as you can guess, this comment came from Casey

"I don't think 'spooker' things play loud rock music. Let's go check it out." Noliee said and we cautiously followed her in the direction of the noise

After about five minuets of walking we pushed through the trees and stumbled into someone else's camp. We jumped out hooting and screaming and waving our spears around.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?" A voice demanded

We stopped yelling and looked at the other people. They were a large clan of biker dudes. There were about 30 of them; men and woman all dressed in black leather partying to some wild music and discussing astrophysics…err just kidding on the last part.

They stared at us and we stared back. It was THE weirdest thing that had ever happened to me. I mean here we are dressed like extras for a Tarzan movie and we come charging into a camp of bikers.

"What's a group of kids doing out here?" asked a particularly large biker with a mustache that could have been confused with a cat residing on his face, "…And why are you all dressed like that?"

"Uh, what is a group of bikers doing in the middle of the woods?" Hanna asked being the first one of us to be able to speak

"This is a campground what do you think we are doing here?" he replied, "Don't you see the highway over there?"

All of us looked at each other, _a campground! The highway!_

Noliee blinked, "You mean, that have been ten minuets away from the highway and civilization the _whole_ time!"

"Well yeah, where did you think you were? The middle of the jungle? It looks like it from the way you are dressed." He said and laughed

The rest of his biker friends joined in the laughing. Come to think of it, it was all pretty funny! I started laughing too and soon everyone was laughing so hard that we forgot what we were laughing about!

Ah, our stupidness worked out for the best. The next morning the bikers, who turned out to be quite friendly, offered us a ride home that we gladly accepted. I will never forget the look on my mom's face when we pulled up of in front of my house with me on the back of a Harley with 30 other bikers and wild bush looking kids with them.

I waved good-bye and skipped up to my mom.

"It's oh so totally twisted." I said ignoring her look of shock, horror and total disbelief

So all was good, we were all home safely and now had a great story to tell to our grandchildren.

But I couldn't help thinking that we had forgotten something…

OoO

"Prudence?" Gimli called, "Can you see anything?"

"No! I think they left us!" he replied

OoO

Ah, well. Whatever we forgot, I'm sure it wasn't important!


	43. Thales of Miletus, Great Philosopher?

The Day School got TWISTED Chapter 43

Later that week, Gimli and Prudence were returned to us in a brown package addressed to Lord Spongeron. The large box showed up on the stairs of the school with holes for air stabbed in the side. The little tag on it said, 'from the original bush people of Kookamungoota.'

We decided not to ask and Prudence and Gimli didn't talk about it. So it was all good…

I was still mad about not having Elvish and Band but I think I found out the reason why Elrond canceled band. Everyday for the last week of band class, Haldir showed up dressed as a rapper and taught us nothing but the finer points of rapping Lothlorien hood elf style complete with elven swear words.

It was kinda funny because all of us would be running through the hall screaming, 'We from da forest YOOOO!! Uh we from da hood forest!' and Elrond would get mad at us. And then there was the blaring rap music from the band room that disrupted the whole school and shattered Galadriel's mirror. She wasn't too happy about this to say the least.

So Elrond informed Haldir that it had to stop. So, the lessons stopped for a while but then one special day, Haldir told us all to meet him in the basement for something cool. When we arrived in the basement we saw that there was this dance studio thing set up in the middle of the floor. There was a huge sticker thing on the floor that said dance 360.

It was weird, all of us got in a circle and danced, there was this loud music and Haldir was rapping. It was all sooo scary but soooo cool at the same time.

Anyway, I was now in psychology/pre-counseling with Celeborn, who could use some counseling himself I think. Actually, I KNOW, ALL the teachers could use it.

It was the first day I had this class. I would have had it before if it wasn't for Gimli and his stupid field trip.

Celeborn was standing in the front of the class holding these big flash cards with words on them. When he showed us a word we were suppose to tell him the first think that came to mind. The first word he showed us was 'oranges'.

My hand shot up so fast that the rest of me went along with it. The jacket got caught on the edge of the desk and I almost knocked it over. Celeborn looked at me oddly but told me I could say what I saw.

"Okay C-man," I started in rapper mode from thinking about Haldir, "I am seeing a little cartoon person of me dancing wildly around in a circle and waving my arms! Then, there are the oranges! They are on this white background and they are falling!"

Celeborn gave me this look. It was a cool look that I don't think I have ever gotten from anyone. It was a look of fear, concern, wonderment, amusement and I do believe that he was pondering weather or not he had left the stove on.

But the result of all these emotions produced the weirdest face I have EVER seen and that for me is defiantly saying something…remember, I hang out with CASEY.

He had one eyebrow raised, his nose was flared, his eyes bugged out, were slightly crossed and looking at the ceiling, his mouth was open and he had the tip his tongue pressed against his two front teeth. His head was titled to the side and his arms were at his sides fingers extending toward the sky. If you are having troubles picturing a face of such beautiful emotion just think of a retarded frog, a monkey and a dead mountain lion. Not that it will help any…

"Lets move on to the next card." he said once he got over the shock of my answer

Frankly, I think he was over reacting.

The next card said 'Pasta'.

I again raised my hand about to blurt out a long story about a really REALLY awesome inside joke involving many people's favorite wheat-by-product (Pasta) and a famous celebrity that was in several movies that I have mentioned before. But Hanna and Noliee beat me to my awesome answer.

"Pasta reminds me of triangles!" Noliee said

"Pasta reminds me of Polish guys!" Hanna said

Again, we got _the_ look from Celeborn; from now on, this particular look is going to be called: _tongue-tooth._

So awesome I know, please hold all applause.

"You children should not be learning about how to council other people. You children need counseling yourselves!" He said and made note of something on his desk

"Right back at you!" Noliee hissed, "I seem to recall a certain elf lord, jumping up and down screaming at a TV football game and fighting with another insane elf lord that goes by the name of Elrond!"

Celeborn coughed loudly, "I know not of what you speak of mortal."

"Mhm, I bet you don't." Noliee said sarcastically

"Whatever, now if you would please take out your '_psychology through the ages' _books we can begin the first lesson." Celeborn said

Surprisingly, we did what he said and got the books out like normal students of goodness.

"A very long time ago a very wise man by the name of Thales of Miletus, he was a philosopher that- 

"Prove it!" Jackie shouted

"Prove what?!" Celeborn demanded angry that he was interrupted

"Prove that this so called 'Thales of Miletus' was a great philosopher! As far as I know, this guy could have been the village idiot!" she argued

"Read your text book! It says right there that Miletus-

"Who wrote this text book!?" She yelled, "I don't know the people that wrote this text book! They could be liars! LIARS!"

"If they were liars they wouldn't have been chosen to write the book."

"Prove it!" Jackie said crossing her arms

"No! We have a lesson!"

"See! See everyone! He can't prove it because its lies! ALL LIES!"

"It is not! Thales of Miletus was a great philosopher! Deal with it!" Celeborn said getting angrier

"No! I am declaring my rights as a United States citizen to say what I wish! Power to the people!!" Jackie said striking a dramatic pose, "I want some good solid proof that Thales of Miletus was a great philosopher and I want it now!"

"Thales WAS A PHILOSOPHER! The books says it, I'm sure an encyclopedia would tell you this, or one of those website things!"

"Prove it!" Jackie replied

"PROVE WHAT NOW!?"

"Prove that I could find out about Thales from a website or encyclopedia!"

"NO! Find out yourself in your free time!"

"You are the teacher! You are supposed to know and teach us with your almighty knowledge! What else are we students here for!? You as the teacher are supposed to answer our questions no matter how stupid and ridiculous!" "FINE!" Celeborn screamed and grabbed an encyclopedia from the shelf

He flipped through the pages until he found the name 'Thales'.

"See here girl!" he said and shoved the book in Jackie's face, "See right here it says that Thales was a philosopher!"

Jackie looked at him smugly, "Prove it."

"PROVE WHAT!?!!"

"Prove that the people who wrote the encyclopedia aren't liars! They could have easily made up this Thales guy! The crazy people could have thought up this imaginary guy and started a world conspiracy to make people believe it! Come to think of it anyone is history could have been made up!"

Celeborn shook his head sadly.

"Yeah! Think about it guys! I bet that is what happened! George Washington, Christopher Columbus, Abe Lincoln, Ben Franklin, Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, Cleopatra, Henry Ford, Frankenstein, Hitler, Van Gough! They could all be lies!!!!! All made up from some freak's mind! For all we know these alleged 'Word Leaders and Historical figures' could have been monkeys! MONKEYS!"

"THEY WERE NOT!!!" Celeborn screamed

"PROVE IT!!!" Jackie shouted back, "STOP WRITING DOWN THESE LIES MY FELLOW STUDENTS!"

"Listen child! Many people lived with those people during that era in history. They know that the historical figures were alive!"

"PROVE IT! They could have been caught up in the conspiracy too! I bet those people weren't even real! They were just figments of your imagination! Maybe you aren't even real! Come to think of it, your not suppose to be! You are a book character! JUST LIKE THE PEOPLE IN THE HISTORY BOOKS! See! See!!! They are not real just like you! You only exist in the minds of those who are corrupted by the conspiracy! But I will not be fooled! I will fight the power! I will be the new rebellion! I bet nothing is real! EVERYTHING IS SO TWISTED! OH MY GOD! This is just like the Matrix! Are you an evil agent sent to destroy me!?!! You are aren't you!?

"NO! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!" Celeborn bellowed going red in the face

"PROVE IT!"

Celeborn whacked his head off his clipboard and screamed random babble.

"Any more talk of proving something will get you a detention!" Celeborn hissed

"PROVE IT!" Jackie replied

"I mean it! I have the detention form right here!"

"Prove it! Prove that this detention paper actually exists!"

"That's it! Jackie, you have detention!" Celeborn filled out the paper and stuck it to her forehead, "The paper is right there stuck to you."

"Prove it! Prove that this paper is stuck to me!"

"IT'S RIGHT THERE, ON YOUR FACE!"

"Prove it!"

"Look up!"

Jackie did so and took the paper off her face.

"This proves nothing!" she replied and ripped it in half

There was a collective gasp from around the room and Celeborn turned the color of a stop sign…unless stop signs are different colors in different countries. Do other countries even HAVE stop signs?! Well I imagine that they would have to unless they want lots of car crashes or they have traffic lights at ever turn…

Shutting up.

Anyway, Celeborn turned a dark shade of red at Jackie's ripping of the detention form. He looked like he was about to scream and yell like a fat hippo on a Saturday.

"I GIVE UP! AS SURE AS MY NAME IS CELEBORN…that girl is insane!" He yelled

"PROVE IT! You have a lot to prove here dude! So you had best get on it!" Jackie said

"NO!"

"YES!"

"I said NO!"

"PROVE IT!"

"PROVE WHAT?!?!!!!"

"Prove that you said no!"

Celeborn looked ready to explode.

"FINE! FINE EVIL CHILD! I CAN'T PROVE IT! YOU WIN!"

Jackie grinned evilly, "…Prove it."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Celeborn tossed his clipboard in to the air and ran out of the room screaming, "I AM GETTING OUT OF HERE!"

"PROVE IT!!" Jackie yelled after him

When Celeborn was long gone, Jackie went to the front of the class and bowed while we clapped and cheered wildly.

"No one argues with THE Jackie and wins!" she said proudly

I grinned, "Prove it!"

"I believe I just have!" she said laughing, "So, was that a new record Noliee?"

Noliee checked her list titled 'Fastest time for records of T.T.T.M. (Teacher totally twisted meltdown).

"Yup, congrats, you beat Lynsay with the Legolas incident by 3 seconds." She said and added Jackie's name to the list

"Oh yeah, shiny shiny Jackie!" I said and awarded her with the honorary sunglasses of coolness

So due to Jackie's awesome quick thinking and unbeatable argument winning skills, we had the rest of the period off! PAAAARRRTTTY!

We should have called Haldir and had a repeat of Dance 360.

OooO

Later that day after lunch I walked up to the math classroom and waved hello to Frodo who was eating some carrot sticks calmly at his desk.

He scowled at me and covered his carrot sticks as if I was going to attack them with the savage brut force of my Viking army. Even though I don't HAVE a Viking army but that would be sweet if I did! We could pillage and burn every village of people who hate and are evil!

I have big dreams for my future.

So, once class started Frodo was still eating his carrot sticks and munching loudly.

"SO!!" Lynsay screamed scaring the cheese out of him, "What are we going to learn today!?"

Frodo choked on the carrot stick, "Fractions and rational numbers."

"BORING! GOSH WHY DON'T YOU EVER TEACH US SOMETHING THAT WE CARE ABOUT!?" Lynsay screamed

Frodo jumped back and his seat and made a cross with his fingers as if to ward off evil. Frodo is too easy. He's not even a challenge; a two year old could take him down. He was so easy to freak out that we had lost interest along time ago. We as professional annoyers like to go after the tough ones to crack, like Gandalf and Galadriel. We have come very close but we still have not been successful in causing T.T.T.M in their minds.

I wait for the day when Gandalf goes totally batty. He is already a moldy old man it shouldn't be long now…

I rubbed my hands together evilly. Frodo noticed this and began to clutch at his neck again. He must to this like 50,000 times every single day its crazy. Frodo needs to be locked up in a nice padded cell.

I had just found my math homework when Sam walked into the room carrying a textbook that was almost as big as he was. It was labeled _'math: the life, legacy and power'_. Sam slowly walked to the front of our class and slowly held the book over his head. Then he slammed it down on the floor and shouted something in some freaky language that sounded like the words 'Cow pie feaver' but who knows.

Noliee raised her hand and Frodo retreated to his happy place under his desk. Sam scolded her for scaring 'mister Frodo' but answered her question.

"What does_ math_ have to do with life, legacy and power?" she asked

"It has everything to do with those three things!" Sam said and wrote the three words on the board

"But…its _math_. I really want the explanation on this one." Noliee said crossing her arms

Sam looked hopeful that he finally had someone's interest and attention in class, "Really? You really want to know?"

"Uh, no…I don't care." She replied

Sam looked like he wanted blow eye boogies at her.

"Well ANYWAY," he said, "For those of you who do care, even though I know none of you do care, I have found someone very special to come in and explain it to you."

"All right, who is it?" Lynsay asked

"Well, it's a funny story actually! I found a time machine in the basement and-

"Oh my god!" I shouted, "Did you bring Orlando Bloom and Elrond's eyebrows here today!?!!"

Sam copied Celeborn and gave me the _tongue-tooth_ look.

"…No…I said I found a time machine."

"Yes, yes you did say that." I replied nodding

"Well…aren't Orlando Bloom and Elrond's eyebrows from the present?"

"…Ooooh…" I said after a very long time, "Yes, I guess they are."

"Okay then. So anyway like I was saying, I found this time machine in the school basement. I went back in time and found someone who was willing to talk to us about the life, legacy and power of math! He will tell you all about it in an old style of beautiful poetic language."

The class groaned at the idea of an old school Tom Bombadil.

"Don't worry! I'm sure you will all be entertained! So with out further delay! May I present to you Thales of Miletus the great philosopher!!"

I think Jackie had a heart attack.

She made this gasping noise and started breathing really quickly.

"This cannot be happening!" She mumbled, "No one can tell Celeborn about this!"

Jackie just about lost it when the wrinkly old man hobbled in leaning heavily on a twisted rotting stick. I swear this dude was older than Gandalf and THAT is saying something.

He had a beard that reached down to the floor and was wearing this toga thing that was the fashion of people in those days because apparently that was before fashion was invented cause old men should not run around it togas. It's just wrong, okay! His eyes were all scrunched up and tiny as were his nose and ears.

So this Thales of Miletus wobbled up to the spot was Sam was standing and looked at the class. He stood up straight and glared angry dragons at us.

"Children?" he asked his voice reminded me of mothballs and broken Elvis records, "You told me I was to teach educated adults of great wealth!"

"Oh, did I say that? I meant to say Children!" Sam said inching away

Thales dismissed him with a wave of his old wrinkled hand and turned back around to face us. Without a word, he took the heavy book from Sam and began to read from it.

It went something like this…

"In the ancient times, hoo kaaa fargop mu tag for day oh ay ahgasnow fort pah. To gabba mas quartomo blar four ble day!"

I didn't understand. Was he reading in another language? Or was he just a senile old creep that had thoughts of giving little children poison candy. And the worst part was he went on for _hours_. I seriously thought that I was going to snap. If I had to hear one more 'HA ka, snodrz blat fart' I was going to hurt someone.

No, no. That would be violent and we _all_ know that violence is not the answer, ask Jackie. She will tell you all about that.

As Mr. Im-such-a-great-philosopher-that-I-don't-even-have-to-speak-in-a-real-language continued to talk about something that none of us got, Noliee came up with the brilliant plan to sneak out of class and go see this time machine Sam found.

We could bring back someone cool, like the second King of England…or Yoda!

One by one we silently slipped out of the classroom and headed down the stairs. Sam was asleep so he didn't notice and Thales was to busy making up random garbage to care.

No wonder why Jackie thinks that it was a conspiracy and that all the world leaders and historical figures were monkeys! With language like that, I'm beginning to believe her myself!

Once we reached the basement all of us were making enough noise for a thousand angry soccer fans. We entered the dark spooky spook basement and saw it there in the middle of the floor.

_The time machine…_ OooO

Hahah, well that was fun! I loved typing this chapter! Fun, fun. Sooo who should we bring back to the future!?

Remember to check out My Forum. The link for it is in my profile!

Turk-out my homies! Word to yo mammas cause we from da forest yooo!!! Da cool en da shiny elfy elf forest yoooo!!! Uh, we bad yo, we da cool. ……

Well, so much for my career as a rapper… (Shrug) and I promise never to do that again.


	44. The Time Machine

The Day School Got TWISTED! Chapter 44

(About 15 minutes ago)

"TIME MACHINE! TIME MACHINE!" Casey screamed as she ran in a circle around the elevator looking thing that was the time machine that Sam had used to bring back that annoying guy

Sam's 4th period math class was standing around it deciding where to go first. It was then that Elrond and Thranduil appeared looking annoyed at the usual disturbance.

"What do you children think you are doing down here?" Elrond asked giving us his freaky eyebrow glare, "And what is that thing!"

All of us crowed around the time machine.

"What thing?" I asked innocently, "There are a lot of things in this room. There is a rug over there, the generator, tools, you."

Elrond glared at us, "You know what I am talking about. That thing you are all standing around!"

"Oh, this," I said and patted the time machine, "This is the great orange of…of the…orange place, where oranges come from!"

"Right, step aside human children." Thranduil said and pushed through us, "Obviously I will have to handle this because you have not the proper tactics of leadership _Elrond, lord of ugly eyebrows!_"

Elrond formed the most sinister eyebrow look possible and glared at Thranduil. "Well I bet you can't make those children tell you what the mysterious machine is!"

"I bet you I can!" Thranduil said and crossed his arms. "You there, child, what is your name?"

"Noliee remember? But you may call me Miss Ruler of the World as I will take over it one day!" Noliee said smiling evilly

"Right, so what is that…that object behind you? Will you please tell me?"

"Maybe, I will if you give me something for it."

Thranduil sighed and rolled his eyes, "What is it that you want?"

"Something of value to you…hmm, what about one of those…_shiny_ things you like so much? You know with all the gold and jewels you have, giving me one wouldn't be that bad now would it?" Noliee asked

"WHAT WHAT? How can you suggest something as horrible as giving away some of my precious treasure! I don't want to know what the thing is that badly…take my son instead!" Thranduil said

"ACCEPT THE OFFER!" Casey screamed in Noliee's ear speaking in a complete sentence for the fist time in a very long time.

"No! I don't want your ugly kid! I want the shiny! GIVE ME THE SHINY!" Noliee yelled and lunged at Thranduil who took off running screaming curses in elvish as Noliee chased after him

A few minutes later they came back. Noliee had obtained Thranduil's shiny green ring and she was grinning and waving her hand around to show it off. Thranduil however, did not look pleased in the least bit.

"Well, it's a time machine!" Noliee informed after she was satisfied the gem was real, "We were going to go back in time and mess with peoples heads just 'cause we can."

Elrond rolled his eyes, "You actually expect us to believe that? Go back to class! Shoo! To your classrooms you go like leaves in the wind! Fly off and dance in the blustery weather! Be gone!"

"Uh do we look like leaves to you?" Noliee asked, "And this _is_ a time machine! We can prove it too if you go inside."

The class moved out of the way so that Thranduil and Elrond could be pushed into the time machine. The rest of us crowded in the pink lined elevator that turned out to be quite spacious considering the amount of people in there. I pressed the button to close the doors and waited.

The doors closed and then came the peaceful calming elevator music that was just about as mind numbing as Gandalf's lectures about the purpose of Christmas wrapping paper.

_Do…do,do…do do do. Do…do, do do do do_.

After about 15 minutes of that, the music shut off and the time machine began to make strange noises. It beeped and whirled and it suddenly felt like we were flying backwards.

There was the wine of a speakerphone and the music resumed but it was softer this time.

"Hello and welcome to your fascinating tour of history through the ages," said a computer generated voice that was all perky and tour guideish, "Please do not be alarmed at the turbulence you might be experiencing, we are simply going back for your hands on, tour of history! We will begin the tour at, well the beginning, when cavemen were in charge of the land and were shaping the foundations of civilization. Please report back to the time machine in exactly five minutes!"

There was a ding of the elevator bell and the doors opened. We cautiously exited and looked around the spot were the school was 2000 year in the future.

"What on all of Middle Earth?" Elrond exclaimed, "Where are we? Everything looks and smells like moss!"

It was true; the world was covered in green succulent vegetation with huge leafy vines and shrubs. Everywhere there was an old world rustic vintage feeling.

"We are in the past! Like the elevator voice said…DUH." Thranduil said to Elrond and blew a raspberry at him, "Anyone with EYES can see that!"

Thranduil then made stupid face at Elrond that can only be described as a face that no self-respecting elf lord should make at another one.

Elrond just sighed, "We are wasting our five minutes anyway and as principal of the school, I say that all students must stay where I can see them!"

But we were off, running through the jungle like forest remembering our fake island native days. There was a lot of vegetation but we saw no cavemen anywhere. We were promised cavemen and I wanted to see some!

Meanwhile while we were off hopping madly though the old school forest, Elrond and Thranduil were sitting on rocks next to the time machine.

"This is all your fault Thranduil," Elrond said, "And if I ruin my new shiny shoes, you are going to get it."

"How is this, _my_ fault? I'm not the one that wanted to know what the stupid machine was so badly! And I care nothing for you ugly shoes that are so last season!" Thranduil replied

Elrond gasped, "How dare you say that my shoes are out of fashion! I AM ELROND! LORD OF RIVENDELL!"

"So what? I'm a _King_, That makes me shinier than you! I have my own forest!"

"Yes but it is infested with spiders and orcs and other ugly things! And I founded Rivendell, I am wise and awesome and there is nothing you and your unwise, un-awesomeness can do about it!"

Thranduil gasped loudly, "Are you calling me stupid?"

"Yes I believe I-

But Elrond stopped talking when there was a loud rusting in the bush behind him. Elrond screamed like a seven-year-old girl and jumped away from the bush.

"What is it?" He asked hiding behind Thranduil, "Something could have jumped out and attacked me!"

"Shh! I bet its just one of the students playing a trick on us." Thranduil replied, "Yes, you fooled the great Elrond and made him scream like a little girly you can come out now Noliee, Jackie, Cheesy, Hanna…whoever you are…"

But what came charging out of the bush was not one of us. A caveman appeared wearing a Tarzan like outfit and holding a club leaped out of the shrub and stared at the two amazed elf lords, sizing them up as potential threats to his territory or for food.

"What should we do Thranduil?" Elrond whispered not taking his eyes of the primitive being

"I don't know Elrond. Maybe we could try to communicate with it." Thranduil whispered back

"…But how? I don't speak caveman and I don't think you do either."

"It can't be that hard, all you do is hoot wildly and jump around."

"All right, let's try it." Elrond agreed

The two of them suddenly started shrieking, hooting and jumping up and down like monkeys. Elrond threw grass in the air while Thranduil made wild gestures and smacked the ground with a stick. They ran in circles screeching wildly and rubbed leaves in their hair.

The caveman jumped backwards and crouched down in a defensive position. Theses two strange beings were showing signs of hostile behavior.

"UGGHHA TOBONGA OOH!" they shouted hoping that was a message of peace in caveman language

Elrond and Thranduil turned and looked at the caveman whose face was set in a deep frown of anger. The phrase of: 'UGGHHA TOBONGA OOH!' was actually something very insulting to the caveman's mother. The caveman stared hooting back angrily.

"Look Elrond! It worked; he is trying to communicate with us!" Thranduil exclaimed, "I wonder what he is trying to say? Oh, oh look now, he is throwing the grass like you did! Now he is roaring and growling…oh what's that? He has a spear!"

"I think we should run now…" Elrond said

Thranduil nodded and they tore off through the forest screaming with arms flailing. The caveman chased them hooting and screeching angrily.

"Thranduil! I bet he wants to take us back to his cave so he and his family can eat us!" Elrond shouted looking over his shoulder to see if the caveman was closing in

"Well being a meal isn't on my to-do list!" Thranduil replied, "Elrond! It's the students!"

We were standing around a large tree enjoying the old world culture when two totally freaked out Elf lords came flying through the bushes looking like they had been stranded in the forest for 50 years. They had leaves in their hair and mud all over them.

"HELP US!" Screamed Elrond, "We…are being…chased by-

"A CAVEMAN! ITS AFTER US!" Thranduil finished

"Well where is this-

Suddenly the caveman in question came busting out of the trees hooting wildly and screaming in some gibberish. It ran up to us and jumped around wildly shaking the spear. The caveman was silenced when Noliee barked out one loud clear hoot.

She crouched down like a monkey and beat the ground with her fists. She picked up some rocks and banged them together and hooted again. Then she pulled her lip out and growled before tapping a finger on her nose. They rest of us watched in confused shock as the caveman responded my clapping and grunting. Then he pointed to Elrond and Thranduil, made wild gestures and growled loudly. Noliee frowned and shook her head no.

"What's going on? What's he saying?" asked Thranduil

"He said that you and Elrond insulted his mother."

"We did nothing of the sort!" Elrond replied

Noliee shrugged and made more gestures. The caveman hooted more and ran off.

"What did you tell him?" I asked

"I told him that Elrond and Thranduil are sponge brained children that are rude and eat rotten watermelons. I guess he accepted that." Noliee shrugged

"We should get back to the time machine! Our five minutes are almost up!" I informed and we all hurried back to the clearing where we had landed

We crowed back in the time machine and I pressed the button again. There was more beeping and we took off again. The stupid music started up again for exactly 15 minutes before the scary computer voice came back.

"I hope you enjoyed your viewing of the prehistoric times. Next we are off to ancient Egypt back to the times when the pyramids were just being built and the mummies were new. Remember to report back to the time machine in five minuets."

_BEEP! DING!_ The time machine stopped moving and the doors swung open again. This time we were in the sands of the Sahara desert. It was about 1000 degrees out and you could see the heat rolling, _rolling_ over the vast sand dunes that stretched as far as the eye could see.

"Look over there! There are people pushing stone things!" exclaimed Casey and she took off running toward them, red hair flying out behind her

"Sand? SAND? This stupid time machine just wants to make my ruin my new shoes that are already mud caked!" Elrond wined

"Oh stop complaining and let's go see what is going on over there." Thranduil said and the all of us followed Casey

"HELLO ANCIENT PEOPLE!" Noliee spoke loudly and slowly, "I SEE YOU ARE BUILDING THE PYRAMIDS!"

The looked at us hostilely and said something in a different language.

"Now, now there is no need for violence!" I said, "We come in peace! Take us to your leader!"

Hanna sighed and picked up a stick, she drew a picture of the pyramid on the ground and next to it she drew a time machine and people getting out of it. Then she drew a picture people holding hands and smiling.

The hostile Egyptian's frown turned upside down and they smiled and nodded at Hanna.

Elrond and Thranduil were looking at the statues of the great rulers of Egypt.

"You know, they should totally make a statue of me because I am awesome." Thranduil said proudly

Elrond scoffed, "I would make a much better statue than _you_ would. You're ugly and I'm not and only pretty people get statues made of them!"

Thranduil glared at him, "I bet I can get them to make a statue of me!"

"Not if I do first!"

The two elves called over some of the people and started drawing pictures in the sand as fast as the possibility could. Elrond drew a sad imitation of himself kicking the Thranduil drawing. Thranduil messed up this picture and made on of himself sitting on a throne.

The Egyptians looked very disturbed as they continued to argue while we ate some yummy vintage bread that they gave to us. Casey ran about throwing sand in the air, and then she climbed up the giant stones that were going to be used as building blocks and jumped off of them.

"Three minutes left Cheesy, what should we do?" asked Lynsay

"Hmm," I looked around and saw that there was a market place close by, "Let go on a three minuet shopping spree! See how fast we can buy things!"

"Shiny, idea!" Hanna replied and we ran off as fast as we could to the market

The streets were crowded with people who were busy buying and selling stuff. There was soooo much stuff to look at that I didn't think even if you had three years instead of three minutes you could see it all!

Right away, I ran to a booth selling orange. I bought two and shoved them in the cheese shaped purse. I have now collected old school oranges! Woot woot! Go me, go me!

I bought a bottle as well and filled it up with sand. I wanted to look around more but it was time to go, the rest of the class and I ran back to where the time machine and the angry fighting elf lords were.

"All right! Back inside!" Noliee said and forcefully shoved Thranduil and Elrond back inside

I pressed the button once again and we were off.

"After our journey to Egypt, we continue on to Old ye England..ye! A time when Kings and Queens ruled the land and myths and fairy tales were born!"

_DING_! The doors slowly opened to a lush green hilled country with a large castle off in the distance. All was calm and peaceful, the birds were signing, the sun was shining, and the sky was blue. You could almost hear the peacefully melody playing softly in the background and see all the little deer frocking merrily with the bunnies.

We all crowded out and breathed deep the fresh morning air.

"Well, this is relaxing. I could stay here for a while," said Thranduil

Suddenly there was a loud blasting roar that shook the ground that we stood on. Followed by that roar was a deafening blast of the sounds of a hundred angry people all screaming and yelling and clanging weapons.

We looked down the hill and saw a million angry looking men with armor and swords and bad teeth charging at us! Almost in slow motion they approached hollering and screaming, with weapons raised and banners flying wildly. It was crazier than a British soccer match in the middle of a rain storm!

"OH MY GOD! RUNNNNN AWAY!" I yelled and we all took off in the other direction

But out flight was cut short when a dragon swooped down and roared in our faces. Now we were stuck between the dragon and ugly people with armor, swords and bad teeth!

Time machine! AHHHHHHH! We went back to it, closed the doors and waited for the five minutes to be up while the battle raged around us. Were could hear the war cries and the dragon roaring and the time machine shook violently! It felt like the end of the world! I half expected something to knock it over!

"Get us out of here!" I yelled at repeatedly pressed the button, "I WANT OUT! AHHH!"

But it had a reverse effect. The doors opened and there we were looking out a dragon battle. And lo and behold was it horrible! There were…

Wait, were these knights were dancing and signing to a horrible Russian polka mix? There was no battle at all! Everyone was dancing around in a large circle with joined hands and they were signing merrily and kicking their legs up in rhythmic fashion like line dancers. Even the dragon was swing it head and nodding along with the music.

I felt as if we had strayed into a bad version of Monty Python. I didn't think that this was what happened in the middle ages but you learn something new every day.

"Join us!" Called one merry knight as he skipped passed

"Uh, we'll pa-

But I was cut off when Elrond yelled excitedly and ran out to dance dragging Thranduil with him. The events that followed were quite disturbing.

Elrond pushed his way to the middle of the circle and started showing off the worst possible dance moves ever. Shaking his butt and break dancing! I mean really! He even hip bumped with Thranduil which just about enough to burn our eyes out.

Noliee made a note to herself to borrow Jackie's hand sanitizer and wash her eyes out with it.

Suddenly the time machine began to beep signaling that it was time to go.

"Elrond and Thranduil you butt shakers, get your bad booties back here! The time machine is going to take off!" Noliee yelled

The merry knights looked a lot less merry now that their entertainment source was going to be taken away. I figured it was a good time to get out of there on the account that they had swords and other pointy objects.

"Oh yeah! We rock! When we get back I am going to teach that dance to the whole school!" Elrond said and hi fived Thranduil.

"…Weirdos." Lynsay mumbled, "If I have to see that I again I think I would willingly go blind."

"Oh, you are just jealous that you can't dance like that!" Thranduil said.

"Oh…yeah. I'm just seething with jealously." Lynsay replied sarcastically

Thranduil ignored her, "You know Elrond, we could be rock stars."

I rolled my eyes and pressed the button, the image of the two of them as rock stars was just too funny to talk about. But Elrond _was _a Goth-hippie, isn't that what rock stars are?

Huh, who knows…

"Welcome back, I hope you have enjoyed your time in Old England. Now we speed off to a time closer that you should be familiar with if they have taught you anything in school." Said the elevator voice

We glared at Elrond.

"On our last stop we are going back to the time when America was created some 300 years ago!"

OooO

It was an exciting day in Philadelphia year 1776. The founding fathers of the United States were all sitting down for another long boring meeting about what was going to be done with the new country.

The Declaration of Independence was just about to be presented when it happened…

Our time machine zoomed into the middle of Independent's Hall.

We got out and started at the group of men in white powdered wigs.

"HELLO 1776! ARE YOU READY TO PARRRRTY!" I yelled and started jamming on air guitar

"Where…how…wh…" they were all flabbergasted

I went up to George Washington who was standing behind a podium and poked him.

"Wow, now I can tell everyone I poked THE WASHINGTON!"

"Um, I say, who are you children and what are you doing here?" asked an older man with glasses

"SPARKY! Oh, I mean hello Mr. Ben Franklin!" Hanna said and waved.

"I am afraid you must leave now, children. I do not know who you are or how you got here, but we are having an important meeting that does not involve children." Said Mr. Georgey

"Oh come on! We will be quite! And Elrond here knows all about important meetings!" I said and shoved the elf lord forward

George looked at Elrond's strange robe, clothing and his long hair.

"Are you an ambassador from the far off land of China good sir?" George asked

I busted up laughing, as did everyone else.

Elrond looked at him funny, "No, I am from Middle Earth."

"The middle of the earth?" asked John Adams

-.- "No! I said…never mind. But what is this important meeting about? I have held several councils in my time." Elrond said proudly

"We are not going to discuss it, it is that of confidentiality." George replied

"Okay, then we will sit in the back and be really _really _quiet; you won't even know that we are here!" I said

All of us except Elrond and Thranduil hurried to the back of the room and sat down on the floor.

George Washington sighed and continued talking. Five seconds later I poked the person closest to me which happened to be Thomas Jefferson. He had been writing and I think I made him mess it up. I hope it was nothing important.

"Whatcha writing!" I whispered loudly

He just stared at me for a second before replying, "It is a very important document and it is of the up most importance that I am not interrupted."

"Oh, I see. Sorry dude."

Five more seconds passed.

"So! Why do you wear a white powered wig?" I asked loudly, "Are you bald?"

This last part was screamed loudly and all the other important dudes in white powdered wigs turned and looked at me.

"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU ALL BALD!" I screamed, "Attack of the bald people!"

I think I upset them because they all frowned at me and George pointed to the door. I apologized and closed my mouth.

Five more seconds…

"So _ARE _you bald?" I whispered to Tom

He also frowned, "No!"

"Are you sure?"

He sighed, "Look little girl, this meeting will affect your life. It is very VERY important."

"Okay…but are you bald?"

"I said that I was not now, stop asking me."

"But, what if you are?"

"I am not!"

"But…what if you _are_?"

"I AM NOT BALD!" He yelled disrupting THE Washington yet again

"THAT'S IT! OUT!" George said waving his arms around

"FINE FINE! We will leave! Come on gang lets blow this pop cycle stand!" I said and marched back into the time machine

I pressed the button once more and we zoomed off leaving a room of white wigged, possibly bald, men astounded.

"What was that about?" ask Ben Franklin looking around wildly as if more children were going to come crawling out of the woodwork

"I…do not…know." Replied George

OoooO

"And that concludes our tour through the times!" the voice said and the elevator music resumed louder than ever making us all very angry.

By the time we had zoomed forward 300 years, Elrond had smashed the box and was holding it high above his head in victory. The doors opened and beeped and we were back in the school basement.

"I hope we didn't mess anything up too bad." Noliee said and danced up the stairs

"I doubt it, what's the worst that could happen?" I replied

OooO

Gandalf sat in his classroom slowly turning thorough a history book trying to find someone boring enough to tell us about in our next class, when something caught his eye.

There was a picture of the ancient Egyptians holding a map and pointing to things on it. In the background was a stone statue that looked suspiciously like Thranduil holding Elrond in a headlock.

Gandalf frowned at this and turned the page. Here there was a history of the art of dancing.

"The acridity named 'Hip-hop' dancing was considered to be created by two mysterious figures that appeared in the middle ages during a dance of the great knights." Gandalf read aloud

Then he frowned, his caterpillar like eyebrows mushed together in a 'unipillar' shape.

"What have they done now? Honestly! Those Elven Lords booty dancing like that when booty dancing was clearly only meant to be preformed my beings of greatness such as my wonderful self." Gandalf said and turned up the volume on his headphones

OoooO

Well, it's not my favorite. Next chapter will be better I promise!


	45. Of Clowns, Frogs, and Elven Rockers

The Day School Got TWISTED! Chapter 45

I hummed happily and pushed the vacuum cleaner down the hall. Every so often I would stop and talk to it about the meaning of life and I would ask it, very loudly so that everyone could hear, if it knew the answer to problem number five on my math homework.

Of course, being a vacuum cleaner, it did not respond. But that wasn't the point; actually there was no point. What reason does anyone have to be talking inanimate objects other than the fact than I felt like it?

I pushed it around the corner and into Gimli's class. He stared at me as I wheeled it to my seat, sat down and patted it. He shook his head and started talking when the bell rang, signaling it was time to start class. But that is obvious, why else would a bell ring in the school?

"Hello class, in addition to dissecting frogs today, we have a new students," He said and motioned to the door

It opened and a girl came in. She was dressed in a crazy tie-dyed out fit and had orange streaks in her hair. She also had her ears duct taped to look pointy.

"HI EVERYONE!" she yelled

Casey, who was sitting next to me drooling over a Legolas picture, suddenly turned her attention to the door and shrieked loudly.

"NIMPATH! OH MY GOD IS IT YOU!" Casey jumped out of her seat, knocked her folder of Legolas pictures off the desk and ran to the girl

"CASEY?" She exclaimed, "ARE YOU THE CASEY!"

They looked at each other for a moment before they both shrieked wildly and hugged.

"On no, WHY? WHY? **ANOTHER** Casey? What have I don't to deserve this?" Gimli yelled to the sky

"What is going on?" Jackie asked, "How do you two know each other?"

"We both went to 'Fan Girls United'!" Nimpath explained, "I never thought that I would get to see Casey again! But now I can see her every day because now, we go to the same school! YAY!"

They jumped around wildly again, shirking and yelling.

"Please…sit down!" Gimli said pinching the bridge of his nose

The two fangirls bounced over to a vacant table and sat there giggling and whispering about who knows what. I grinned and put my backpack on the table where Casey had been sitting. I now had the whole table to myself and I was quite happy about this.

"Now that you have all met your new classmate, it is time to begin the dissection of the freeze dried frogs that I have ordered from the 'We Freeze with Care' company." Gimli said and started passing out the aluminum dishes to put the frogs in

Most of the class was pretty excited about this, evil Miss Noliee in particular but Jackie looked horrified.

"We cannot dissect these frogs! That's horrible! Just think of all the poor frogs killed just so students can cut them up and see what's inside them! How would you like it if we cut up you just to see what was inside! I can't believ-

"Jackie, stop please!" Gimli said and put a tray in front of her

"I am not participating in this brutal slaying of frogs!" she said and crossed her arms

"For one thing, the frogs are already dead so you would not be 'slaying' them. And for another thing, this dissection counts for 45 percent of your grade!" Gimli replied and slapped a dead frozen frog onto her dish

Jackie's eyes went wide as she carefully picked the frozen frog cycle by its foot and tapped it against the table. It made a weird _'thumpth!'_ noise. Jackie set the frog back in the tray, put a piece of paper over it and refused to look at it.

I poked my frog repeatedly with a gloved finger as it started to thaw.

"Before you being, there are some rules that all of you must follow. The first and most important rule is all parts of the frog as to stay in the dishes! The second rule is, NO sword fighting with the dissection knives. Rule three, do not begin until I tell you do, and do exactly as I tell you too." Gimli said. "Now with that in mind we can begin. All of you should now slowly cut the frog open. Yes, you too Jackie."

Jackie shook her head no, "I am not caving in to this stupid example of peer pressure."

Casey laughed wildly when Nimpath picked up the frog by its two front legs and made it dace. Casey picked up her frog and made it do kung fu moves.

I took my CD player out and put the headphones over its ears. Then I turned around and made my frog dance with Nimpath's.

"We are da frogs from da pond yo! Coming to yo here from da pad lily in da hood yo!" we rapped and made our frogs bob their heads like rappers

I made my frog booty dance to the song 'My Humps' and I don't think Gimli appreciated that at all. Hanna saw what we were doing and decided to toss her frog at Noliee's face. It landed right where she indented it too and Noliee fell backwards off her chair.

"RETALIATION!" Noliee screamed and tossed one back

It landed in Hanna's hair. She grabbed it by the back legs and smacked Noliee across the face with it while laughing like a spaz. Noliee laughed to and they smacked each other across the face with frogs.

I was getting all excited now and I jumped up on the table babbling wildly and holding the frog high above my head.

"Cheesy! Sit down this instant! All of you stop! Don't make me get Aragorn in here with his tranquilizer gun!" Gimli yelled

But a random frog came flying out from somewhere and stuck to his face.

"WOOT WOOT!" I yelled and danced around on the table with my frog

"Kung Fu Sumo frog fight!" Nimpath exclaimed and set her frog in a sumo wrestler pose

Casey did the same and made her frog stomp around before they charged their frogs at each other and wrestled them.

Gimli shook his head sadly and watched as Jackie calmly put her frog in a plastic bag and hid it in her backpack.

"I am going to save you froggy." She said and patted her bag

"Let's build a frog army and take over the school!" Noliee said to Hanna slapping her again with the frog

"Okay!" she replied and smacked Noliee back

"STOP!" Gimli exclaimed jumping up on his desk and waving his axe around

"Dance with me and the frog, Gimli!" I said

"No! I will not dance! This is unacceptable!" he replied

"I know _Legolas,_ would dance with me." I said

"_Legolas_ is a fruit cake!" Gimli hissed

"He is not! You are a…a…fruit pie!" I exclaimed

"Why is it so impossible to do anything with you children?" Gimli yelled chopped a table in half with his axe

Everyone gasped and instantly shut up.

"Ooooohh! You did it now!" Nimpath said

"I'm telling on you!" I said and ran to the door

"You will do no such thing!" Gimli yelled and dived in front of the door seemingly in slow motion

He crashed into the door still holding his axe that that went flying and got stuck in the door. He gasped and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck like…like a fly on…flypaper! He braced himself against the door and pulled with all his might. The axe came free, flew out of his hand and across the classroom and blasted into his desk. The desk soared backwards from the impact and smashed into the wall sending papers flying in all direction.

Gimli gasped again and pulled the axe out of his desk which then collapsed. He set the axe carefully on the floor and looked outside the classroom to see if anyone had heard all the crashing. Oddly enough, no one had but in the second that it took to find out, Noliee had picked up the axe and was holding it above her head in a dramatic pose looking like a Viking Queen.

"Put that down!" Gimli exclaimed waving his arms around, "That is a very dangerous weapon! _PUT IT DOWN!_"

Noliee shrugged, "Okay."

She threw it across the room and it hit the cabinet with all the lab supplies in it. There was a horrible sound of things crashing and busting into a million pieces as brightly colored chemicals began to spill all over the floor.

There must have been some acid or something in there because there was a loud sizzling noise and the chemicals started to eat the wood of the desks and the tiled floor.

"AHHHHHHH! IT'S THE PLAGUE!" Nimpath screamed and ran out of the room

The rest of us followed. We ran as fast as we could down the halls screaming and disrupting the other classes. I was surfing down the halls on my vacuum cleaner that I had rescued from the evil.

As we came barreling past Gandalf's classroom, he stuck his head out of the door and shook his staff at us and yelled things in another language that didn't seem all that friendly. My vacuum cleaner zoomed right into him and ran him over.

I don't think this improved his mood much.

OooO

After things calmed down and those people in the germ suits came and cleaned up the spill, we continued on to lunch.

"Heeeey Noliee! Watcha eating?" Casey asked as she flopped down in the chair next to Nimpath

"Food," Noliee replied

"What kind of food?"

"The kind you eat," she said and continued munching away

"Well, can I have some of it? I'm, the hungry!"

"The hungry?" Noliee sighed and rolled her eyes, "Well in that case, I'm the 'I'm not sharing my food with you'."

Casey pouted and opened her boring lunch as clowns came busting into the cafeteria followed by mimes.

Gandalf stood up from where he was eating at the teachers table.

"You can't have me!" he yelled and threw a slice of bread at a mime, "I will not go with you! You hear me clowns! NEVER!"

Then he broke the window with his cafeteria tray and leaped out hooting madly, happy that he had gotten away from the evil clown menace.

After recovering from Gandalf out burst, a mime scooted over to out table pretending to be climbing a mountain. He picked up Jackie's sandwich and clapped it in his hands making cheese, tomato, and lettuce fly everywhere. Then he shielded his face as if experiencing a terrible onslaught of rain.

Jackie scowled and moved her lunch out of his reach. Since Jackie's marvelous food was inaccessible, the mime made the mistake of taking Noliee's orange and pretending it was a basketball.

Noliee's left eye twitched and before you could say 'Flying cow doo doo in a blender' Noliee had punched out the mime and retrieved her orange that was now all soggy and bruised. This only made her angrier and she threw the orange down onto the unconscious mime's head.

"I'll have you know that cost me 50 cents!" She screamed and got up to get another one from the lunch line

Then she turned and glared at everyone sitting at our table that at the moment happened to be, Jackie, Nimpath, Casey and Hanna.

"And if any of you touch my food, may you have the same fate as that mime." She warned and stalked off

All the other clowns and mimes that had stopped to watch the evil display of violence quickly moved out of her path. When she wasn't looking, Casey stole a French fry.

Noliee pushed in front of some little 6th grader and joined me in the line were I was currently causing trouble with the cafeteria ladies Merry and Pippin…wait…that was wrong…

"Have any oranges left?" Noliee asked looking around for them

"Nope, just sold the last one to Cheesy," Pippin said, "But if you would like to buy some mushrooms…"

He unbuttoned his long trench coat and opened one side that was covered with mushroom. On the other side was a supply of Lembas and cookies.

"I have what you are looking for," he said reminding Noliee of a shady New York City watch dealer

"I don't want your crummy mushrooms! I want an orange!" she said

"Well, go ask Cheesy for one, she bough 30 of them." Merry said and shrugged

Noliee stared blankly, "30? What the cheese could anyone want with 30 ORANGES?"

Merry and Pippin shrugged.

"Did I mention I have mushrooms?" Pippin shouted to her as Noliee trailed after me

By now I was at the teachers table bothering them. I was sitting in the middle of the table forcing them to eat the orange I had bought. I refused to leave until all of them had consumed one orange.

"I told you already! I HATE ORANGES!" Celeborn said and refused to take the one that I gave him, "I do not want this!"

"Too bad, you need your vitamin C! Oranges are good for your eyes…no wait that carrots…But oranges are…orange! So eat them up!" I smashed the orange on the table with my fist and juice sprayed everywhere including into Celeborn's eyes

"AHHH! MY EYES!" He screamed and fell to the floor twitching

Galadriel looked up from her spaghetti that she had topped with peanut butter and mouthwash. She glanced over at Celeborn's empty chair, shrugged, put her legs up on it and continued eating.

I wheeled around to the other side of the table and grinned at Legolas while tossing an orange into the air.

"Hello there my dearest," I said in the creepiest voice possible.

Legolas looked up at me with huge, scared looking, blue eyes.

"You did _not_ just call me 'dearest'." He said scooting his chair back as if expecting to dash off in a mad sprint.

"Oh but I did," I said and held out an orange to him, "Take the fruit, the shiny, shiny fruit."

He just stared at me like a deer in head lights, "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?"

"Eat an orange they are yummy." I said and calmly placed it on his tray

He looked at the orange, then at me, then back at the orange, and then at me, and the back to the orange, and then at me, and then at the orange again and back up at me and then at the orange once more. He poked it and banged it against the table lightly.

Aragorn who was sitting next to him raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing Legolas? And why is Cheesy sitting on our table?"

"I don't know, but there is something not quite right about this orange." Legolas said

Suddenly a few clowns danced over to us and started doing something stupid that looked like the interpretive dance of the windshield wipers. They made weird faces and waved their arms back and forth in quick jerking patterns in a head bopping slow dance.

All the teachers started at the clowns with raised eyebrows all except for Elrond who clapped and cheered wildly.

"Don't you love it?" he excitedly asked Frodo who was sitting to his left, "Doesn't it fill your soul with longing for a simpler happier time of light and joy?"

Frodo stared at him with the blankest expression ever seen on the face of a living creature.

"No. It doesn't." Frodo replied tonelessly and went back to eating his food that Sam had precut and chewed for him

Elrond looked a little put off, "Well! I think it is the best thing since freeze-dried ice cream! I love interpretive dance by disguised circus artist! Why else would I hire them to perform for us during every lunch period from now till the end of school?"

"Oh you didn't," said Gimli who looked about as thrilled as a cat on a leaking raft in the middle of the ocean.

"Oh but I did," Elrond said grinning, "This is suppose to relax the mind and sooth the soul…like aroma therapy dish soap."

Clowns dancing like freaks. Oh yeah real soothing…

One of the clown girls dressed like a belly dancer came up to Elrond and started dancing around him shaking her hips.

"This is totally not school appropriate!" I shouted and threw and orange at the clown girl's head

All the students looked to be ready to start a riot and were holding food threateningly.

"This is very lovely wouldn't you agree Thranduil?" Elrond asked his new best buddy

Thranduil wasn't even looking at the clown dancers. He was polishing a shiny new guitar that his poor neglected son was also eyeing enviously. Apparently the desire to be an elven rocker runs in the family.

"Oh, yeah, sure, whatever Elrond, the new tissue boxes are great." Thranduil replied not looking up

I dropped the orange I was holding when the clowns produced brightly colored flags and twirled them about while leaping around and dancing a ballet to the song, 'Here Comes the Sun'.

The mines formed a circle around them and swayed back and forth to the calming melody while holding up pictures of smiling flowers. Where was Tom Bombadil? _He_ would have enjoyed this like no other could possibly understand.

Elrond also swayed back and forth holding his milk carton out in his hand and waving his arm back and forth like it was a lighter at a Woodstock concert. He had a look of tranquility on his face and didn't even notice when the sleeve of his robe fell in the potato salad and swooshed it onto his lap.

Then the clowns stopped, whispered something in a huddle and ran out of the cafeteria.

"IS IT OVER NOW!" Hanna screamed excited

"No, no. It is simply time for the second act. And Cheesy, get off the table you are obscuring my view of the dancing." Elrond said and made a shooing motion with his hand

I scoffed at him and jumped off forgetting about my oranges. I pushed Galadriel's legs of the chair and sat down. I looked around for Celeborn but he was gone. Probably snuck out when he had the chance, smart elf.

All of a sudden, there was a loud shout of happiness and everyone turned and looked at the cafeteria bathrooms that no one had used in years. The door was rattling so much that I thought it would come off its hinges.

"OH MY GOD IT'S THE TOILET MONSTER!" Casey screamed and dived under the table

The door opened and Van Helsing came out.

"FINALLY! FREEDOM FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOMMM!" He bellowed as he fell to his knees and kissed the floor, "I thought I was never going to get out of there!"

"Uh, dude where did you come from?" Jackie asked looking at his cool hat as if she was going to eat it

"OH I know! Remember when we were zombie hunting and he came blasting in and asked to use the bathroom but…he never came back out!" I said putting it all together, "Have you really been in there all that time?"

"Yes! But now I am FREE! And I shall-

But the clowns came back. They were now dressed in pink sweat suits and had garbage cans strapped to their feet and hands. Just when we thought it couldn't get any worse. The clowns were now going to perform…Stomp. The dance involving banging on random objects and creating a rhythm out of it.

The clowns started by running in a circle around the cafeteria banging the trash can lids together.

Van Helsing blinked several time before he slowly walked back to the bathroom and closed the door. Elrond had tears in his eyes as he watched this beautiful art form.

"YOU CALL THAT MUSIC?" Thranduil shouted and stood up on the table holding his guitar in one hand, "I'll show you music!"

He leaped down, pushed through the stomping clowns and ran off down the hallway. A second later he returned with sunglasses and a black leather jacket on and an amplifier that he plugged in and hooked his guitar up to.

All eyes were on him, including the clowns as he began to play. It was a nice calm song that followed the format of the clown's music. But then, after a few seconds Thranduil suddenly screamed like a banshee and started hammering away on it playing a loud, funky wild tune while screaming in different pitches and whipping his head around making his hair fly out in all directions.

It was so loud that the windows shook and parts of the ceiling started to come crumbling down. Thranduil finished his wild five minutes of fame by sliding across the cafeteria on his knees and throwing the guitar threw the window.

"OH YEAAAAAHHHH!" he screeched still headbanging, "I ROCK!"

Who knew the regal, reserved King of Mirkwood had a wild side?

OooO

Shortly after that, lunch had ended to everyone's relief. We were very happy to get out of there and head off to Noruas' class.

The pink cat was sitting on his desk having a conversation with his baloney sandwich. When the sandwich failed to respond in the correct way, Noruas blasted it with his special eye beams and turned the poor sandwich into a smoking pile of ash.

"BE seated slob class," he said and made dramatic flourishes with his paws

All of us did as we were told and Noruas wasted no time in getting into the lesson. He opened his books and pulled down a map of Middle Earth from over the chalkboard. It snapped back up and made a huge crashing noise.

Everyone in the room cringed including Noruas who hissed and backed away as if he was expecting the thing to explode.

"I'll do it," said Noliee as she bravely inched forward and pulled down the map

Taped across the front of it was a very unflattering drawling of Gandalf that should not have been there. Noruas laughed loudly in his annoying pink cattish voice and pointed to it.

Gandalf was drawn as a cartoon with a huge caterpillar unibrow, big wide eyes, and had a nose that was so large it took up half his face. He was wearing a bright green jump suit and his hat was purple. Above the picture where the words supposedly said by Gandalf: 'I wear curlers to bed and kiss my grandma's nasty, hairy feet!'

"Who is responsible for this!" Noruas asked still laughing, "I must know so I can give the slob extra credit in my slob class!"

Instantly all the hands in the classroom shot up. Noruas frowned.

"You all could not have possibly done that. You are all lying…extra credit points for all slobs that lied! I don't even really care who the slob drew this picture but it has put me in a good mood. I think I will take it home tonight and have a flag made of it!" Noruas announced, "But then again, knowing who DID create this picture would make me even happier and they would have an automatic hundred. AND do not try to lie this time because I will probe your slob brains with my special-ness that allows me to do so."

Noruas blinked his fiery eyeballs and looked around the room with an expression of intense concentration on his face. At first it didn't seem like he could find the person that really drew it but then he suddenly made a noise that sounded like a truck horn blast. He pointed to the closet and made the noise again.

"THE CLOSET DID IT?" Casey and Nimpath yelled in unison

"No you slobs! I believe there is someone in the slob closet of slob supplies." Noruas said and trotted his furry little butt over to the closet

He flung open the doors and a girl came flying out of it. She jumped over Noruas and landed on a desk.

"HI EVERYONE!" she yelled as loudly as she could, "My name is Kelly, but you can call me L.D."

"What's the L.D. stand for?" Cloe asked who had gone unnoticed in the back of the classroom

L.D. made shifty eyes at her, "if I told you, I would have to kill you. Top secrete it is, because I…am a…secrete agent!"

She made a weird pose and hopped off the desk landing in front of Noruas.

"I come to you all from the land of merry old England, the land of tea and scones and big red busses!" she said putting on a fake English accent, "And I am the one who drew that awesome picture of Gandalf. I will be joining you for the rest of the school year on the request of my mentor, a very old man in northern China. He says I am suppose to come here every day and LEARN things."

"Okay…" said Noruas, "Well sit down slob and start taking notes!"

"HEEEY! You did not just call me a slob!"

"He calls everyone slob," Noliee replied and moved her backpack out the desk next to her so L.D. could sit down, "Its nothing personal, you will get it and catch on fast here, I can tell."

Was Noliee being NICE?

I was about to mark down this momentous occasion when I saw what tomorrow, the first day of February, was on my calendar.

Student Appreciation Day…

A day that came around only once a year but I thought it to be the best school day ever created. It was a day similar to opposite day were you act all backwards, but instead of acting totally upside down, only one thing was different.

Instead of the teachers teaching the students, it was the student's job to teach the teachers!

Oh sweet madness here I come!


	46. Student Appreciation Day

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 46

(February 1st)

I walked into school with my head held high, it was my time to shine and be shiny! For the next seven hours _I_ was in charge of the entire school. It was a dream of mine ever since second grade and today, it was all going to come true. To celebrate, I had dressed up like Elrond, complete with shiny headband.

Yesterday afternoon I went to see the real Elrond and had _arranged_ for me to be the principal on student appreciation day. It was simple really, a few rants, a few blackmailing options and one or two death-by-cheese threats thrown in for good measure and I had secured my self a spot as the principal.

I walked into the office and saw many of the students running round doing various tasks. I walked into the back where Elrond's office was and saw him standing there collecting things from his desk.

"Hey, hey, hey!" I yelled in a very teacherly voice

"Yes Fat Albert?" Elrond replied

I gave him the freaky eyebrow glare that I had been practicing all last night.

"You are to address me as Principal Miss THE Cheese Turkey for today, lowly student Elrond." I said and sat down in his chair behind the desk and put my feet up, "What are you doing in here anyway? Get to class now or face my wrath!"

Elrond returned the eyebrow glare but there was nothing he could do about it because I was the overlord…excuse me _Principal_ of the school, and he was now a student that could not talk back to his superiors…um, I mean teachers.

Elrond sulked down the halls seriously regretting giving me such power over the entire school. He walked into what was previously Gandalf's class and sat down. However, today the lesion would not be taught by Gandalf, who was currently sitting the front left row, but by Miss Roggenogre, a.k.a Jackie.

"Hello class!" She said with a friendly smile toward the scared looking lord of the rings characters, "My name is… Miss Roggenogre."

Jackie wrote her name on the chalkboard and took Sherwood out of her backpack and placed him on the desk.

"And as you all know, this is Sherwood and he will be my assistant today!" She looked around the room and frowned, "Okay, Galadriel no trying to levitate the desk with your eyes, Legolas no passing notes to Aragorn, Elrond sit up and Gandalf…not hats in class!"

She walked over to the irate wizard, took his hat and put it on her head.

"Hats are bad, they can eat your face and they can hide your identity. You might be disguising yourself as an assassin who is planning to over throw Principal Miss THE Cheese Turkey and as my duty as a teacher, I am not aloud to let that happen for the good of all and winter toe socks." She stopped ranting and grinned, "Now, all of you please take out your text books and turn to page 397."

The 'students' did so.

"Well, today we are learning about the history of cactuses and…PASTA!" Jackie took a handful of spaghetti and tossed it at the class who cringed

"Um, why are we learning this?" Haldir asked from where were he was sitting in the back of the room

"Because, I said so. I am the teacher and you must listen to me!" Jackie replied and smacked the chalkboard with a pointer, "Now, read the assignment listed here and do it. Any questions class?"

"Yes, I have a question." Legolas said without raising his hand which made Jackie frown.

"Well what is it then?"

"…I forgot."

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Okay, that's nice. Now…A cactus (plural, cacti or cactuses) is a type of succulent plant belonging to the dicotyledonous flowering plant family, th-

"Yo, this is bogus teach!" Gandalf said in his best rapper voice that was honestly no good at all, "I don't care 'bout some dumb plant!"

Jackie looked up from her reading an expression of loathing on her face, "How dare you insult the cacti! Apologize to Sherwood and sit up straight in your chair! Stop slouching! This isn't party in pimp land! We are in school, and today is my day of revenge on all of you for making me life miserable with homework and I cannot enjoy it properly if you keep acting annoying!"

"Welcome to my world," said Elrond, "You and your little friends are 100 times as annoying as we are being. If you can't take it, maybe you should go teach kindergartners at nap time."

This got Elrond quite a few laughs and nods of approval from the other teachers. Jackie just started at him from over the top of her fake glasses. Elrond started back, daring her to say something.

"Yo-

Jackie started to speak but was stopped when I came on over the intercom.

"HI EVERYONE! This is Principal Miss THE Cheese Turkey speaking! I don't really have any thing I need to announce but…uh…I just wanted to say hi…how are all of you? Oh yeah, this thing isn't set for two way…Ah anyway…ooh what's this button do?"

There was a loud blast of disco music.

"SWEET! So that's where Elrond keeps the disco ball! Noliee, it's under the second drawer next to this picture Elrond has of Martha Stewart with kiss marks and hearts all over it. I know you have been dying to find it." I announced loudly, "OOOH! Ohmagosh! What's this? A note from Elrond's mom all the way from the Gray Havens! _Dear sweet loving son, I baked you some cookies and knitted you, a new pair of those maroon underpants that you enjoy so much. Love your dearest Mommy.._' HAHA! Niiiicceee Elrond!"

Elrond looked mortified. He turned beat red and put his head down on the desk in silence. Jackie and the rest of the teachers-turned-students laughed uproariously.

"Burn Elrond! _Buuurrnnn!_ I win!" Jackie shouted, "Now will you stop talking and read your cacti book like a good little elfy welfy that wears maroon knit undies!"

Elrond nodded and said no more.

"Good, good!" Jackie said holding her sides from laughing, "We can get back into the lesson now that there wont be any more disruptions and to get back into the lesson that will not be disrupted any more and to punish all of you for disrupting the lesson in the first place, it is time to take long complicated note! Isn't this going to be fun class? I bet Sherwood thinks so!"

The class turned to the cactus that had a paper happy face stuck to the front of it.

"See! He is happy! Aren't you Sherwood?"

Sherwood…

"Now begin on page 397 and keep working to page 410." Jackie announced and walked up and down the isles of the classroom randomly smacking a ruler on the desks.

"When you are finished with that, I want a 400 word essay on cacti and what they mean to you. As you know the cacti are gifts from above and need to be respected as individuals. I want this essay to portray all the ways cacti affect your everyday life."

"But the cacti does not affect my everyday life." Said Sam, "Don't get me wrong I love plants, but I just don't come in contact with that certain plant everyday of my life."

Jackie sighed and whispered something to Sherwood who 'agreed'.

"Okay, instead of writing about all the ways cacti affect your everyday life, write a fictional piece about attacking cacti from mars and how you plan to befriend them and settle the dispute _peacefully_ meaning WITHOUT violence. I know that may be hard for some of you to understand…"

She glared at Aragorn who was drawing a picture of himself destroying cacti with a sword. When he saw she was looking, he quickly covered the drawing and grinned sheepishly.

"…But please," she continued, "This is a peaceful assignment to help you better understand your cacti neighbors. Violence is not the solution to all the problems that you may have."

"Yes it is!" Aragorn argued, "Kicking orc butt is awesome!"

Jackie rolled her eyes, "Did you ever stop to that the maybe the Orcs have feeling too, and that all they might need is some good counseling and then they could be nice too?"

"No, I haven't thought of that because they are stupid servants of Sauron, created by evil, for evil." Legolas said and received a hi-five from Aragorn

"That is another 100 words for you Greenleaf." Jackie said shortly

When the bell finally rang, the class hurried out with mass amounts of homework and a headache from the long, silly, seeming pointless cacti class with Jackie. But little did the poor unsuspecting teachers know, it was about to get worse.

OooO

Merry and Pippin were acting like spazzes, running around the gym and throwing crumpled up pieces of paper at each other. The rest of the teachers/students were sitting on the bleachers talking to each other about the madness that was happening today.

"I wonder what is evil is going to happen in this class," Celeborn said to no one in particular

"Yeah, yeah sure…no the pink sweat suit doesn't make your butt look big…what? No, no…NO. Fine, just come over here! Wha…for the eighth time, Legolas' hair is not prettier than yours is! Fine, good…I don't want to…no! FINE…I love you Arwen huggybear fluffybaby!" Aragorn turned off the cell phone he was not suppose to have and waved to Arwen who was coming across the gym, all dressed up looking like an elvish version of Jennifer Lopez.

She walked up the stairs of the bleachers slowly so she wouldn't scuff her expensive high-healed pink shoes. She kissed Aragorn on the cheek and sat down between him and Legolas who inched away from her as if she had the plague.

Gandalf was in the corner of the gym with Galadriel and Elrond. were they discussing dignified, important things like just how many sheets of toilet paper were on a roll of Charmin.

They were just beginning to wonder were the teacher for the day was when the doors to the gym flew open and in marched Noliee dressed as an army drill sergeant. It was really quite funny to see a girl of fifteen whom not all that tall, wearing a camouflaged outfit, hat and polished knee-high black boots. To complete her look she carried a clipboard and had a large black whistle around her neck.

She marched up to the bleachers glaring evilly at all the teacher students. They started back not making a sound. Noliee frowned and blasted the whistle as loudly as she could, making everyone, especially the elves, cringe and cover their ears.

"NO TALKING!" She screamed

"But we-

She blasted it again, "WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT!"

No one moved.

"Now that you chatter boxes have shut up, we can start the activity. Follow me outside!"

Everyone hesitated.

"NOW!" She hollered and blew the whistle again.

Everyone jumped and scrambled off the bleachers.

"Form a single file line behind me and I will here NO noise as we exit the learning facility!" Noliee yelled, "NOW MARCH!"

The whistle was blasted again and everyone ran out into the wet muddy outside.

"Ewwww!" Arwen screeched when she almost stepped in a mud puddle, "It's all icky out here! And it's cold and wet. Daddy make, it stop raining!"

"SILENCE I DID NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO TALK!" Noliee screamed and blew the whistle until she was red in the face

Arwen looked like she was going to cry,

"Now see here Noliee," Elrond started while he comforted his daughter and shooed Aragorn away, "This is not what we had in mind for student appreciation day! It is very nasty outside and we are going to go back inside now."

Elrond started back to the door.

"Take one more step and I will make your life so miserable that you will beg to go live with the fan girls of FGU." Noliee said quietly, "What you seem to fail to understand Elrond, is that when you called student apperception day, you did not tell us what we could and could not do."

Elrond stared at her, "That does not mean you have the right to act like a little tyrant Nicole Ann Lee."

There was a collective gasp from the teachers that knew that you never _ever_ called Noliee by her real name.

"It was nice to know you man." Aragorn said and patted Elrond on the shoulder

Noliee was streaming, she blasted the whistle so loudly and forcefully that it caused a tree to fall over and all the dogs in the immediate area when deaf. She stalked over to Elrond, pulled his hair and blew the whistle in his face.

"NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN! MY NAME IS NOLIEE! N-O-L-I-E-E! GET IT RIGHT YOU UGLY UNIBROWED LOOSER!" Noliee bellowed

Noliee made notes on her clipboard and threw it down in the mud and screamed random babble in a fit of rage.

"I think she could use some anger management." Haldir whispered to Sam

"I HEARD THAT!"

Silence…

"Whatever. I am wasting my valuable teaching time; we are going to play a fun little sport called _'tackle football'_." Noliee said grinning evilly

Arwen started sobbing, Legolas looked horrified, Merry and Pippin looked confused, Aragorn seemed quite happy, Gandalf was frowning as was Galadriel, Haldir rolled his eyes, Gimli didn't seem to care, Celeborn wasn't paying attention, Thranduil looked like he wanted to be elsewhere practicing the guitar, Frodo was staring blankly into space, Sam was trying to get some response out of him and Elrond shook his head no.

"DIVIDE INTO TEAMS!" Noliee screeched as a thunder boomed and sky opened up and it started to pour

All of them ran around like dead chickens and grabbed onto each other while Noliee cackled evilly and tossed the football into the air.

The teams were divided as such: Frodo, Celeborn, Haldir, Merry, Gandalf, Aragorn and Sam who refused to be parted from his 'Mr. Frodo." On the other team were Galadriel, Pippin, Legolas, Arwen, Thranduil, Gimli and Elrond.

"I'm going to get muddy and wet!" Arwen wined, "I cannot do this!"

Noliee glared at her and threatened to blow the whistle. The teachers lined up on each side of the field and Noliee quickly explained the rules before she tossed the ball to Aragorn.

He caught it easily and started at it for a few seconds before he sprinted off down the field with everyone else chasing him around in a circle trying to get the ball, even the members of his own team who didn't seem to grasp the concept of the game. The only two who did run, or move for that matter, were Frodo and Arwen. Frodo was staring off into space babbling things about sticky tack and nail clippers and Arwen simply didn't want to get her pink sweat suit dirty.

Merry and Pippin jumped on Aragorn and tried to tackle him, which was the only thing anyone seemed to understand about the game. However the two hobbits were too short and Aragorn merely pushed them off. He had almost made a touch down when Galadriel came flying out of nowhere and tripped him.

Aragorn fell face first into the ground. The football bounced out of his hands, flipped across the slippery wet grass and landed next to Legolas who wasn't paying much attention either. Legolas picked up the football and a second later all the angry faced teachers pounced on him. Legolas disappeared beneath the pile as the football bounced off Gimli's face and spiraled toward Elrond who surprisingly caught it.

"Throw it to me!" shouted Gandalf as jumped up and down, "I am a ninja!"

Elrond was about to throw the football to the wizard ninja when Sam attacked from behind by putting a large amount of mud down the back of Elrond's robes. Elrond dropped the football and danced around wildly while shrieking in a high-pitched girly voice.

The football made it half way to Gandalf when it was intercepted by Celeborn. Gandalf scowled at him and made his staff spit angry red sparks that went out in a matter of seconds due to the rain.

Noliee watched all of this from the safe dry stairs of the school. She was enjoying herself way too much; you could see this from the evil, evil grin on her face.

Suddenly there was a wild bellow and Aragorn came charging out of the insanity looking like a madman. His hair was all frizzed out and he was soaked with mud and covered with grass stains. He has a manic expression on his face as he plowed over Celeborn and continued to run until he came to Frodo.

The hobbit made the mistake of wandering into the field and crossing paths with the insane ranger. The poor distracted hobbit got mowed down and Aragorn didn't even notice. He kept running until he passed the touchdown point. The others that thought they were on his team cheered but Aragorn wasn't finished yet. He held the football above his head yelled like Tarzan and sprinted off down the hill talking the football with him. His Tarzan yells could be heard as the ranger disappeared from view.

Everyone looked at Noliee expectantly. She stood there blinking.

"Well, that was weirder than a frog fashion show in the middle of the Artic Ocean." Noliee said and shook her head, "Uh, here."

She gave them a soccer ball to play with.

"Use that, yo-

Galadriel grabbed it, rubbed the soccer ball in the mud and threw it as hard as she could at Arwen's head. The blast knocked her over into the largest mud puddle on the field and she cried. Galadriel shrieked with laugher, retrieved the ball and was going to do the same to Haldir but he ducked and it hit Frodo who just stood there watching it come at him with a blank expression on his face.

_Smack!_ The hobbit would have been blown backwards out of his shoes had he been wearing any but he wasn't…so he was just blown backwards.

Noliee, like Galadriel was screaming with laugher. It was just oh so amusing to watch them tackle and smack each other. It was so bad, but SO funny. She didn't actually expect them to understand the game in the first place.

When the soccer ball was violently wrestled from Galadriel, Gandalf hurried away with the prize chuckling to himself. He was hoping to make it into the woods where he could hide the amazing soccer ball, build a shrine to it, give it a face with grass for hair, talk to it for hours on and name it Wilson.

And people said Gandalf would achieve his dream of landing the leading role in the sequel to '_Castaway_'!

But it was not today that his dream would come true…The woods were very close, so close that Gandalf could smell them and hear the trees talking about the consistency of squirrel droppings. Gandalf was reaching out to touch the first large tree when Thranduil dived and grabbed his ankles. The poor wizard went crashing to the ground and dropped the soccer ball.

It rolled into the woods and was never seen again. They searched for it, but…but it wasn't found…OOOOOOH mystery! Where did it go!

Noliee sighed and rolled her eyes, "Good job! You lost it!"

She was about to blow the whistle when the bell rang. All the teachers ran back inside the school as fast as they possibly could.

OooO

"My gym classes aren't _that_ bad are they?" Aragorn exclaimed as they walked into art class that would have been taught by Arwen

Aragorn sat down next to Gandalf who was making evil eyes at Thranduil for making him loose the precious soccer ball.

"OOOOHGAA PFFFFHHH!" I yelled into the intercom, "I am grand ruler of this school and everyone in it! Bow to me, and my shininess! Woot, woot! Did you all know that Elrond's office has a hot tub in it! I bet you didn't! I also bet you didn't know it has a snack bar, a karaoke machine, a never ending supply of wheat thins, and a full sized swimming pool! Someone has got to come check this out! I think I'm going to invite an army of college students and we are going to paaaaaarty!"

Elrond jumped up from his seat and was going to go running down to the office to stop me when the teacher or teachers rather, entered the room, Casey and Nimpath. They were dressed in blinding hot pink formal gowns all frilled out with pink lace and sequins.

"HI!" They screamed and danced around like spazzes, "This is art class! And in this class, you are supposed to draw!"

"Uh…huh." Said Legolas as he tried to sneak out the back door

This class was going to end up in disaster for him he just knew it.

"ELFY!" Casey screamed and ran to him, "Come back here, no being a bad elfy and trying to escape me!"

"He should sit next to us!" Nimpath yelled and pulled Legolas to the front of the room

"Well, like the shiny anyway thing, we are going to draw pictures of stuff!" Casey said and jumped up on the teachers desk

She laughed wildly and kicked the plies of papers so that they went flying everywhere. The room was full of brightly colored documents and annoyed teachers. Celeborn flipped out when an offending piece of red construction paper flew down and gave him a paper cut.

"OOWWW! MY ARM! MY ARRRMMMMM!" he screamed and flailed it around

"SHINY FUN!" Casey and Nimpath said as they danced around

"STOP…the madness!" Gandalf said and stood up

He waved his staff at them threateningly and made it glow purple.

"Now teach us something! I command you to teach us something! This is madness! MADNESS!"

Casey and Nimpath stopped dancing.

"Well, choose a piece of paper from what we have provided for you and find a pencil too." Nimpath said

"Yes, yes then draw a picture of a chair like this!" Casey said and ran to the chalkboard and drew a picture of a paper clip

"That is not a chair." Haldir said stating the obvious

Casey looked offended, she scoffed and rubbed chalk in her hair, a sure sign she was insulted.

"It is so a chair! I very beautiful chair! It's better than what you can draw!"

"Is not," Haldir replied.

"Is too!" Said Casey, "I dare you to draw this!"

She drew a horrible chalk picture of a tape dispenser, "Come on I dare you to draw this shiny cat!"

"That is NOT a cat!" Haldir said, "I don't even know what that is but that is not cat! It has now tail, or ears or fur or whiskers, or _eyes_ for that matter."

"It does so have eyes!" Casey protested and drew a triangle over the picture, "There! There are the eyes, right there!"

She pointed to a random chalk mark on the board. Haldir just sighed.

"Can I _show_ you what a cat is?" he asked

"I know what a cat is! I have one! He lives in a bowl and swims around all day!"

"Casey, that's a fish!" Haldir replied

He sighed and got up from the table he was sharing with Galadriel who was making a paper crown for herself.

"Look," he took the chalk from Casey and drew a perfect picture of a cat, "_That_ is a cat."

"Oh my god! It looks like Noruas!" Nimpath exclaimed

Haldir rolled his eyes, "Yes, Noruas is a CAT."

"Really! You are so smart!" Nimpath exclaimed and hugged him tightly

Haldir looked appalled he freaked out and pulled away from Nimpath.

"EW! It touched me!" He yelled, "I have _germs _now!"

He ran around in a circle and screamed for someone to help him. No one did, they just stared at him and then at the two fangirls who were drawing random doodles all over the board.

Elrond just ignored them and was plotting how get his office back as he made chains of paper flowers which made him think of Tom Bombadil. Where was that freak anyway? Elrond looked around the room and sure enough, Tom wasn't there.

Elrond raised his hand.

"Yes?" Nimpath called and threw an eraser at him

"Have you any idea where Tom Bombadil the flowing loving guy is?" Elrond asked, "He is supposed to be here, as is Noruas the pink cat that you were previously talking about."

"You mean the flower guy?" Nimpath repeated, "You mean his name is Tom? He told me his name was Floral Fred."

Elrond gave her Celeborn's tongue-tooth look.

"Floral Fred? Well what was he doing?" Elrond asked shaking his head slowly

Nimpath shrugged and returned to doodling with Casey who was trying to draw Legolas.

"I think he was going outside to plan flowers." She replied after a long time

"But, but it's February!" Elrond said

"GLUE!" yelled Casey

She tossed a jar of past into the air and it was fell on the table in front of Aragorn who ogled it for a moment before there was a roaring noise and his hair ate it.

Everyone started at him with wide eyes. Even Casey was quite so you know something just amazing happened. Aragorn grinned at them.

"I didn't do it!" he said, "Honestly, I didn't do a thing!"

Gimli tossed a paper at Aragorn's head. His hair went wild, stood on end and the paper disappeared in the strands.

"Okay! Very un-shiny! NO shiny!" Casey screeched and tossed paint around

Galadriel put the crown on her head and pointed at Casey, "Off with her head!"

Meanwhile, Frodo was in a trance like state drawing circles on everything he could find. He was mumbling and drooling like a zombie too.

"Mister. Frodo, come one now. Stop this." Sam said and took Frodo's pencil away, and then he held up a piece of paper. "Look, I drew you a nice picture Mr. Frodo. It's of you relaxing in a nice tree."

Frodo looked at Sam with a face void of any emotion.

"Bear suit." Frodo said and held out his hand for the pencil

"Now, I think you have done enough Mister Frodo." Sam said, "Take this picture I made for you and look at that until class is over."

Frodo took the picture, looked at it for two seconds, crumpled it up and threw it out the window. He glared at Sam. "Bear suit!"

When Sam again failed to give Frodo the pencil, Frodo attacked him and bit his hand.

"Ow! Now Mister, that wasn't nice!" Sam said

Frodo hissed at him, "Bear suit!"

"Hey Frodo, could you come draw a picture of Santa Claus for me?" Nimpath asked

Frodo freaked out and tipped backwards out of his chair and crashed to the floor. He scrambled to his feet and slowly walked toward the chalkboard looking like a zombie the whole time.

He took the piece of chalk that Nimpath gave him and started to draw. The picture that resulted from the amazing artist known as Frodo was of him holding a light saber in a dramatic pose. He was fighting 'Santa' who was a huge fluffy looking scribble with a slanted 'v' eyebrow and large square eyes and a mouth full of teeth. The Santa drawing was also holding a light saber and was waving it at Frodo.

Frodo then proceeded to give a long detailed account of his picture. This was the most that anyone had head him speak all school year.

But, as usual Casey wasn't paying attention and was drooling over Legolas who was trying to get away from her.

"So what have we leaned today class?" Nimpath asked upon noticing that the bell was about to ring

"Nothing!" they replied

"Good, good! You really do understand! Now, I want an 800-page report on it due tomorrow! And don't you dare use a font lager than size 8 to type it!" Nimpath said

"Are you mad girl?" Gandalf exclaimed, "I have read dictionaries shorter than that!"

"Ew, you read the dictionary?" said Arwen

"As a matter of fact, I wrote a dictionary and a memoir of my life." Gandalf announced proudly, "I just happen to have a copy of it here if any of you would like to buy it for 50 dollars and for an additional 5 dollars, I will autograph it for you."

Gandalf took a book out of the bag that everyone just realized that he had with him.

"Um Gandalf, this book is called _'My Life and Times'_ by George W. Bush, with an 'x' over his name." Nimpath said

Gandalf nodded, "Yes, your point is?"

"You are not George W. Bush."

"How do you know I might be him in disguise?"

"Gandalf, you bought this book at the dollar store, crossed out the author's name wrote your own and pasted a picture that you drew of yourself on the cover, didn't you?"

Gandalf looked offended, "No! I-

"This dictionary is madness!" Gimli said as he looked through it

"Well, I figured it would be." Aragorn replied

"No, I mean really, its madness! That's the only word in here written over and over again about 5,000 times with a little depiction of madness beside each word." Gimli explained and showed the book to Aragorn

Gandalf was agitated by this, "So what if it is?"

He snatched his books back and stored them away in his bag.

He was about to say something else when the bell rang, two minuets early and I decided to give an announcement again.

"Oranges are among us, they walk with us down the street. They go to your school; they eat your food, they use your toilets, they live…at your grocery store!" I said in a very dramatic voice before I made loud 'woo' noises, "Oh and Pippin, some one called for you, something about a mushroom sweepstakes? And uh…was else…oh yeah! There is a party going on in the office, I did end up inviting the college students!"

Elrond stopped walking in the middle of the hallway and screamed random babble in another language. L.D. poked her head out from the classroom she was teaching in.

"Dude, I am teaching you elvish next, and I know for a fact that is NOT a nice word to use in the presence of children! Now come in and sit down in your seats _student_ Elrond!" She said in her fake English accent

Elrond mumbled something about this being the stupidest day in the history of all days and walked in.

"What could a 14 year old possibility teach me about elvish that I don't already know?" Elrond exclaimed and slammed his notebook down on the desk

OoooO

That's enough for now. More of this teacher/student madness in the next chapter will be coming soon.

I like this chapter but I am angry at the moment. admin decided to change the rules AGAIN and now it is set in stone that you cannot reply to reviews at the end of chapters. You have to use this new PM thing. Its madness, the bad kind of madness, the kind of madness that makes The Cheese Turkey very angry. This is how my story got deleted last time, they changed their rules after I already had stuff up and decided I should have jumped to change it. Well, if I get deleted again you know what happened, but I am _not_ about to go and change 13 chapters with review responses on them.


	47. Of LD and Saruman

The Day School got TWISTED Chapter 47

(Disclaimer: Uh, well I do not own Lord of the Rings. I would do something creative for this but I am much too afraid that admin will freeze my account and take the story off. Admin is beginning to get on my nerves…ORANGE PINEAPPLES!)

"Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama. Funny llama, fuzzy llama, llama llama duck! Translate that in to elvish Mr. Eyebrows! I dare you to!" said L.D. once class had started

Elrond was still convinced that he knew all the elvish there was to know in the world and was arguing with L.D. about it.

"I am not going to translate that into elvish for several reasons. 1, I did not even understand what you said, 2, all I heard was the word llama and that is just idiocy that I will not waste my precious time one and 3, there is no word for 'llama' in elvish." Elrond nodded and crossed his arms

L.D narrowed her eyes, "Okay, 'Mr. know-it-all' with the ugly fashion sense. Can you tell me _why_ there is no word for llama in elvish?"

"There are no llamas in Middle Earth! And I do not have bad fashion sense!" Elrond exclaimed and looked down at his rockin' outfit

He was neon purple pants with green shoes and a long sleeved orange shirt with flowers on it. Over all that he was wearing his reddish purple council robe with his favorite black 'Watch me pretend to care' t-shirt over the council robe.

"I think I look, what would you call it? 'Hot'?" Elrond said

"…Elrond?" said L.D.

"Yes?"

"Never, EVER say that you think you are hot ever again." She shook her head and frowned, "No-

Suddenly there was a loud karate shriek and a group of very stylish ninjas came blasting in the window. The carried fabric bolt rolls that they were waving around like nunchucks and instead of the normal black belt worn by karate experts, these ninjas wore ones with diamond studs and designer labels.

The jumped up on L.D's desk and struck a dramatic pose and suddenly the song 'Kun Foo Fighting' started blasting from somewhere in the room.

"We are the fashion ninjas! The masters of _Material Arts_!" The said at the same time, "You are under arrest for committing a serious fashion crime one with eyebrows that turn up like candy canes!"

Everyone in the room fell silent and they stared in shock at the Ninjas. Everyone except for Gandalf that is, he ran up to them and started blabbing.

"NINJAS! Hooray! Take me with you and teach me they way of your ninja society!" Gandalf said excitedly

The ninjas started at him.

"Um, no…But! One with candy cane eyebrows must come with us!" said the leader of the stylish masked Material artists

The fashion ninjas made more karate yells. The jumped on Elrond and tied him up with some fashionable fabric designs and dragged him away. Elrond fought them but the ninjas just slapped a moisturizing mask over his face and told him to relax and that he would be returned shortly.

The door banged shut and it was silent once more.

"Um, well that was nice. They can just keep him then!" L.D said and rolled her eyes, "NOW! Lets begin!"

She put a pirate hat on her head and whistled shrilly. In a matter of seconds Jack Sparrow came blasting in the door carrying a plate of cookies.

" 'Ello luv! I got the cookies you wanted." Jack said and placed the tray down on her desk

He looked around at the class, smiled and bowed.

"Those cookies," He made a dramatic hand flourish toward the pastry in question, "Are rum flavored. And I have a rum flavored quiche in the over. I just found a whole stash of rum mates! The rum is not gone!"

He sat down on the swirly computer chair and spun around as fast as he could.

"Hooray! Stage performers!" Haldir said in a very un-amused tone

"Jack! You are going to fly off of that chair and going flying into that wall at ungodly speeds!" L.D exclaimed

But Jack wasn't hearing it he was hollering and screaming as he twirled faster and faster and faster the chair started to lift off the floor he was going so fast! Then as the chair was raised two feet, Jack's leg hit the side of the desk and flew out of the chair and crashed into the wall at ungodly speeds!

"TUNA FISH!" Jack yelled and smacked into the wall

L.D ran to him and the other teaches just kind of looked at him blankly. Gandalf was looking through his dictionary and adding Jack's name with a new definition of madness.

"Jack! Jack! Are you okay? Speak to me Jack!" L.D yelled and slapped him across the face

"Huh? Parlay, French mayonnaise!" Jack babbled

"Jack! Do you remember who you are?" L.D questioned

"I…I…OH MY GOD!" Jack exclaimed

"What! What is it?"

"The RUM!"

"What about it?"

"I remembered it!" Jack said and got up

Then he stood up and almost in a robot like fashion walked out of the classroom without another word.

L.D copied Celeborn's tongue-tooth expression, "Right, elvish time?"

"WELL IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!" Frodo exploded and kicked his desk over

"Don't make me get Noruas and his laser eyeballs in here!" L.D said

At the threat of Sau-excuse me Noruas, Frodo freaked out and hid in the closet.

"Elvish lesson 101!" L.D said and yanked on the map string so that it shot back up inside the case before it crashed to the floor

On the board were several random gibberish words that were so totally _not _elvish.

L.D jumped up on what was once Legolas' VERY clean, organized desk. Everything was filed into neat little folders with heart and bunnies on them.

"Hmm, there is not enough room on here for me to teach!" L.D said and kicked one of the folders off the desk

Once again, the classroom was littered with papers. Legolas looked ready to cry.

"You horrible child! You…you, YOU threw off my groove!" He said and the rest of the class gasped loudly

"Oh no, you threw off his groove and ya'll know what happens when you throw of his groove!" Aragorn said and stomped his feet for dramatic effect

"AH! What happens when you throw off Legolas' groove?" Pippin asked eyes wide

"Yes, Aragorn what does happen. Please share what happens when you throw off Legolas' groove." Gandalf said and clicked his special writing pen ready to add another 'madness' term to his dictionary

"Well, when you throw off Legolas' groove…it goes a something like this!" Aragorn looked at Legolas who nodded, "MUSIC AND LIGHTS PLEASE!"

This wild bouncy dance music started to play and Legolas and Aragorn jumped up from their seats and began to dance around.

"Oh I'm a goofy goober yeah!

You're a goofy goober yeah!

We're all goofy goobers yeah!

Goofy goofy goober goober yeah!"

They did this bizarre synchronized dance that involved a lot of arm waving and club style moves. Then they stopped and sat down like nothing had happened.

"Okay, a note to all of you, NEVER and I repeat NEVER throw of Legolas' groove again. Beware the groove!" L.D said putting on her fake English accent again, "But by the way you two, if I recall that was from spongebob!"

"Yeah it was!" said Legolas and hi fived Aragorn

"Uh huh, nice now ELVISH. Did you ever realize that you could spell 'evil' with elvish? Well, that explains Elrond's eyebrows. Anyway…uhh randomly I choose SAM! So, Sam _Bado, nestago lam gîn nuin nîf orch!"_

Sam looked scared, "What? What did you say Miss L.D?"

L.D laughed loudly, "Bado, echado veleth orch!"

"That wasn't very nice!" said Arwen and all the people in the room that already knew elvish agreed

"But its-

And then the bell rang releasing the 'teacher students' for the day.

"Um, what are we suppose to do now?" Aragorn asked slowly walking out of the classroom

"Now, we go home." Said Gandalf

"So, early? Don't we have to grade papers like usual?" Pippin replied

"Not today we don't. We can now go home, relax and-

"ROCK OUT! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOHOOOOO!" Screamed Thranduil started to wildly play his guitar

Gandalf grabbed the guitar from Thranduil, beat him over the head with it and made the guitar disappear into a puff of smoke.

"Hey! I paid good money for that!" Thranduil protested

"You did not! You fond it in a trashcan along with those 1960's clothes that you gave to Elrond!" Legolas said crossing his arms, "So don't even lie dad, I know. I was there! And take that stupid fake nose ring out! It's stupid!"

"No, make me!" Thranduil replied and pouted like a two-year-old

"Fake nose ring?" Gandalf turned and looked at him as did everyone else

Thranduil started back, "What?"

Gandalf shook his head, "What do you…never mind, I don't want to know."

"I happen to _like_ the fake nose ring for your information!" Thranduil said

"Shut up dad you're embarrassing me!" Legolas yelled

"NO! I AM A ROCKER AND YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!"

The rest of them rolled their eyes and walked on back to their apartment building. All except for Elrond, who had in fact been carried off by the fashion ninjas.

When he would be back, no one could tell you. Might be tomorrow, might be in a year so until then Gandalf decided that he would be principle. With his staff of doom no one dared to challenge him for the position.

OooO

(The Next Day)

Casey strutted into school wearing large pink platform shoes that went up to her knees. She could barely walk and she towered above us all while wobbling worse than a frozen frog on the moon with a bad case of whooping cough!

She wobbled into our new class, Child Care, and sat down next to Nimpath at the little tables that were set up around the room to look like a daycare.

I was sitting next to Noliee who was scowling with a look of hate on her face at the shiny, happy brightly colored room that looked to be an exact replica of the one on the popular daytime children's drama Blue's Clues. It had a smiling sun, a smiling tree, a smiling cloud, a smiling house, a smiling cat, a smiling dog, a smiling sandbox, a smiling swing set and a big red ball that…uh huh you guess it. It was smiling. Noliee looked ready to rip all the things off the wall in burn them.

"This room makes me want to vomit." She said and threw her pencil at the wall.

"Oh I loves it the shiny!" Casey said in another display of respect for the English language, "Its so happy!"

She smiled and spun around the room before she tripped over her stupid shoes.

"Well, you would like it." Noliee replied folding her arms. She tried to think of some smart comment but nothing was coming to her. The blinding happiness of the room was making her feel dizzy.

It was then that the new teacher entered…and it was Saruman.

Everyone started with raised eyebrows as the old crazy, (and not to mention dead) wizard walked into the room leaning on his staff.

"Hello Class," he said in his deep booming voice, "I am the teacher of this class and I think that you will find that I, unlike the rest of the buffoons here, am quite sane. I do not blow bubbles, lick oranges, kiss sandwiches, play with dolls or paint my fingernail as so many like to think. I am, as you see, sane."

"Uh huh, that's what they all say. And then, then it is only a matter of time." said Noliee with an evil glint in her eye

"A matter of time until what exactly?" he asked

"Until I break you, like all the others." Noliee laughed evilly

Saruman frowned at her, "That is enough girl. Now, we will waste no time in getting into this lesson. This is a very important class and though some of you might not like what we are going to do, that is too bad because you are in school and we all have to do things that we don't like to do. So I do not want to hear any of you complaining about how unfair it is or how this class _sucks_. Classes do not 'suck', vacuum cleaners suck, catfish suck but classes do not suck!"

"Oh my god get on with it already!" I said and sighed, "You are wasting my life with you-

"SILENCE! I will not have disobediences in my classroom!"

I looked at Noliee and she looked back. Then Saruman was added to the prank list.

"Since some of you have to be so RUDE. I shall skip the lecture and start the lesson. Now, we are going to be taking care these!"

He placed a five-pound bag of sugar on his desk. It had a face and the words: 'Hello, my name is Spaghetti' written on it.

"These are to be you children in a sense and you are to care for them as you would your own." Saruman picked up the sugar bag and cradled it in his arms, "You will take them everywhere with you and no matter where you go, and they must go with you!"

I sighed; this was going to be fun. NOT!

"All of you are not going to paired up with each other for this task however, you are going to pair up with the teachers!" Saruman announced and the room was thrown in to chaos

"OH MY GOD! NO!" I yelled at the top of my lungs and beat my fists on the table

Others around me were doing the same thing and Noliee was thrown into an angry fit.

"CALM DOWN! Saruman roared

We stopped.

He reached behind his desk again and took out a large hat.

"Inside are the names of the teachers. You are to choose ONE when I bring the hat to you. There will be no switching!"

The first person to get a hold of the hat was Hanna. She closed her eyes and reached in hoping for someone good.

"What does the paper say?" Saruman asked ready to write down the name on his clipboard

Hanna took a deep breath and unfolded the paper; the name written on the inside was…Haldir.

"Haldir! It says Haldir!" she said and waved the paper around, "Good! I'm not stuck with someone stupid!"

Saruman rolled his eyes, "Nimpath, you are next."

"Okay," she said and took a paper from the pile while praying she would get Legolas, "…CELEBORN!" She screamed

She let her head fall to the desk with a thump.

"All right. Noliee?"

"No. You cannot make me do this! I will not-

Saruman waved his staff at her, "Pick a name girl or I shall send you flying out of that window!"

Noliee scoffed and pulled out a name, "Sane? You say you are sane?"

"What does it say?"

"I don't feel like looking at it yet!"

Saruman made the staff glow blue and Noliee slowly began to raise up out of her seat.

"Okay! Okay! I feel like looking at it now!" Noliee said and she fell back into her seat, "It says…Tom Bombadil."

Noliee face was expressionless so it was impossible to tell how she felt about this but on the inside I knew she was seething with anger.

"You are next Lynsay."

She grabbed a paper, "Noruas? NORUAS? NORUAS IS A CAT!"

"All right Casey."

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! I better get Elfy! ELFY!"

"TAKE A PAPER GIRL!"

"Fine!"

"What does it say?"

"It doesn't say anything ugly unshiny man. You have to read it, paper does not talk!"

Saruman slapped a hand to his face, "Well then, READ IT!"

"Okays, when reading it, the paper reads as…OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO!"

"What is it!" Saruman asked

"GIMLI!" She screeched, "It can't be! How unshiny is my fate? WOE IS CASEY!"

Next he came to Cloe who was hiding in the back corner of the room with her black hoodie pulled over her face. She was so quiet that everyone always forgot that she was there.

"Pick a name." Saruman held the hat out to her

"No." Cloe replied

"I said, pick a name."

"I said no."

"PICK!"

"No."

"Don't make me, make you fly out that window!"

Cloe sent him a scow that could challenge the scows of both Elrond, Gandalf and that scary dramatic dude from Harry Potter affectionately called Professor Snape.

After the scow that could make a mountain crumble at her feet, "Fine, I will pick one of you papers, but I will not like it."

She reached in and grabbed one, "The result of this meaningless task is…Pippin."

"Fine, now that wasn't so hard was it?"

"Yes, yes it was." Cloe said and hissed loudly at him

Saruman rolled his eyes again and moved on, "Jackie, it is your turn."

Jackie took a deep breath and with a shaking hand selected a paper.

"Name please?" Saruman said when she just stared at the paper without unfolding it

"Uh, okay. I can do this, it s-says…Frodo?" Jackie's face fell into a frown, "Frodo. FRODO! Why Frodo?"

She growled loudly displaying her very apparent temper.

"I don't like Frodo! This is wrong! Very wrong!"

"Shut up, I do not care. Your turn Dani."

Casey made a face at her rival fangirl. If Dani got Legolas, there would be no end to the gloating and the evil laugher from Dani.

Dani made a face back and pulled out a name.

"What does it say?" asked Saruman, "And please, answer like a normal human."

"…NO! AHHHH! IT CAN'T BE! GANDALF!" The poor girl burst into tears and threw the paper on the floor

"Deal with it. Brittney, you are next."

"OOOH HOO! I AM EGGZILLA! EGG EGG EGG!"

"That's nice, now take a name."

"EGG! It says EGG!"

"No it does not, now what is the real name written on that card?"

"Uh…EGG! It's the egg!" She exclaimed and happily waved the paper around, "The eggy egg, egg!"

"Give me that!" Saruman yelled and snatched the paper from her, "It says, Legolas!"

There was a collective gasp from around the room. Casey shrieked at the top of her lunges, Nimpath sent a death glare he way and Dani snarled viciously at her.

"Yay! Egg! I got the shiny egg person I am happy! I like the egg person! We will be friends and eat eggs!" Eggzilla said and did a victory dance

"That's just wrong," Noliee said as she ferociously shredded her paper with Tom Bombadil's name on it, "Just like this stupid assignment. I think that hat is rigged."

"Oh, are you mad that you didn't get Legolas too?" I teased

Noliee spun around in her seat and glared at me, "I am stuck with Tom Bombadil, the guy that wears a tutu and sings about flowers. That stupid fruitcake elf is a god compared to The Bombadil. Know that Cheesy, know that!"

A few more people were sentenced to the hat and one boy was particularly delighted about being paired with Arwen. Saruman went around to all the tables and came to me last.

There was only one slip of paper left inside the hat and I already knew whose name was going to be on it. I pulled the paper out of the hat and slowly unfolded it.

"Name?" said Saruman

"…Elrond."

"Oh! Say it isn't so, Cheesy!" cried Jackie from across the room

I nodded, "I is so." I dramatically held up the paper with his name on it above my head.

Elrond. I was stuck with Elrond. He wasn't even there because the fashion ninjas of material arts had carried him off but I was stuck with him.

Oh no, more madness I see.

It was then that Saruman announced that he was going to start passing out the sugar bags.

OoooO

Heh, that was fun to type and I am happy because it was snowing here and I got the day off from school. Shiny, shiny. Sorry this was so late, I was working on my other story for a friends writing contest.

I would now love to take the time to answer review…oh that's right I can't. (Scows like Elrond and Snape) We should start a petition. The whole point of answering reviews on the story page is to make your reviews feel special like you paid extra attention to them and actually cared that they took the time to review. The new system takes that away, if I wanted to 'PM' my reviewer I would send them a freakin' email. Thank you that is all for my rant this evening. SPOTTED ELRONDS!


	48. Pretty Pretty, Shiny Shiny

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 48

(Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own it. See end of chapter for notes.)

"Hello and welcome to…THE GIRLS ROOM!" Noliee, Jackie, Casey and I shouted to the camera that was held by Eggzilla.

She agreed to help us once we promised her a carton of eggs.

Just so you know, this was Jackie's brilliant idea that came to her after watching the Amanda show one night. Hey, we needed an idea for an interesting historical project for Gandalf's class. He told us that it couldn't be a regular written report. I bet everyone else was going to do a stupid poster. Ha, I laugh at them! MUWAHA! See?

"Hi! I'm Cheesy and I am the coolest person in the world!" I said in the peppiest valley girl voice I could manage.

"I'm Casey and I like elves!" The part of the girl on the real show, Debbie, was the perfect role for Casey on the account that Debbie was stupid.

"I'm Noliee and if you make me angry I will flush your face!" Noliee was playing the angry girl that gave people swirlys because she is mean and evil and was perfect for the part.

"Hi! I'm Jackie and I'm from New Hampshire!" Jackie was the girl from another state. She was supposed to be from Tennessee, but she refused to speak in a southern accent. So I told her that her own accent would be fine.

"Today on…THE GIRL'S ROOM…we will be interviewing people on what history means to them. I totally wanted to do a beauty pageant but our annoying old like teacher guy wouldn't like…let us." I said while twirling my hair around my finger and looking disgusted.

"I like hot elves!" Casey said and clapped

"Close your face!" Noliee hissed, "Jackie who is the first one on this list?"

"Our first guest is Nimpath!" Jackie exclaimed as the bathroom door opened and Nimpath walked in dressed in a pink parasailing suit.

"HI GIRLS ROOM GIRLS!" She exclaimed and made faces at the camera

"Hi, Nimpath! So why do you think learning history is important?" I asked as I painted my nails a hot pink color.

"Um, because…hey is that an apple?"

"FOCUS!" Noliee yelled

"You are…angry!"

"No, I'm not angry, you're just stupid." Noliee frowned and tried to give Nimpath a swirly but she ran away screaming.

"Noliee!" I squeaked in a high-pitched voice, "You scared her away!"

A few seconds later Gimli walked in. His eyes widened upon seeing us.

"I think I am in the wrong room." He said and started to back away but Noliee leaped in front of the door.

"Tell what the importance of history is…NOW!" She yelled

"No! I don't want to!"

"Do it, or I will reintroduce you to Mr. Swirly, and I know how much you love him!"

"I hate you…History is important because the lovable old fart Gandalf is teaching it. It has no other relevance in my life."

With that said, he ran out as fast as his short little legs could carry him.

"So! Like who is next on the list?" I asked still speaking in my preppy girl voice, "Who has the, like list?"

Casey raised her hand, "I have the shiny! It says…Large Doctrine!"

The three of us stared at her.

"Girl, you had better read it correctly or I will flush your face!" Noliee exclaimed.

"Isn't that what L.D. stands for?" she asked

I rolled my eyes, "Get L.D in here!"

A few seconds later L.D entered holding a large hammer.

"Hello all!" She said in her phony British accent.

"Hi L.D! So, why is history important!" Jackie asked.

"Um…its not? Oh, oh, yes right…history is important because it teaches how the history of a place or group of places came to be. It shows how the land and people have evolved over the years and by knowing this history of a place you can understand and appreciate its rich and complex culture and diverse population."

L.D. said this as if she were a robot. This clearly suggested that she was reading from a cue card…

"What a lovely answer! You may leave without being flushed!" Noliee said and smiled cheerfully.

I though the fabric of the universe was going to become unraveled! _Noliee_ had _smiled_. Even though we planned on her smiling in the scrip, we didn't actually expect that she would do it. I guess that fifty-dollar bribe worked.

"There you have it! And that is why history is important! Join us next time on…THE GIRL'S ROOM!"

"COWS!" Jackie screamed as the camera faded to black.

(Child Care class, 10:15 am…meow mix…)

"If you say one thing, _one thing_ about flowers Tom Bombadil, I swear that I will make you eat those flowers!" Noliee hissed and cradled her sugar bag baby, "We are naming our kid pineapple!"

"But-

"NOT TOM! Pineapple!"

Tom crossed his arms and pouted. Across the room Jackie wasn't having any more luck with Frodo. Frodo had attacked the sugar bag and was drawing circles all over it with a purple permanent marker.

"My Precious!" Frodo shrieked and held the sugar bag up to his neck

"Um, Frodo?" Jackie said slowly

"King Henry!"

"What about King Henry?"

Frodo held up the sugar bag and pointed to it, "KING HENRY!"

Eggzilla ran past holding the five-pound sugar sack that was assigned to her and Legolas. She jumped up on a table and screamed nonsense. The sugar sack had a crazy face drawn on it and had a little speech bubble that had the words 'Eat Eggs' inside of it.

Legolas did not look amused by this however. Actually, it was impossible to tell if he was amused or not because he had fled the scene as soon as he found out he was paired with Eggzilla.

Hanna and Haldir seem to be the only ones that were actually getting along. Maybe it was because their names started with the same first two letters. Maybe it was because they were both wearing bright oranges socks, who knows…

Dani was still upset about being stuck with Gandalf. But the G-man seemed to like the assignment. He had dressed the sugar bag to look exactly him complete with pointy hat.

The name: Gandalf Jr. He had completely taken over the project and insisted that Gandalf Jr. have all the proper love an attention that a 'baby' needed. Apparently it has always been a secret dream of is to have a child…go figure.

Elrond, or Mister Goth-Hippie, did not seem to be any happier about being stuck with me as I was with him.

"This assignment is pointless," he said.

"Tell me something I don't know. So what should we name the sugar kid?"

"Pancakes,"

"Eh, fine with me,"

(Gardening with Mr. Bilbo Baggins)

"Hullo class! Today we are going to be learning about planting flowers!" Bilbo exclaimed.

The class stood around dressed in old gardening leaning on shovels. It was still cold as it was February and no one was in the mood for gardening when the cheesin' ground was frozen!

But Bilbo, being the happy spunky hobbit that he was, was all about getting an early start on planting. He loved planting and gardening so much that he decided to rename the class, 'Flower Love and You' from 'Horticulture 101'.

Why must all our teachers be obsessed with flowers!

"Well, let's get planting! I want to see these flowerbeds cultivated by the end of the period!" Bilbo said happily.

We watched with raised eyebrows as he tried to stick the shovel in the frozen ground. It bounced off several times and made a weird 'thunk' noise.

Casey looked at the shovel, tilted her head to the side and grinned.

"PO-GO STICK!" She screamed and hopped around on the shovel like a mad woman.

"You know what?" said Noliee while pulling up weeds, "I hate dirt. It's all…dirty. And I hate pulling weeds."

"Me too. Weeds are plants too! And we should leave all plants alone and let them grow naturally, like they have been doing for millions of years! Sherwood does not approve! Do you Sherwood?"

Sherwood:……

"See! It angers him! Plants should be treated with respect."

"Jackie! You are talking to a plant! Did you know that talking to your plants prolongs their life and happiness?" Bilbo asked smiling down at Sherwood.

"Hello there cactus! And how are you today? I bet you would like it a lot better if it was sunnier out here for you!"

"You are scaring Sherwood, Bilbo," Jackie said and picked up the cactus pot, "He wants to be left alone now. He _will_ poke you if you fail to comply with his request."

"You cactus seems to have anger issues. Ever think of sending him to cactus counseling?" Bilbo asked genuinely concerned.

Jackie looked at him like Frodo looks a light bulb, before he eats it and Bilbo said no more to her.

"Well all right then enough of that! Why don't we all go into the green house and warm up!" He said, so we all followed him in there.

The second he opened the door to the green house it was as if he had opened the door to an amazing world of wonders and all things plant. It was steamy and warm and reminded most of us of some kind of Jacuzzi hot springs.

"Oh it looks like a jungle!" Nimpath exclaimed and at that moment a monkey swung past on a vine hooting like Tarzan and swooped Bilbo up.

"HELP! HELP!" cried Bilbo as the rabid Monkey jabbered madly in his ear.

"OH MY GOD! That monkey just stole our teacher!" L.D screamed running after the vine swinging monkey, "Time to go into secrete agent mode!"

She grabbed a vine and swung along.

I looked around and smiled at my classmates.

"Tribe Kookamunga time?" I asked.

"WOOT!" was the enthusiastic response.

We ran around in a circle, pep-rally style before charging through the massive green house after the monkey. Noliee lead the group carrying a large sword that she used as a machete to clear the plants out of her way.

We were gaining on the monkey when he suddenly stopped, turned around and screeched like a madman. I shielded my face incase he decided to throw poo at us. But he didn't because that would have been nasty and we don't like nasty things.

The monkey tied Bilbo up in the vine, hopped down, did some cool action movie stunts that even the most skilled stunt double would not attempt and landed on his feat in a karate pose. He waved his arms around wildly and it took us awhile to figure out that he was trying to do that, 'Bring it on' hand gesture that made the Matrix movies famous.

"You want us to bring it on!" Noliee yelled, "Well, it's already been '_brung' _Dance monkey dance!"

The monkey hooted angrily and clapped its hands.

"No really," said Noliee, "Dance! This is a dance of don't cha' know?"

The monkey looked confused especially when a disco ball dropped from the ceiling and 70's music started to play.

"Oh yeah! Who's got Saturday Night Feeeeever!" Noliee screamed and started a freaky dance that looked like a bad Elvis impersonator.

The monkey fell over and didn't move.

We gathered around it and poked the monkey.

"Is he alive?" asked Casey.

"Well he is either one of the three states of being," I replied and we all shuddered at the though of Gandalf's paint pealing lecture

flash back to this said lecture

"And there are but three states of being, awake, sleeping and dead," Gandalf said in a monotonous voice, "If you are awake you are not dead or sleeping. If you are sleeping you are not dead or awake. If you are dead you are neither awake nor are you sleeping."

"What about zombies?" I had asked.

"What about them?" Gandalf replied raising his caterpillar eyebrows.

"Well, I guess they are awake and they are dead but in a sense they are also sleeping," I said.

"…We are talking about normal-

"And what about elves?" asked Hanna, "Elves can sleep while their awake!"

"We are talking about normal humans such as you!" Gandalf exclaimed.

"Well, I'm not talking about normal humans," I said, "I wanna know about the zombies and the elves!"

"They are special and can be in more than one state at once, deal with it," growled G-man.

"But I don't want to deal with it, I want a good answer!" I replied.

"I gave you one!"

"No you didn't!"

Yes I did!"

"PROVE IT THEN!"

"…Oh, oh don't you start that again."

"It wasn't me that started the prove it. It was Jackie and that was in Celeborn's class."

"Yes," said Gandalf frowning, "He was never the same afterwards."

"It's his own fault," said Nimpath, "He should have given her a good answer. And you still didn't give Cheesy one."

"I did give her an answer! I told her they were special that should be good enough for you! Now turn around, be quite and act like eggs or I will get Galadriel to come in here and give you all the jello-eye treatment!"

(End of Flashback)

"So should we try to wake the monkey up?" Nimpath asked.

"No, let's just grab Bilbo and get the heck out of here!" I said.

We looked around under plant leaves and up in the vines for Bilbo. Casey even checked inside the unopened bags of potting soil. She ripped them open and tossed dirt over her shoulder shrieking wildly the whole time. She was approaching the supply closet when suddenly there was a loud roaring from behind her.

"Gaspeth!" She said spinning around.

There before her was a giant Venus Fly-Trap plant with millions of rows of little plant like teeth. Casey looked at it strangely before she smiled and clapped her hands.

"Hello there mister plant! How are you?"

The plant scrunched down on its stalk and roared in her face blasting her backwards.

"Are you a friend of Sherwood?" Casey asked, "I think you are. You talk like he does."

Suddenly Sherwood just so happened to appear next to the Venus fly trap. The cactus seemed to sway back and forth before a little mouth appeared on it and then, THEN western show tunes were heard somewhere in the background and Willie Nelson began to sing.

"There you are Sherwood," Jackie said walking over to the area where Casey was sitting with the tongue tooth expression on her face, "What are you doing over her Sherwood?"

The Venus fly trap had gone still. Casey poked it and danced in a circle trying to get it to react. Nothing happened.

"Help! Help! I'm over here!" Shouted Bilbo from the monkey guarded fortress of Pancakes and Rum. It turns out that the monkey had friend hiding in the jungle/greenhouse around him. He was tied to a throne and a little crown stuck to his head.

"Hey monkeys! Look at this!" Noliee shouted and pulled a hubcap out of her backpack. How a hubcap came to be in her backpack we are unsure but we have reason to believe she had converted to the faith of Hubcaptologist recently.

All the monkeys guarding Bilbo stopped, turned and gazed at the hubcap which was reflecting the sun brilliantly. Noliee struck a pose that resembled Indiana Jones: Cave explorer and held the hubcap high above her head.

"Pretty, pretty, shiny, shiny," the monkeys said walking toward the pretty shiny hubcap.

While they were distracted, a group of students ran and freed Bilbo. The monkeys swarmed around Noliee and tried to grabbed the hubcap from her, but she fought them off by beating them over the head with it. Dramatic music swelled in the background as she swung the hubcap back and forth almost in slow motion. She looked like some kind of blue jean wearing warrior princess. Like Xenon! Only she didn't wear jeans. She didn't wear anything, or she did it was only that weird little bra thing with the…yeah okay you get it.

Well anyway Noliee swung like mad, blasting all the monkeys away. But then, one of the monkeys snuck up behind her, climbed up on her back and pulled her hair causing her to fall over.

"AHH!" Noliee screamed as she fell to the ground, "I am hurt! A plague on both your houses!"

"NOLIEEEEEEE!" I screamed and ran to her side.

"Cheesy…"

"Noliee! Are you going to be okay? Will you live?"

"…I…don't…yes actually. I feel quite dandy."

"Are you sure? That was quite a hit you took!"

"Yeah, I feel fine. I just fell." She replied and sat up.

I shrugged and we walked out of the green house with the class and Bilbo in tow.

"Hey Noliee?"

"Yes Cheesy?"

"Why did you do that? Fight off those monkeys I mean. It was Bilbo, and I know you don't really like him."

"Eh, he owed me twenty bucks for the Batman Begins DVD I bough for him…FORK TUTU!"

-()-

Well, I didn't like it. I think I am losing my touch. Sigh Ah well, I'll finish this story eventually, I promise. I'm just getting rapped up in real life stuff and I haven't been feeling that great lately. But I won't abandon my shiny story even though I hate fanfiction now because of all these new rules and crap. I hope I don't get deleted. Thanks again to all my reviewers. I love you guys even though I can't respond to you anymore; you guys are the best hugs and cheese to everyone reading.

Oh and there are 15 pop culture references in this chapter. Points and maybe a cameo in a chapter if you can name them all.


	49. Warning its V DAY!

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 49

Disclaimer: You know I don't own it, I know I don't own it, so it's all good shiny-butt!

Oh and winner of the pop-culture thing was Rawr.I.bit.you.!

OoO

_Remember, remember the 14th of February_

_Chocolate, hearts and Love to Find. _

_I see no reason why Chocolate hearts_

_Should ever be kept in mind._

3

ONCE UPON A TIME…

It was that time again.

It is that special time of the year, in the drab month of February when things seemed to get a bit sweeter. People smile more, hugs and candy are given, people walk down the hallways smiling and giggling at that special someone. This wondrous occasion of the celebration of the most wonderful thing any person should ever hope to experience.

It is a day when people laugh and are merry, a break between the long months of nothing between Christmas and the Easter holiday. It is a time when roses and chocolate and teddy bears pollute the hallways and it is a time when certain teachers run for the safe haven of the teacher's lounge. They dread going to class because they know they are going to be met with a hurricane of love on the amazing holiday that is _Valentine's Day_.

I scowled viciously as I pushed open the doors leading into the cafeteria. I quick scan of the area told me that it was indeed Valentine's Day. Everywhere students gave each other little cards and chocolates and roses and everything that equaled 'love' and kissy huggy goo goo crap.

I rolled my eyes and found Noliee in a dark corner which wasn't all that dark because Merry and Pippin remembered to turn on all the lights today.

She looked up at me as I approached and nodded solemnly. She was dressed as if she had just stepped off the set of a B-grade Matrix movie and had stolen all the angry clothing. To put it simply, she was wearing all black in an attempt to project a negative image of Valentine's Day among all the masses of happy students. It wasn't working but she tried any way, lets not squish her dreams…

"Hello Miss Cheesy, The Valentine's Day has you," Noliee said in her best agent Smith voice and crossed her arms over her t-shirt that said 'Give me a Valentine and I will eat your Mom'.

At that moment Elrond just so happened to be walking past. He stared at her and Noliee stared back.

"This particular encounter with you is strangely familiar," Elrond mumbled, "Get to class."

He adjusted his pink and red Valentine's Day afro on his head and walked off.

I shook my head slowly, "Well, another-

"LIKE OH MY GOD HI!" Casey screamed and bounced over to us.

Valentine's Day was her all time favorite holiday apart from Leif Erickson Day and a self-invented Worship Elfy day.

Casey was dressed all in pink and red with hearts and shiny sparkles all over her.

"HAVE YOU TWO SEEN ELFY ANYWHERE?" She screamed, "I looked aaaaall around for the elfy but the elfy was not there! He wasn't all like in his room when I walked in 'cause I like wanted to give him this thing I made with the hearts and the loooooovveee cause I loooooovveee THE Elfy like soooo much and I like gotta find him before this day is like over cause I have this thing I made for him with the hearts and the loooooveee cause I like love THE ELFY LIKE OH MY GOD SOOOO MUCH AND-

"SHUT THE CHEESE UP!" Noliee screamed and slapped her hand over Casey's mouth, "We have not seen your stupid elfy!"

"But, but I like have to find the elfy!" Casey cried.

"Have you checked the teacher's lounge?" I asked, "He has probably been hiding in there all day with the other teachers who are pleasing to the eye."

"Well, I guess we won't find Gandalf or Elrond in there," Jackie said, appearing suddenly.

"Where did you come from?" Noliee asked the mysteriously appearing Jackie.

She shrugged, "Well, I was attempting to rescues Van Helsing from the bathroom when I remembered it was Valentine's Day, so I gave up on my epic quest and decided to start planning my novel."

"Uh…okay, and what does that have to do with the fact that is it Valentine's Day?" I asked.

Jackie shrugged again, "Nothing, but my dad told my some guy got run over by a train because he was listening to music while he was jogging and he couldn't hear the train coming. After he told me that I was like, dude, that music must have been really REALLY loud if you couldn't hear a train. That guy should have cared more about the health of his ears because then he wouldn't have gotten hit by a train."

Noliee and I stared at her blankly and Casey skipped around in a circle throwing flowers and shiny hearts.

"Yeah…So shall we get to class?" Jackie asked after that strange moment of blank staring.

"Eh, why not? It's-" I started to say.

"Uhhh, heheh Hi Casey," Prudence, Casey's stalker said shyly as he approached holding a heart shaped box of chocolates with the face of Legolas on them.

Casey stopped dancing and spinning and throwing hearts around and stared at Prudence with raised eyebrows.

"Uhhh, I have this for you, Casey my love," He said and held out the box of chocolates.

Casey just looked at it. Prudence laughed nervously and threw the box over his shoulder. It hit Gimli, who was standing on a table about to practice reading his love letter to Galadriel. Gimli picked it up and shoved it in his very large pocket. He decided to add it to the collection of chocolate and other love shrines to his amazing Galadriel.

"Well Prudence," said Noliee as she uncrossed her arms and pushed away from the wall she was leaning on, "You have five seconds before I am forced to flush your face."

Prudence squeaked and unfolded a piece of paper. With shaking hands he held it up to his face and began to read.

"Dearest Casey, I love you more that I can say. Sweet BEAUTIFUL Casey, don't tell me to go away! I love you, I love you, and I love you so! Please, please don't tell me to go! You are my joy, my happiness, my life, my light! I know your angry friend Noliee wants to fight! But can't you see, oh sweet maiden of divine beauty, I wish I could play you a song on the flute…ty. All I am trying to say is that my love is true, please love me cause I love you!" Prudence got down on his knees, kissed Casey's pink high-healed boots, and shoved a rose in her face.

"So what do you say, my lovely goddess? Will you go out with me?" Prudence asked.

"Boy, I'll never understand what you see in her," Noliee said and started to walk away, "I was totally going to embarrass you in front of the entire student body, but THAT surpassed anything I could ever do. Congratulations weirdo."

Prudence ignored Noliee and went on pleading, "Please CASEY! EVEN your name!"

"What about it?" I asked for Casey who totally wasn't paying attention.

"It has the sound of ANGEL'S BELLS! CASEY, CASEY, CASEY I LOVE YOU!"

"Yup, who are you?" Casey asked blinking slowly, "Have we met strange boy creature?"

Prudence looked shocked, his ugly unibrowness shook, "Casey! TIS I, YOUR BIGGEST FAN! YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!"

Casey titled her head to the side, "Uh huh, I have to like go now strange boy creature, I am late for the class of Arwen teacher, boy!"

"NO! NO! YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME! PLEASE CASEY, PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!"

Casey stopped and turned back to him, "Uh, no?"

Prudence fell to the ground as if he had been shot and started screaming like a baby.

Jackie and I walked around him and ran off down the heart-filled hallway to class.

(Art Class)

"Hello children," Arwen said in a honey soaked voice.

Her desk was covered in flowers and love notes from Aragorn. There were so many of them, you could not even see her behind the desk.

The class replied to her beautiful hello with either: 'Hi,' 'Bleh' 'Whatever' 'Last night, I saw a flying duck paint a yellow school bus bright green'.

"Since you are all so lovely and alive today, I thought we could make Valentines cards for each other, like the ones my wonderful Aragorn got for me," She said and giggled.

"Uh, no?" I said after raising me hand, "I don't want to."

"Well," said Arwen frowning, "Be festive and do it anyway!"

I snapped my pencil in half and scowled viciously at her.

"No! I don't want to! Valentine's Day is a stupid holiday invented by stupid people who want to make money off of cards and books and candy and flowers! Who the heck needs to invent a stupid holiday to give people chocolate! Any day is a good time to give people chocolate and forget about the love part of it! You all know what I think about-

"NO! NO! Cheesy NO!" Casey shouted, "No cat lady declaration plan!"

"Well fine," I stopped babbling for a moment and stood up on my desk much to Arwen's anger, "I will now make a speech if you do not mind!"

"I do mind," Arwen said crossing her arms, "But I doubt there is anything I can do to stop you from making it anyway so make it quick."

"Good, I love it when people see things my way!"

I cleared my throat and stared down at the waiting audience of students.

"Four score and seven years ago there was this guy called St.Valentine and as legend goes he performed marriages in secret when this other ugly guy outlawed them. This guy was undoubtedly evil and had a unibrow…or several of them. So yeah, now we have this stupid day to honor a guy who broke the law. And We the people of the United School of Lord of the Rings teachers, in order to form a more perfect learning establishment, should assume our rights to start the uprising against the day of Valentine because its really a bad day celebrating lawlessness! Because you see dear students, I have a dream. I have a dream that one day this school will rise up and see how evil this day really is! I-

"Okay Cheese Turkey, time is up," Arwen said and pulled me off the desk, "Now if you will please take out you pink markers we can begin-

Noliee stood up and broke her marker in half.

"I think Cheesy has a point. Why should we celebrate madness?" She asked

"Because you do any other time!" Arwen said, "This is obviously just an expression of one sad, Valentine-less teenaged mind calling out for attention because she feels lonely."

I gave Arwen a strange and evil look, "That's what you would like to think isn't it?"

"Yes, I know that's what it is! You are against it because you feel as if you cannot join in on the fun because you don't have a date."

I raised my eyebrows and sat down on the stool in front of the chalkboard. I then appeared to be thinking.

"Wow Arwen, I never thought of it that way before. Perhaps you are right. Maybe I am lonely," I said looking sad.

She nodded, "It's okay to admit it Cheese Turkey. We all feel lonely sometimes. Maybe you should go see Celeborn and tell him all your problems…feel free to cry."

There was a collective gasp from around the room. Was Miss THE Cheese Turkey agreeing with a teacher!

Noliee looked up from her drawing of an angry pineapple with fangs.

"SNAP OUT OF IT CHEESY!" She yelled and tossed the marker at my face.

I caught it before it smashed into my glasses and took the cap off.

"You know what I am going to do now, Arwen?" I asked looking at the tip of the marker as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Um…write a love note to someone?"

I laughed and stuck the marker up my nose.

"NO! I am going to run out of this classroom screaming random babble about how much I hate Valentine's Day and how I am single by choice! RIGHT NOW! WHO IS WITH ME?"

About half the class stood up and walked out of the room. In the hallway we met Gandalf who was herding his goats down the stairs. The wizard looked at us, moved his goats to the other side of the hall.

"I am not going to ask, Miss Cheesy." He said.

"Finally! Someone who gets it!" I said and jumped on one of the goats.

I rolled up my notebook, waved it like a sword and shouted charge. The goat took off as did my followers.

"MUWAHHA! I AM NAPOLEON!" I shouted as the goat ran off down the hallway.

3 (Meanwhile…) 3

Casey wandered the pink heart filled hallways in search of Legolas who was still missing in action.

"ELFY! OH ELFY! Where are you my love?" She opened a random classroom door and found Gimli alone in the room.

He was reading something that was written on a bottle.

"Hiya Gim-Gims! Do you know where Elfy is?" Casey asked, bounding into the room.

"No, now go away and leave me alone," was his response.

"What are you doing? Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh? What are you doing?" Casey asked dancing around him in a circle.

Gimli sighed, "If you promise not to tell anyone…"

Casey beamed, "LIKE OH MY GOD! OKAY! I love secrets! Secrets are so fun and you can trust me I won't tell anyone! Like just the other day Noliee told me that she secretly likes pretty dollies and real estate agents and then she told me never ever, ever to tell anyone so I said I wouldn't and then she said that I-

"Okay, okay! It's a love potion!" Gimli exclaimed, "I stole it from Gandalf and I am going to slip some in Galadriel's drink and then she will fall in love with me forever!"

"A love potion? What does that do?" Casey asked, "Will it make you have energy like vitamins!"

Gimli stared at her, "No…I just told you. It is going to make Galadriel fall in love with me!"

"Ooooh…dude man, that is really creepy and desperate,"

"I know but what else can I do child? She refuses to see me for the wonderful person I am! I may not look like much but under this hairy, bearded exterior lives a delicate and loving person!"

Casey raised an eyebrow, "Whatever you say Gim-Gims. Where is Galadriel and all of the other pretty shiny teachers? I've only seen the ugly ones today!"

Gimli rolled his eyes, "They are probably in the teachers lounge hiding from all the fangirls like you."

"No, I already checked there!"

"Where is the last place you would expect Elfy to be?" Gimli asked shaking the love potion until it turned bright green.

"Uh…UUUUMMMMMM…Like…the place? You know the place with the people and the iced tea?"

"No Casey, I don't know what you are talking about. I suggest you try the broom closets, empty classrooms, and the girls' bathroom."

"The girls' bathroom?"

"Yes,"

"Why? Elfy isn't a girl."

"Are you sure…um, I mean…yes I know that but that is the last place you would think he would be."

"Oh…hey Gim-Gims?"

"Yes Casey?"

"Why did G-man have a love potion? Is he in love?"

"I certainly hope not. Now go away please. I need to finalize my plans." Gimli said and waved her away.

"I bet Gandy is in love! And I bet he got that potion from Snape!" Casey exclaimed waving her arms around in a dramatic fashion.

"Who is that?"

"…I don't know. Some guy in some book about a kid named Harry Potter. I forget the title." Casey said and shrugged.

Then she left Gimli alone and continued her search for Elfy. As she passed the infamous teacher's lounge, Casey noticed that the door was locked and had big wooden planks over it. She also noticed movement inside the darkened room.

"Orange Pickaxe!" She yelled at the door, "Anyone home?"

The door opened slowly, a hand shot out and pulled her inside.

"LIKE OH MY GOD NO! HELP HELP! THE EVIL MURDERS HAVE ME!" She screamed and flailed her arms around.

"Shh! SHH! It's not the evil murders! It's the PTA!" Came a voice.

Casey stopped screaming and raised an eyebrow for the third time today. Unfortunately it was far too dark to see her do it.

"The PTA? As in the Parent, Teacher Association?" She asked

"No, don't be stupid!" said another voice, "We are the Pretty, Teacher Alliance! And our mission this Valentine's Day is to not be mobbed by fangirls of evil!"

"AH! IS ELFY IN HERE?" She screamed into the darkness.

She ran forward and tripped over something that was probably a chair.

"Ow! I CAN'T SEE! OMG I HAVE GONE BLIND!"

"No, it's just dark in here! You have not gone blind! Stop blabbing!"

"Celeborn? Is that you?" Casey asked

"Yes, it is I. Elf lord extraordinaire. How may I help you? Would you like fries with that and all that nonsense?"

"Why are you in here though? You aren't a pretty teacher!" Casey laughed.

"Well I never! How dare you insult me child! I'll have you know that-

"Shut up!" There was a sound of slapping and then there was silence.

"So Casey, what are you doing here?" Asked a voice that sound suspiciously like Aragorn's.

"I am looking for Legolas. I want to give him a shiny gifty!" She said and held up the pink shiny box.

"He isn't here mate," said a funny shaped shadow that was surely Jack Sparrow, "We were looking for him all morning…Hey luv, have you seen the rum anywhere?"

"No, sorry," Casey said and sat down on the chair she had just fallen over, "So…are you all just going to hide in here all day?"

"Yes, it's the only safe way not to be attacked!"

"Uh-huh," Casey said nodding her frizzy red hair covered head, "So like, why did you let me in? If you are all like no fangirls and all?"

There was a pause.

"Because, we know you are only after Legolas who is not among us therefore it is safe!" said Celeborn.

"Well okay, I have to go now and like continue the search thing for Elfy. Oh is Galadriel in here?"

"No, she left hours ago for the Cafeteria. She said she was hungry but she never ended up coming back. I hope no doom befell her," said a very Haldir-ish voice.

Casey shrugged and left the PTA in what they called 'their secret lair'. When she entered the east hallway, she instantly knew something strange was afoot. It was quiet, too quiet for an average day at our school. No one else walked the halls and no random screams came from the classrooms. Casey flattened herself against the wall of lockers and inched along ready for anything.

Suddenly loud blaring organ music started to play. Casey screamed and jumped into a karate pose.

"Who are you? Show yourself fiend!" She hollered and spun in a circle.

It was then that a figure dressed all in black complete with a funny looking white mask and big hat jumped down from the ceiling right in front of Casey. Casey quickly studied the person before her and realized they were wearing parts of different costumes from various _cool_ movies with black clad characters. Their big billowing black cloak floated in the breeze, even though they were indoors in there was no breeze…that's how cool they were.

Casey brought new meaning to Celeborn's famous 'Tongue-Tooth' look. The organ music blared again to a dramatic finish.

"LIKE WHOA! Who the heck are you?" She yelled and back up.

The special person bowed dramatically and handed her a rose.

"I am," they said in a very mysterious Shakespearian-actor-like voice, "The Phantom of the Fandom, Valentine's Day Edition!"

Cue organ music again.

Casey just stared, "Uh, okay. Totally shiny dude, I have never heard of you before. What do you do? Are you, gasp! A random event?"

"Not at all my darling Casey!" Said the Phantom of the Fandom, "Yes, I do know your name. And I have come here today to make sure this Valentine's Day is the most special holiday this school has ever seen! Nothing shall ruin this wondrous day, I will make sure of that!"

He struck a dramatic pose, the cloak went all swishy again and a ray of light shone down on him.

"Wow," Casey breathed, eyes all wide and shiny, "Are you a genie?"

"…No…I am merely a being of mystery that none know of who I am or what my purpose is." replied the Phantom. "I am one of those_ Dashing Heroes _no Valentine's Day would be complete without! Won't you come away with me and maybe let me take you out to dinner and/or marry me and spend the rest of your life with me? If you refuse me my angel, I will have to run away in horrible emo-ish anguish and do something…dramatic! And, dark! "

Casey's face took on another expression that can only be descried as: The Letter W. This being because the expression on her face looked like the said letter. How this is possible is up to you to picture.

"Dude…I can't get married to a dark and dashing hero. I'm like 14 I am a teenager. Besides you are like…weird…I don't even like know you dude and you wanna marry me? Ew creepy, are you Michael Jackson or something?"

If the Phantom of the Fandom had visible eyebrows, they would have been raised.

"ANYWAY!" Casey went on, "I love another! His name is Elfy and I was questing for him when you like totally interrupted me with your creepy music and big billowing black cloak thing"

"So…you don't want to go out to dinner and/or marry me and spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Uh, no."

The Phantom of the Fandom fell to his knees and shrieked NOOOOOOO. The dramatic music started again full blast and he started some long rant about the world being a nasty evil place, his mother and father abandoning him at a young age, all the bullies that beat him up and the egg salad sandwich he never got to enjoy because the seagull ate it first.

"Dude? Yeah, hey, I don't want to like marry you, but we can be friends." Casey said nodding.

"Do you mean it?" The Phantom asked getting up and taking both her hands in his, "Do you really mean it?"

"Nooo, I'm lying," she sighed, "Like duh! Of course we can be friends! But whoa, I was like thinking, aren't dark and dashing heroes supposed to have like a villain to fight?"

As if it on cue, in fact it was a cue but no one knows that, the door to the office opened and Elrond stepped out in full Valentine Hippy attire. The Phantom of the Fandom melted into the shadows… (Actually he stuffed himself into a locker but it's the thought that counts) and disappeared from sight. Elrond saw Casey standing there staring at a locker looking bewildered and told her to go back to class figuring it was just another one of those Casey things before he pressed the button on the intercom microphone he was holding.

"Attention love-struck students! I have a special announcement to make in honor of our special day! Just a few moments ago I made a very important phone call to some very important people and have booked an appointment with a very, VERY special person. That's right students, your loving principal Elrond the Grand has arranged for Barney the purple dinosaur to make an appearance at our school right here, today!"

3 (West Hall) 3

I stopped my Anti-Love protest outside of Frodo's classroom in mid-sentence. Noliee stopped writing her Valentine's Day oppression flyers and Jackie stopped setting calendars displaying February 14 on fire.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" I asked looking around at all the shocked faces of my followers.

"Oh yes he did," Hanna replied frozen in the process of ripping a paper heart in half, "He definitely did."

"No cheesin' way. Barney? He represents pure purple goodness, love and…bleh, learning! HOW COULD ELROND DO THIS TO US!" yelled Nimpath, "I knew he hated us but this, this is low."

I nodded and we all decided that Elrond would need to be punished after we removed the purple oppression from our school. With paper swords and megaphones in hand we staked down the west hallway towards the gym where Elrond told all the students and staff to go.

3 (Gym) 3

The gym was disgusting. Let's just leave it with that and say there were hearts, bunnies, smiley faces, and fat little cupids and puppy dog all over the place in reds and pinks. There was a pink and red polka dotted carpet running though the middle of the floor and pink and red streamers and balloons floated around under the heart shaped disco ball. When Elrond decided to have a party, he really went overboard. All students and staff filed in and sat down on the bleachers.

"Hello everyone!" Elrond said from where he was standing in the middle of the gym with his pink and red heart covered afro and heart shaped sunglasses, "Are you ready for Barney?"

"NO!" Everyone shouted.

"Good! I knew you would be! So without further delay, I give to you Barney The Purple Dinosaur!" Elrond made dramatic hand gestures to the door.

A pink spotlight hovered around the door waiting for it to open…

…

Nothing.

"Uh, I think we are having some technical difficulties!" Elrond said laughing nervously, "I give you…Barney!"

…

Still nothing.

The crowd booed and was on the verge of throwing tomatoes that we had conveniently brought and were saving for Barney when Elrond shouted for everyone to shut up.

"Fine, you want entertainment! FINE! I will give you entertainment!" Elrond sighed loudly into the microphone and pulled a mini boombox out of his robes. He turned it on and started singing along to the song 'Holding out for a Hero' which would have caused us to immediately start throwing the tomatoes except for the fact that he was actually good. Amazing I know. He finished the song with a dramatic rock chord provided by Thranduil and everyone cheered.

It was weird. Who would have though Mr. Unibrows could actually sing? When we realized Barney still wasn't there, Elrond began to sing 'Hollerback Girl' much to the annoyance of Jackie who was convinced he should sing 'Ocean Avenue'.

During this fantastical interlude, Gimli stalked around under the bleachers muttering to himself about finding Galadriel and shaking the love potion. A few times he was sure he saw the corner of a black cape swishing in the breeze but he passed it off as a phantasm of his love-torn mind and ignored it.

"Galadriel, Galadriel where for art thou oh Galadriel?" he wined.

He poked his head out from under the bleachers and looked around the gym again for his darling. He finally spotted her sitting with the other Pretty Teacher Alliance in the corner closest to the emergency exit. Gimli ran to her as fast as he little dwarfy legs would let him.

He slid over to her on his knees and started kissing her hand the second he was close to her.

"GALADRIEL! I HAVE FOUND YOU MY LOVE!" He exclaimed to the poor elf lady who looked like she would have rather been buried in fly larva than be listening to Gimli.

"Erm, hello Gimli," she said doing her best to be kind and civil, "Would you please-

"HEY HEY HEY!" Celeborn barked, "Back away from the wife! Shoo! Shoo!"

Celeborn glared daggers and elephants at Gimli. Gimli ignored him and continued to kiss Galadriel's hand while he multitasked by stealing her water bottle and pouring half of the love potion into it. Everyone was distracted either by Elrond's song, or the hand kiss that they didn't notice Gimli slip the potion into the water.

Legolas, who had suddenly appeared wearing a mustache and glasses, sat down next to Galadriel and stared at Gimli with a blank expression.

"Oh, it's you _Dwarf_," he said crossing his arms.

Gimli stopped kissing Galadriel's hand.

"ELF! Go away! No one likes you!"

"Oh I don't think so. I wouldn't have been asked to join the PTA if no one liked me. But no one ask you to join the PTA did they? No, because you are not a PTA you are an UT. Ugly Teacher!" Legolas said and pointed to Gimli.

Gimli looked murderous. Someone was insulting him in front of Galadriel _AGAIN._ He was not going to take this anymore! Gimli uncorked the love potion, downed it in one gulp and tossed the bottle over his shoulder.

"Oh what was that? Are you going to turn into the Hulk now?" Legolas asked sarcastically.

Gimli started hollering madly and his beard wagged from side to side as he shouted insults back at Legolas. They had just started to get into a battle of 'Yo Momma' jokes again when Elrond put a stop to it by storming over, grabbing Gimli by the beard and dragging him away from Legolas kicking and screaming about the racial bias that was still alive and well in the school even after the revolt against elves back in January.

"You stupid elf!" Gimli yelled from across the gym

"SHORT DWARF!" Legolas yelled back and received a slap on the back of the head from Aragorn whose ear Legolas had just yelled into.

All this Dwarf bashing and sarcasm was making him thirsty. Legolas reached for the first available source of water which just so happened to be Galadriel's water bottle…

The effect was instantaneous. It was as if you had thrown an angry cow at Legolas' head. All sign of intelligence that might have been present in the elf before totally disappeared and was replaced by the look of a drool monkey. (Think Casey on a bad day) Legolas had become a rabid fan elf…FOR GIMLI! DUN, DUN, DUN!

He titled his head to the side and hooted loudly scaring the cheese out of every around him.

"GIMLI!" Legolas screamed hopping up from his seat, "WHERE DID YOU GO? I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!"

The effect of this was instantaneous as well. The room silenced quicker than a cat would leave a burning building after discovering its butt was on fire.

Gimli looked up from his angry, rage driven fit to see the crazed elf running towards him.

"Wha-

"GIMLI!" Legolas screeched upon seeing him, "I love you! I love you I love you! Gimli, Gimli, Gimli!" He hopped around in a circle and babbled on about how wonderful Gimli was.

"Oh my god, what the cheesin' heck is going on here!" Casey asked staring at Legolas.

"MADNESS!" Gandalf yelled and made his staff spit out red and pink heart shaped sparks.

Legolas hugged Gimli's arms and tried to kiss him but Gimli freaked out and ran off with Legolas in hot pursuit.

"GIMMMLIIIIIII! Come back my love! I want a kiss! GIMLI!"

"Well, that moment is very high on the emotional scars list," Noliee said shaking her head, "Its right up there with Elrond singing 'Toxic' that one time and dressing up like Brittany Spear and the time we saw Gimli in a Speedo in Galadriel's mirror."

"Let's just try and forget-

It was then that Barney entered the gym in all his purple dinosaur glory.

He laughed in that stupid way he does and said, "Hello boys and girls! How are you today? Let's sing a song about love and joys of being in love! Hey there you, can you draw a circle like me? No, let's draw hearts in celebration of V-A-L-E-N-T-I-N-E'-S D-A-Y!"

He spoke loudly and clearly as his short little arms waved around in a circle. Elrond clapped loudly and the rest of us just sat there with stupid expressions on our faces.

"Hoo-ray!" Said Barney happily, "I see you are all such a happy bunch so let's sing the 'I love you song'! OOOOH I love you! You love me! We're a happy family! With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me to! Let's sing it again and this time, hug the person next to you! I love you! You love me! We're a happ-

Barney stopped abruptly when The Phantom of the Fandom came swinging down from the ceiling on one of the gym's climbing ropes and kicked him over, action hero style. The organ music blared over Elrond's dance tunes and everyone turned and stared at the odd sight.

The Phantom of the Fandom was holding Barney at sword point while his black cloak flew out behind him.

"Surrender fell beast or taste my wrath!" The Phantom exclaimed after pausing to wave at Casey.

The guy inside the Barney suit struggled to get up and made loud 'oomph' noises.

"Stay where you are evil creature! Some one, quick! Find me a rope and duct tape!"

Me and my gang of Anti-lovers where happy to help the Phantom and ran around looking for the items requested. We helped him tie Barney up before we threw the purple dinosaur into the cafeteria bathroom with Van Helsing.

"Well done!" said the Phantom, "Now Valentine's Day can be celebrated properly!"

"Whoa, no, no no, its not going to be celebrated at all!" I said crossing my arms and glaring at him, "That is the whole point of our protest. Stop the forced oppression of teen love and inform the masses of the evil of it!"

"Well, I promote romance and dashing dark heroes and the whole idea of the beauty of love!" said the Phantom.

I gave him my best evil face and stomped my foot, "You know what Phantom? I challenge you to a very dramatic, dashing, dark, romantic duel!"

"I accept your challenge! Name your terms."

The organ music blared and Elrond slowly shook his head and sighed. Why did everything he tried to go horribly wrong?

I thought for a moment on what exactly my terms were going to be.

"Okay them Mr. Phantom, my terms are as follows. We are going to compete in three different activities related to this stupid holiday. First one: Baking Valentines Day cookies. Second: Poetry. Who can write the sappiest, loveliest most disgusting love poem, Third: Delivery, who can deliver the most Valentine's Day cards in a given amount of time. If I win, I want you to go away and not show up till the next holiday!"

"And if I win?" asked the Phantom.

"What do you want?"

"I want to be in charge of this and every holiday for all the school years to come…and! I would have a kiss from the beautiful Miss THE Cheese Turkey!" he replied.

My mouth fell open, "Are you on drugs? There is no cheesin' way in the ninth dimension of cat puke and oranges that I will kiss you! Have you heard nothing I have said! Anti-love over here!"

"I know, but it comes with the whole dark, dashing hero thing," The Phantom said shrugging, "You could say it was required of me."

"What the heck are you talking about!"

"Have you never read one of those clichéd romance novels?"

"…Like I said, you must be on drugs. I am not-

"What's the matter Cheesy? Scared you will lose!" Noliee yelled from somewhere in the crowd.

I gasped at her and stuck my tongue out, "No! Fine! I accept! We start right now! Let us be off to the cafeteria!"

So, the Phantom, the rest of the people in the bleachers, and I hurried off to the cafeteria. Gandalf decided that we needed a referee in this face-off and oh so unselfishly volunteered himself to be the ref. He very quickly came up with a set of rules stating that both the Phantom and I would have to make a batch of heart shaped cookies using whatever ingredients we liked and present them to the judges. The judges were, much to my annoyance, most the teachers!

Elrond, who was a bit nervous to sample my cooking, Aragorn who was quite hungry as was his hair, Legolas who looked all lost and dreamy over Gimli, Gimli who was trying to make Legolas stop making kissy faces at him, Frodo who looked like a zombie, Sam who seemed to be the only one taking the job seriously, Celeborn who was hitting his fists on the table saying: Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie! Over and over again, Pippin who was licking the table, Saruman who hated cookies, Bilbo who loved cookies, Noruas who was glaring holes in the table, Thranduil who was playing air guitar, and Noliee who was not in fact a teacher but insisted on being a judge and no one was going to argue with the angry girl.

The rest of the students and teachers not judging were sitting around all the tables in the cafeteria watching the bake-off. Gandalf told us to shake hands an episode which resulted in the Phantom kissing my hand instead of shaking it and me making a gagging noise and threatening to punch him if he tried that again. Gandalf put a stop to things before they got violent and sent us off to opposite sides the kitchen.

"Let the cookie making commence!" Gandalf exclaimed and shot a water gun off into the air.

The water hit the ceiling and came blasting back down right into his eye. Gandalf dropped the water gun, started screaming and ran around in a circle arms flailing.

I decided I was going to go about this calmly, neatly and orderly. I rolled up my sleeves, began the search for all the necessary cooking utensils and completely ignored the Phantom who had started singing, loudly, to popular rap music. I found the bowls and spoons and measuring cup and tried to recall my mom famous, or infamous depending on who you asked shortbread molasses, strawberry chocolate, almond banana, ginger chicken, lady finger, butterscotch cake, brownie delight, pineapple smoothie with a dash of cinnamon twelve time winning double fudge, piña colata, cookie cuter sweet heart shaped cookies. They were the best things to grace the earth and were the easiest cookies to make. I gathered the stuff and got to work…

I grinned hugely and gracefully poured some flour into the bowl. Hm, perhaps I needed a bit more. I looked out at the audience who was watching from the edge of their seat because this was top-notch entertainment. I bet the judges decided the winner based on presentation too. That gave me an idea! Why not give my peers a grand show?

I started laughing wildly and ripped the bag of flour in half over the bowl. The crowd went wild and Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture played in the background. Oh yeahhh…

The Phantom, seeing that I was getting all the attention, started juggling eggs and cartons of milk and spoonfuls of sugar without spilling a drop. I had to top this so I spun the bowl around and around as fast as it would go and started throwing random ingredients into it. About half the batter flew out at my face but it was working. People were cheering for me.

The Phantom started doing cartwheels as he stirred the mix so I jumped up on the counter, pulled a Thranduil and played air guitar with a bag of chocolate chips and pineapple chunks. I finished by jumping down and throwing the perfectly blended components into the huge bowl. The Phantom rode a unicycle backwards, balanced the bowl on his head, and chopped oranges. I walked on my hands balancing the bowl between my black and white converse sneakers and crushed up the almonds in their bags under my hands.

The Phantom clapped his hand and the dough rolled itself out of the counter. I snapped my fingers and my army of purple penguins came crawling out of the woodwork and rolled it out for me. The Phantom waved his hands around in a dramatic manor and produced heart shaped cookie cutters from up his sleeves. I rolled my eyes, did a flying karate kick, flipped over and picked up the cookie cutters held one in between every finger.

The Phantom then bowed like a ninja to his martial arts teacher and began cutting the cookies out with speeds to fast to describe. I matched his speed, tossed a cookie cutter at the wall, let it come flying back and skip over the dough like a rock in a pond. The Phantom then threw a cookie sheet up into the air after spraying it with cooking spray from across the room, threw the cookie cutting up after it and caught it as it came down in perfectly aligned rows of three. I threw the cookie sheet into the air and did a flying slide across the floor holding a can of cooking spray in each and blasted it assassin style. Then I did cartwheels with my cookie sheets and caught the dough on them as members of my penguin army threw them at me.

Next, in perfect unison the Phantom and I opened the oven door and, with an elegant flourish, slid the cook sheet into the oven, pressed the timer, did a flip and kicked the oven doors closed and finished up with a fireworks display, a bow and a rose between our teeth.

If it were possible to die with amazement the students and teachers would have done so. Gandalf, who had stopped running around like an idiot, was staring with his mouth hanging open and we had managed to get ALL of the judge's attention which is quite an accomplishment.

"Well, I suppose now we wait for the cookies to finish baking," Gandalf said coming out of his amazed stupor.

"What the cheese are we suppose to do while we wait?" I asked leaning back against the counter. The Phantom tried to put his arm around me and I stomped on his foot.

"Uh, we could just sit here quietly and wait?" Elrond suggested.

Noliee threw a spare egg at him.

"Hm, I know," said Jackie placing Elrond's mini boom box on the table, "Let's DANCE!"

"But we just danced not that long ago," Hanna said, "It's not too soon for another dance interlude?"

"Its never too soon for another dance interlude!" Thranduil yelled and started jamming to some rock song only he heard until Jackie put one on.

So we danced, yet again! Elrond shrugged. He was beginning to learn a valuable lesson. If you couldn't beat the madness, JOIN IT! So he jumped up on the table and started doing the chicken dance with Galadriel while I tangoed around the kitchen with the Phantom until he tried to kiss me and I was forced to slap him.

3 (Approximately 27 and a half minutes later) 3

We were all seated again and relatively calm. The oven timers had just gone off and everyone waited with baited breath to see what the outcome would be. The cookies were removed from the oven and piled high on decorative plates with scenes of what seemed to be dancing frogs painted on them. I placed my plate of cookies at one end of the table and the Phantom placed his at the other end. Then we gave the plates a shove and each judging teacher grabbed a cookie as the plate zoomed passed. Each teacher took a bite of each cookie and made a note on a piece of a paper.

"Okay, are the judges ready?" Gandalf asked in a big announcer man voice.

They all nodded.

"O-kay then, let's get started! Elrond? Who do you choose?"

Elrond looked at me, and then at the Phantom and said: "The Phantom's cookie of course."

I rolled my eyes, the Phantom did nothing.

"Aragorn and Aragorn's hair?"

"I like Cheesy's cookie," said Aragorn, "They remind me of the one's Elrond makes! But my hair likes the Phantom's cookie. My hair would also like to know what kind of cookie it is?"

"That is a secret," the Phantom replied with a nod.

"Legolas?"

"Huh? Oh right, cookies, yeah. What do you think Gimli my love?"

When Gimli didn't answer Legolas shrugged, "I don't know, the both taste pretty good. And I do-

"Shut up and choose!" Gandalf yelled making his staff glow purple.

"Uh right! Cheesy's cookie!"

"Gimli?"

"Phantom's, you used too much spice Cheesy."

Frodo, who was next babbled something and smacked his head against the table over the Phantom's cookie. Sam gave a detailed critique of each and finally, after about a half and hour, stated that my cookie was better. Celeborn choose both. Gandalf told him he could not choose both. Celeborn threw a fit and we agreed to let him choose both. Pippin choose the Phantom's cookie because the Phantom wore a black cloak and I did not. Saruman hated both other them so we decided not to count him because Celeborn voted twice and it balanced out. Bilbo argued with Sam and told everyone the Phantom's cookie was better. Noruas burnt up both cookies with his eyes and voted for mine because it was near indestructible. Thranduil liked the Phantom's because it tasted 'like a rock star' whatever the heck that means. And last but not least, Noliee voted for me because we were Secret Turkey Sisters and that meant something to her.

The final count came to 8/6 in the Phantom's favor. He had won the great bake off. I sighed and promised revenge on those who did not vote for me but got over it quickly and acted like a good loser. I still had a chance in the other two rounds.

3 (Auditorium) 3

We had reassembled in the auditorium for the second challenge. Love poems. We had five minuets to compose the most vile, disgusting, overly sappy, emo-ish, love poem ever to craw out from the deepest corner of love.

As I wrote mine with my red and pink pen my eyes began to burn, my throat clenched up, and I could barely think. The sheer wickedness of composing such a document made my stomach turn. The Phantom however, seemed to have no problems, and swiftly scribbled something down with his huge fluffy white quill pen that smacked him in the face when he wrote.

By the time our five minutes was up, I was as lively as a salted slug. I babbled something about the Phantom going first. He shrugged and walked onto the stage.

The audience waited with their earplugs close at hand incase it became ear-bleeding-ly disgusting.

The Phantom took the microphone and sat down on the stool.

"This poem is called, Silver Swan Moon Princess of Beautiful flower, love, love…Ahem…

OH my darling swan princess moon cakes of divine and otherworldly beauty from above!

Come down from the stars and bring your love!

You make my heart pound like a fat elephant upon sticks!

Please come to me with no horrible tricks!

Do not mock my love moon princess from the stars! I

love you, more than cars, which I do not love at all but my love for you will be my greatest down fall.

I like the way your silver eyes and matching hair shine to the sky in pink rose moon light.

I will always love you it is worth the fight!

OH SWAN MOON PRINCESS!

Swoop down and take me away! Forever, and ever and ever and a day!"

He finished by throwing the poem up into the air towards the 'moon' which happened to be an over enthusiastic spotlight. The audience booed loudly, a few even stood up and booed. This however was a good thing for the Phantom because the winner of this round was decided by how much the audience hated it. The Phantom walked off stage and blew me a kiss as I passed him on my way to the stage.

"Okay people, my poem is called, Rabid Fangirl

There once was a fangirl who had a poem to be read

This poem professed her love for a character and this is what it said:

"Oh darling Elfy with sugar on top, I love you SOOO MUCH I do

So love me back with all that sugary, lovely goo, goo.

I will sing you songs so lovely and cute and sweet and nice

I will kiss you good night and make you a dinner of rice.

PLEASE like oh my god; I love you so much

My friends think I'm weird and out of touch.

But I'm not weird, I'm not its true!

All I do, I do for you!

I hide the shrine in the back of my pink spotted closet

Love letters and pictures are in my bank deposit.

Elfy you are my joy, my light, my life my one

If love were brick mine would weigh a ton.

The stuffed animal sacrifices are done in your name

If you would just love me back life would never be the same!

Before I go to sleep at night, just before bed

I sit staring out the window dreaming of your fair head.

Then I craw into bed, and close my eyes

And I dream of you here, real and life size.

Oh sweet, darling, honey, wonderful elfy you know its all true

This poem is my life, its nothing new.

I would never leave you alone, or make you sad

I would be sure to give hugs and not make you mad

Every second of every day would we be together

And you know that I would love you sincerely…

FOREVER."

I ended the poem by laughing evilly and holding a flashlight under my chin. This cast creepy shadows over my face and the audience jumped back in their seats. Then, they all just sort of blinked and sat very still. I hoped this was a good thing and left the stage.

Gandalf walked onto the stage as I left it, giving my funny looks as we passed.

"Well, thank you to both contestants for disturbing us to the point of silence. Now let's see what our judges say in opposite order this time! Noliee if you would please start us off?"

"Yeah, Cheesy's poem. Not even because we are Turkey Sisters this time either. That was just…scary Cheesy, you have my compliments," Noliee shuddered.

"Thranduil?"

"Uh, the Phantom's, it was more disgustingly ear burning."

"Noruas?"

"The slob on the left, no, not Elrond! The girl there from my class, yes the Cheesy one. Her poem was disturbingly true to the nature of the Fangirl."

"Bilbo?"

"The Phantom's fit the criteria of the rules better I do believe!"

"Saurman?"

"The Phantom, his poem made me want to smack my head against the wall."

Pippin said my poem was better because it rhymed nicely. Celeborn disagreed and said the Phantom's rhymed better and the two of them got into a heated discussion about it. Sam said the Phantom's was more disgusting but mine was presented better and more original. Frodo went into a spasm and started barking. Then he made swooshing motions in my direction. Gimli voted for the Phantom so Legolas did too. Aragorn and his hair both voted for me because he said it reminded him of a letter he got from a fan recently. His hair voted for me because it could. And last and possibly least, Elrond voted for the Phantom.

"And that makes the final count 6/7 in Cheesy's favor!" Gandalf exclaimed, "That was a close one indeed! And now we are on to our final challenge! The grand race, who can deliver the most valentines first! If you would all meet me in the front hallway at the beginning of the stairs in five minuets…"

3 (Front Hallway, 1st floor) 3

"What you have to do is simple." Gandalf said when we had reassembled five minuets later in the given location. The funny thing was, it was only me and the phantom there. Where was the rest of everyone else? "There are brightly colored Valentine's Day boxes located on the front door of every classroom-

"Nooo," I said sarcastically, "I bet they are all located on the back doors!"

The Phantom snickered and Gandalf fixed me with a glare so evil, I was expecting my eyebrows to melt off my face.

"As I was saying these boxes are located on the FRONT DOORS of every classroom from this one on the office and this one on the other side of the hallway on this…broom closet. What-

"Broom closet? I suppose even brooms need love too," said the Phantom picking up _my_ sarcasm.

I snorted and Gandalf rolled his eyes and ignored it.

"What you must do to start is pick which side of the halls you will be delivering to, left or right?"

"Left," I said first.

I was a lefty so it made sense to stick with my lucky side.

"So the Phantom has the right. Now you have to run down your given side and deposit one Valentine card into each classroom door box on every floor of the school."

My eyes widened. You see, our school building was a little vertically endowed. The building designer must have loved tall structures because we were blessed with five and half floors of school.

"Yes Cheesy," Gandalf said seeing my shocked expression, "All five and half floors. Who ever makes it to the roof fastest and crosses the finish line first will be the winner of the competition! Good luck braving the stairs, not that you have to climb them…you are allowed to use other means than mere running to do this."

Gandalf winked, gave us the bag of Valentine's Cards, and (learning from his past mistake) pointed the water gun to the side and blasted it.

I glanced briefly at the Phantom and he glanced back before we took off. I jammed the first card into the office door box and started up the stairs as fast as I could. The Phantom grinned, tossed a grappling hook at the second story stairwell and up he went. This gave me an idea, Gandalf said we didn't have to run. I stopped halfway up the stairs and whistled shrilly. In a matter of seconds there was a blasting gobbling noise and a huge cheese colored turkey came running through the front doors of the school.

The turkey ran up to me and I hopped up on its back and rode it up the stairs as fast as its funny looking legs would carry it…which was quite fast for those of you who know nothing about the speed at which a cheese turkey can travel. As we reached the second floor classroom, I had taken the number of cards out of the bag to match the number of classrooms on my side and held them between my fingers.

"Forward Brutus!" I yelled.

The turkey ran forward, head down and gobbling madly. I held my arm out and skillfully tossed the cards into the boxes as we passed. The breeze created by the turkey's flapping feathers stirred up papers in the hallway. I looked to the right and saw the Phantom a little ahead of us swing down the hall on a rope attached to the rafters like Tarzan.

The turkey and I ascended the stairs five at a time and repeated the same process as the last hallway except faster. As the turkey ran it picked up speed like a jet engine and began to try to take flight. He leaped into the air and came thumping back to the ground in a skipping rhythm that made it hard to hold on. I discovered the Phantom was ever so slightly behind us now, still swinging away.

"Keep going Brutus!" I said to the turkey as I carefully took more cards out of the bag.

We hit the fourth floor stairs abruptly and I almost fell off. Brutus was taking about eight or nine stairs at a time now and the forth floor was starting to become a blur. The boxes, what I could see of them, almost took my hand off as I quickly deposited the cards. Brutus leaped into the air and started to glide short distances before landing back on the ground and running at a breakneck pace.

The fifth floor stairs were insight when the Phantom swooped down right in front of Brutus and flew up the stairs on his rope, black cloak flapping wildly behind him. Brutus gobbled loudly and glided up the entire staircase. With wings beating fiercely he bobbed down the fifth floor. I was barely able to hold on let alone reach out and throw the card in but somehow I managed and by the fifth and half stairs, Brutus was airborne. How the Phantom managed to keep up with a speeding turkey, I didn't know. But there we were right next to each other.

The fifth and a half hallway was a short one and being completely airborne was much easier than bobbing along. Delivery went smoothly and the Phantom and I were neck and neck as we flew up the reaming stairs to the roof. We reached the door and as if we were stuck in a cartoon, the Phantom suddenly ran out of rope, causing him fall forward on his face and Brutus got stuck in the doorway abruptly ending his flight and throwing me off, also onto my face.

The students and teachers, who had been cheering wildly, suddenly stopped and stared with funny expressions waiting to see what would happen next.

The Phantom and I got to our feet and sprinted across the roof to where the finish line and spectators waited. Dramatic music played and the finish line was crossed by both of us, seemingly at the same time. As fast as we were running it was very hard to stop and we would have kept running right off the roof if Gandalf, or possibility Galadriel, made a giant bowl of jello appear.

"SO WHO WON?" I screamed as I pulled myself out of the jello.

"It seemed to be a tie," Gandalf mumbled to the staring crowd.

"Nope G-man, it is never a tie," Jackie said holding up her digital camera, "We just have to look at the picture I took, in awesome live action freeze frame, to see who won."

"Well, what are you waiting for girl? Tell us!" said Gandalf.

Everyone waited with wide eyes.

Jackie smiled, "I'll tell you for five dollars!"

"YOU EVIL CHILD!" Gandalf hollered and make his staff spit green sparks, "YOU WILL TELL US **NOW**!"

"Okay, okay! No need to get snippy!"

Jackie pressed just about every button on the camera.

"BEHOLD!" She said holding the camera above her head as if everyone on the roof could see the tiny little picture screen.

"What is it? WHO WON!" Everyone shouted.

"Won? I don't know. I photographed that wicked awesome fall Cheesy and the Phantom took!"

Gandalf looked ready to explode.

"I was kidding! The winner is…Oooh Cheesy's going to hate me…THE PHANTOM OF THE FANDOM!"

Dramatic organ music played and people cheered. My mouth fell open and I crossed my arms.

"Well how the heck did this happen?" I asked looking around, "This is my story, and I was totally supposed to win!"

"Oh stop being a sore loser person Cheesy!" Casey screeched.

"But, but! My Valentine's Day revolution-

"Will have to stop!" Elrond said glaring at me, "Never liked your revolts anyway. We have enough of them around here."

"But I have to tell the world the evils of Valent-

"There you are Miss THE Cheese Turkey!" The Phantom said walking over to me, "I believe I will claim my kiss now."

I blinked slowly and started looking for an escape rout, "Nooo, no kissy no!"

"But you agreed to it Cheesy!" Noliee said holding Jackie's camera ready to take a picture of the kiss.

"Uh huh, I know I did but you know what…OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT!"

Everyone looked in the direction I pointed and I ran to the edge of the roof. By the time everyone looked back at me I was standing up on the side of the building grinning.

"NO CHEESY! DON'T JUMP!" Casey yelled at me.

"DON'T WORRY! I'm a guidance councilor I can handle this!" Celeborn yelled pushing his way though the crowed, "You know you don't want to jump Cheesy!"

I laughed as I watched the moth and a parrot fly over my head.

"Dear students and staff," I began waving an imaginary hat around, "You will all remember this as the day you almost trapped Miss THE Cheese Turkey, in a kiss!"

With that said I leaped off the roof and to the back of my Cheese Turkey who was flying below.

"RIGHT ON CHEESY! YOU ROCK MATE!" Jack Sparrow yelled as he danced around.

Gandalf also seemed to find something very familiar about the situation as did Saruman…

The Phantom of the Fandom ran to the edge of the roof and looked down. I waved my imaginary hat at him, flew off into the sunset and lived happily ever after while he screamed NOOOOO as loud as he possibly could.

"Well, that was interesting," Noliee mumbled looking over the pictures of the whole episode, "And on a whole Valentine's Day this year was not that bad."

"Speak for yourself!" Gimli said holding his arm out in front of him to keep the kissy faced Legolas away from him.

"Gimli, why did you give Legolas a love potion in the first place?" Gandalf asked

"It wasn't meant for Legolas you pointy hatted fool! It was for Galadriel!" Gimli said as Legolas took to kissing his arm.

"What!" Galadriel started to turn green, "You tried to POISON me with a LOVE POTION?"

"That he stole from GANDALF!" Casey informed with a grin.

Bring the wrath of one powerful god-like Lord of the Rings character was bad but poor Gimli had both Galadriel and Gandalf after him at the moment.

"Gimli, I suggest you run, and run fast!" Noliee said snapping pictures on the camera.

Gimli started hollering babble and took off with Legolas running after him professing his love, Galadriel blasting jello and peanut butter out of her eyes and Gandalf blasting sparks out of his staff.

We had a moment of silence for Gimli when a loud crashing blast came from floor five and half.

"Well students, shall we go back inside?" Elrond asked adjusting his huge pink and red heart filled afro.

"Naw, let's party on the roof!" Jackie said.

"I brought music and the rest of the cookies from the competition!" Aragorn exclaimed.

Elrond shrugged, "Whatever then! We can have a Valentine's Day party on the roof."

SO the students had a party on the roof for the reminder of the school day and everyone had their twisted little happily ever after!

Well almost…

The Phantom of the Fandom slunk away into the shadows of the school building with dramatic music playing and big black cloak billowing. He was very angry that I had flown away on him and when I came back he promised to HAUNT me until I agreed to give him the kiss he won. He sat up in the attic of the school and played his organ, but not with his face because he is not as cool as Davy Jones, and BROODED and SCHEMED. The Phantom of Fandom was going to get his revenge on me, the way any Phantom did…

He suddenly remembered he heard news of a school play.

When an attic dwelling Phantom plots your doom because you refused to kiss him on Valentine's Day you know that your school has gotten TWISTED!

3 3 3 3 3

Woot! I finally decided to update after being stupid for four months and wasting my summer months not updating. Well I was away all of July plotting and scheming new ideas with my partner in crime. Once again thank-you to my reviewers who I can no longer thank personally due to fanfiction's stupid, annoying rules! Also feel free to email me anytime. I prefer this to this stupid new PM system because I can actually respond to you without having to go through fanfiction.

Turk-out my homies!


	50. School Play and Mystery with Jello Lady

The Day School Got TWISTED Chapter 50!

Disclaimer- You know I don't own Lord of the Rings! WHY DO YOU KEEP REMINDING ME!?

Surprise my darlings! If any of your oldies are still subscribed to me, you will have a huge surprise in your email inbox. While searching though my files I discovered this long lost, unpublished chapter of TWISTED. Heh, I'm glad I still have readers out there! It was great to see my favorite reviewers and old friends along with some shiny new readers are still here as well. Let's get to it...

March

"Hey Elrond, hey Elrond, hey Elrond, HEY Elrond, hey ELROND, are you listing?" I asked as I followed him around his office after school.

I was beginning to believe he was ignoring me. If he was indeed ignoring me, that was very rude of him and he should have been listing to the important statement his favorite student was about to make.

"ELROND!" I screamed into the microphone broadcasting my shout to the whole school, "Pay attention to me!"

This got his attention and the oddly dressed elf-lord grabbed the microphone and gave me one of his infamous eyebrows of doom glares.

"Now that I have your attention," I said grinning, "Hello! My name is Miss THE Cheese Turkey and I have a proposition for you mate!"

Elrond looked bored. He rolled his eyes and stood with his hands on his hips waiting for the harebrained idea that was sure to follow.

"Yes?" He asked raising previously said eyebrows, "What is this time? Another random school dance, a field trip maybe, the keys to Rivendell?"

"Well…I was going to ask about a school play but if you are offering me the keys to Rivendell, I'll happily accept that." I replied.

"Why should I let you have a school play?" Elrond asked folding his arms over his chest and doing his best to look intimidating.

The attempt failed due to the fact he was wearing lime green robes with a black t-shirt over it proclaiming the message of: 'Einstein is my hero', an orange afro with bees on springs coming out of it, heart-shaped plastic sunglasses, purple platform shoes and rapper jewelry he affectionately called his 'blingin' pimp chains'.

"You should let us have a school play because…well because we, meaning the student body including myself have taken a poll and have decided that we wish to have a school play! And every year prior to this one we have had a school play at this time! That and I still have blackmail material on you but hopefully we can come to an agreement without using such terrible threats." I grinned and folded my hands behind me looking very professional.

"And what would that be?" Elrond asked slowly.

"I know about the incident with the telephone poles and the sponges," I said still grinning.

"…WHO TOLD YOU!?"

"I have my ways of finding things out. So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?"

Elrond sighed, "I hate the fact that a lowly student can force me to allow all kinds of madness and there is not a thing I can do about it…FINE, fine Cheese Turkey you can have your little school play as long as you choose a willing teacher to help you organize it. Now go tell your little friends and leave me alone."

"I knew you would see things my way Mr. Eyebrows!" I exclaimed and bounced out the door.

(Auditorium)

"THE ELROND SAID YES!" I shouted to my friends who were gathered on the stage talking and listing to music.

"Florida Oranges!" said Casey.

"I agree," said Jackie, "Good job, what did you threaten him with now?"

"Oh nothing, I just made something up and got lucky I guess," I shrugged and tossed my red messenger bag onto the stage. It slid across the floor and smacked into the curtain causing a wave of dust.

When the dust cleared, and we stopped coughing, there was the Phantom of the Fandom!

"Miss THE Cheese Turkey! I have-

"OH MY GOD! A stranger!" Shouted Hanna, she whipped out a can of mace from her pocket and sprayed it at the eyeholes in his mask.

The Phantom started screaming and he ran around in a circle, arms flailing. He fell over the side of the stage and ran out still yelling gibberish.

"Uh…let's pretend that didn't happen," I said, "So Elrond said we had to have a teacher to supervise the whole project. Who should we press-gang, that is, ask nicely, to help us?"

"How about Galadriel?" Suggested Noliee, "She is certainly dramatic enough."

"No, she might go all psycho on us if we don't do what she wants and do that peanut butter out of the eyes thing," said Nimpath.

"True, what about…Gandalf? He won't bother us too much and he could make cool props for our play," Jackie said.

"No! He might get angry with us too! No one too magical, they can hurt us," Noliee informed.

"OH MY GOD! ELFY!" Screamed Casey.

"No, too stupid," Hanna replied.

"Gimli might work," suggested LD.

"No, to annoying with his Galadriel love, he might make us do Romeo and Juliet," I said and we all shuddered simultaneously.

"I know!" said Jackie, "Aragorn! He's halfway normal so he won't spaz too much on us but still crazy enough to go along with our plans!"

After a brief meeting we all agreed Aragorn was the best choice. Tomorrow in his class we would ask him and meet back here to discuss how to go about this.

(The next day)

I was walking down the hallway…well it was more like sliding down the hallway do to the fact that I was boycotting shoes today because our feet should not be oppressed by the evil of footwear and the hobbits got to walk around barefoot so why couldn't the rest of us? That and the fact that I had a new pair of totally awesome new toe socks that I felt should be shared with the world.

I zoomed into the gym locker room and dropped my red messenger bag to the bench.

"I," I proclaimed dramatically, "Have arrived!

Noliee waved from where she was reading a Manga and Jackie was sitting next to her trying to figure out how to read it. Casey was in the process of changing for class and had her shirt stuck over her head and she was running in circles screaming about being blinded. She crashed into the wall and fell over.

I giggled at her and ran out into the gym. My friends followed close behind except for Casey who was still in the locker room trying to get the shirt off of her head.

"Hi Aragorn," I said and poked him as he came by to check if we were wearing sneakers. I wasn't wearing any shoes so he looked at me funny.

"Um, you're not wearing shoes Cheesy,"

"Yes I am," I said, "They are invisible! Anyone with eyes can see that!"

"…Go put shoes on."

"I'm expressing my rights as a United States citizen to protest peacefully!"

"Cheesy, shoes! Now!"

"No! Stop infringing on my rights!"

Aragorn sighed, "Fine, just for that you have to run laps!"

I glared at him, "I was going to ask you something awesome but now, I'm not going to. You totally lost all awesome knowing privileges!"

"What was it?"

"No, I'm not going to tell you," I folded my arms and stuck my nose in the air as the rest of the class began to run laps around the gym.

"Just tell me and start running."

"Nope."

"Cheesy, tell me!"

"Uh-uh,"

"TELL ME! I hate not knowing things!"

"Guess what?"

"What? Are you going to tell me now? Are you!?" Aragorn stared me down, his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"No, not telling."

Aragorn hooted like a deranged monkey and smacked me over the head with a tennis racket.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"For not telling me! I have to know! I will drive me insane! This is like the time Legolas told me George Bush called for me but the stupid elf would not give me his phone number. Oh it drove me crazy I was so mad that I decided to enroll in the secret ninja academy!"

"Its not a secret any more, and what does that have to do with anything?"

"I…don't…know. But come on Cheesy! Please?"

"Well, you did say please, so okay!"

"YES! I win!" Aragorn did a victory dance that involved butt shaking and the interpretive Santa Clause dance. "So tell me! What is this awesome thing? Tell me!"

"Okay."

"Go on, I'm waiting, are you going to tell me?"

"Yup."

"OOOH!" He smacked with the tennis racket again.

"OW! Fine…Would you be interested in directing our school play?"

"School play? What's a 'school play'? Does it involve the building skipping rope or having a tea party?"

I raised an eyebrow, "…No. Play as in theater production…"

Aragorn's eyes widened, "Oooh, well why didn't you say so?"

I smacked a hand to my face, "Do you want the job or not?"

"HECK YES I DO! You should never ask anyone else! I am your man for the job I rock….and tea parties!"

"Oh yes, you will be just fine."

(Auditorium)

"Woot, woot! I call this meeting to order!" I said standing at the podium we had used for the Abraham Lincoln play a few years ago. It was a rather boring play that put more than half of the audience to sleep. This year's play would be better!

"Now that we have Aragorn as our elected advisor we can get on with the important part! Choosing what play we are going to do!" I continued.

"We have to decide on what tea party we are going to have? I didn't know there was more than one kind of tea party." Aragorn stated.

Once again I smacked a hand to my face, "Theater production Aragorn, THEATER PRODUCTION= play. Now, any ideas?"

"Phantom of the Opera!" shouted Hanna.

"Pirates of the Caribbean!" proclaimed Jackie.

"My Fair Lady!" said Casey and everyone stared at her. "What?"

"How about Harry Potter?" suggested Nimpath

"Van Helsing!" Noliee said with a nod. "Or the Matrix…or Annie!"

"Romeo and Juliet! The epic saga of love! That is clearly the only play worth producing!" said Gimli who had just appeared.

"NO!" I screamed, "Never!"

"How about all of them?" Aragorn said, "They all sounds pretty cool!"

"No stupid," said Noliee, "We can't have all of them! They are clearly separate movies and plays with very different plots and characters!"

"Hm," I thought, "That would be kinda neat…all of them…"

Suddenly, there was a blast or organ music and The Phantom of the Fandom appeared in a poof of purple shiny smoke.

We all turned and stared, Casey screamed about the spooky ghosty.

The Phantom laughed evilly and swooshed his big black cape around and around stirring up the dust.

"I am here to HAUNT you all as any proper Phantom should!" he exclaimed. "Since you are having a theater production and not a tea party, it is my duty as an angry, love repressed, emo Phantom to RUIN it and make sure nothing goes according to plan! MUWAHA! Beware!"

With that said he tugged on a rope and zoomed back up into the rafters. There was a thud, angry mumbling and a cat screech before loud blaring organ music started playing.

"Well that settles it," Hanna said. "We should defiantly do Phantom of the Opera!"

"But that would be far too predictable!" Jackie replied.

She shrugged, "True but-

"I'm all for combining the ideas," said Lynsay.

Others in the room agreed. And after a bit of name-calling, orange eating, Spork poking and candy throwing we decided that combining all the plays was the only logical thing to do.

We decided to call this super play 'Van Annie Potter and the Fair Opera Matrix of the Caribbean'. After more debate, it was decided that Galadriel should write up the script, as she was the only one who could be trusted with such an important task. So the whole crew marched down to her classroom and found the lady of Lothlorien standing on a desk practicing the Can-Can to an instructional dance video. She stopped abruptly when she saw Aragorn and screamed.

"ITS YOU AGAIN!" She yelled. "Don't you dare use your tranquilizer gun on me!"

She started to glow green and everyone stepped back fearing death by jello.

"No! NO shiny elf lady!" said Casey, "We just want you to write our script thing!"

Galadriel calmed, "Is this for one of those _tea parties?_"

"THEATER PRODUCTION!" I yelled.

"Yes…well I shall have to consult the birdbath…erm, mirror of doom." Galadriel said and began the slow walk to her mirror that was located in the closet of her classroom. "Come forward and all that stuff."

We hesitated, thinking of the last time we looked into the birdbath of doom and saw Gimli in a speedo.

Galadriel opened the closet doors and something came flying out of it, blasting Galadriel backwards. She hooted loudly and jello sprayed out of her eyes.

"WHO DARES INTERRUPT AND OR HIDE IN MY CLOSET!?" She yelled.

The offending object turned out to be…a cheese burger. All of us gathered around and stared at it. Galadriel stood up and prepared to blast it with her eyes but I snatched it out of her vision rage at the last second.

"Wait! There is a mystery to solve and this burger is A CLUE!" I exclaimed and held I high above my head.

"A CLUE!?" Jackie yelled, "I should write it down in my…Handy dandy…"

"NOTEBOOK!" screamed a choir of small children. We all looked around to see where this choir of small children came from and failed to see anything. It must have been one of those special events again.

Jackie shrugged and sketched the burger while explaining how to draw it.

"First we draw a circle! Then, we leave a space and draw another circle below the first circle! In the middle we draw a piece of meat, even though I hate meat, and lettuce, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, onions in that order!"

"Jackie, that looks like a pineapple." Hanna said.

Jackie pouted, "Stop making fun of my beautiful art work!"

"Hey, hey hey!" I said and snapped my fingers.

"Yes Fat Albert?" Noliee asked.

"…We have a mystery to solve here! A flying burger came out of nowhere and OH MY GOD, Galadriel's mirror is GONE!" I screamed pointing in the direction of vacated closet.

Galadriel let out an ear-piercing shriek and fell to the ground. Gimli flew to her side and held her head up.

"OH SWEET GALADRIEL! Who has done this horrible crime?"

Galadriel was gasping and sputtering and flailing her arms around. Then she stopped and stared up at the ceiling blankly.

"Galadriel! Speak to me my fair angel!" Gimli yelled.

All of us crowed around as she opened her mouth and began to speak.

"I…"

"Yes? Yes what is it Galadriel!?" Gimli exclaimed.

"I…want…"

"YES WHAT IS IT?!"

"I want you…to stop spitting on me when you talk…" Galadriel mumbled. "Also, you will have to find my mirror. FIND IT GIMLI and beware of the creature who stole it!"

Gimli blinked, "Who stole it?"

"I am putting you in charge of the expedition. Return my mirror and I will write the script for you…" Galadriel said before she fainted.

Gimli screamed: NOOO! And started sobbing. Noliee smacked the back of his head and I gasped loudly.

"We have a mystery to solve! And our first clue is this burger!" I said still holding the burger above my head. "Whose with me on solving it!?"

"Eh why not?" Noliee said, "I'm in."

"ME TOO!" Cried Jackie, "I'll bring my Handy Dandy…"

"Notebook!" said the small children.

"Oh yeah, I have my own mini-narration!"

"Let's go solve this mystery!" I rooted around in my desk in Galadriel's room for my Sherlock Holmes hat, cape and magnifying glass. Once it was found I put it on and kicked the door open action hero style.

Gandalf who just so happened to be walking by the door was thrown backwards on his butt in the middle of the hallway.

"FOOL OF A CHEESE TURKEY!" He bellowed "What MADNESS are you up to this time!?"

"I'm solving a mystery thank you very much!" I stated proudly with my hands on my hips.

"What mystery? Where your brain disappeared to?" G-man replied.

I glared, "No! Galadriel's mirror went missing and we are going to go find it so she will write the script for our play!"

Gandalf raised an eyebrow at me, "Get to class…"

"I'm serious, go look for yourself, the mirror is gone and Galadriel is passed out on the floor!" I said

"Oh so hit the poor elf queen over the head with something and stole her mirror?"

"NO! Gosh! Just help us find the thing! Some burger eating fiend stole it!" Noliee explained.

"I refuse to partake in madness!"

"Madness? Where is madness?" Pippin asked popping his head out of the classroom across the hall.

"There it is!" Gandalf said pointing at me.

"All I see is Miss THE Cheese Turkey holding up a…burger. FOOD!" Shouted Pippin and he dived for the sandwich.

"No! It's a clue!" but it was too late, Pippin tripped me and stole the burger. When he opened it a small slip of paper fell out.

"What was that?" asked Gimli in 'I'm in charge, bow to me' voice.

I grabbed the slip of paper and carefully opened it.

"It's a code," I said.

"Is it the Da Vinci Code!?" Casey asked, "I hope not. That guy was a freak! A FREAK!"

"…No Casey, it's not the Da Vinci Code."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you see a painting of the Mona Lisa anywhere around here?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"Yes! Right there!" Casey replied pointing to the wall.

"Casey, that's a picture of Oprah."

I shook my head and studied the code. It read: 34-9-13-2. Gandalf snatched the paper from me.

"It's just a locker combination." Gandalf mumbled and held out the paper for me to take back.

Jackie sketched it and just as I went to take it The Phantom of the Fandom swooped down from the ceiling and grabbed the paper.

"Hah, hah! What's this? I love note?"

"To Gandalf!? You've got to be kidding me." I said rolling my eyes.

"What is this code!" exclaimed the Phantom, "It seems vaguely familiar."

"Do tell then, we are trying to solve a mystery want to help?"

"Are you really asking me to join this epic quest? How positively thrilling! How dashing, how spectacular how wonderfully grand!" he swooped around the hallway making grand gestures, "The danger, the excitement, the chance to fight evil foes along side my one and only true love!"

"Uh, get rid of the last part and you have it just about right," I replied. "So code, snap, snap do tell!"

"Ah yes fair maiden of the cheese, tis but a locker combination. A very famous locker combination to a most famous locker!"

"O-kay, go on."

"I shall explain! Through interpretive song and dance!" said the Phantom as he bowed dramatically. "OOH there once was a locker, a very special locker, of marvelous things and gold! It held inside of it a very special thing that the world was about to behold!"

The hallway darkened and wild, dramatic lighting effects zoomed around the Phantom. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"The locker was old and feared by all! It was discovered accidentally by a student and this is what he saw! The locker flew open and out sprang…a creature!"

"A creature?!" exclaimed Casey totally into the story.

"A creature sweet Casey! A creature-ish creature of terrible might! It was so scary it gave the student a great fright!" Continued the Phantom, "Then the locker closed and was never seen again…and the only way to find it is to enter the janitor closet of doom, and brave the wilds of THE ANTI-SCHOOL and enter the Forbidden HALLWAY!"

I raised an eyebrow, "Anti-school? Forbidden Hallway? Never heard of it. You ever hear of such a thing G-man?"

Gandalf shook his head.

"Of but of course you wouldn't have! You have not been learned in the blue printing of this school. This is a special school for…special people!" Said the Phantom as his cloak blew in the nonexistent hallway breeze displaying how cool he was.

"Well let's go then, my soap opera is on in two hours," Gimli said. "As leader of the expedition I saw we-

"Who said you are the leader?" Asked the Phantom.

"Galadriel," Gimli replied.

"Well, I think I should be the leader," said the Phantom, a spot of pure white light descended from the heavens…erm, ceiling and shown down on him. The breeze picked up and the dramatic organ music blared. "I am dashing, hero and therefore would make a much better leader."

"You would not!" Gimli replied.

"Yes," said the Phantom towering over the dwarf and blocking out all the light. This created a creepy shadow around him, "I would. And do you know why?"

All the lights in the hallway returned to normal and the random behind the scenes operating the Phantom's lighting disappeared into various classrooms.

"Why," Gimli asked not noticing a thing.

The Phantom leaned in close to Gimli and whispered in his ear: "Cat box."

Gimli gasped, "HOW DARE YOU!"

"Okay, okay that's enough!" I said sighing. "Can we just go to this Anti-school now? And if this is some marriage scheme Phantom, I swear…"

"Ah…no," Phantom replied laughing sheepishly.

"Better not be…Now can we go?"

"We cannot fair Cheese Maiden!"

"Oh my, what now? Why not, dare I ask."

"Well, its common law, you have to have at least nine people for a proper quest!"

"Okay fine, Gandalf, me, you, Gimli, Jackie, Noliee, Casey, Aragorn, and Pippin here. That's nine, let's go!" I said started off down the hallway

"No so fast my darling!" The Phantom said, "We have to-

"What is going on here?" Elrond zoomed out of the office in full hippy attire. From the office came the sounds of 70's disco music.

"We are solving a mystery," I repeated for the thousandth time that day, "Wanna come?"

"I want, you all to go back to class."

"BUT some doom has befallen poor Galadriel and all that we have to look for clues from that burger that Pippin ate and a locker combination fell out so we are going to the Anti-school to find out what happened and return Galadriel's mirror so she will write the script for our play!" Jackie said.

Elrond snapped his fingers in a very diva-ish way, "I said go back to class yo. Me and my blingin' pimp chains agree. Go back to class, go back to class yo!" Elrond rapped.

"Do you have a new theme every day or something?" Jackie asked.

"Maybe, now GO BACK...TO CLASS!" Elrond said and pointed to a random classroom door. It opened and one of the nine Nazgul came running out followed by a group of students wielding library cards.

"…Where is Elfy?" Casey asked suddenly realizing he wasn't there.

"Probably teaching his class, where you should be!" Elrond said, "And you, Phantom thing, go away. I thought you were only going to be hanging around on holidays."

The Phantom shook his head, "Nope, I'm here until they cut my pay again. I'm on strike from the rest of the fandom."

We all looked at him, "What?"

"I…don't…know," The Phantom shrugged. "All right! So, Lord and grand Elrond! Art thou coming on this mystery-solving quest with us? It is quite possible that there will be scented assorted napkins at the end."

"Napkins you say? Tempting but I think I will p-

"And Wheat Thins…"

"Count me in, when do we leave!?" Elrond replied. It was then that the bell rang and the hallway became a flood of crazed stampeding students.

"WOO WHOO HOO!" shouted Thranduil. He was playing air guitar and crowd surfing over the masses of kids in the hall, "Now this is the way to travel! Oh yeah! Who's a rock star? I'm a rock star! Thranduil for president, oh yeah! WOO HOO!"

Thranduil's five seconds of fame ended abruptly when the line of students holding him up filed into a classroom and dumped Thranduil in a trashcan headfirst. The bell rang again and it was as if someone said there was free ice cream and money outside. The hallways were as deserted as an old western town in a b-grade horror film with brain munching zombies.

The only ones left were Jackie, Casey, Noliee, Gimli, Gandalf and I. The Phantom had swooped away when the crowd came but as halls cleared a map floated down from the ceiling and landed continently in my hands. Loud organ music blasted for several moments as I studied it.

"The map says that we are supposed to go left to reach this janitors closet of doom." I said.

"I didn't know we even had janitors," Noliee mumbled.

"FOOL of a Noliee! Of course we have janitors; the school would be a horrible and nasty place with out them!" Gandalf yelled and whacked her over the head with his staff.

"Well who are they? I've never seen one." Jackie asked.

"How should I know, I never see them," Gandalf replied crossing his arms. "Janitors are a very quiet secretive bunch that are sworn to be discreet and inconspicuous. You will never ever see one, which has led to the popular belief that janitors are simply a myth and do not exist at all."

"That's deep G-man, deep," said Jackie. "Like dwarf women…"

"O…kay. Now about this quest-

Suddenly there was a loud drum roll and Yankee Doodle started to play. The noise was coming from the office. I inched over to the door and just before I opened it the door flew open and out came Elrond in full 1776 military attire, complete with a huge white powdered wig and sunglasses…which they didn't have in 1776.

"General Elrond reporting for duty!" Elrond said a saluted.

We stared at him.

"What's with that?" I asked motioning to Elrond's new outfit.

"I decided to change my look for the day," Elrond said proudly.

"…why?"

"Because! I found HIM in the closet this morning." Elrond said and motioned for someone to exit the office.

"HIM, you mean that freaky singer guy?" Casey asked.

"No! George Washington!" Elrond and exclaimed and the first president of the United States walked out of the office.

I titled my head to the side, "Time machine in the basement?"

Elrond nodded.

George Washington looked around before he noticed us and glared.

"YOU! I remember you children! You are the ones who interrupted the Continental Congress!" George said and pointed a finger at me.

"Ah so you DO remember us, nice to see you again Georgey!" Jackie said waving, "Want to help us solve a mystery?"

"No…I would like to go back to my own time thank you!" He replied.

"Well too bad, you are coming with us, now let's GO!" I said stomping my foot.

With that final decree our company started off across forest, mountain, desert and school hallway to the janitor's closet!

Endnote: Forgot how much fun this was...


End file.
